


I Dream a Highway

by thedeadflag



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Anxiety Attacks, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Fluff, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 100,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6684499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeadflag/pseuds/thedeadflag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke's ready to depart on a major road trip en route to her best friend's wedding when Lexa calls her with a family emergency. What was once a three woman road trip with Clarke as a third wheel turns into four as her best friend's cousin, Anya, comes along for the ride. Clarke's immediately smitten, but knows there's a long way to go, and wedding season generally isn't the best time for new connections, especially when trapped with each other on a ten day excursion. Anything more than friends is a heavy risk...but with Raven and Octavia's shenanigans, nothing's impossible</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Friday Morning, May 27th (Just outside of Raleigh, NC)**

* * *

 

Clarke was pretty sure she was literally vibrating, splayed out on her hammock as she mowed down on her breakfast, the spoon in her hand shaking ever so slightly with each dip into her granola. It wasn't just the cicadas buzzing in the distance from the humid morning air; no, it felt like liquid excitement was coursing through her body.

It wasn't every day she got to go off on a road trip and meet old friends, after all. It certainly wasn't a common thing for her to witness her best friend getting married, either.

She'd known Lexa since freshman year in college, and they'd grown thick as thieves within the first week at their dorm. Of course, Lexa was always trying to keep her out of trouble, but once upon a time, she was a bit of a wildcard, and her poor BFF would get dragged into her many messes.

Honestly, it was a miracle that they remained friends through everything, but it was certainly not a fact of life she would ever take for granted. Lexa was precious to her, and even though distance had made visiting less common in the past two years, they still Skyped multiple times a week. Lexa never missed a scheduled call; if her best friend was anything, it was devoted. Both to their friendship and to Costia.

Costia, who Lexa had been dating since high school, with the exception of seven months after college graduation. Costia, the woman who was such a pure goddamn cinnamon roll that it was impossible to even think a mean thought about her. Costia, whose joyful exuberance and selfless kindness had captured Lexa's heart and never let it go. The wedding the following weekend was honestly a long time coming.

Sometimes, Clarke thought about those seven months, though. About the four where she had taken her shot with Lexa before her best friend went back to Costia.

"No use thinking about that...she's been back with Costia for over two years, and they're happy. And I'm..." Clarke started to herself, words catching in her throat as she considered their accuracy.

Fact was, she really  _was_  happy. She managed an art gallery in the city, and she sold her own works regularly enough on top of that to have a comfortable living, and her life was good. One missing element couldn't spoil her happiness, it could only add an asterisk, that maybe she could be  _happier_.

Clarke shook her head and focused on the day at hand. The road trip would bring more than enough extra happiness. Ten days of freedom and good friends by her side could promise that much.

She was on her way back inside when she heard her cell ringing. Clarke had talked to everyone she needed to the previous night, so she wasn't sure who could be calling, urging her past her screen door and into her living room, quickly snatching the device up and bringing it to her ear.

"Hello?" She asked immediately upon answering, knowing she'd been lazy enough out on the hammock. It wasn't long until she'd have to leave, so she hoped it wouldn't be another hour or two-long calls from her mother.

"Good morning, Clarke." Lexa's warm voice met her ears, filling her with relief. Her BFF tended to be succinct, and always managed to brighten her day.

"Morning, Lexa. What's up? I thought you had a class right now?" Clarke asked, pushing aside any worries of something being wrong, given how calm her friend sounded. Still, it wasn't like Lexa to sideline her class to make a phone call.

"I do, but a bit of a...family emergency popped up. It's nothing too major..." Lexa added quickly in amending the whole emergency bit, which had Clarke breathing a little easier. "...but do you remember my cousin, Anya?"

Clarke nodded to herself as she thought back. "She's Lincoln's sister, right? I remember I never got to meet her...she visited both holidays I went down south to visit my dad."

"That really was a shame, I always thought you two would get along. Anyways, she was going to drive up here mid next week for the wedding, but her car completely died on her, finally. She's kind of caught out in the middle of nowhere with no way to get to an airport, or a car rental service, and..." Lexa began, sort of rambling for the first time in a very long time, meaning this was a lot more important than her best friend was leading on.

Which, really, gave her an idea. "It's no problem, Lexa. If she's up for it, I can take her along on my road trip?"

"I appreciate the offer. Anya is...pretty introverted, and she's got a hard shell, but she's special to me, and well worth knowing, Clarke. I'll ask her if she's okay with that plan and call you back, if that's alright?" Lexa asked, being her usual reasonable self. After all, there was a big difference between leaving midway through next week directly to Lexa's place, and going on a week-long road trip before ending up at the cape.

"Sounds good to me.  I'll drive her wherever she needs to be...whether it's today, or circling back to pick her up on our way back north, I'm happy to help. Let her know that, alright?" Clarke shot back with a grin, all too happy to have more company on her trip. She'd been planning on two days of solo travel down to Florida, but if she could have company, that would make the drive a hell of a lot better.

"Thanks, Clarke. I'll let you know what she decides." Lexa returned, the call cutting off a second later, leaving Clarke to pocket the phone and finish the last of her packing.

Which was basically just bringing her two canvases out of her studio and moving everything to the trunk of her vehicle.

Still, if she had to potentially go off her planned path, it was best to be prepared. After all, she had no idea where Anya lived, and she had a room reserved down in Charleston already, so she needed to be flexible and ready to go.

She was just securing her canvases in the back of her Volvo when her phone rang again. Not wanting to waste Lexa's time, knowing the woman had a class to tend to, she leaned the canvases up against the back seats and pulled out her phone.

"Hey, what's the verdict?" Clarke noted as she answered the phone, mentally crossing her fingers in hopes she'd have a passenger to keep her from boredom.

"Anya's...a little anxious about it, but she's ready to go whenever you're able to pick her up." Lexa answered, painting a picture of her cousin that might be a little awkward. Still, that wasn't new territory; she remembered how awkward Lexa had been her first year at college. Maybe Anya was a little skittish in the same way.

"Sounds like a girl after my own heart, all packed and ready for adventure." Clarke mused, drawing an abrupt laugh from her best friend. "Seriously, though, where's she living?"

Clarke could hear the sound of flipping pages for a moment, Lexa clearly still devoted to the dead tree format for her lectures, as always. "She's living just outside of New Bern, along the edge of Croatan national forest."

She thought for a moment, doing a mental scan of the state, vaguely recalling it was along the coastline somewhere, which meant it likely wouldn't be too long of a trek. "Barely a stone's throw away. I'll pick her up today, just send me a text of her address, and I'll be good to go."

"You don't know how thankful I am for this. And...I'm really looking forward to seeing you again, Clarke." Lexa noted warmly, Clarke able to hear the other woman's smile in her voice.

"I'll be at your doorstep sooner than you'll realize, Lexa. This week will go faster for you than me, I'm sure." Clarke spoke with a grin, knowing Costia was probably a whirlwind right now, and the woman's mother, Luna, was probably on the warpath to get everything perfect for the wedding. Clarke was sure Lexa would be so caught up in everything, that when next Thursday evening rolled around, they'd probably catch her by surprise upon arrival. "Anyway, you take care. Don't let Luna drag you around."

Lexa's laugh was a wonderful way to cap off her last minutes at home. "I promise. Have a safe trip, Clarke. Say hi to everyone for me."

"I will. Bye, Lexa." Clarke finished, waiting for her best friend's respective goodbye before hanging up and repositioning her canvases to make more room for whatever Anya would be bringing with them.

Clarke had a feeling the next ten days would be pretty spectacular.

\---

Tokyo Police Club's ' _Not Sick_ ' blared from her speakers as she cruised down a narrow little back road, fifteen or so minutes south of town. She couldn't help but be a little relieved that Lexa's directions proved true, a bright yellow mailbox at the side of the road clear as day, letting her slow down in time to drive off onto the gravel, mostly secluded driveway.

The brush cleared a few seconds later, revealing a decent sized home and property that seemed well kept. Clarke spotted a walkway leading up to the house and parked alongside it so it'd be easier to haul any luggage out to the vehicle.

Clarke checked the area around her, not wanting her soon-to-be passenger to have to deal with any mess, but the inside of her car was well kept enough for her to think it wouldn't be an issue. Content with that much, she stepped out and started up the walkway, only to freeze in place when a woman stepped out of the front door.

She didn't get a good enough glimpse before the woman turned to close and lock the door, but she did see long waves of dirty blonde hair cascading down past her shoulders. She saw the short trenchcoat cinched at the woman's waist, giving her a slim figure with subtle and alluring curves. And she saw legs that were long enough that they could kill a man from five hundred yards.

_Oh no, she's hot..._

Clarke could feel the gay sweats coming on, and immediately regretted not demanding photo evidence from Lexa beforehand to prevent this. She remembered her best friend saying Anya wasn't a fan of cameras, but all Clarke could think about that was that she really deserved a fair warning.

It was when the woman turned around and met her gaze that she knew she was completely in trouble, that familiar underboob sweat probably coming out at double the rate for how much of a desert the inside of her mouth had become. Sunglasses held the woman's bangs away from her face, and never before had she felt such a strong urge to nuzzle a person's cheekbones.

_Over six hundred and fifty miles to Cape Canaveral...Six hundred and fifty miles alone in the car with her until we pick up Raven. I am so fucked...oh god, this is either going to be amazing, or miserable..._

Clarke pushed through her awkwardness and closed the distance. "Hi, you must be Anya." She greeted with her best smile, reaching out a hand on instinct.

And quickly realizing that Anya's hands were indeed already full, one hauling luggage, and the other holding her bag.

To the woman's credit, Clarke's awkward greeting was met with a furrowed brow and equally awkward silence, Anya standing all stiff and tall, warm brown eyes displaying clear uncertainty. _So we're both a bit of a mess...okay..._

"Let me get your luggage." Clarke offered in hopes of salvaging a first impression, an offer which was thankfully accepted, a bit of the awkwardness falling away at the hint of a smile on Anya's lips.

"Thank you, Clarke." Anya noted quietly, following her back to the SUV, sort of teetering at Clarke's periphery as she placed the woman's bags in the trunk. "This is a nice vehicle."

Clarke could appreciate the attempt at small talk in favour of utter silence, so she smiled and shut the rear door. "It's pretty great. I saved a few years for it, and it's roomy, so it really helps me move artwork from place to place without damaging it."

To be honest, her old Kia Forte had probably been brought up directly from hell to curse her, with how many paintings of hers had been damaged in transit due to how cramped it had been. Her Volvo XC90 was a dream in comparison with how much cargo space it had, and how so many of the seats could fold down to make pretty much anything of hers, or her gallery's, fit inside.

"Lexa mentioned you're an artist. Is...that what the canvases are for?" Anya asked, sounding a good mix of curious and hesitant. Clarke could understand the former, but not so much the latter. Still, Lexa's words rang in her head, and she figured the woman might just be as anxious as her cousin claimed.

Clarke nodded and gestured towards the front of the vehicle. "Yeah, every time I take a road trip, I bring two with me. One to paint in the middle of the trip, one at the end." She answered as she got into the driver's seat, Anya following suit on the passenger side.

Clarke gulped hard as even more of the woman's legs became exposed; she was almost certain Anya was wearing nothing under the trench until she caught the edge of inexplicably tiny black shorts. Or, well, not inexplicably, given how hot and humid it was outside.

She willed her gaze upwards, scanning Anya's face, taking in the sight of the woman's brow furrowing and unfocused eyes facing dead ahead. Clarke thought the woman would continue the small talk, but apparently, the easy inroad about her career wasn't as much of a pull as she thought it'd be.

"Anyway, it's over ninety degrees out. What's with the trench?" She asked, putting on her seatbelt and starting her Volvo. Her question was met with silence, at least for a few moments, which she took to do a three point turn and drive back out.

They were back at the main road when Anya finally spoke. "We're heading south. The forecast calls for rain this afternoon through tomorrow morning all along the Atlantic coastline south of us."

Clarke nodded at that, not having cared to check the weather, since it never really bothered her on road trips. That was, after all, part of the adventure. Still, it made for a reasonable explanation. "Well, it looks really nice on you."

The blush on Anya's cheeks was red enough for her to catch sight of it in her periphery, though the absence of a smile, along with the slightly laboured breathing, had her wondering if the compliment had been welcome.  _I said it about as innocently as any basic compliment...I don't think I was suggestive..._

Ultimately, she decided to just move past it, and shift focus. "It's good that we finally met. I meant to in the past, but every year you came down to see Lexa, I'd already made plans to see my dad."

"That is true." Anya noted concisely, jaw working slightly as silence stretched on once more. "I don't feel very comfortable that I have you at such a disadvantage, Clarke. Lexa spoke often about you...I'm sure she didn't tell you much about me."

Clarke shrugged, knowing the woman's point was true. Still, if that was making her passenger clam up and feel anxious, then she'd do her best to smooth that out. "She said enough...and besides, I really wasn't looking forward to a long drive alone down to Florida. You pretty much made the next day and a half a whole lot better, so I'm kind of in your debt. Maybe I can get to know you a bit more on the way down? Make that disadvantage more comfortable, if you're up for that?"

Anya's head tilted towards her, and she could feel those warm amber eyes watching her carefully as they made their way down the narrow road. "If I have the right to veto any question...then I suppose, yes."

Clarke figured that was reasonable enough, especially since she wasn't too tremendously nosy regarding people she trusted. And if Lexa trusted Anya, then she trusted Anya.

"I think we're going to have fun these next few days, Anya. I've got a good feeling about this."

* * *

 

It only took about forty minutes for that good feeling to just about entirely vanish.

Not that she hadn't tried holding onto it, but it seemed like everything she said or did only managed to make Anya more uncomfortable. Compliments? Out the window. Friendly questions? Generally vetoed unless they were answerable with yes or no, and even then. Even offers for Anya to look through her phone for music she might want to listen to were soundly ignored without acknowledgement.

So at the forty-ish minute mark, it started making more sense to wonder if she'd made a huge mistake bringing the woman along. Clarke yearned to have more company, but company that just didn't seem comfortable with her? That wouldn't work. Not in the long haul.

And really, she wasn't sure how long Anya could sit so rigidly and tense before blowing a tendon or something.

Clarke saw the sign for Jacksonville and figured that maybe lunch and some fresh air would do them some good. "Hey, I'm getting a little hungry. Would you mind if we stopped for some lunch?"

Almost on cue, Clarke heard the faintest of stomach growls come from the woman beside her, letting her know that finally, she might be able to do something right this afternoon.

Anya's silent nod was more than enough to have her scanning the surrounding areas for something tasty as they entered the city limits.

It was a few minutes later when she saw it, the perfect way to start off her road trip food adventure. While Clarke enjoyed sit-in restaurants plenty, there was something special about a good food truck when she was on the road.

Clarke manoeuvred her way off the highway and over to the parking lot the truck was doing business in, and shut the car off, turning her head to face Anya. "Ready to see what they've got?"

Anya just stared ahead and took a hard swallow, oddly nervous for whatever reason. "I'm not hungry. I'll wait here until you get back, if that's alright."

Clarke's teeth gnawed at her lower lip, unsure what to do. She knew Anya's stomach was gurgling, and that they wouldn't get into Charleston until six or seven depending on traffic. Five hours, on top of how long Anya had already waited since eating, was a bit much.

Still, she didn't want to push her passenger or anything. Lexa had said her cousin was a bit of an introvert, but even introverts had to eat. No matter how masked with politeness and manners to deflect potential questions, Clarke felt there was something she was missing with Anya.

"Yeah, sure thing. I'll be back in a few." She noted, leaving the vehicle and making her way to get in line. It was the tail end of the lunch rush, but it at least gave her time to check the truck's menu on her phone. It only took a few seconds for her to decide on her order; she'd never had bison before, and a sandwich with it was a mini-adventure that would maybe help make up for how badly she'd flubbed the trip so far.

It was her gut, however, that nagged her to not just return with something for herself. Anya was hungry, even if she didn't want to voice it, so she scanned the menu for something generally accessible and harmless, knowing that they would be snacks for further down the road if Anya didn't go for them.

About ten minutes later, she slipped back into the driver's seat, resting one bag on her lap and placing the other on the dash. Clarke reached to the backseat console and grabbed two bottles of water to put in the cup holders, noticing that as she returned, Anya was staring at the bag on the dash longingly.

"Hey, I'm not sure what kind of traffic we'll hit getting to Charleston. Myrtle Beach is always a shit show on Fridays with the tourists heading in, and the locals trying to get the hell home. I figured grabbing some extra food couldn't hurt, you know?" Clarke stated as nonchalantly as she could, trying to keep her eyes fixated on her own meal instead of how Anya leaned ever so much closer to the dash, head tilting up slightly as if she was about to sniff.

"That makes sense. What did you get?" Anya asked quietly, with a hint of hesitation, but at least the woman was talking.

"Never been to a French cuisine food truck before, so I picked up some macarons, a small apple pie thing, a raspberry jam crepe, and a veggie sandwich." Clarke answered, hoping she covered   a few bases with her order. She was willing to chance that some food might end up uneaten by her passenger, forcing her to mow down on a bunch of baked goods later that evening or perhaps the next morning instead of breakfast. "Would it be okay to keep the bag at your feet? The backseat console's got a space for it, but it's far back enough I'm pretty sure both of us would dislocate our shoulders trying."

"Oh...ah, does it have to?" Anya asked in return, once again baffling her.

"Are you allergic? Is there something funky smelling that's gonna make you nauseous?" Clarke shot back with only a slight bit of frustration leaking through.

That slight hint, however, did harden Anya's features, the woman closing her eyes, breathing in and out slowly. "I am not. There is not."

"Then help me out here, please." Clarke let out, deciding to just be up front and blunt about it, because she really, desperately, wanted to fix whatever was wrong there between them.

Anya exhaled sharply through her nose and let her head bow forward, shoulders sagging slightly with the motion. "I get motion sick very easily." The whispered admission had the woman's face blooming red for whatever reason.

Honestly, Clarke was just happy to know more about Anya, even as her brain put some pieces together. Still, she ended up with a puzzle lacking a few key pieces. "Okay, thanks for letting me know that. But...what does it have to do with the food?"

"I'm already stressed from my car breaking down, and now I'm going on a road trip for the first time with someone I don't know. I stopped stress eating years ago, but I know if that bag is at my feet for the next few hours, I'll probably end up eating it all, and there won't be any left for you." Anya clarified, offering information that Clarke hadn't considered.

She nodded slowly at the rather candid words, knowing she had to tread carefully and respect it or else her passenger could curl back in on herself again. "Anya, you're new to this, so I guess it's my fault for not telling you, but the first rule of road trips when it comes to food is that anything not set aside for a specific person? It's everyone's. It's fair game. So if you ate everything in that bag, I wouldn't be disappointed...concerned that you'd spoil your dinner, maybe, or get an upset stomach, but that's it." Clarke explained, drawing the woman's eyes to open and focus on her once again. "These ten days are my vacation for the year. It's where I let myself loosen up, have some fun, and spoil the people at my side. Now, if you aren't comfortable with the food staying up front, for whatever reason, that's fine with me. Okay?"

Anya offered a silent nod at that, visible relief softening her expression. "I appreciate that, Clarke."

"Cool. Though, _I'd_ honestly appreciate it if you ate that raspberry crepe before we stash the snacks away, because if I have to smell that for the next four hours, I might turn into a bit of a food zombie." Clarke requested, hoping her passenger would do her that kindness.

Anya seemed to consider for a few moments before nodding. "I suppose it could tide me over until dinner."

Clarke could hardly suppress a smile as she ate, not just because her sandwich was tasty as heck, but with Anya eating along as well, the rest of the snacks stowed away in the back seat. _At least she won't be starving when we get to Charleston..._

When they finished, Clarke tossed their trash in a Ziploc bag and banished it to the back seat for the time being. "So, I could take a few minutes to find a way down to Charleston that keeps stop-and-go traffic to a minimum. Can't promise it'll make for the best scenery, but I'd be happy to try and find something more interesting than a boring old highway."

"Wouldn't that take longer?" Anya asked hesitantly, brow furrowing over softened amber eyes, head tilting to the side slightly in confusion. Clarke could hardly blink away the butterflies in her stomach from her passenger staring at her like that.

 _She really has to put those puppy dog eyes away..._ Clarke mused to herself before remembering that the woman was probably expecting an answer. "Sure, but it'd probably just be thirty minutes, tops. I'm fine with that, so long as you are...I just want to make sure you're as comfortable as possible. Besides, what kind of road trip would it be if we only stuck to major highways?"

"I don't know. I've never been on one." Anya deadpanned, raising an eyebrow in friendly reminder that the woman had made that fact clear a few times already that trip.

"Okay, that's fair. But anyway, it'd be pretty boring. Taking some back roads could be fun...and this thing's suspension is really sweet, so it's not going to jostle you around or anything.  Sound like a plan?" She asked, earning a small smile from her notably relieved passenger.

"Yes. Yes it does."

That was enough optimism for Clarke to feel that maybe things were turning around in time to salvage their day.

* * *

 

The drive to Charleston wasn't bad. In all honesty, it was nice to drive the occasional winding road, past farm fields, and under the boughs of willow trees. With the windows rolled down, and the warm late-spring breeze hitting her skin, it felt a whole lot like freedom. Even when the clouds rolled in and she had to roll the windows up to keep the teeming rain out, it still felt exhilarating.

Anya seemed pleased with the ride as well. The woman had mostly been silent, but Clarke would catch her passenger smiling at the passing terrain, softly laughing at her attempts at singing along to the music, and as minutes passed into hours, the woman's tension seemed to melt away.

Getting into the city seemed to bring some of it back, but Clarke figured that was the woman's inner introvert popping its head up again, understandably.

It wasn't long before they'd made their way deep into the city and parked, but it definitely left them in a predicament.  It was practically torrential outside, and they were parked a little down the road from the hotel, so there wouldn't be a quick dash from the car to the indoors.

She'd been too caught in trying to imagine the best way to get in without getting soaked to notice Anya reaching into the backseat. However, it was the gentle smack at her cheek from something pointy that drew her away from her thoughts, back to reality where Anya was holding an umbrella, that cute eyebrow cocked once more.

"I trust we're not far from the hotel?" The woman asked, though Clarke was too relieved to do much aside from nod. "Then I'll be right around to get you."

With that, Anya swung her door open, unfurled her umbrella, and entered the rainstorm.

Clarke took that window of opportunity to grab her bag from the backseat, settling it on her shoulder just in time for Anya to open her door. With no real puddles to speak of that could threaten her feet, Clarke stepped out and ducked under the cover of the woman's umbrella, closing the door behind her.

The umbrella was fairly large, as far as umbrellas went, but with the slight wind, it meant there was a little less space under it to remain completely dry, so she more or less sidled up against Anya and led her to the trunk. Thankfully, both of their luggages had hard casings, so nothing inside was going to get wet; Clarke felt thankful she'd bought a new set a few months back, since her last definitely wouldn't have held up under the teeming rain.

Luggage in hand and ready to go, Clarke locked up the car and wrapped an arm around Anya's nearest, hand only lightly gripping the woman's bicep. Her brain caught up a second or two later when she realized they hadn't started walking yet, wondering if she may have overstepped a boundary with that.

A quick look at Anya's face, however, just revealed a reddish tint stretching down towards the woman's collarbone, but no sign of distress of discomfort on her face. Combined with the lack of question or remark, Clarke took that as permission to keep it there; she had, after all, just wanted to keep Anya close so that she didn't get rained on. _Though, she really does have nice arms..._

"Come on, we're not far." Clarke noted with a grin, one that brought Anya's attention for a brief moment, followed suit by a slight eye roll.

"Lead on, Clarke." Anya requested, keeping in step with Clarke as they made their way to the sidewalk and up the street. The palm trees did nothing to ease the steady pounding of the rain above them, but these ones were always nice to come back to. They didn't feel like home, per se, but certainly that wonderful familiarity of a reprieve.

Anya's pace slowed as they approached the hotel, eventually coming to a stop just shy of the canopy covering the entrance. "Clarke, are you...certain this is the place?"

"Yeah, I come here every once in a while." She answered, gesturing toward the entrance. "Come on."

"It's just...it appears expensive." Anya spoke, persistent in relaying her qualms, as generally unnecessary as they might be.

Still, Anya did continue on until they were under the canopy, though the woman did seem a bit flustered and anxious. Something Clarke really wanted to alleviate. "It's cheaper than you might think. I got a deal, let's just say."

Anya didn't seem convinced, but followed Clarke inside anyways, drawing the immediate attention of a very familiar concierge. "Miss Griffin!  I hope the weather didn't trouble you too much." Niylah called out from behind her desk, before emerging from behind it and striding up to them, sending Clarke a faux-stern expression. "One of these days, you'll remember to call in advance, and we'll clear out the loading area for you. We have doormen for a reason."

"You tell me every time I visit. And every time, it slips my mind, but it's fine, Niylah, honestly." Clarke reassured, not wanting her favourite concierge to feel like she'd done an inadequate job.

"Well, at least you still let me arrange dinner reservations...though, you forgot to tell me about your companion. My apologies, Miss...?" Niylah asked, turning her focus to Anya, who had been busy looking around the foyer at the artwork.

"Pine. But...please, just Anya will do nicely." Her companion noted, fixing her attention on the concierge, who offered her a bright smile before fixing Clarke with a curious glint in her eye.

"I'll inform the restaurant right away of the change. Is there anything I can do for either of you before we have you settled into your room? I could arrange for a different reservation at The Mezz, if you like. The food is delectable, and the jazz makes for a more intimate, relaxing setting. I'm sure that after such a long drive, you'd enjoy it." Niylah offered, which was frankly a bit out of the blue. Sure, Clarke had never stayed at the hotel with a guest before, and Niylah was intimately aware of her bisexuality, but it all seemed a little forward.

Until, at least, Anya shifted nervously, and had Clarke realizing that she was still holding her companion's arm. _Oh...yeah, okay, that makes a bit more sense, now..._ She mused, gently rubbing at Anya's elbow for a moment before letting go. The mix of relief and the immediate frown forming on the woman's face were a little intriguing, to say the least.

"I think we're fine with the plans I gave you...unless you'd prefer a jazz bar to the Hominy Grill, Anya?" Clarke asked, feeling a twinge of worry when Anya went a little tense at the question.

"The grill is fine." Anya let out quietly, returning her focus to the nearby artwork, which seemed to calm her body down a bit, thankfully.

"I'll have Nyko bring your bags up while I sign you two in, then." Niylah offered, and just like that, Nyko had their luggage and was off towards their lodgings. The man was like a damned ghost sometimes.

It was when they got to the reception desk when Clarke realized her predicament. _Oh shit.  I forgot to change my booking to a room with two beds...I knew I forgot something..._

"Hey, come to think of it, are there any other rooms available?" Clarke asked, hoping and praying that she'd be in luck, because otherwise, it'd mean a potentially awkward discussion with Anya soon enough.

Niylah shot her a sad smile as she shook her head. "Afraid not. We're booked to capacity this weekend. Not a single vacancy."

Clarke nodded absently as she processed that information. _Well...I've dealt with worse and made it out alive...we'll be fine...I think..._

"Eh, figured it was worth a shot. No harm in mixing it up sometimes." Clarke noted with a laugh, hoping she could cover her worry with the casual remark, though it only had Niylah's eyes bouncing between her and Anya as she registered them in the system and processed the payment.

"There we go...here's your room keys, and don't forget the dinner reservation is in forty-five minutes." Niylah offered, handing Clarke a pair of keys before fixing them both with a smile. "I hope you both enjoy your stay, it's always wonderful to have you, Miss Griffin."

"Thank you, Niylah." Clarke replied with a wave, before turning and making her way deeper into the hotel towards their room, Anya falling in step beside her. The woman's eyes were darting around the surroundings, taking in the sight of the passing artwork, though Clarke could see the tension in Anya's shoulders and back. Her companion knew something was amiss, at the very least.

Clarke stopped in front of their room and took in a deep breath in hopes to calm herself, though it only seemed to make Anya tenser. "I forgot to change our booking. But don't worry, it's going to be perfectly alright, okay? You can have the bed."

With that, Clarke opened the door to their room, stepping into its confines before Anya could say anything to the contrary. She always got the same room; call her self-absorbed, but she liked that one of her favourite paintings was permanently hung above the fireplace.

Anya followed her inside, but hung around the doorway, eventually letting out an exasperated sigh when Clarke went to wash her hands. _Here it comes..._

"These are hardwood floors. You are _not_ sleeping on hardwood floors." Anya grit out, the aggression hardly masking how the woman's voice shook. The unexpectedly angry response had her looking over her shoulder at her companion, who was stiff as a rod of rebar, fists clenched at her sides. "I won't allow it, Clarke."

Clarke finished up and took the hand towel from the rack as she re-entered the bedroom, not wanting to seem as if she was brushing Anya off. "It's okay, really. I'm fine with it."

"You may be, but...but I cannot. I'd be _mortified_ to have you sleeping on the floor...I wouldn't be able to sleep, it'd be too much." Anya insisted, eyes clamping shut as if the woman could clamp down on whatever storm that was going through her body, and not quite succeeding.

"Hey, okay...okay. It's a king, it's big...I just didn't want to assume you'd be up for sharing, but if you're okay with that, then I am." Clarke offering what she hoped was her best soothing voice as she stepped closer cautiously. "I just want you to be comfortable."

"What about _your_ comfort, Clarke?" Anya shot back, though sounding more tired than anything.

"I've shared a bed with most of my friends at some time or another. I'm perfectly comfortable sharing one with you." Clarke stated as emphatically as she could, though she could still see that her companion was either not entirely convinced, or not pleased. Neither of which Clarke was content letting be. "Look, this was my fault, and I was just trying to fix it, okay? You didn't sign up for this, so I figured you'd get the bed, and I'd lay by the fireplace and cocoon myself in a duvet. I do a lot of landscape paintings of forests and parks, and I do a lot of camping to be able to live in the kind of spaces I'd be painting for a while, so I'm used to sleeping in less ideal places. So trust me...sharing a bed with you? If you're fine with that? I'm golden."

Anya remained stock still, fists vibrating at her side, even as she seemed to emanate exhaustion. It was a strange sight, and Clarke wasn't entirely sure what to make of it, but when Anya marched closer, she stepped out of the woman's path. "I need to get ready for dinner." Anya's voice came out all crackling and strained, burning a pit in Clarke's stomach.

 _Why can't I get anything right today? She's one of Lexa's special people...why can't I keep from fucking her up just once?_ She mused, rubbing at her temples as the bathroom door clicked shut.

There was still time left in the day to fix things, to get a win. Clarke just wasn't sure she'd be able to manage it.

* * *

 

The grill was packed, but as Niylah promised, their table had been reserved and the both of them got seated right away. Something Clarke knew her stomach was thankful for after a light breakfast and a lunch that happened far too many hours ago.

Anya was still a major question mark, but the woman had been able to accompany her. She'd been completely silent since their talk in their hotel room, but it had to be some sort of positive sign that the woman was still willing to go to dinner with her, and was still willing to offer the shelter of her umbrella again. Even if Clarke shied away from contact this time around.

They'd been seated for maybe two minutes when a waitress with a lot of pep in her step came up to their table. "Hi there, I'm Katie, and I'll be your server this evening. I'd like to let you know that tonight on special we have Cajun-seared American red snapper on bacon cheddar cheese grits and red pepper coulis. Also on special, we have a carrot ginger bisque. While you look over the menus, could I get you both something to drink?"

"Can I get some sweet tea, please? Thanks." Clarke requested, prompting the server to jot down her order and look to Anya, who seemed slightly flustered.

"A water with lemon would be wonderful, please." Anya spoke, breaking her personal silence as she watched the server jot hers down. "Thank you." She added as the server smiled and darted off.

Clarke considered her options for starting dialogue up again, but the way that Anya seemed to intensely scan over the menu had her unsure if that would be a good decision. Either Anya was really intent on figuring out what she wanted to eat, or she was intent on not conversing; both possibilities made it clear that it was best to keep her mouth shut for the time being.

If she had her order to focus on, it'd be a different story, but she knew what she was going to get.  Every time she came to the grill, she tried something new, and this time, it'd be the ribs. She'd never had St. Louis barbeque before, and while she knew it probably wasn't the pinnacle of the style, it'd at least give her an idea of what to expect if she ever did make her way as far into the heartland as St. Louis.

 _I wonder if Anya's traveled much in the past...just because she hasn't been on a road trip doesn't mean she hasn't traveled, right? I wonder if she's from down south, or if she just ended up there..._ Clarke mused to herself, eyes scanning over the woman across from her. _Hell, there's so much I don't know about her. I wonder if she..._

The clack of a glass of sweet tea drew Clarke from her thoughts, halfway marveling that their server had returned so quickly with their drinks. It couldn't have been more than two or three minutes.

"There we go, one sweet tea, and one water. Are you ready to order, or do you still need a little more time?" Katie asked, drawing Clarke's attention to a stock still Anya, who was staring at the woman as if she was delirious.

"I think we'll need some more time, thanks." Clarke answered with a polite smile, prompting the server to nod and make her way to another table.

It was when her focus returned to Anya, and saw her companion gripping the menu so hard her knuckles could be going white, that she started to wonder if some of that tension from the hotel carried over. "Anya, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Clarke." The woman grit out, flipping the menu over hard, eyes raking over the potential options again and again. It certainly didn't convince her that Anya was fine, but it wasn't like she could do anything about that.

 _At least, not right now..._ Clarke thought as she pulled out her phone and pulled up Niylah's contact info.

 **Clarke Griffin**  
_Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out with something?_

Unsurprisingly, it barely took half a minute to get a response. Leave it to Niylah to have 'Life Saver' tacked onto her job description.

 **Niylah Fiorella**  
_You know all you have to do is ask nicely, Miss Griffin, and I'll see what I can do_

 **Clarke Griffin**  
_I was wondering if you had any of that stuff you gave me last year? I would really appreciate you working your magic_

 **Niylah Fiorella**  
_Well, if you put it that way, then I'm sure you'll find what you need all set up in the washroom by the time you return. I hope you and your missus' dinner is going well!_

She couldn't help but bite the inside of her cheek at her ex-girlfriend's assumption, though it was nice of her to keep Anya in mind like that. Niylah never had a jealous bone in her body, it was one of the reasons they'd dated a ways back.

 **Clarke Griffin**  
_You're a life saver, Niylah. Thank you so much_

Clarke was just putting her phone away when she noticed the server approach again. _Jeez, it hasn't even been five minutes..._

"Are we all ready to order now?" The server asked, still all chipper and expectant.

Anya, in turn, looked almost ashen, a bit of panic flashing across her features cluing Clarke into a potential reason for her companion's mood.

"I'm sorry, I'm just waffling between a few things...can we have, like, ten minutes? I promise we'll be ready then." Clarke asserted, fixing Katie with her best sheepish expression, which thankfully did the trick, even if the server didn't seem entirely pleased with the request.

"Of course! Please, take your time." The woman stated, words a little less smooth in delivery, carrying a tiny bit of an edge, but once they were out, Katie was off to another table.

With a bit of a reprieve assured, Clarke turned her focus back to Anya. "So, anything on the menu that's catching your eye?"

Anya fixed Clarke with a frustrated glare. "I apologize if I'm holding you up, Clarke." The woman practically growled, not at all sounding sorry. Not that she should be.

"Don't apologize, our server's way too pushy. I was just wondering if I could help." Clarke stated calmly, laying her hands palms up on the table. Anya's glare softened into a look of suspicion, but she was clearly listening. "See, I usually try something new every time I come here, but there's a lot on the menu that I like. So I figure, if you came up with a few top options, we could talk it out, nail down our orders. Worst comes to worst, you don't like what you order, but I probably would, and I'd trade you mine for a second chance, a safer bet."

Anya swallowed hard as she held Clarke's gaze for a few moments, then let out a sigh as her eyes dropped back down to the menu. "I can't ask you to sacrifice your meal just to appease my sensibilities."

"No, but we can figure out a meal that's safe for you, and delicious to me, so that if your first choice doesn't work out, you can have mine, or we can share, or whatever." Clarke clarified, her focus slipping momentarily as Anya bit at her bottom lip nervously.

"And why would you do that? Why make the effort?" Anya shot back, those amber eyes returning a little softer but not lacking in focus.

"I told you earlier, this is my vacation. I want the people by my side to enjoy themselves, or at least be comfortable. I was the one who didn't think about how a place like this could be draining for you. If you're not comfortable ordering for whatever reason, I'm happy to for both of us. So long as we both get something we want to eat, so please, give me an idea of what you think could be tasty." Clarke hoped her answer would check the boxes Anya needed to feel a bit more secure.

Anya held her gaze once more, taking two long, deep breaths before offering the slightest of nods. "I was considering the 'Catfish Creole' dish, but the veg sauce is only vaguely described, and that concerns me, since I'm fine with a little onion, but not much more than that. Then there's the two safer options, the half fried chicken, and the ribs. Both come with two vegetables, which I can choose, but...there are eighteen possible choices. It's... difficult to choose."

Clarke nodded along and smiled, knowing she'd like any of the three possibilities, having had the catfish last time around. "Okay, I like the catfish, so you could always give it a shot, and I'd be fine swapping if you didn't like it. The sauce is pretty oniony, if I remember, but if you wanted, I could ask that they go light on it?"

"Hm, I'm not sure. I'm not very comfortable with special orders." Anya admitted with a frown, something Clarke could understand. She wasn't entirely fond of asking for them, especially since they didn't always work out.

"Then we could go with the two safer options. I was planning on the ribs anyways, and we could pick four of the veg options, not just two. Would that make it easier?" Clarke asked, earning a delayed nod, Anya's body growing more relaxed by the second.

"It would...so tell me, what were you considering?" Anya asked, filling Clarke with hope that yeah, she had this. This was all going to work out.

She set a mental reminder to do a little prep work later that night, then quickly got into detail about which options she thought would be tasty, which would be particularly good for sharing, and whatnot.  Cost of dinner? Around twenty-five dollars for her share. Anya warming to her? There wasn't really a price tag for that, especially given the plans for the next nine days.

* * *

 

The rain had slowed by the time they left the restaurant, and when they got back to the hotel, it'd downgraded to a light drizzle. Still didn't keep Clarke from huddling close under Anya's umbrella again, which the woman didn't seem to mind, thankfully.

It was when they passed Niylah at her desk, the cheeky concierge offering them a smile and a wink as they passed by, that Anya grew a little flustered for the first time since the ordering debacle. However, her companion seemed content to stew in her thoughts about it, at least until they reached their door.

"Clarke...did our concierge just...flirt with us?" Anya asked, all hesitant and adorably confused, though she could understand the confusion. Niylah could definitely be flirtatious, and sometimes had difficulty keeping that in check.

"I might have asked her to pick something up while we were at dinner. She thinks we're together... _together_ together...and probably thinks I'm trying to butter you up or something." Clarke explained as she unlocked the door, but Anya's hand fell upon hers before she could open it.

"Why would she think you were buttering me up?" The woman asked, more than a little warning in her tone, even as the hand pressed atop her own was shaking ever so slightly.

"We had a long day, and I thought it'd be nice to relax a bit before heading to bed. Niylah and I used to date, so her mind went to the gutter with what I asked for, but I promise, it's all innocent." Clarke clarified, hoping it'd be enough to sooth her suddenly unnerved companion.

Anya's grip slackened as the woman took a step back and let out a sigh. "I apologize, Clarke. It _has_ been a long day."

Taking that as a green light, Clarke opened the door and moved to sit on the bench at the end of the bed, pulling her luggage over to her. Anya passed by her en route to the bathroom, having refrained from using the ones at the restaurant like Clarke had.

The woman was barely in the washroom for more than ten seconds before she heard Anya calling out in deep confusion. "Clarke? Why is there a tray of products in the bathroom?"

Clarke pulled her laptop from her luggage, flipped open the screen, and powered it on. "This morning, Lexa told me you're an introvert. You've spent all day with a relative stranger, in said stranger's vehicle, far from home and committed to an adventure you've never experienced before. And, occasionally, you've been surrounded by a bunch of strangers. I figured you could use some personal time to relax and recharge, and a nice long soak in the bath with the right products seemed like the way to go to help that happen."

There was silence stretching on for a while in the washroom, so Clarke just got to work at the plan she concocted in the restaurant, loading up Google Maps and planning her route for the next few days. As much as she enjoyed improvisation, she'd never really had the time for much of that on this trip anyways, so Clarke set to arranging the routes she'd take to make the drive as scenic and enjoyable as possible while minimizing stop & go and keeping the trip lengths reasonable. As much as Raven liked randomly picking restaurants, Clarke gathered a selection from each major checkpoint on the road trip, copying their menus to a file to send Anya tomorrow. She couldn't be fully confident, but Clarke couldn't help but think that after the food truck and the restaurant, that Anya was someone who needed time to figure out her order beforehand and prepare herself to vocalize it.

And really, that was something Clarke was more than willing to provide to the best of her ability.

She'd just finished prepping the leg from Charleston to Tallahassee when Anya emerged from the bathroom and rummaged through her luggage for a pair of headphones. Determined not to invade the woman's space, Clarke focused strictly on her laptop screen, the soft padding of Anya's feet moving back across the room again before halting at the doorway.

"Thank you for this." Anya murmured, almost too quietly to hear, so it took a moment to register. When it did, Anya had closed the bathroom door, and the muted sound of rushing water met her ears, but she allowed herself a smile, anyways.

It was a bit longer of a process than she expected it would have been, but about an hour later, she'd finished up the trip itinerary of sorts up to when they arrived in the cape. There'd definitely be some room for adjustments and delays and improvisations, but by and large, she had the route planned out, and a few key things on the schedule.

After all, she knew Octavia wanted to stop in DC to visit Bellamy, so she scheduled an extended stay in the capital, knowing she could enjoy a nice visit with her mom as well before departing for Lexa's wedding.

 _I haven't seen mom in almost half a year...it'll be good to see how she's doing, catch up on all the wild stuff at her work...and it'll give me a good chance to finish my first painting..._ Clarke mused silently as she halfway closed her laptop and set it atop the bed.

She'd just finished turning around when the bathroom door opened, a robed and freshly bathed Anya emerging, stealing Clarke's breath in a barely concealed gasp. Rest and relaxation looked stunning on the woman, all the sharpness and rigidity from the stress and anxiety had melted away to reveal a softness that she couldn't help but think was entirely dangerous. There were only so many gay gasps she could have before her companion would catch on, and while something romantic with Anya could potentially be great, that wasn't the aim for the trip. Becoming friends was far more important, and she had to stay focused on that.

Which was difficult to do when Anya sat down right beside her, knees touching, face oh so goddamn close to kissing range, and those warm eyes would be so easy to fall into.

"Clarke..." Anya spoke, voice nearly as low as a whisper as the woman leaned even closer. Clarke couldn't help but run her tongue to wet her lips in an instinctual response. Seeing Anya was waiting for some sort of feedback, Clarke offered a gentle nod, holding the woman's soft gaze. Anya tilted her head and sniffed lightly before Clarke felt a gentle smack to her cheek. "You reek." The woman added softly, sporting a playful grin.

"I do not." Clarke protested, lifting a hand to touch the wetness covering her cheek. She sniffed and smelled lavender, realizing Anya must have used that particular bath bomb.

"Maybe not, but the bath is free, and there's still some of Niylah's products left. You've treated me enough...treat yourself." Anya retorted with a tiny little adorable smile, the faintest tinge of pink blooming on her cheeks.

"Oh, I can do both. But alright, I could use a bit of a soak after I shower." Clarke noted with a smile of her own, reaching down to her luggage to grab her toiletries bag and some sleep clothes to change into afterwards. "Oh, I set something up on the laptop for you. Could you give it a look over and let me know if I missed anything, or if I need to change something?"

Anya's puzzled expression held as Clarke got up and gathered her things in her arms. "What is it?"

"A plan." Clarke answered simply with a playful grin before heading into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. They'd have time to discuss it all tomorrow. For now, she'd bathe, rest, and then head to bed for some quality sleep, knowing that might come in short supply until they get to Washington D.C.

* * *

 

Clarke was pretty sure that if she didn't get to bed in the next minute or two, that she'd collapse from how bonelessly relaxed her body felt. A nice long soak did wonders for her body; she only had a shower stall back home, so it was a bit of a luxury to spend time just relaxing in the water.

She bypassed the comfy bath robe and settled for just her sleep clothes, knowing it wouldn't be long until she zonked out entirely. Unsure if Anya was asleep in the main room, Clarke quietly opened the bathroom door and peeked out.

The bedside lamp nearest the lit fireplace was on, and Anya was sprawled out on that side of the bed, notebook in hand. The woman's hair was all wrapped up in a headband, making Clarke smile at the woman's devotion to those lovely, gentle dirty blonde waves of hers.

"Thought you might be asleep already." Clarke mused aloud as she turned off the bathroom light and stepped out into the main room.

Anya's head tilted up at her words, the woman shuffling a bit to sit up against the bed's headboard. "I just finished making some of my own notes on your itinerary. I am quite tired now, though."

Clarke saw the woman shifting towards the edge of the bed, so she lifted up a hand. "It's okay, I'll get the fireplace." She noted with a smile, taking the five steps and few seconds it took to put the fire out.

"This bed is remarkably comfortable, Clarke. I...can hardly imagine you got a deal because the concierge is your ex." Anya stated with a content hum as she got under the covers.

The assumption was a little too ridiculous for Clarke not to laugh at, even if she did regret the outburst at the flash of remorse on Anya's face. "I didn't get a deal because she's my ex. The hotel has a curator who selects and cycles art in and out over the months, and they happen to like my art a lot, so I worked out a bit of a standing deal with them. I donate the occasional work, I get a break on the cost of staying whenever I'm in town, and I can check in late.  I'm here often enough for shows anyways, so it works out in both of our favor. I generally get this room, because my works tend to hang above the fireplace. I painted that one seven months ago."

"Oh...I apologize for assuming otherwise, Clarke." Anya offered, all red faced and repentant, as if she'd committed some great insult.

"Don't worry about it. I can see why you jumped to that conclusion." Clarke shot back as she rounded the bed and slipped under the covers on the free side of the bed. "So, we all good for tomorrow's trip?" She added after letting out a long yawn.

Anya offered a small nod and flicked the bedside lamp off, casting the room in darkness. "I believe so, yes." The woman said, voice nearly too quiet to hear. Clarke took that as a sign that it was time to get some shuteye, so she turned over onto her side, fluffed her pillow and settled in for a nice, long sleep. It was only Anya remaining seated against the headboard that kept her eyes open, watching that silhouette carefully even as her eyes yearned to close.

"I want to thank you, Clarke." Anya added all soft and quiet, however a bit louder than her previous words. "I was brusque, and distant, and difficult today, and you were patient. You tried to make me comfortable...I'm not used to people accommodating me."

Honestly, it was more than a little surprising to hear her companion's words, not quite understanding why Anya was making herself out to be such a burden. "Hey...I was the one who invited you along with me. It's my job to be hospitable at the very least, because you signed up for a ride to a wedding, not a road trip." Clarke argued with a similar quiet tone. Not seeing any visible reaction from the woman, Clarke reached out and prodded at Anya's nearest hand. "Look... thing is, Lexa told me you're special to her, and that you're worth knowing. So I want to know you, Anya. And that includes wanting to know how to make you comfortable, how to make you happy, and what to avoid. Today was a learning experience for us both, that's all."

"Yes, well, it was still appreciated. Next to no one treats me like that, not...not that I _need_ anyone to, because I don't. I _don't_. But I appreciate that you did, that you _are_." Anya insisted, voice straining slightly as she spoke, and Clarke could easily feel that weight, whatever history was behind it.

On one hand, she really wanted to reassure Anya that what she'd done, the way she'd approached Anya, wasn't anything special. It wasn't extraordinary. Because, really, it wasn't. And if Anya had been mistreated in the past to the point where she'd come to accept that, as some sort of default state of how people would consider their behaviour around her, then that needed pointing out. That needed correcting.

Just not tonight, not while they weren't more trusting of each other. That would just get the woman beside her responding defensively, so she reeled back all her instinctive responses and took hold of the hand she'd prodded, offering a gentle squeeze.

"I _will_ , Anya. I promise I will." Clarke whispered in return, giving the woman's hand a little tug. "Now come on, lay those pretty cheekbones of yours to sleep, we've got a long day tomorrow."

Anya shifted down the bed a bit, a sign she was taking Clarke's advice, so she closed her eyes in preparation for a quality sleep.

Only to be greeted by a dull thwap of a pillow to her face. "You talk too much, Clarke." Anya retorted in apparently complaint, though despite the darkness, when she peeked an eye open, there was a hint of a smile on Anya's lips.

 _Compliment received...I'll take a pillow or two to the face if it means I make her smile again..._ Clarke mused, letting out a laugh as she nuzzled into her pillow and closed her eyes once more. It wasn't lost on her that Anya didn't pull her hand away as she settled in for the night. It wasn't lost on her that by the added slack to the woman's arm, Anya turned on her side facing Clarke.

It all seemed like a good sign that they were getting closer, and that maybe Anya would open up a bit more soon enough, and that maybe Anya was a little comfortable around her already.

Clarke was pretty sure she fell asleep that night with a smile on her face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in light of all the stuff that's happened on The 100 and in the fandom, I've found this to be a good outlet for my more lighthearted urges (I know this chapter didn't have a lot of that, but I've already dipped into later days in the road trip and it's been a blast, lemme tell you). Writing Clexa is still difficult for me, but being able to have this has helped get me on a roll really quickly so that when I do switch over to fics like Breaking Out, I'm starting at a run (so in short, it's helping me be more productive with everything else).
> 
> Also, when I was thinking up some of the base details of the fic, an friend of mine reminded me I'd also wanted to write a fic involving some of this material: galentines.tumblr.com/post/135593664254 so I decided to brainstorm some ways to work some of those elements into Anya's character. it was a fun exercise, but I'd understand if some folks thought she seemed a bit ooc by the end of this. She's still the loyal, overprotective, aggressive, fairly snarky marshmallow...just needs some time to get comfortable and trust before some of those familiar parts of her shine through.
> 
> This fic's being to largely focus on Clarke/Anya, but there will be some side Raven/Octavia, too. There will be some Lexa/Costia later on, but they're getting married, that's just obligatory. Rated T for now because I'm not 100% set on whether anything more explicit will be included yet.
> 
> Anywho, thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Saturday Morning, May 28th (Charleston, SC)**

* * *

 

Anya could admit that the waterfront park down the road from the hotel was quite nice. The pineapple-shaped fountain, and the garden surrounding it, was particularly calming after processing the previous twenty-four hours.

After her car broke down Wednesday evening, and she was told it was basically irreparable, she'd spent the next day freaking out about how it decimated most of her plans for the next two weeks. After all, she didn't live next door to a grocery store, she lived next door to a pond. Transportation was a necessity. And she couldn't just go out and buy a car, she'd have to do all the proper research first.

It had taken a few hours Friday morning to get up the nerve to call Lexa about the bad news. After all these years, despite the distance, Lexa was still her best friend, and missing her wedding seemed unfathomable. Not that she would have missed it, but her brain just wasn't in the state necessary to figure out how to get there in a way that wouldn't have her spontaneously combusting due to immense anxiety.

Lexa's solution had seemed easy enough. Her best friend, Clarke, was about to embark on a road trip, where the woman would pick up Octavia and Raven, and then head north to the wedding.  She was already friends with Octavia, and knew Clarke and Raven to some degree by how Lexa and Octavia talked about them, so it seemed reasonable. Leaving that day had been a bit of a gamble, compared to being picked up when the group was northbound, but Anya figured that with one car already broken down, she'd prefer to be with a group if it happened again, so that she could piggyback on a hypothetical solution if bad luck would befall them.

Of course, the two hour mayhem of getting packed and prepared had been more than Anya had bargained for, and when Clarke had shown up, she'd been just about at wits end with herself. Still, she'd kept her cool, and tried not to let how on edge she was get out.

Which, ultimately, she failed to do on numerous occasions over the following hours.

She'd been absolutely evasive and unwelcoming to Clarke's easy, casual questions, despite the woman clearly just wanting to know her better. She could have told Clarke that she literally could not stand in line to order food, and communicated some sort of basic request for food to her host; instead, she'd clammed up, claimed to not be hungry despite evidence to the contrary, and gotten hostile. She had bit at Clarke when the younger blonde hinted at having tried to butter her up for something; given the wonderful dinner, she shouldn't have treated Clarke as she had her family when they'd be polite and kind in order to earn concessions or sacrifices from her.

In short, she'd been fairly terrible by her standards, and Clarke not minding one bit had been utterly bewildering. That Clarke had been so quick to affection had also been confusing as anything. Sure, she'd looked somewhat nice because she'd had to have a thirty minute Skype session with her employer to explain her extended absence, and Lexa had gone on about Clarke being a little physical in her hospitality, but it'd taken her by surprise, really.

"And after this morning...I'm not sure how to handle this..." She spoke to no one in particular, the park fairly empty given the relatively early hour aside from the odd jogger.

She had needed that space, that isolation, after waking up to being surrounded in both sheets and limbs. It turned out that Clarke was both a covers hog as well as a clingy cuddler, and Anya had been a little overwhelmed to be cocooned in a nest of Egyptian cotton, warmth, soft skin, and the scent of vetivert and cedarwood.

After all, it'd been the first time she'd shared a bed with anyone since she was a child. To say she may not have been prepared for the whole experience was a bit of an understatement.

Sheepishly enjoying Clarke's gentle grip on her hand as she fell into slumber was one thing. She'd just barely been able to handle that hand-holding, but it was something she'd managed to enjoy without her anxiety going into overdrive as usual.

So her graceless, panicked exit from bed that resulted in the both of them falling to the floor in a tangled mess? It wasn't her finest hour. Neither was how she threw on her heels and her trench and practically ran out the door. Thankfully, she'd grabbed her phone and bag, but she knew there would be consequences. There had to be, she was certainly taught as much.

Still, she wasn't fond of facing those consequences quite yet, so she'd tried to be productive. In her haste to pack, she'd forgotten to get sun block, so she'd picked up some of that as well as a hat, given how much sun she was likely to see along the trip. The last thing she needed was to get sunburnt and be all peeling and sore while more or less trapped in a car.

The sound of her phone vibrating broke Anya from her thoughts and had her bones feeling like they were packed with trepidation instead of marrow. Her employers always called her, and her few friends back home did the same; only Lexa occasionally texted her.

Anya took few long, steadying breaths and dug out her phone from her bag, noticing Lexa had indeed texted her twice.

 **Lexa**  
_Anya, are you okay?_

_Clarke called and told me you ran out of the hotel and it's been over an hour since you left_

Anya frowned at the set of texts, her gut burning at the thought of worrying her favourite cousin. Which was only made worse as a third text rolled in.

 **Lexa**  
_She's worried and I know I'm worried so please message me back and let me know what's going on?_

The only positive from the mess she found herself in was that Lexa was letting her text instead of calling her. She was much more capable of clarity while anxious when she was texting.

  **Anya**  
_I'm okay, I'm calming down. Was too overwhelmed when I woke_

 **Lexa**  
_That's good to hear you're alright. But what happened when you woke up?_

_Clarke says you tackled her off the bed but I can't see that_

Anya's brow furrowed at the second text, knowing she absolutely _did not tackle_ Clarke. The younger blonde was being overdramatic.

 **Anya**  
_I did not tackle her! She was the one that tangled me up in her limbs and the sheets. I tried to leave without disturbing her but she clings_

Honestly, it was a wonder how Clarke had managed to tangle them so thoroughly. Anya was fairly sure there was a knot in the sheet around her left kneecap that she'd had to push herself out of.

 **Lexa**  
_Ha yes Clarke has that tendency. She doesn't mean any trouble. Her circulation isn't great, and in her sleep she is very adamant about keeping warm_

_At the very least, you and Raven will have that to bond over_

It wasn't much, and joking about her host wasn't something she felt comfortable with, but as a last ditch thing, Anya could feel some relief in not going into meeting Raven entirely empty-handed. She knew a few things about the woman, but not enough to really know how to approach her. Some humour couldn't hurt. And learning that Clarke did her cocooning with everyone, and that it wasn't personal, was a massive relief, even if it might have been nice, in a terrifying way, to learn otherwise. Clarke, after all, was trustworthy, kind, and almost intimidatingly pretty.

 **Lexa**  
_Clarke texted me wanting to know if you were up for some company and breakfast? You can say no_

Anya considered her options, as well as her mental state, and figured she'd calmed down enough to see Clarke. They were scheduled to head out soon, anyways, and keeping to that schedule would certainly help avoid another anxiety spike.

 **Anya  
** _Can you tell her I'm along the northern edge of the pineapple water fountain in the park?_

 **Lexa**  
_Of course, Anya. I'm glad you're feeling better_

 **Anya**  
_I'm sorry for worrying you_

 **Lexa**  
_You always told me not to apologize for worrying you, that that's what people who love you sign up for._

_I love you. You're okay. That's what matters_

Anya smiled down at the text; it was awkward seeing her words flung back at her, but it did the trick in grounding her emotions. Lexa always found ways to make her feel like she wasn't a burden.

The soft sound of a body planting itself beside her drew her attention from her phone, Anya startling slightly at the sight of Clarke. "Hey, stranger. Breakfast?" The younger blonde asked, holding out a to-go bag.

Anya was more than a little puzzled at the immediacy of Clarke's presence, but she took the offering nonetheless, her stomach having been growling for the past hour. "Thank you. How did you get here so fast?"

"I actually spotted you thirty minutes ago when I went looking for you. I figured I'd head back, grab breakfast, and by then, maybe you'd be ready to have some company." Clarke admitted casually with a shrug, and okay, that made a bit more sense, given how often Clarke visited the city. It seemed reasonable that the woman would know the area well, and where to look.

 _It wasn't like I tried to hide...I guess I did end up in a pretty obvious place..._ She mused to herself as she peered into the bag. _Scrambled egg and bacon sandwich on a croissant...seems tasty enough..._

"Thank you, Clarke." Anya noted with a smile, before narrowing her eyes at the younger woman in a way she hoped was taken as playful. "I did _not_ tackle you out of bed, though."

Clarke's laughter was light and airy, and just the kind of joy she needed to hear after a difficult morning. "You say tomato, I say tom _ah_ to."

 "Clarke, you were clinging to me like a koala bear." Anya shot back, drawing a blush to Clarke's cheeks as the woman shot her a sheepish grin.

"Okay, yeah, I guess I do that. You don't have to worry, though, I'm sure Raven wouldn't mind bunking with you going forward." Clarke admitted, sending a small, bit-sized jolt of distress through her chest.

After all, it wasn't that she hated how she woke up. It wasn't that she was inherently uncomfortable with so much physical contact. Anya had just been caught off guard, taken by surprise, and it brought up some concerns about Clarke's reasons. Now that she knew Clarke did this with everyone, and it didn't mean anything, there weren't any undertones to have her fearing repercussions.

"I didn't mind how I woke up, Clarke. I just...hadn't expected it, and needed time to process. I haven't woken up in bed with anyone since I was a child, I don't have sleepovers. It was just new for me." She explained, not wanting the younger blonde to get the wrong idea, even if being so candid was a bit nerve-wracking.

"Oh...uh, well, so long as you're good with it. I remember you being really comfy before we fell off the bed." Clarke said, teeth finding her lower lip to gnaw on for a moment or two.

The blonde had been reacting oddly on occasion all trip, and Anya couldn't really pin down why. Clarke was pretty brazen about cuddling, so she surely wasn't embarrassed about it. Yet, what other reason was there for her to be blushing as red as a tomato?

It was all very confusing, so Anya decided she could distract herself from those thoughts with some food.

However, she was only halfway into her sandwich when she felt a slight tug against the brim of her hat. "Nice hat."

Anya turned her head slightly to catch Clarke's thoughtful expression, the blush still lingering in her cheeks. "It's not too much?" She asked, because while she really did like it, it was a bit more dramatic than her usual fare. She was more the beanie type, so a big black sun hat was a bit of a change of pace.

"Maybe with the trench, but with a dress, or at the beach? Yeah..." Clarke let out, voice trailing off as the younger blonde swallowed hard, that reddish tint growing a little deeper in her cheeks. "...Yeah, you'd really pull it off."

Clarke was certainly the more adventurous, outdoorsy type, so it was reassuring to hear the younger blonde's confidence. The last thing she wanted was to buy something that would not only look ridiculous on her, but draw attention to the ridiculousness.

"That's good to know. Thank you." Anya offered as she continued her breakfast, knowing they really did have to get going soon, or else they'd be behind schedule.

Clarke had already been enormously accommodating, putting her own comfort aside for Anya's countless times.  She wouldn't allow her own issues to delay the younger blonde's road trip any longer than it already had been by her presence.

* * *

 

"Even if we're just dancing in the dark....hey, baby!" Clarke sang enthusiastically in the driver's seat as they passed the sign warning them that they'd just entered Florida. 

 _God damn fucking Florida...here we go..._ She internally groused, trying to shift her focus to her host's apparent joy, hoping it might distract from where she'd be for the ext twenty four or so hours.

For as peppy as Clarke had been, Anya had expected more pop music on her playlist; there had been a few dozen, certainly, but the lion's share of it was some form of rock. And Clarke? Clarke was insistent on this leg of the trip being a sing-a-long.

She could practically time the countdown to the next request to the second. "Okay, seriously, you have to sing. I can't just sing alone."

Anya shook her head, even if the younger blonde's insistence had her smiling. "I don't sing." She retorted, even if that was a bit of a lie. She'd sing once in a blue moon, but only when she felt free and safe enough. And only alone.

Singing on a car ride? Just not her speed.

"Come on, everyone sings." Clarke argued with a pout, pausing the song that was just starting up, a bit of an escalation in comparison to the past portion of the trip.

"Clarke, you have asked me over two dozen times. Maybe another time, but not today." Anya offered, hoping that a future hypothetical would outweigh the current no to Clarke. At the slightest hint of hesitation, she figured she'd sweeten the pot a bit. "For what it's worth, you're very entertaining. You...well... you have a beautiful voice."

"Shit. I must be seriously annoying for you to stoop to flattery as an exit strategy." Clarke noted with a drooping frown, not at all the response Anya had expected.

Honestly, it was a little hard to believe Clarke underestimated her singing voice. Perhaps she wasn't displaying talent worthy of a recording contract, but she was pleasant to listen to. "I'm not...I was just...it was just the truth. I like your voice."

Clarke's head tilted her way, shooting Anya a brief glance. And then another a few seconds later. And then a third, accompanied by a growing grin that had her hoping the younger blonde felt more reassured.

"You think my voice is nice." Clarke spoke slowly, eyes narrowing as if she were slipping deeper into thought.

"I used a more specific descriptor, but yes, to put it mildly." Anya offered, unsure what track of thought Clarke would be taking her down next.

" _'To put it mildly'_. Raven and O always teased me for sounding like a squawking harpy." Clarke clarified, lips dipping into a thoughtful frown, as if she were weighing Anya's words with what she'd heard in the past.

Which, really, was a bit ridiculous. "I can't speak for Raven, but I've heard Octavia sing a few times before. She's not unpleasant...acceptable, even. Drumming's her strong suit, though. You're easier on the ears."

A sharp burst of laughter filled the car's interior as Clarke smacked the steering wheel. "Oh, Raven's gonna lose her shit. I have a ' _beautiful_ ' voice and Octavia's is ' _acceptable_ '...sorry if I'll be putting you in the hot seat, but I _have_ to tell her you said that. Only Lexa's ever stood up for me on that front."

Anya offered a shrug, not seeing the big deal. Octavia already knew her opinion on her voice. It'd do no good to lie about it at any rate. "Well, that makes sense. We were both classically trained in music as children...her in cello, me in piano. Any one of us could hear that you stay in key, while Octavia strays and goes flat pretty regularly. Again, Octavia's not unpleasant, I've heard her sing quite a bit, but she's not really a _singer_. If Raven is defending Octavia's abilities over yours, I'm not sure why."

"Well, it could be that they're dating, but Raven's always been on my ass about my singing." Clarke clarified, and okay, she supposed that could potentially earn some favoritism, even if Octavia tended to enjoy complaining about Raven during their phone-calls.

"Ah. Well, I suppose I have your back, Clarke." Anya said, nodding to herself as she hoped that her decision wouldn't create any tension for the rest of the road trip once they picked Raven up.

"Any chance you could spare some time helping me get to know this person who has my back?" Clarke asked with a grin so hopeful that Anya couldn't quite will herself to believe shutting that front down would be a reasonable decision.

She'd gone into the road trip knowing that providing details of her life could result in some potentially dicey scenarios, mockery, disdain, or worse. It's not that she didn't trust Lexa's taste in friends, or that Clarke was a genuinely decent human being, but there were some things that people just didn't really have developed opinions on, and Anya knew that those things were generally best avoided.

Still, she could give Clarke something.

"What would you like to know?" Anya asked, hoping that a neutral opening without restrictions would prod the younger blonde towards the well-traveled path of least resistance, and away from some more tricky questions.

"Well, you know I paint and I curate an art gallery for a living. What about you?" Clarke asked, the question thankfully simple and predictable, even if her answer could lead to some scrutiny, depending. Clarke, she wasn't so entirely worried about, compared to Raven, who she knew very little about that Octavia and Lexa hadn't shared with her.

Anya swallowed back her fears, rolling her fingers against her thighs for a few moments until her heart rate slowed and she felt sufficiently calm. Or, calm enough to answer. "I write. I'm a writer, of sorts."

"Oooh, okay, I can work with that. You know, I _did_ get a bit of an art vibe from you. We talking books? Scripts? Comics? Editorials?" Clarke probed, those sky blue eyes darting over at her accompanied with an oddly excited smile.

Anya nodded before she realized that it wasn't much of an answer, given Clarke had laid out more than one potential option. "I split my workload roughly in half between my personal projects and my contract work, though by the nature of it, I'm more productive with the latter."

"What kind of contract work do you do? Anything I've heard of?" Clarke probed again, drawing a sigh from Anya, knowing she couldn't get away with just giving vague answers with her host.

"I do a lot of work with Onyx Trail and Flight of Fantasy Games. Mostly writing short stories, lore entries, write-ups for characters and settings, but I've written and designed a few...well, full-length campaigns and stories for their products." Anya answered, though as she flicked her gaze to Clarke, she saw more confusion than understanding in her eyes. "The companies sell pen and paper roleplaying games, board games, card games, and the like, mostly built around horror and supernatural themes, like H.P Lovecraft's works, or your standard vampires and werewolves and ghosts. I've worked on one videogame, too, but that was a few years ago, and just once."

Clarke's eyes went wide before the woman shifted her focus back to the empty road ahead, apparently chewing on that information for a bit, which did nothing to calm the frayed nerves Anya was struggling to keep in check.

Dozens of thoughts began filling her head, each more negative than the last, more distant, more visceral in its rejection. It wasn't like she hadn't heard some of them from people in her life before, after all. Certainly even Clarke could come down on the wrong side of the fence in something _._ _No one's perfect, after all..._

"So...if I were to ask you to sit us down one night soon and run one of those games with us, would I be overstepping?" Clarke eventually asked, the pace of her words increasing as she went along, eyes still wide and bright. "Because I've always wanted to do one of those things, and I know they apparently take a lot of work to set up, but I think it'd be a lot of fun, and at least you'd know what you were doing, right? Because Raven's always wanted to do the whole dungeons and dragons thing, but I've always wanted more of a 'freak me the fuck out' kind of thing, and that sounds right up my alley."

Anya couldn't help but gape at Clarke as her brain processed the younger blonde's word vomit. _Clarke...is...not put off? She's actually...excited? She wants to play a session? What?_

"Not that you have to, or anything. It's cool if we don't, I'd totally understand." Clarke added quickly, a pink tint taking over the woman's cheeks. A sign of embarrassment that Anya had hoped to avoid herself, yet her delayed response had instead helped it fester in her host. Unacceptable.

"I'd be happy to. I just didn't expect you to be so...interested. Most don't want to hear about what I do, let alone take part in it." Anya clarified with a smile she hoped would set Clarke at ease. "I could get a hold of an acquaintance of mine in DC. He could deliver some things to your mother's address by the time we arrive, and we could hold a session sometime during our stay there? If there's time, of course."

"Yeah, of course! That'd be great!" Clarke exclaimed, shooting her an excited smile as she signaled to change lanes towards a turnoff. "You said you did some personal stuff, too. What sort of stuff are we talking about?"

Anya swallowed down her second bout of nerves and cast her gaze out the window. It wasn't that she was particularly ashamed of her personal works. It was just that they were hers. Her creations, built from the ground up. Facing scrutiny or criticism for her contract work was easier, given the source itself was a form of quality control, and responsibility of criticism tended to fall on the source as a whole instead of the contributors.

Not the case for her own material. That got unavoidably directed right back at her.

"I have written a few novels. I'm notoriously slow, so there's only three, and as you could maybe imagine, I don't stray far from the tree in that I write horror." Anya clarified, halfway praying to nebulous deities that Clarke hadn't read her works.

"I don't remember seeing anything from you. I'm sure Lexa would have a few copies somewhere." Clarke probed thoughtfully, earning another sigh, knowing that giving her pseudonym would possibly open up a can of worms.

"I write under G.A. Trigeda." Anya admitted, followed swiftly by a sharp, dramatic gasp from her host. The pit in her stomach may as well have been weighed down by an anvil, given how outraged Clarke had sounded.

"Holy fuck, you! You...!" Clarke blurted out with a clear accusation on her mind, and all Anya could do was close her eyes and let her mental walls do what they could to dull the impact of the upcoming attack. "You're the reason I couldn't sleep one whole weekend last winter!"

Anya's eyes blinked open, instinct forcing her to blink a few times more to rid the wetness from her lashes before she turned her head to gauge Clarke's sincerity.

There, all red-cheeked and accusatory, all frowny and scrunchy-faced, was Clarke Griffin. "What?"

"That...that book about that creepy elder god and nuclear winter down in Florida? I just HAD to be visiting Raven. And the weather just HAD to dip below freezing enough to SNOW. In FLORIDA." Clarke raged, clearly very upset at some series of events from half a year ago, but all Anya could do was laugh from the swell of relief bubbling inside her.

"Oh my god..." She let out as she turned away again to try and stifle her laughter, earning a swat to her shoulder.

"Hey, it's not funny! I couldn't sleep alone for three whole days! I had to sleep with Raven, who kept kicking me off the bed! Onto the cold, hard floor in her uninsulated little shack of a home. Which would only bring the nightmares back and it was _miserable_. Miserable, Anya!" Clarke continued to rant, swatting her shoulder a second time a moment later. "Oh! Oh! And how could you just end it like that?! What the fuck happened to Therese?!"

Anya couldn't help but feel a fresh bout of laughter coming on so she let it out, reaching over to blindly rub Clarke's leg in hopes it would be seen as reasonably apologetic. Clarke's literal growls seemed to indicate her intentions weren't accepted, though the younger blonde didn't remove her hand.

"Clarke..." She let out, once her laughter had calmed down enough. "Clarke, you realize that there's a sequel of sorts that answers your question."

"What?! Since when?" Her host demanded alongside a third shoulder smack. At this rate, Anya was starting to wonder if she should wear a pauldron.

"Since two years ago when I published my third book. You read my second, by the sounds of it. The third opens in a different setting, but...if you must know...Therese makes more than a cameo appearance." Anya explained with a tilt of her head she hoped was as teasing as she intended.

However effective it was, Clarke did let out another sharp gasp. "You can't tell me _that_! We're on a road trip! If I read a horror novel on a road trip, I'm going to be a mess at night! Raven's gonna kick me out of bed, _again_ , I swear."

"For what it's worth, I wouldn't kick you out of bed, Clarke." Anya offered, the smile blooming on her lips more drawn from the confidence and relief Clarke instilled in her than much of anything else, although the image of Raven kicking Clarke out of bed was a little humorous.

"No, you'd tackle me." Clarke shot back with bright eyes and a grin that was all too teasing to be sincere, but she couldn't help but take the bait.

"I didn't _tackle_ you. I tried to detangle myself and leave the bed without you, but you _clung_ , and you managed to wrap the sheets around me to where it began to knot, so I _tripped_ , and you fell out of bed _with_ me." Anya argued in a lengthy ramble as Clarke's grin only grew wider, her host punctuating the end of her argument with a laugh.

Clarke reached out and lightly patted her shoulder. "Whatever you say, Anya." The younger blonde joked airily, before narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "Be honest...you liked my blissful little sleep burrito. I was your _exception_."

Anya knew she was blushing. Her body had betrayed her, and red was certainly seeping down towards her collarbone. "It was a fire hazard, Clarke." She answered in kind, though she knew it was laughably transparent. The best she could do with memories of her first moments from that morning turned out to be quite sub-par.

It'd all been very new territory, and the further distanced she was from it, the more she found herself yearning it. _Years and years of being perfectly fine sleeping alone, and Clarke undoes it in a single night. Just my luck..._ Anya mused to herself, knowing nothing good could come from that. As much as she yearned to have some things in her life that so many celebrated, she knew the odds were against her earning a stroke of luck. Let alone being able to make good on it without imploding from massive anxiety. _No, no...best to just...tamp down on that. Nothing wrong with two budding friends sharing a bed..._

"Well, good thing Raven's a light sleeper, so if there's an 'emergency', she'll be able to wake and untangle us. Problem solved." Clarke offered, the woman's steadily growing grin doing nothing to eliminate the blushing that Clarke was clearly playing off of.

"I'm _sure_ you'll be singing the same tune after you're knee deep in my third book." Anya said with a dismissive flip of her hand, trying her best to just play it off as if she hadn't been having thoughts she very much shouldn't. Friends sassed each other. Anya could sass.

"Don't even! You're responsible for the creepy shit that goes bump in the night. It's only fair I'll have you to distract me from it." Clarke retorted at least halfway seriously; Anya could see the logic in that, even if it did seem a bit flimsy.

"If you say so, Clarke." Anya stated, before a thought from earlier came to mind. "You said Raven would want pizza when we pick her up. We're getting close, so perhaps we should stop soon."

Clarke nodded along to the notion. "Yeah, as soon as we pass Jacksonville, Lakeside'll be right there. She likes her pizza fresh but a little cooled off, so I figured we could pick it up there."

"Sounds good to me." Anya noted in return, turning her gaze out the window to take in the passing scenery. It kind of killed her to know they'd be spending around full day in Florida; Anya loathed the state, having taken a general position that it was best avoided if at all possible. She'd practically been counting down the minutes until they left the state the moment they passed the damn border.

Sure, it was warm, and was scenic in some ways, and was surrounded by ocean, but it was full of absurdities she'd rather not encounter.

"So, you live beside a national forest...have you done a lot of camping?" Clarke asked, likely making a fair enough assumption that she was outdoorsy.

"I think I've been to a major park maybe once in my entire lifetime. Camping and hiking weren't refined enough for my parents, so they generally kept me away from it. I don't mind the outdoors, but experiencing it alone always seemed unwise, at least for someone like me." Anya explained, drawing a gasp from her host.

"Whoa, no way! We're definitely going to get you some time in or around parks on this road trip. I'll make sure of it, and I'd be happy to be your nature guide. I'm sure O will, too." Clarke exclaimed with a bright smile, and perhaps for the first time in her life, she was looking forward to a little bit of outdoorsiness. Clarke wouldn't lead her astray, certainly.

Soon enough, Anya could hear the music turn on again, Clarke back to singing along. If she had to endure Florida, Clarke's voice would go a long way to minimizing that annoyance, so once she was certain there wouldn't be any gator sightings, she turned her head enough to catch her host out of the corner of her eye.

"Don't worry 'bout you, baby! 'Cause I know why I don't worry...I sing me no sad songs. Happy, never sad for long..." Clarke sang, the genre of the music doing her no favours, but the blonde's enthusiasm and ability had Anya smiling as Clarke's theatrics, even if she had the urge to tell the woman to get her hands back on the steering wheel. Seeming to have noticed the return of her audience, Clarke turned her head and shot Anya a smile as she continued on. "Don't you call me anything doll, but your baby, I know..."

And like that, Clarke's focus was back straight ahead, clearly having more than enough fun. With any luck, the younger blonde would have enough fun in Florida for the both of them. She hoped that when Raven came long, that maybe she could just forget about Florida for a while. Octavia always said Raven was fun and friendly.

Anya sure hoped so.

* * *

 

Whatever Anya had expected the Kennedy Space Center visitor's complex to be, overwhelmingly crowded was not on the list. And yet, there she was, with swarms of tourists passing by as she and Clarke waited for Raven. The newcomer had claimed it'd save them time to basically pick her up at work instead of waiting around at her home an hour away, only to have to drive back in the other direction again.

It wasn't that Anya was particularly agoraphobic, though being around crowds of people after so long in semi-isolation was jarring and enough to get her anxiety jumping up a tick or two. It only took a few seconds to find all the exits nearby, so that helped, but she could feel her left hand tightening its grip on the paper bag that carried Raven's pizza slices. Part of her wanted to step more out into the open space, but Clarke had said that Raven asked for them to wait by the entrance gate, and so she stood.

It was two consecutive bodies bumping into her that had her running through her exercises to slow her heart back down to a reasonable level and get her breathing under control. _Deep breaths...it's really busy, but I'm okay...I'm safe...I'm on a road trip with a new friend, and I've been having fun...I've..._

A gentle squeeze of her hand brought Anya out of her thoughts, wondering when Clarke had taken hold of her hand. Or if she had unknowingly taken Clarke's. Either way, the gesture helped draw her attention away from her surroundings and back to the younger blonde, whose sapphire blue eyes were scanning her over for any sign of trouble. "She should be here soon." Clarke noted, offering a warm smile and a tiny nod that honestly did help her feel a bit more balanced.

Anya let out another deep breath, trying to focus purely on the woman holding her hand. "Right." She added, a light breeze bringing the scent of Raven's pizza to her nose. It reminded her that she at least had one more slice of her own waiting back in the car. Raven had requested Hawaiian, and Anya wasn't much of a stickler, she was game for most pizza. Hawaiian was as good as any.

"CLARKE GRIFFIN UNIRONICALLY LOVED JUPITER ASCENDING!" Anya heard yelled out practically right behind her, startling both her and Clarke, and causing the younger blonde's hand to leave Anya's as the woman spun around and shoved at Raven.

"Goddamn it! It's a fucking gorgeous film, Raven!" Clarke grunted out as she shoved Raven again, who was just straight up laughing at the response. "I can appreciate good art direction when I see it!"

"Cut me some slack, Little Griffin, I could have yelled out that you unironically rollerblade." Raven claimed as she crossed her arms, left eyebrow cocking in expectation of the artist's fury.

"Hey! We're pretty much the same height, and you're only thirteen months older than me! And anyway, it's a good substitute for skating. I live down south now, the ponds don't freeze over in Raleigh." Clarke asserted more than a little defensively, mirroring Raven's stance before letting out a slow grin. "Besides...taught you well enough to surprise Octavia up in Boston last winter for a romantic date out on the ice."

Raven just laughed. "Yeah, but my date took place on skates. Rollerblades are boring." Raven snarked back, and even though Anya was less than excellent at reading into facial cues, she could tell that this was more just to rile Clarke up than anything. An odd sort of bonding ritual for sure, but Anya wasn't about to step in.

"I know you're not dissing the second Mighty Ducks movie, Raven. That would be a critical mistake, and I have Octavia on speed dial." Clarke offered in warning, eyes narrowing in expectation of victory.

A victory that Raven seemed to concede with a shake of her head and an annoyed sigh. "Ugh, fine, whatever. But you're still a loser for liking chartreuse. What the fuck kind of colour is chartreuse?"

Anya found herself speaking before she could really think. "It's a vibrant colour. One that virtually demands to be seen, even in the darkest nights or the worst visibility." Anya cut herself off before more of her word vomit could continue. For whatever it was worth, Raven just looked thoughtful instead of annoyed.

Clarke, though, she looked curious. "Which chartreuse?"

It was a question Anya hadn't expected, but after a moment to swallow back the slight worries she had about her answer, she pushed ahead. "The...traditional chartreuse, though the newer chartreuse green is lovely as well. Pure split of green and yellow, a mix of the sun and the relentless growth of life. Traditional chartreuse, that's more a light in the darkness, a beacon of hope...unlike a lot of other colours, our eyes can see it even in the worst conditions."

Clarke nodded along, a thoughtful frown pulling at her lips. "Didn't take you as anyone who'd be interested in colour theory, or anything like that."

"Clarke, I'm a writer. I need to be able to evoke emotion from my readers. Colour, when applied appropriately, is quite effective." She explained, earning a slow nod from Clarke. Still, the conversation had dragged on a bit, so she looked to Raven and held her arm out. "Your pizza."

"Fuck, yes! I really needed this today after...shit, what's all this paper doing in here?" Raven asked, pulling out the insulation Anya had filled the bag with.

"I heard you like your pizza fresh, but warm...we were an hour out and I wasn't sure it'd stay that hot, so I...insulated it the best I could." Anya clarified, earning a long inquisitive stare from Raven as the woman pulled her wrapped up slices free from the bag, blindly handing the packaging to Clarke.

Raven gave the pizza a good look over before biting into it, the woman seeming to melt on impact as a low groan escaped her. "Ohhhh my god you're a pizza goddess." The astronaut let out, forcing that familiar heat to fill Anya's cheeks once more. "This honestly almost makes up for what you said about my girl's voice."

Anya let out a sigh and shook her head as Clarke laughed. "Octavia's known my thoughts on her voice for years now."

"And she said I have a _beautiful_ voice." Clarke teased, poking and prodding at Raven's midsection, much to the other woman's dismay, who was too busy eating pizza to avoid the strikes.

Raven held her thoughtful, perhaps scrutinizing, gaze on Anya for a few seconds before shifting it to Clarke, eyes narrowing in some mix of suspicion and amusement from what she could tell. "Did she, now?"

Honestly, the look in Raven's eyes had confused and unnerved Anya, and reminded her of exactly where they were. "Could we get back to the car? We really should be going."

"Yeah...yeah, sure." Raven noted with another watchful gaze cast her way, the astronaut's unnerving level of interest in her having Anya hoping it wouldn't continue too far into the trip. She really didn't need unnecessary attention. Whatever Raven was trying to find by staring at her, Anya hoped she just found it soon and got it over with. Raven took another bite of her pizza and broke her one-way staring contest, eyes fluttering closed in seeming ecstasy. "God, this fucking pizza."

Raven refused to be quiet about her food orgasm as they made their way to Clarke's SUV, so thankfully it wasn't parked far away. Still, when Raven went to get into the back seat, Anya couldn't help but pause. "Are you sure you don't want to sit up front?"

"Nah, I'm gonna defile this slice, and I don't want to scar either of you for life. Best I do what I do in relative privacy." Raven explained with a small shrug as she took another bite.

Not that Anya was going to complain, given riding in the backseat of any vehicle tended to make her motion sickness a lot worse. The seating arrangements sorted out, Anya slipped into the passenger seat and buckled up.

"So... I guess you've known Octavia for a while, then." Clarke let out once everyone was in the car and they were on their way. It was clearly an icebreaker for another probe through her history, but with them picking Octavia up the next evening, it probably wouldn't do any harm to divulge.

"You knew her from Lincoln, right?" Raven piped up from the backseat, a fair enough and largely accurate prediction.

"She worked at a music store we'd go to when I went to visit Lincoln. He was always a mess around her, so I may have pushed them together a bit one time we were there together. I made a hasty escape, of course, but they'd scheduled their first date before the day was done." Anya recalled how nervous and flustered her brother would get around the woman. It was a shame they didn't work out, but clearly Octavia was happy with Raven, from what she'd heard. "I only first got to know her the week before Bellamy's wedding, though."

"She didn't tell me you knew Bellamy." Raven called out inquisitively, though her words were a bit muffled from speaking with half a mouth full of pizza.

"I didn't. As you both well know, Octavia was...absurdly sheltered growing up. To no fault of her own, she wound up an adult lacking certain abilities that she might be expected to have by some. Gina's wonderful, but her family is...well, difficult. Octavia was going to attend with Lincoln, but she wasn't at all prepared for the gauntlet of upper class nonsense she was sure to endure, so Lincoln offered her my...experience... and that was how we officially met, six years ago." Anya relayed, hoping that she'd done enough priming with her word choice to keep focus on Octavia instead of herself.

Raven seemed all too curious, and Clarke all too eager; Anya wasn't quite ready for the inquisition they could launch together.

"What kind of help did you give her? I mean, she's always seemed pretty up to speed when I was around her." Clarke noted as they turned off onto I-95.

Anya felt a little pride in that, knowing how Octavia had started off. "Gina's family are fragile enough of an upper class family to concern themselves too much with etiquette and 'manners' as a way to uphold their sense of superiority. I taught her silverware and place settings, of course, and ran her through a crash course on posture, language, and all that. She wanted to dance with Lincoln, so I instructed her, and picked out a dress that would let her dance without offending anyone important. It was...a difficult week, but she's a fast learner."

"That's my girl." Raven let out jovially, though it was Clarke's sidelong glance that had her thinking that maybe she'd decentralized the topic from Octavia enough to draw focus.

"You know how to dance?" Clarke asked, proving Anya's fears correct.

Suddenly, it was a little hard to think of an exit strategy that was remotely realistic. "That's beside the point. Anyway, the wedding went smoothly enough, and so she got a hold of me, asking if she could return the favour...she really does hate being in anyone's debt." Anya continued, drawing an immediate nod from Clarke at the fact of Octavia's stubbornness. "I'd never gotten around to learning more practical self defense. More...structured forms, sure, but I'd never had the opportunity for something more grounded. So every month, I'd travel and see her, and we'd spend a day together, training. That went on for two years, give or take a week or two...at that point, it just turned into social visits, mostly."

"That...why the hell do I know next to nothing about you, then?" Raven piped up, tossing out the question with an answer too large for a single leg of a road trip. Too intimate for a relative stranger and a new friend to tackle.

"I asked her not to talk about me. All my family, really." Anya clarified, shifting focus from Raven to Clarke, knowing it wasn't a satisfying answer for them. It just was not the time to get into any of that mess.

"What are you so ashamed of that you have to ask your friends to keep your histories a secret? What, if I get into your inner circle, would you muzzle me too?" Clarke's words shot out like stray bullets, the anger and hint of venom in her tone more than enough to have Anya trembling in her seat as old memories started to encroach on her consciousness.

It'd been a while since she'd had to pinch herself to feel even slightly grounded during a swell of anxiety. _Another entry in my log, then, I guess..._ She thought to herself as she counted down and focused on her breathing, not happy with how quick they were coming on, and a little worried at her inability to draw in all that deeply. She waited until it was anywhere near controlled before responding, though she knew exhaustion would prove to be a factor soon even if an actual attack wouldn't happen. "It has nothing to...I could _never_ be ashamed of them. It's complicated...you wouldn't understand, since I don't really have the energy or desire to storytell for the next few hours, so if you don't mind, can we please move on?"

"You had veto power yesterday, _not today_. We're all going on a damn trip together, and I'm not going to keep quiet about it. Octavia and Lexa might be okay with that, but I'm not." Clarke growled, and Anya could feel the familiar lightheadedness coming on as she leaned her noggin against the passenger side window, lungs seizing for a moment.  

She already felt drained from the topic at hand with how tight and sore her ribcage felt over her thrumming heart and waning lungs, especially given the other incidents earlier in the day. Her breaths were coming on too shallow and weak, it'd be hard to keep herself in check enough to prevent the others from witnessing. The last thing she needed was anyone thinking they needed to baby her; Anya knew she could handle herself.

"I'm not asking you to. But ...is it so bad to want people to know me from being around me, instead of from what other people say about me?" Anya said softly and steadily as she could muster with what little breath she could draw, her surroundings feeling a little hazy as she fought to keep her voice from breaking. _I'm okay...I'm safe...they're upset but I'm not in danger...I'm not in danger...just one breath after the other...I'm okay..._

"I get it. I mean, all of us went through high school, we know how terrible gossip can be, but...like, we're adults. I'd like to think we're better than that petty shit." Raven countered, sounding all too casual and dismissive for Anya's nerves to not fry a bit from the very physical memory of when her trust in that belief had been shattered.

Still, the shift in conversation to a less hostile speaker provided her enough breathing room, so to speak, to try and steady her breathing out a little. _One...two...three...four...one... two... three... four...four...three...two...one..._ Anya counted in her head as she willed her aching lungs to cooperate, demanding they keep it up for a little longer.

"It's certainly a nice thought, Raven." Anya let out between breaths, doing her best to keep them quiet and unnoticed. The last thing she needed was either of them thinking she was being overdramatic; it was a little early, after all, to bring up all her history of health. "However...adults can be much worse than teenagers. And we all can make mistakes...even the best of us."

Anya was thankful that silence stretched on for an extra few seconds, giving her a little more time to try and calm herself, which was aided by the decidedly less hostile atmosphere her comments seemed to have provided, given a lack of immediate response from Clarke. She hadn't offered much of an explanation, but it was both vague and directed enough to perhaps get them thinking. Unlikely drawing any accurate conclusions, but that was also a bonus.

"So...what? You just ask people to be quiet about you, and live in fear of them slipping up? That's not healthy, Anya." Clarke asserted tiredly about a half minute later, with more than a little worry in her tone. Not that she was comfortable with how close that sounded to pity. Not at all.

"I have nothing to fear but history repeating itself, Clarke. The worst of the damage has already been done. This is about principle. This is about empowerment, about me taking control of my...my narrative, of sorts...and trusting my family to allow me that. My personal truths don't amount to much, but it's everything to me that...that they're _mine_ to entrust with others, or keep safe." Anya reasoned as well as she could with the amount of oxygen she could draw for each breath, feeling a pull for Clarke to at least understand where she was coming from. If nothing else, she just wanted the younger blonde to understand.

She heard Raven shift closer to the gap between the front seats and braced herself for some sort of comment. She hadn't quite pegged Raven down yet, and that left a lot of options open, and that stirred up a bit more of that anxiety she'd been doing so well at containing for the past minute or so.

"Yeah, but no secret stays hidden forever. Eventually, it all comes out." Raven offered quietly, almost hesitantly, as if there could be history there. Intriguing, but not the time or place, if ever.

"Yes, and it's better that they come out because I made that choice.  My history is mine to share. Who and what I am are mine to share." She spoke, each word slow and measured as she could manage, knowing she couldn't talk towards the window forever, that Clarke would likely think something was wrong if she did. Composing herself, now that her anxiety was trailing off, having staved off an attack, was her top priority. That meant letting her body heal. "Say what you will about things we might do together on the trip, but I prefer people approach me as if I'm a blank slate when they first meet me. Let me make the first impression. Let me guide them to the decision of whether they want to know me or not... no matter how that might end up. At least if someone uses their knowledge of me to tear me apart, I'll only have myself to blame. At least the lines in the sand will be distinct." Anya rambled once her lungs didn't feel like charred husks anymore, just wanting to get her perspective out there in its entirety so that maybe they could change topics and move on to something more lighthearted.

"Honestly, Anya? Living life viewing the glass as half-empty isn't a great way to live." Clarke spoke, that oddly tired tone returning again.

"I'll take whatever glass gives more control and clarity, thanks. Doesn't mean I can't be happy. Doesn't mean I can't be lighthearted. Doesn't mean I can't hope for better. Doesn't mean I can't _forgive_ , Clarke." Anya hoped beyond hope that she could stop talking about this, even if Clarke and Raven weren't giving hostile reactions anymore, because damn if her eyes weren't starting to droop. _What I'd give to just go back to her singing in the car..._

"Can't blame you for how you deal with your damage, I guess. Me, I'd break the glass and shank my enemies, but maybe that's just Octavia's influence talking." Raven remarked, the halfway offering of support helping Anya feel a hell of a lot lighter, hoping this really was drawing to a close.

In truth, Anya envied Raven's simple approach; had her situation not been so precariously intimate, perhaps she would have gone a similar route. She just couldn't hurt someone she loved. And perhaps Raven was drawing something from Octavia's temper, but she knew her friend couldn't hurt someone she loved either. At least, Anya was pretty sure she wouldn't.

"You know violence isn't the answer, Raven." Clarke said with a hardly suppressed grin.

"Oh, please. Like you've never imagined shanking Finn or Bellamy." Raven shot back, drawing a laugh from the driver's seat.

"Okay, that's...that was just once!" Clarke argued, taking a long deep breath before angling her head to look back at Raven. "Finn had been dating me for almost a year, and I had to find out he'd been dating you for three? On our anniversary? I _may_ have thought about stabbing him. But those were special circumstances!"

Anya found her eyes bulging at the revelation. She'd heard some vague gripes about someone named Finn from Lexa and Octavia over the years, but the truth was something else. She couldn't imagine two-timing women like Raven and Clarke, especially for so long.

"Eh, at least you got a friend out of it. And we DID throw his stuff in a dumpster and lit it on fire." Raven noted with a wistful tone, her addition making Anya feel much better about that bit of history. At least there was some justice, some closure. "Anyway, enough with this jabbering! Gimme what I want, woman!"

"Really, Raven? Already?" Clarke let out in a moan, even if she seemed more amuse than anything.

"Yep! Can't hold back tradition, Griffin!" Raven called out, cheering when Clarke sighed and began scrolling through her phone.

The opening cowbell and guitar riff had Anya's jaw dropping, brow furrowing as she tried to recall the song. _I've heard this before...isn't this...?_

"MISSISSIPPI QUEEN! If you know what I mean!" Raven sang at a nearly uncomfortable volume, apparently quite endeared to old southern rock music.

Her voice wasn't as smooth and beautiful as Clarke's, but as Raven continued on, the woman's enthusiasm was more than enough to have Anya relaxing in her seat. She couldn't help but grin as Raven kept prodding Clarke to sing along, the younger blonde eventually taking over the second verse, though not with the bravado their passenger demanded.

"Clarke, you gotta dig deep, this is serious business! Mississippi Queen would be disappointed in you!" Raven snarked, though her words seemed to get the desired effect, Clarke singing louder along with Raven for the rest of the song.

Anya knew if the rest of the day's ride continued like this, well, she could happily manage that.

* * *

 

Anya had to give Raven credit for booking a decent hotel. The shower wasn't as nice as the bath from the Vendue back in Charleston, but it was still refreshing, and it wasn't cramped or unhygienic. It wasn't tremendously late, but after a long day of traveling in Florida, she'd felt in need of a shower, so she'd jumped in once Clarke had finished.

The trip to Tallahassee had been fairly uneventful. Other than a quick stop in Ocala for food, and two stops for gas, it'd just been them on the road. Raven had insisted on some older, perhaps cheesier tunes, which Anya quite enjoyed; eighties rock ballads and nineties R&B were something of guilty pleasures for her. Not that she'd admit that, but it was sort of nice hearing Raven rock out to Journey and Boston.

Thankfully, it had remained that same lighthearted tone the rest of the way, though when Anya stepped out of the washroom and spotted Raven sitting on her bed looking restless, Clarke nowhere in sight, she had a feeling that tone was about to change.

"Did Clarke go out?" Anya asked, figuring it was fairly obvious her host had, but perhaps it was just for a moment.

"I forgot to pack some things, so she went out to get them for me." Raven answered with a yawn, stretching all her limbs out on the bed before scooting up against the pillows and headboard.

Anya nodded and set herself up on the remaining bed, pulling the tiny flexible light down from the headboard so she could write in her notebook unimpeded even if Raven turned the light off eventually. She had been in a bit of a rut regarding her newest work in progress novel, but the past two days had managed to stir something in her, and she found a few ideas floating around.

"I shouldn't have come down on you today. I get that, now." Raven voiced about ten minutes later, as Anya was midway through putting another of her ideas to paper. The return to that topic scattered her thoughts, but as much as she wanted to voice her frustrations, she could tell the other woman was trying to be polite. Anya turned her head to meet Raven's gaze and offered a nod, unsure exactly what kind of response the woman was looking for.

"I'm not a talker, I'm a doer. I thought you were just...hiding, and letting some shit in the past control you, but I get it, I do. My mom...she sacrificed for me, growing up. Did everything...everything...it took to get me where I needed to be to succeed. Once I got into MIT, she finished her degree, got a job in marketing. Five years later, a friend at work can't keep her mouth shut after my mom gets a promotion, and some of those things she did for me? They got her fired, blacklisted." Raven spoke, voice low and angry, snapping out those last few syllables. Anya just nodded along, knowing the situations were a bit different, but certainly similar enough. "She had to move, went back to her maiden name, before she could get work again. She shouldn't have had to do that, she didn't deserve that, but that was her call. If her friend hadn't fucked her over in a jealous fit, if my mom hadn't trusted the wrong people...who knows? But it changed her. And you...I'm sure you've got your reasons, too, and you're just trying to move on.  So fuck, ignore what I yammered on about earlier. "

To say she was surprised at the pseudo-apology would be an understatement. Still, she respected Raven for doing so, even if a literal _'I'm sorry'_ didn't seem to be in the woman's vocabulary that night. "I appreciate that, Raven. Thank you for telling me."

"Eh, O says you two are pretty tight, and Clarke seriously likes you, so that's enough for me to reel back and admit when I've been wrong." Raven noted with a small shrug as she let out another yawn. "And Clarke _does_ like you, you know."

That Raven felt a need to state the obvious was a bit odd. "Yes, I know. I'm sure one disagreement on how I live my life hasn't killed whatever brief friendship we've started."

Raven just stared at her, brow furrowing in apparent concentration, before the woman let out a sharp laugh. "Yeah, okay. So _that's_ how this is gonna be." The astronaut mumbled before letting out another laugh and shifting off the bed. "Shit, this should be interesting."

"What should be interesting? Raven?" Anya called out, but Raven just waved over her shoulder as she grabbed some clothes and headed into the bathroom, presumably to shower. The woman's need to remain cryptic was honestly annoying, and Anya had a feeling she'd have to put up with more instances of that over the span of the trip.

Still, even if her logic had insisted that Clarke still liked her, those whispering fears at the edge of her mind had allowed some doubt to fester throughout the day. Raven asserting that Clarke did in fact like her relieved all but a sliver of it. What she really needed was confirmation from Clarke herself; the woman had been upfront and honest with her so far, so there wasn't any reason to suspect misdirection or dishonesty.

She'd have an answer soon enough, she hoped. It couldn't hurt to wait up for the younger blonde's return. Her exhaustion could wait until Clarke was back, safe and sound from the dangers of late-night Florida.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 is done! Glad to give a window into Anya's perspective. I won't likely be sticking strictly with one POV per day, but probably one POV per chapter. I initially considered having a chapter per day of the trip, but some plot shifts have made that a bit of a difficult proposition to uphold. This fic will cover Friday May 27th through the evening of June 5th, anyways.
> 
> As per the prompt, Anya's main source of anxiety's going to be relationships, and the conflict between yearning for a quality relationship & intimacy after being alone for so long, and the fact that she's terrified of romantic relationships (and the thought of never having one) due to plenty of hang-ups around age and experience. The big event she alludes to here is a source of pain for her, and brings back anxiety when she thinks of it, given the nature of the discussion, but it's something she can handle well enough on her own, even if it's a bit of a struggle. I tried to recall my own experiences with mild-moderate anxiety from last year and how some of those felt while I wrote this. Not sure I translated it well to the page, was hard to tap into that and keep flow.
> 
> Apologies to Floridians, but I just got the idea of Anya hating Florida, and I couldn't let it go. Headcanon that she's read far too many FloridaMan articles for her own good.
> 
> Would have had this chapter out last night, but my Sharks went to triple overtime, and I lost a lot of editing hours to that.
> 
> Anywho, hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

**Sunday Morning, May 29th (Tallahassee, FL)**

Clarke stood just outside the hotel, the bag of her purchases resting against her leg as she finished dialing Octavia's number into her phone. Her friend was probably still awake, given Octavia would be trying to shift her sleep schedule closer to one more road trip-aligned tonight, and honestly, she needed to talk to someone. She'd noticed a few missed texts sent from Lexa, but she knew her BFF would be asleep by now.

"Clarke, you should be asleep." Octavia let out immediately upon picking up, not sounding tremendously amused. To O's credit, it was well past midnight. She'd been gone a while, and was up far past any reasonable bed time given her early starts.

"Hey, come on. I grace you with my time and you tell me to go away? I might be offended." Clarke teased, expecting some sort of laugh from Octavia. When she only got a groan in response, she knew something was up.

"Yeah, well, I was basically made to work tonight, too, so I'm not in the best of moods, especially since it's a waste of fucking time and I booked the day off a long time ago. The team can do just fine without me, but captain's orders." Octavia ranted, punctuating her complaints with a sigh steeped in exhaustion. "But I know you wouldn't be calling this late if something wasn't up, so spill."

Clarke took a deep breath and braced for impact, unsure how her friend would respond. "I think I might have pissed off Anya."

"Did she punch you?" Octavia's immediate, blasé response was far from what she'd expected, and had Clarke's mouth gaping for a moment or two. "If she didn't punch you, you're in the clear."

"Well, no, but I basically yelled at her and told her off about...you know...her deal with you and Lexa basically keeping her a secret." Clarke admitted, wincing again for that fiery temper Octavia so often let out when annoyed.

In truth, she'd honestly expected something. Anya hadn't spoken about it since the conversation was dropped early in the ride, and that had fostered some fear in Clarke that the other woman was letting her anger fester inside. She knew she'd overstepped, overreacted, not really understanding the context before attacking her newest acquaintance. Not that she entirely understood now, either, but still.

Clarke knew the parallel her brain had made on instinct to hearing Anya's words, and as with all the other times she'd had the same response, it hadn't been exactly relevant. Anya was _nothing_ like how her mother was back then; the woman wouldn't do to her what Abby did all those years ago. _Couldn't_ , even.

It'd just taken some time to convince herself of that, and in the meantime, she'd probably hurt Anya.

"Well, she didn't punch you. And you'd probably have mentioned if she had an anxiety attack, so I think you're in the clear. Don't worry about it." Octavia noted lazily, as if the possibility of Anya having any kind of attack was an everyday thing unworthy of concern.

"An anxiety attack? I...Lexa told me she's _introverted_ , and I figured maybe she was a _little_ anxious, like, socially..." Clarke blurted out, suddenly unsure of where her footing was in regards to her newest travel-mate.

"Calm your tits, Griff. You've spent, like, two days with her. She's absolutely done her breathing exercises in front of you by now, barring a miracle. She's not, like...on the verge all the time, it's just with certain shit." Octavia relayed, and okay, yes, she had noticed Anya taking a few moments here or there to catch a deeper breath or two. She just hadn't made the mental link between it, and the times when she'd guessed Anya had been feeling uncomfortable or a little anxious.  "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know if she's already talked about wanting to make her own first impressions. You're not enough of an idiot to believe there wasn't some fucked up shit that led her to that, so tell me what the problem is."

Clarke let out a sigh, wishing all of this was so much easier and straight forward. "I guess I just...I don't know. And I want to know.  I like her, alright? She's interesting. And you know how I get...I'm thorough. I want to know everything."

"So ask her." Octavia yawned out, earning an immediate disbelieving scoff that her friend would actually suggest that. As if it was at all realistic. "No, hear me out. Lexa's kind of Anya's person, okay? And you're Lexa's _best friend_. Anya considers me _family_ , and you're good friends with me. So right off the bat, she trusts you enough by association. If you've been good to her so far, then chances are, your odds have only improved, so she'll probably tell you something if you ask. It's always been about her being able to be in control, and others not leaking her life stories out. She's not a super secretive person, or anything."

Clarke thought back across the past two days as she nodded along to Octavia's words. Anya had generally seemed tense, perhaps anxious a lot of the time, in hindsight. But some soft probing and the woman would explain what was troubling her. Anya rarely seemed pleased to provide any of the explanations, but Clarke figured if the woman was dealing with anxiety or some related difficulty at the time, which she likely had been to some extent, then maybe it wasn't a sign that telling the truth was inherently uncomfortable.

"Okay, then. Okay...that makes me feel a little better. Because I really didn't want to upset her, O." Clarke added with a relieved sigh, feeling better about the array of possibilities laying in wait across the rest of the road trip.

"Clarke...." She could practically heart Octavia's jaw lock as her name was spoken in clear warning.

"Octavia..." She noted dismissively in return, because Octavia was being too presumptuous. She knew that tone, it was Octavia's 'Don't you dare try me' tone. And really, Clarke had no intentions to do anything that would upset O. She was just a little interested in Anya.

" _Clarke_." Octavia grit out firmly, bringing a reflexive wince to her face. Because what the hell, why was O so against the idea of her being with Anya. Normally her friends were totally for in-group fraternizing. Hell, it's how O and Raven got together.

"O, come on, _really_?" Clarke asked, more than a little bewildered at the blatant rejection.

"Really. Clarke, this is a road trip. We're going to have to be stuck together for over a week, I can't deal with you potentially fucking up with her heart. I love you, but you need to think this through." Octavia reasoned, and okay, maybe Clarke could see her point, but the assumption that she wasn't invested in Anya's comfort and happiness across the trip was uncalled for.

"I'm not saying I'll jump her bones, O. Or that I'll try while we're on the road, even. But she's been pretty clear about her penchant for one night stands, so what's the harm..." Clarke started to argue, only to be interrupted by the harsh blurt of laughter, followed by Octavia's signature snort which no one was ever to mention without fear of physical injury.

She let Octavia's laughter trail off, hoping that maybe O could let her in on the joke, because Clarke honestly had no clue what was so funny. "Oh fuck, no... _no_ , Griff. You're kidding, right?"

Clarke leaned back and let the hotel's wall hold her frame up as she frowned at the response. It certainly wasn't an answer. "I figured maybe after the wedding reception, _maybe_ I could see if she wanted a night together. No stakes, you know? She's gorgeous, open-minded, there'd be no real strings attached if she doesn't want there to be, and I mean...I'd like to think I could work my charm enough for her to be interested. I mean, it's basically what you did with Raven."

Octavia was silent on the other end for seconds that must have stretched on close to a minute, so Clarke was reasonably on edge and a bit unnerved when Octavia did speak up, if just in a quiet, hesitant tone. "What even made you think she'd be game, Clarke?"

"Well, a bunch of things. I mean, she gave me puppy dog eyes a few..." Clarke started, only for Octavia to interrupt her with a jarringly loud, frustrated sigh.

"The _one night stand_ shit, Clarke. What made you think she'd be game for _that_?" Octavia clarified, which Clarke was damn thankful for, since that was a question she could readily answer.

"Oh, she said she's not the kind to let others sleep over and stay the night in her bed, but she let me be her exception. And when I told her I could always bunk with Raven instead of her, she told me she was cool with sleeping with me, and that...and I quote...she 'wouldn't kick me out of bed'. Seems pretty clear to me." Clarke noted with pride, feeling pretty damn pleased with herself that she'd been able to leave such an impression in such a short period of time. It was a decent part of why she'd been so worried about Anya maybe hating her after the incident in the car that afternoon.

"Clarke, you dense pangolin, no. _No_." Octavia spoke in what probably would have been a calming and soothing tone if it didn't come across as altogether condescending, particularly with O calling her a pangolin for whatever reason. "I'm breaking Anya's code of silence here for both of your sakes, because she'd be fucking mortified that you came to that conclusion, okay? And it'd be worse for _everyone_ if you acted on that."

Clarke's teeth found her lower lip, gnawing away on it as she tried to piece together the thoughts that could mount a defense. After all, it had been so clear, hadn't it? Yet, Octavia was pretty clear in saying she was mistaken. So as Oprah might have asked, what was the truth?

"So...what am I supposed to think, O? You have to give me something!" Clarke argued, feeling her heart plummet into her stomach at the sound of Octavia's fire hall's alarm sounding.

"Shit, I gotta go. Just get your head out of the gutter and talk to her. See you tomorrow, Clarke!" Octavia yelled out above the noise before the call was terminated, leaving the blonde wondering what the hell she would do about Anya.

She'd been so certain she'd pegged Anya accurately, and yet, O was telling her she was way off the mark. Which could also mean that Anya could still be upset with her. That Anya could have changed her mind about sleeping arrangements, even. _Would she hate me for sleeping in her bed? Will she freak out again? Jeez...how can I even know, anymore?_

With a heavy sigh, she pocketed her phone and picked up her bags, knowing it was long past time to head inside.

* * *

 

Clarke felt she was exceptionally quiet, sneaking into the darkened hotel room, carefully angling herself through a small gap in the doorway and gently closing it shut behind her. As carefully as she could manage in her attempt to avoid making noise, knowing how light of a sleeper Raven was, she placed the bag of supplies directly atop the woman's luggage and tiptoed her way towards the bathroom.

"Clarke...?" The voice came out in a whispered croak, but it still nonetheless stilled Clarke in place as she peered hard at the beds, trying to get her eyes to adjust focus through the lack of light. Eventually, a quick scan of Raven's bed showed her friend was still fast asleep, which led her to look to Anya.

Anya, who was still sat up in bed, propped against the pillows. Even in the dark of night, she could tell the woman's eyes were barely open, the older blonde slightly swaying from side to side. Anya was clearly half asleep, but had also pretty certainly never went to bed, given the state of the sheets and the fact that Anya was sitting on top of the covers.

_She...waited up for me?_ Clarke mused in wonder, allowing a smile to curl at her lips.  "I'll be there in a sec, promise." She whispered in return as she grabbed the sleep clothes she'd set out earlier, earning the tiniest of huffs from the other woman.

Not wanting to keep Anya awake any longer than she had been, Clarke quickly brushed her teeth and didn't bother doing anything with her hair. It'd be a horrible mess in the morning, but she'd just deal with it then.

Soon enough, she was clean, changed, and padding back out into the main room, careful with each step en route to Anya's bed. Thankfully, Anya had sort of managed to get herself halfway under the covers, the woman still sitting up against the headboard with her arms crossed, not looking happy in the least.

"I'm sorry." She offered as she lifted up the sheets and slowly made her way under them, trying not to make much noise, knowing Raven would be grumpy if she was woken up past one in the morning.

"S'late, Clarke." Anya mumbled, only shifting down a bit when Clarke had fully settled in. "Didn't answer."

Clarke felt her brow furrow at the sleep-slurred words. "What didn't I answer?"

"Sent Lexa texts." Anya whispered after a lengthy yawn, stunning Clarke by closing the distance and taking her hand, much like she'd taken Anya's the previous night. "You were gone a long time. Florida's _evil_." The woman added as she shuffled closer and down enough to rest her head on a pillow, frowning and twitching her nose as some hair fell out of her headband.

Despite the fact that her own exhaustion was mounting, it wasn't hard to hear the concern in Anya's voice. It was padded by a heavy amount of annoyance, but that concern was there. _She was worried about me...and...wait, that's what Lexa was texting me about? Shit...she was probably up late waiting...well, too late now. I'll send her some flowers in the morning..._

"Well as you can see, I'm safe and sound. Sorry for worrying you." Clarke let out softly, bringing a hand over to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Anya's ear. Purely so it'd stop itching her face, certainly no other reason.

"Why'd you take so long? She jus' needed shaving supplies." Anya murmured, eyes fluttering closed as she leaned into Clarke's touch.

Which, well, okay. Her hand was staying put, gently sliding down to cup and stroke her bedmate's cheek. "I thought you might be upset with me." Clarke admitted, wanting to be honest, even if perhaps doing so while one of them was half asleep was less than ideal.

Predictably, she was met with another annoyed huff, and the lightest of smacks to her head before that same arm pulled her in close. "Darling, you're an _idiot_. I'm _upset_ you could've been _hurt_. That you'll be _sleep d'prived_. Don't care about the _talk_. You wan' control, too, I get it." Her bedmate grumbled in pretty clear anger towards her earlier disappearance.

Even in the midst of being insulted, Clarke felt her heart blooming in her chest like a wildflower at the sleepy woman's term of endearment.  She was about a hundred percent sure an entirely sober Anya wouldn't have let that word out, but for now, she'd cherish it along with the fact that Anya clearly cared for her wellbeing, and didn't seem to hold a grudge from earlier.

Clarke swung her legs over Anya's hips and finished what the sleepier woman started, the both of them nestled together, hands entwined and pressed against their chests as she continued grazing along Anya's cheekbones, as Anya's hand lightly gripped at her t-shirt's material covering the small of her back. "Well how 'bout I make it up to you tomorrow, okay? I think we could both use some sleep."

Anya hummed in agreement with that, the woman's long, lithe body relaxing, letting Clarke mold herself further against it as she got comfy. It didn't hurt that Anya was perfectly warm; not too hot that she'd wake up sweating in the middle of the night, and not chilly enough to wake up in her trademark Heat Parasite-mode in the morning. Even in the confusing mess of the previous morning, she'd found herself entirely satisfied with how warm she was, making it pretty easy to get out of bed. Much easier than normal.

Entirely content and relieved that all was seemingly well, Clarke let her eyes fall shut as she curled her available limbs around her bedmate, happy to have another refreshing sleep on the way.

* * *

 

"...and I'm saying _no_ , Raven."

The words were the first recognizable, if fuzzy, thing to seep into Clarke's consciousness, slipping past all the blissfully content sensation she felt permeating her entire existence. Everything was so deliciously warm, and soft, and comfy, and it was a little perturbing to be distracted from it, even the tiniest bit.

"I'm just saying that we need to get on the road eventually. Clarke's a big girl, she made her decision last night. She made her bed." Clarke heard Raven argue, though she was pretty sure she hadn't made the bed. That was the hotel staff's responsibility.

"Yes, and she will lie in it until she's recuperated. Clarke...she planned out more scenic routes for us to travel in to ease my motion sickness and give me something to look at. I can go without today to save time, to give her time." Anya's voice grabbed hold of her attention a bit more firmly, if not because it was so close, but because she remembered Anya was motion sick. The woman had been so nervous about telling her that it was impossible not to help her out.

Clarke cuddled closer to the warmth and let out a happy sigh, smiling when the warmth seemed to wrap even more snugly around her. The gentle intermittent rubbing of her head was also quite lovely.

"And how much would that buy us...a half hour, maybe?" She heard Raven speak, and she seemed more annoyed than upset.  Which was a relief, but she was still too loud, so Clarke buried her face deeper against the warmth.

"More like an hour and a half...Clarke wanted to go through some national park north of Biloxi, since I told her I really haven't been to any. An hour and a half out of our way through Mississippi...heading along the coastal highways would save that time. I'm fine with it...it's a Sunday, so by the time evening rolls around, we'll probably be passing New Orleans, and we'll be in the clear." Anya wasn't usually so wordy, but she seemed quite intent on speaking. Clarke figured Anya should be more intent on adventuring and going to parks, or maybe New Orleans. She couldn't help but feel Anya might enjoy that place.

"Clarke's driven just fine on less than a full night's sleep. If she were awake, she'd argue to go as planned, and maybe have me or Octavia take over driving tomorrow so she can rest up and maybe sleep in the car a bit." Raven seemed insistent on matching Anya syllable for syllable, which was frustrating, because they could both be quiet and enjoy themselves a lot more if they'd just be quiet and relax with her. "Look, I'll go get breakfast like you asked. But when I get back, I'm waking her up. If she wants to sleep more, she can make that call herself."

A few seconds later the sharp closing of the door brought her further from the welcoming haze of warmth, where the soft-yet-firm source of the heat seemed to be taking deep breaths.  They were soothing to listen to, but a little fast for her style. Especially with how rapid the thumping sound was nearby.  "Mmmn, gotta relax."

Suddenly, the calming sensation on her head stilled, that rapid thumping skipping a beat before picking up again. "Shhh, I will. But keep sleeping, Clarke, you don't have to wake yet."

_Sleeping? Have I...?_ Clarke thought to herself as she went to move her hands, only to find them constrained a bit by the familiar tension of the sheets tangled around them. _Okay, that makes more sense..._

"Gotta get movin', though." Clarke groused, not at all happy about getting up. She was quite content lying atop Anya in her little cocoon.

Her bedmate let out a heavy, exasperated sigh. "Clarke, you've barely had six hours of sleep. You're allowed to rest. We have time." Anya argued, and it was more than difficult to push aside those very valid points.

Still, Clarke had to. Despite her body and her heart being more than content to stay put, her head held veto power. "As much as I love being in this sleep burrito with you, and as cute as you are when you're worried, we have a schedule. O's got a place she wants us to have dinner at, but they close early-ish, so we have to be on time. I'll be fine."

Anya didn't sound at all pleased with that, by the low growl vibrating in her throat. "Then...then Octavia and Raven will drive tomorrow while you sleep in. Raven said you'd allow it, and you _need_ quality rest."

Clarke scoffed at the idea, even if it was somewhat possible. She'd only ever let someone else drive her baby if it was one of Raven or Octavia, and both of those two were there to keep each other in check. "Even if that happened, which...it probably won't...I usually can't fall asleep after I wake up. So what, are you going to carry me out to the car from O's place?" She asked with a laugh at imagining Anya trying to lift her sleepy ass off the bed.

"Clarke, you're a deep sleeper. I'm sure I could carry you out to the car without waking you, yes." Anya noted dismissively, and with such casual confidence that Clarke wasn't sure if her eyes could bulge out any further.  She fought the urge to free an arm and feel the woman's biceps again, instead just recalling the first day of the road trip when she'd taken Anya's arm. How strong they felt.

_Okay...okay, yeah, I'm totally game for that, actually._ Clarke mused to herself as she curled a little closer to Anya. "If you can carry me out to the car, then it's a deal. The mayhem twins will drive the morning leg, and I'll take the afternoon. BUT...I am not that deep a sleeper, you know."

"Clarke, I've been braiding your hair for close to thirty minutes and you only just woke up after Raven and I were being quite loud. I'm fairly certain you sleep deeply enough." Anya contested with a bit of a playful tone, and okay, sure, maybe she took a bit of effort to wake but there was no way Anya had braided her hair without her noticing.

"There's literally no way you braided my hair while I've been in my sleep burrito, babe." Clarke snarked back with a yawn, leaning her head away from Anya's neck far enough to squint up at her bedmate. _Wait...she's been awake for over half an hour and she just...let me sleep on her? Shit..._

Anya turned her head away, swallowing hard, but not even the dark curtains and the dim lighting could quite mask the redness seeping down towards the woman's collarbone. "Raven was going on about how you hate waking up with bed head, and you'd be in a bad mood for having messy hair all day. I...well, I tried to help. I asked Raven's permission in your stead, because she said she'd done it for you before a bunch of times, and that Lexa's done it for you a lot, so... _anyways_. I did braid your hair. I'm sorry if I overstepped."

_Why does she have to be so adorable so early in the morning? It's just straight up not fair..._ Clarke mused to herself as she shot a smile up at her bedmate.

"No, no...I probably _would_ be grouchy for a while if you didn't. Thanks...but I can definitely feel my hair's pretty free." Clarke noted, unsure what kind of braiding Anya had done other than knowing the woman hadn't put all of it into a single braid.

"Ah. Raven remembered some braids Octavia used to wear that I've done for her in the past, and she thought you'd look...and I quote...'like a badass Viking bitch' with them. They keep the hair away from your face and I've used a bit of product to minimize the frizz and flyaways from what remains." Anya explained, drawing Clarke's curiosity, having remembered a few pictures of Octavia's hair in braids. 'Fierce' is a word she recalled thinking when she saw them, so maybe she was feeling a bit hopeful at the moment.

A little more awake now, Clarke slid an arm out from around Anya and halfway propped herself up on it, feeling curiously content at how Anya's hold on her didn't really budge. "So...what you're saying is that when Raven comes back, I can tell her I rolled out of bed looking like this." She offered with a teasing grin, letting out a laugh when Anya just rolled her eyes and groaned at her hijinks.

"Oh my god, Clarke..." The woman beneath her let out in a long, exasperated sigh, just as Raven burst into the room, carrying breakfast by the smell of things.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Her astronaut friend asked off-hand as she whirled into the room and placed the trays of food onto her empty bed.

Clarke fought the instinct to pull away from Anya, not wanting to give Raven any hint that maybe she was interrupting a bit of very low-key flirting. However, Anya's hands let go of her, hovering hesitantly over her body for a moment before the woman let them fall gently to the mattress. Anya's face was growing redder, and those soft amber eyes had grown wide, peering off far to the opposite side of the room from Raven, clearly avoiding her.

And, well, okay. Maybe she wasn't the only one with a horse in the race, even if Anya's was clearly skittish as all hell.

"You know, room service exists for a reason, Raven." She noted, though Raven just brushed her off with a dismissive hand wave.

"Apparently they're short staffed. Two of the morning staff are brothers, and I guess one got stabbed last night? So they're both at the hospital, and breakfast's just altogether fucked. I took my chances and asked if I could bring it all up myself." Raven clarified, which she supposed was more than understandable given the circumstances. Can't exactly plan around a staff member being stabbed.

"Poor dudes. Stabbings are no joke." Clarke mused openly, hoping that whoever they were, that their situation would improve.

Anya let out a low huff. "I _told_ you Florida's evil. Hopefully next time you're here, you won't go out alone late at night, again." The woman grumbled, looking not the least bit pleased, but that didn't really matter at the moment.

What mattered was Anya remembered last night, in detail, not just a vague recollection. _Which means...she really wasn't upset with me for what I said in the car...I really haven't ruined everything..._

 "You did, and I told you I got back safe and sound." Clarke said in hopes of smoothing out some of that annoyance and worry on Anya's face. As seconds passed, it didn't seem she was at all effective. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I spent most of it right by the doors of the hotel, talking to Octavia on the phone."

It was a bit of a lie, since she'd driven around aimlessly for a while before then, trying to get her thoughts together. Still, Anya seemed a little relieved by that, thankfully.

"Yeah, I was texting her this morning. It's shit that she had to work overnight, she was just getting to bed around seven." Raven noted, shaking her head, clearly not too happy with the idea of Octavia being asleep more than awake during a good chunk of the road trip.

Clarke nodded in agreement. "I can't believe they called her in. She's going to be awake all night."

"What if..." Anya started to say, before grabbing for her notebook, flipping page by page, before settling on one. "There's another option. If she's going to be awake at least part of the night, we could...well, use that."

Clarke found herself curious as to what Anya was getting at, her own brain drawing blanks. "What do you mean?"

"You're insistent on going by the schedule today because, in part, you want me to see a park, since I generally haven't really experienced any." Anya stated, and Clarke nodded along, since that was the brunt of her reasoning. "Well, we could...we could fast-track to Octavia's today. Spend time at her place. Rest up, maybe stock up on food. And overnight, Octavia could drive to Maryville, leaving us closer to potentially having a full day's worth of time to spend at Great Smoky Mountain Park, and we'd have some food to bring to the park for lunch. Would that not be slightly more attuned to a road trip?"

Clarke felt herself melting against Anya for the woman's willingness to indulge her love for nature. Still, as wonderful of a plan as it was, she had concerns. "But O would need to sleep when we got there, and that's half the day gone."

"Not if Octavia and I do shift work. Seriously, we're both used to power naps and shorter sleeps. She takes the front leg of the overnight trip, I take the second. We get there and both of us take a bit of a rest, but we should get there early enough that we'll be out the door and ready to go by mid morning. You goobers get to sleep all night, and can do the brunt of the prep work before we leave for the park." Raven offered, suddenly making the plan much more plausible, if perhaps at the woman's expense.

"You'd do that? You love sleep." Clarke asked, not wanting to put her own wishes ahead of Raven's wellbeing.

Raven just scoffed and pulled out a breakfast wrap. "For the hundredth time, I _hate_ sleep. But I _like_ being fully functional, which means I _need_ sleep. It's a necessity, not something I enjoy. But we're on vacation, and I don't need to be at a hundred percent to enjoy Mother Nature. And I know O will love the chance at getting out into the woods again."

"So...we're actually doing this? Should I call Octavia?" Clarke asked, happy for the potential change, but it was far too early in the morning to completely believe it without concrete confirmation.

"Sounds like. But as much as I hate to admit it, maybe taking the faster route to O's would be best, so we can give her more heads up. But she's sleeping, right now, so don't call her up. I'll get a hold of her later, closer to when she should be awake." Raven shot back, before fixing her gaze on Anya. "Guess you got your wish in the end. We've got some wiggle room before we leave, now."

It had Clarke vaguely remembering some of the words from when she was drifting into consciousness, how Anya had wanted her to rest. With that in mind, Clarke tilted her head to look up at Anya, who seemed to be expecting some sort of response, though Clarke wasn't quite sure what.

"I'm not going back to sleep. I'm awake now." She stated, laying obvious truths on the table. The slight exhale through Anya's nose, the brief flicker of a frown on those gorgeous lips of hers, it had some more words spilling out. "I can rest my eyes, though. And you still have to carry me from the car to the hotel when we get to Maryville."

Anya stared at her as if she'd spoken a riddle for a moment before offering a snow, cautious nod. "I can accept that."

With the plan practically in the bag, Clarke let herself slump back down onto Anya, arms securing themselves under the woman's back once more as she nuzzled her face into her collarbone again. "Deal. Let me know when twenty minutes have passed."

The sound of Raven chuckling across the room was annoying, knowing the woman was jumping to a number of likely sordid conclusions. Still, Raven wouldn't be Raven if she didn't, so Clarke just let herself relax and rest, letting out a happy hum when Anya's arms hesitantly encircled her again.

_Yeah, I could get used to this..._

* * *

 

Despite the occasional initial turbulence, Clarke was pretty thrilled about the road trip so far. Sure, it was just in its opening stages, and Octavia hadn't been picked up yet, but everything was going pretty smoothly.

As the hours ticked by, Raven was growing more and more away from her work-self, and into the fun-loving relaxed Raven she knew and loved. Not that she didn't admire how incredible and professional Raven was in her career, but it was so rare these days that her friend could let loose, especially with food. So often, the woman would forget to eat, so it was more than a little relieving when Raven had ordered way too much food at Peg Leg Pete's, and had bought a popsicle for herself at the shop the last time they'd stopped for gas.

The only downside was that Raven could be a bit pushy on music selection, which was why her friend was sulking in the backseat with headphones on, not happy with Clarke's playlists. Even though eighty percent of the music was Raven-approved, apparently the remaining twenty was 'too much' for the astronaut to handle.  Clarke, of course, liked a natural ebb and flow in her playlists; Raven, in turn, was more of a lead foot, unable to stand songs where the energy or fun dips for a more easygoing, relaxing track or two.

It was something she felt Anya would agree with her about, though her passenger also had her noise cancelling headphones on, though for different reasons. Anya had taken a more casual approach to her wardrobe today, employing certifiably illegal shorts alongside a well-worn t-shirt that was likely some promotional gift from one of her employers. Which wouldn't have been an issue except that there had been a very enthusiastic fan of whatever product Anya's t-shirt was about, and the young-ish girl had lobbed question after question at her from the table beside theirs.

Anya, of course, had been all smiles and genuinely polite, but as time passed, and as their meal went on in the loud and overfull restaurant, and discussion with the enthusiastic girl kept continuing on intermittently, it took its toll. As soon as the server delivered the check, Clarke manufactured a quick departure for them all, which couldn't have come too soon given how Anya's exhaustion had become more visible, and the woman's hands were shaking like leaves.

From the moment they'd gotten in her SUV, Anya had tossed her headphones on, curled up against the window, and more or less shut the world out.

Which was great, since Anya needed it. Clarke tried her very best not to feel hurt by the distance her two passengers had put up, since that would be selfish, but it was a little hard. She was a people person. As awkward and sometimes iffy as her personal connections could be, she liked spending time _with_ her people, not just around them; it was hard sometimes to feel like that was happening when they were keeping to themselves, no matter the reason.

Still, it gave her plenty of time to think. As it turned out, her mind kept thinking back to the previous night, to her talk with Octavia, to sleepy Anya being all cute and snuggly with her.

_God, she really was a total cutie last night...gotta say, sleepy looks good on her. I still can't believe she wasn't upset at me...I mean, I YELLED at her. I didn't even let her explain herself before I freaked out on her..._ Clarke mused, sparing a brief glance at the beauty in the passenger seat. _Not that I entirely take back what I said, it can't be easy living like that, but...that's how she wants it. It sucks knowing Lexa broke her rule in telling me Anya was introverted...and Octavia broke her rule to warn me about the one night stand assumption..._

Clarke let out a sigh and focused on the road ahead, a pit forming in her stomach at the realization that two of Anya's most trusted people broke that trust. _Shit...how many times have they done that? Does Anya even know? Is that why she was so adamant about it, so maybe we wouldn't do the same? Did...did one of them lead her to this whole system? She did mention being able to forgive...who did she have to forgive?_

The series of questions had Clarke biting her lip. She knew what kind of impact secrets could have. How it could fester inside a person and wound them slowly and deeply over time, how it could change a person when everything came to light. _Whatever it was in her past, I'm going to do what I can to be someone she can rely on. If she wants to be the one to do all the social grunt work, then that's how it'll be...but I want to be around to help her however I can..._

Of course, that all was well and good, but it didn't change that ever since that morning, waking up in Anya's arms, not nearly as curled up in sheets as usual, Clarke had been gravitating to the woman when possible. Not even on purpose; no, she'd accidentally brush fingers, she'd accidentally guide Anya into the restaurant by the small of her back after opening the door for her, she'd find herself lightly pulling Anya into her side of the booth seating without even thinking.

_I haven't been the least bit subtle...maybe that's why she's been facing the door this whole time. Maybe it's not just her being an introvert and needing to recharge, maybe...maybe she's just weirded out by me and can't handle me being a total creep. I mean...by now, she has to know I'm into her, right?_ Clarke thought to herself, brow furrowing as she considered all possibilities. _Yeah, if she wanted anything to do with me, she would have said so. I mean...she cares for me...that much is clear after last night and this morning especially, but...I just don't think...I'm not sure..._

Clarke was almost too lost in thought to hear the familiar guitar intro to her favourite song. Almost. Thankfully, she clued in once the vocals hit, and was able to switch songs only four words in. Everyone, especially O and Raven, had given her shit over enjoying it; it wasn't often that a favourite song from one's childhood endured to hold the throne in adulthood.

"Why did you change the song?" Anya's voice startled Clarke, jolting the car a little to the right before she corrected. A glance back at Raven showed the woman seemed to be napping, so she was in the clear, for now.

"Oh, uh, I just wasn't feeling it, I guess." Clarke reasoned, though by Anya's suspicious expression, the woman was not convinced.

"Clarke, you made the playlist yesterday. The whole road trip, you've never skipped a song. Which one was that?" Anya probed, not with any accusation in her voice, just excess curiosity.

A decision had to be made, and Clarke felt herself falling to the more open side, hoping for a change of pace. That maybe this time, with this person, someone would understand. "It's my favourite song."

Anya's eyes bulged briefly before moving to change the track back. Clarke aimlessly swatted in the general direction of Anya's hand, which seemed to keep her passenger at bay, if just physically. "Clarke, why would you skip your favourite song, of all things?"

"Raven makes fun of me over it. It's nothing, I just...I love it, but it's just not the time, I guess." Clarke explained, hoping the answer she cobbled together on the fly would be enough for her new friend to accept.

Anya let out a long exhale, lips curling into a gentle smile as she shook her head. "Clarke, most people's favourite songs are somewhat personally embarrassing. They're works of art we often put enough of ourselves into that we can become vulnerable through them, exposed. So often, we put our love into them, and it's reflected back in whatever ways we love best. There's no shame in that, no matter how uncomfortable feeling exposed can be."

"Yeah, well tell that to the people who laugh about it." Clarke offered with a shrug, knowing the reactions from her peers weren't too emotionally damaging, but it did sting sometimes that they laughed at her love of the song. Even if she knew otherwise, sometimes it could feel like they were laughing at the idea that she was worthy of that kind of love. _It is kind of sweet of her to say that, though...she really can have a way with words..._

"If I tell you my favourite song, will you play yours?" Anya asked, and alright, that was an interesting proposal. As her newest friend had noted, a favourite song was a sort of window into the how other person thought and felt. There could be a lot to learn from a bit of information like that.

"Deal." Clarke shot back quickly, not wanting Anya to take back the generous offer.

Apparently surprised by the immediate acceptance, Anya swallowed hard twice before nodding and staring out the passenger side window. "You can't laugh, though. I have to ask that kindness of you."

Honestly, she would have felt a little insulted if she didn't know the nature of these things. People tended to laugh at things that reflected truths back at them. If Anya's song was anywhere similar to her own, there was a chance she could laugh.

Still, she'd do her level best not to. "I promise not to."

Anya took a deep breath and turned to face her, and Clarke could see the tension bubbling up in the woman's body, see the worry creasing her brow. "'All My Life' by K-Ci and JoJo."

Clarke's reaction was visceral, and it took every scrap of energy she could muster to bottle up her laughter, but there wasn't any left over to contain the broad, growing smile, or the slight shaking of her body as she fought to hold it all together. _Oh my god, this is perfect..._

Call it the hopeless romantic in her, but she hadn't given up on the kind of love her favourite song sang about. She'd dreamt of it since she was a child, and maybe it was the fact that she'd grown up seeing it in her parents that made it endure. Now, though, now there was Anya.

Anya, whose favourite song was an _even cheesier_ love song. Some part of her was certain to want to reflexively laugh at the woman's selection, but most of her wanted to laugh from sheer relief. That maybe Anya got it, maybe Anya understood, and they could be cheeseballs and talk about sappy shit together, without judgment.

And that would only be possible if she could contain her body's lesser urges long enough to keep from blowing the opportunity before her. "Clarke, _stop laughing_ , you _promised_ not to laugh." Anya demanded quietly, voice as hard and sharp as a dagger's edge.

"I'm not laughing, I'm smiling." Clarke retorted, hoping some playful dialogue would be enough to help her focus and dissipate her response.

"Stop smiling!" The woman whispered harshly, face growing beet red, eyes wrinkling in the slightest way. One Clarke recognized from the previous day, near the tail end of the difficult discussion when Anya sounded more pained and exhausted than anything.

That tiny little twitch sapped all the joy and relief from her body and had Clarke reaching over to place a hand on Anya's thigh. "Babe, I was smiling because I was relieved. I promise. I..." Clarke started, before clamping her jaw shut at the realization that she'd let the b-word slip for the second time that day. She had to contain the gay, at least for now. "Here, I'll play mine." She rushed out, wanting to keep herself from making another obvious slip.

Clarke reluctantly took her hand off Anya's leg and changed the song back to her favourite, letting 'When You Say Nothing At All' start up again.

The played on with silence from the both of them. Clarke would glance occasionally at Anya, who was just staring with complete concentration at the center console, expression entirely unreadable. She knew Anya liked sappy romantic songs, but she couldn't be sure that genre wasn't a key element.

So when the song ended, Clarke turned her head, gauging Anya for any kind of response. Thankfully, the woman was happy to offer it, even if Anya wasn't meeting her gaze. "That song is beautiful, Clarke." Anya noted quietly, barely audible by the sound of Kurt Vile's 'Hunchback' playing again.

She smiled at the approval, turning her head back towards the road, though it was the slightest movement in her periphery that flashed her attention back just in time to catch Anya discreetly wiping her right eye. It could have been an itch. It could have been some sleepy eye gunk given how little sleep Anya had managed.

The hard swallow following it spoke another story. Clarke had to fight the urge to tease, unsure if that would be well accepted at this point in their friendship, so instead she rested that hand back on Anya's thigh and gave a little rub.

At least until 'Highway Star' hit and Clarke got an idea to lighten the mood. Quickly, she lifted her hand and snatched Anya's sunglasses from atop her head, flipping them over and slipping them on, much to Anya's immediate exasperation.

"Clarke...what..." Anya let out, mouth gaping, eyes narrowing to discern some sort of motive.

She lifted her hand and held up devil horns. "Rock and roll, Anya."

Anya's stare held, the woman only growing more and more perplexed. "What... _'rock and roll'_? They're _sunglasses_ , Clarke." The woman reasoned, the ensuing laugh enough for her to know Anya was more amused and confused than anything. Which was good.

Happy to have lightened the mood a tad, she turned her full focus back to the road, smiling as she took the turn-off into Lafayette. She was sitting at a light, waiting to turn left when something soft smacked her in the cheek. She glanced to her right and spotted Anya holding one of the powdered donuts Clarke had bought that morning.

"You bought these and haven't eaten any of them." Anya noted firmly, lightly prodding Clarke's cheek with it again. "When we get to Octavia's you're eating it. You're taking a bite before you leave the car."

"Anya, it's not a..." She started, only to have the donut prod at her nose.

"You had a small breakfast. Your lunch was an appetizer. _Eat_." Anya insisted, and okay, maybe the woman had a point. She hadn't felt tremendously hungry, but she understood the concern.

"Okay, I promise." Clarke answered, happy to see a gentle smile sprouting on Anya's lips. "But you're not getting these rockin' sunglasses back until then."

Anya scoffed and sat further back in her seat. "Fine. I suppose they highlight your smile, anyways."

The entirely offhand compliment had Clarke thrown for a loop, nearly missing the traffic light turning green. "My...how do sunglasses bring out my smile?" She asked, unable to hide her curiosity, both pleased and entirely confused by the comment. She'd never heard anyone make that sort of claim about her before.

"Clarke, your eyes are...like the brilliant reprieve of an afternoon sky breaking through a thunderstorm. They're captivating." Anya let out low and quiet, stealing her breath. Those amber eyes scanning the road ahead weren't enough to keep her from noticing the blooming red expanse across Anya's cheeks, or how hard Anya swallowed after those words spilled out.

The woman wasn't a seasoned romantic poet, and she hadn't fully answered Clarke's question, but that didn't matter. Anya's hands were shaking in her lap, and the woman was breathing deeper, so that meant she was anxious, which meant those words meant something significant enough to warrant that reaction.

Which, well, Clarke had to think that maybe she wasn't the only one who was a little moon-eyed.

"You're sweet..." Clarke spoke, bringing her hand back over to that familiar resting place on Anya's thigh, deciding she might just keep it there until they got to Octavia's.

" _Hardly_..." Anya interrupted with a roll of her eyes, which brought a startling laugh from the backseat, both Anya and Clarke jumping at the sudden noise.

"Homegirl here complimented your eyes and your smile in one go. Didn't think you were that kind of crafty, Anya. I definitely won't be underestimating you again." Raven added teasingly, before lightly pushing at Anya's shoulder. "Gonna agree with blondie, though. That was sort of tooth-rotting."

"I...I was..." Anya struggled to get out before clamping shut and taking two long, apparently steadying breaths. "I was being nice! I can be _nice_. I wasn't _crafty_. Fuck."

Clarke felt a little uncertain from the outburst, but the way Anya's hand bolted up to cover her mouth after letting out an expletive had her thinking the woman wasn't used to swearing. Which, given the woman's slight aggression and anger issues, was a little funny.

Not funny enough to laugh, though. Not when the woman who just complimented her seemed so distressed over it, angry mortification swirling in her eyes. It definitely seemed like Anya could use a bit of a break from conversation. "Raven, just because you're tactless and go straight for the one-liners doesn't mean a bit of flattery and kindness is crafty." Clarke contested, glancing at her friend through the rear view mirror. "Sometimes a chisel is better than a hammer."

"Psh, as if. Every day's hammer time with me, little Griffin." Raven shot back with a smirk, and okay, she loved Raven, but some things just didn't need reminding.

"You realize every time you call me that, I get flashbacks to when you lusted after my mom, right?" Clarke asked as she turned onto Octavia's street.

"As if I wouldn't be the best step-mother _ever_. I'd be young enough to be the cool mom!" Raven argued with a laugh, which Clarke matched, holding her smile when she noticed one curling at Anya's lips as well.

Clarke shot a glare over her shoulder at her all too jovial friend. "Admit it, you just have a creepy fascination with my mom's hands."

"She's a chief of surgery! Her hands are probably insured for stupid amounts of money. It's not my fault if I have an active imagination and can't help wondering how strong and nimble..." Raven started, only to cut off her rant as they pulled into Octavia's driveway, the residence's owner waiting with a smile at the end of it. "...but you all know that's all jokes and I'm a one woman lady. O's already too much woman for me to handle with any consistency."

With that, Raven shot out of the SUV, shooting a bright smile at O.

"Raven!" Octavia called out happily, walking at a brisk pace to Raven, whose braced leg slowed hers ever so slightly.

"You're a sight for sore eyes, O." Raven announced with a smile, letting out a brief surprised yell as Octavia lifted her up and turned around, walking towards the woman's back yard gate. "O? Octavia?"

Clarke found a smile stretching across her face as Octavia's pace picked up, jogging an increasingly reluctant Raven into the back yard, where Clarke knew the woman had a pool. "Octavia!" Raven cried out, her yells growing in volume and pace before a loud splash drowned them out.

"I have a feeling Octavia didn't take kindly to being let into our plan short notice." Anya noted quietly, still tense, jaw still fairly set and rigid, even with the slightest hint of a smile on her lips.

Clarke nodded along. "Served two purposes. Enacting sweet revenge...and getting Raven in need of a new change of clothes. They'll probably be making out naked in O's room in less than five minutes, so we can take our time getting in."

"Mmh. It's been nearly a month since they've seen each other in person. I'm sure they'd appreciate a bit of alone time." Anya agreed, taking a swig from her bottle of water.

Seeing an opportunity, Clarke pulled the borrowed sunglasses off and held them out. "Think you're owed these back, lady. Do you mind?"

Anya just shot her a puzzled look, but shrugged nonetheless. Deciding to make good on her initiative, she carefully placed the sunglasses atop Anya's head. "I'm not the only one with pretty eyes, Anya. Wouldn't mind looking at yours a little while longer."

"Clarke..." Anya's voice was strained, almost choking on her name, breaths trembling out past her grit teeth and clenched jaw. "Tell me what you're doing."

The question, as intensely spoken as it was, and as on edge as it had her feeling, was one she wasn't sure how to answer. Maybe, just maybe, she defaulted to slightly defensive. "I was complimenting you, Anya. Just like you did with me."

"I told you, Clarke, I was being nice." Anya said with a shake of her head.

"And I can't just be nice, either?" Clarke retorted with a laugh, unsure what Anya was getting at, what problem she was seeing in need of a solution.

"The only person you've complimented that way is me, across this whole road trip so far. I apologize, but that has me feeling nervous. You've been very kind to me, Clarke...it's rare for anyone to consider me the way you have so far, and I needed a way to let you know how I appreciated that. So I voiced some thoughts, wanting to be kind to you as you have been to me. Your compliments, though, I don't know what to think about them." Anya explained at length, burning a hole in her chest at the thought that Anya's words had been empty praise. The remark about her eyes had been a little tacky, but it really was that right brand of sappy-sweet she adored.

"So, what...you pegged me as vain, and so you say a few things about me to make me feel beautiful, and that's all just balancing the scales for you? It meant nothing? Just being _polite_?" Clarke asked, feeling her throat tighten, the slight burning of her eyes telling her tears weren't too far away.

Anya recoiled at her question as if she'd been hit. "What?! No! I...I meant..." Anya started, only to take a few heavy, almost frantic breaths. Feeling more than a little worried, especially since it seemed she'd jumped to conclusions again and made an ass of herself, Clarke took hold of the woman's nearest hand and gave it a light squeeze.

"Hey, it's okay, babe. Just focus on your breathing, I'm not mad, take your time." She cooed, rubbing her thumb across Anya's knuckles. Which thankfully managed to help enough to calm Anya's breathing enough after about a minute or so.

"I...meant what I said. Everything. I just usually...keep those thoughts to myself. I thought you might like them." Anya let out breathlessly, eyes darting aimlessly across the dashboard, hand twitching in Clarke's light grasp.

She squeezed back, all too happy to hear confirmation that Anya hadn't been lying, that the woman actually did think those things about her. That, at least, brightened her day again, even if it left her wondering what the problem was.

"I did. So what's wrong with me doing the same back?" Clarke asked, feeling a little content to ease this trouble out of Anya now that she knew her passenger liked her, to some extent.

"You...you've complimented me on my appearance a few times. You've called me terms of endearment a few times. You...touch me...often, at that...and in ways no one else does, but that I've seen it before in others before... with Octavia, Lincoln, Lexa." Anya spoke, voice wavering ever so slightly seemingly despite the woman's best efforts. "Perhaps I'm paranoid, but all of that doesn't add up to just being _nice_ , Clarke. At least I'm not sure it does."

Clarke stilled at the odd choice of words and the strange semi-accusation Anya sort of flung in her direction. Anya had been direct up until now; for her to dance around an issue had Clarke a bit off-kilter.

Still, she was invested. _Can't hurt to be direct and lay it out there, if the subtle approach is just going to make her anxious..._

"If you're asking if I was flirting with you, I was. As much as I usually prefer to let my body and compliments do the talking, yeah, I'm into you." Clarke admitted, feeling blush adorn her cheeks as she watched Anya for a response.

The sight of Anya's face falling may as well have been a spear piercing her heart. "Oh god...oh crap..."

Clarke swallowed, pushing aside her pain to try and salvage the situation, not wanting to let a friendship slip away. She could mourn their romantic potential later; for now, she'd make this right. "Hey, it's okay if you're not gay or bi. I thought you were, but I was wrong, and that's cool. I just..."

"I'm _definitely_ a lesbian, Clarke." Anya clarified quickly through a shaky sigh, the revelatory words slamming into her like a steel-toed boot to the face on her already wounded, spear-impaled body.

_She doesn't like me back...she doesn't...did Lexa tell her all about me? Did she reject me for that? Or is she just not attracted to me?_ Clarke wondered to herself as she wiped away the opening volley of wetness at the edges of her eyes, turning her gaze out the driver's side window to hide the evidence.

Fighting emotion, Clarke nodded and pushed on. "Okay, I...I can take a hint. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I won't bother you again. I just hope we can still be friends."

A firm tug at their clasped hands drew Clarke's attention, if not her gaze, back to Anya, who was breathing heavily and honestly looked on the verge of fainting. "Clarke, you didn't bother me. It's just... god, it's _complicated_. I need to talk to Lexa."

The sheer defeat lacing 'complicated' drew her curiosity, Clarke's head swiveling around to look at Anya, who was staring off at Octavia's house, hand on the door handle.  And so Clarke stared, at how utterly coiled like a spring her body was, at the hard edge of her clenched jaw that fought and clawed for each breath, at the sheer anger in the woman's eyes as they threatened to spill over.

"Anya..." Clarke began, biting her lip when Anya's mouth opened to cut her off, holding her breath when it clamped shut again.

"I need to talk to Lexa first." Anya blurted out, taking a shuddering deep breath and offering one last quick squeeze of her hand before letting go, turning and hiding her face from Clarke. "IneedtotalktoLexa."

With that, Anya was out of the car, not quite running up the driveway before entering Octavia's humble abode.

It wasn't complete and utter rejection, Clarke could at least digest that bit easily enough, even if Anya seemed off-limits indefinitely. None of that mattered, though, not in the grand scheme of things. It was the blatant fear, the bristling anger, the anxiety that had Anya shaking like a livewire; all of that was truly worrying.

It was what had Clarke shutting off the engine and leaving the vehicle with the container of donuts in hand. And minutes later, with those worries possibly clouding her judgment, it had Clarke following her in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this one. Sort of flip-flopped back and forth on some parts of this, and then I learned I had to go to a wedding, which gave me enough anxiety to make writing this fic hard (as they're on a road trip en route to a wedding), given formal events tend to give me anxiety, especially when i don't know most of the people, and there will be large crowds.
> 
> BUT I slept most of Sunday and spent the last few hours editing this, and I think I'm alright with it. Again, I'm shifting away from the 'each chapter is a day' format, though it will largely be following that sort of timespan. Like, the next chapter will likely be the rest of this day, and then the whole next day, unless I make some major changes to what I've written and planned out.
> 
> Anywho, I hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

**Sunday Evening, May 29th (Lafayette, LA)**

Anya entered Octavia's abode on shaky legs, knowing that if her nausea got any worse, they might not hold up. Immediately, the ruckus ahead of her told her that Raven and Octavia had indeed found their way indoors and were making a mess of the kitchen.

The kitchen attached to the living room. The living room that lead to the bathroom and Octavia's workout room. If Anya knew Octavia, and she did, the pair would eventually make their way to the bedroom, which made the whole main level out of bounds.

_Basement, then..._ Anya mused hazily, stumbling towards the stairwell and clutching the railing as she made her way down, the relative quiet doing wonders for state of mind and ability to just think and focus on breathing.

Anya knew her attack was coming on quickly, knew she didn't have long to get somewhere decent. _One, two...one, two..._ She counted out her shallow intake and exhale as she scanned the area, noticing Octavia had moved a few things around down there. Still, there was a new nook beside the dryer, and that would just have to do.

She laid an old towel out over the small space, and grabbed the first thing out of the dryer that she could find, feeling a little happy that her friend had needed to wash something as bulky as her college hoodie, given the late spring heat. It wasn't her Cthulhu squishable back home, but it'd do in a pinch. As prepared as she could manage to be, Anya planted herself down onto the floor in the nook, clutched the bundled up hoodie to her chest, and closed her eyes, knowing it was better to shut the world out for a while than experiencing dissociation with everything around her and the confusion it'd bring.

_One, two...one, two...one, two...so freaking hard to breathe, I just...I...I need to talk to Lexa...god, I just need to talk to her...she'll know what to do..._ Anya mused, thoughts turning frantic as her lungs seemed to seize, as her body desperately worked to pull in oxygen.

Her heart raced faster than it had in months, blood pounding roughly through her veins, feeling that struggle in her forearms, her temples, her chest, each feeling as if they could barely keep together from the sheer pressure building inside of her.

_Been a while since one this bad..._ She thought hazily as she tried to focus her breathing, trying the two in and two out method only for her lungs to not be able to even accomplish that, seizing on an inhale, sending a fresh wave of panic through her. _Ohgodohgod, I can't breathe... I can't..._

Everything felt like it was burning; the blood in her veins, the walls of her lungs, the air around her, her very skin felt like it was burning away, and all she could do was clutch the hoodie tighter and remember that she'd had dozens upon dozens of attacks, and always survived. This one wouldn't be any different, even if it felt horrible.

_Not in danger...not in danger...I'm safe...I'm at Octavia's...I'm...Christ, why is it so stuffy down here?! Why can't I...can't I..._ Anya's thoughts trailed off as a sharp pain spread across her chest, ripping a cry from the sudden desert that used to be her throat. She could feel it escape her, but the thudding at her temples made it hard to hear anything, made it hard to hear herself fight for breath, especially.

Anya shook her head and banged it against the dryer in frustration, needing for it to stop, needing to find a way to focus, but there was too much in her way, from the burning to the blood rushing through her skull to the fucking air so humid that it may as well have been soup.

She'd just managed to find some semblance of a breathing routine, as shaky and strained as it was, when she felt a light tug at her earlobe, Octavia's way of letting her know she was around during her attacks. That alone dulled the noisy storm in her skull, even as she opened her eyes to look for her friend.

The first thing she noticed was her vision was blurry, her friend's thumb wiping at her left eye letting her know she must have been crying at some point. _Guess that was the burning sensation on my face...great. Always wonderful being weak in front of my family..._ Anya thought to herself as the world around her caught up to her, spinning and whirling and making her stomach do flips.

"Pretty sure you taught me all about how important posture is, lady. Why don't we keep you from going full-on hypocrite on me today, okay?" Octavia spoke, giving her own hands a momentary glance before shooting Anya an expectant stare, a sign her friend wanted to take hold of her instead of continuing the tiny little grazes that never bothered Anya.

She gave a nod, trying to will her tensed up body to posture up from her slumped over form, but the energy just wasn't there, and it felt like her body was deep underwater, all sluggish and slow. Thankfully, Octavia made quick work of slipping in behind her and supporting her that way, pulling her upright with relative ease.

Just having Octavia there made breathing a bit easier, Anya quickly regaining her two-count, though the clearer airway to her lungs probably helped, too, especially with taking the edge off her nausea. Enough to try to form words, at least, without feeling like speaking would make her vomit.

"I apolo..." Anya tried to get out, syllables catching in her throat as her stuffed nose failed to take in a breath she was relying on.

It seemed to give her friend time to react, at the very least. "'Nuff of that, I can get Raven off in the front seat of Clarke's car later while you bozos are sleeping, and we've got like, a week together. There's no rush. I know you hate going through this crap alone, and I love the hell out of you, so I'm here. If you try to apologize again I'll smack you upside the head, fair warning."

Anya let out a weak huff and nodded, heart warming at Octavia's dedication despite the unnecessary imagery of what the pair would get up to in Clarke's car. She felt lucky to have such a good friend, even if the situation wasn't ideal. "Now, let's focus on your breathing together, okay? And if you need any water, I put a water bottle beside you on your right, so drink up whenever you like. Now...let's start with two by twos and slowly extend your exhales so we can get that heart slowing down, alright?"

With Octavia's help, it was easier getting through the rest of her attack without much struggle; they'd been through about a dozen of them together in the past, so her friend knew when to distract her, when to shift focus, when to offer water, when to give encouragement. Anya still felt embarrassed for the whole ordeal, but it was a little easier, knowing Octavia wanted to be there, and knew how to make it better.

She waited a few minutes after starting to come down before she pulled out her phone. Anya knew bringing the topic up, talking about it, could send her right back into another attack, and she just needed a few minutes where her body wasn't an absolute mess to regroup and prepare.

"Mmmh. Clarke told me you ran in here going on about having to talk to Lexa. Need me to leave while you do that?" Octavia piped up, startling her a little, since her friend had been silent the past few minutes.

And really, it had a few questions floating around in her head. "You talked to Clarke?"

"Sure. She barged in on me and Raven and told me you were down here. She didn't think you'd want her around." Octavia explained, and Anya supposed that made a bit more sense, and Clarke hadn't exactly been wrong. Still, though, it wasn't that she didn't want the blonde around, it was just that Clarke complicated things.

Anya nodded along, but lightly clutched Octavia's nearest hand. "Can you stay? I might...it might happen again, and you make it easier."

"I was hoping you'd say that. Not the attack shit, but I'm pretty sure this has to do with Clarke, and I told her explicitly _not_ to fuck around with you, and not even twenty four hours later, you're here having an attack, and she's acting all guilty. Did she get too aggressive with you?" Octavia rambled, words spilling out with increasingly more bite.

"She..." Anya went to start, before stilling at the tightness in her chest. "Just...you can listen."

With that, Anya dialed Lexa's number, hoping her cousin would pick up. It was rare that she'd ever call her, so she hoped that Lexa would understand the urgency.

The call picked up after two and a half rings. "Anya, is everything okay?" Lexa asked immediately, concern dripping from each syllable.

"I need your help." Anya spoke as she put the call on speakerphone, taking half a breath to get into more details, but her cousin jumped the gun, of sorts.

"I can fly down to see you. Where are you? I can be at my laptop to book in three minutes, and at the airport in twenty." Lexa railed out at breakneck speed, and while she adored how extra her cousin could be at times, it really wasn't _that_ urgent or dire of a situation.

"Please, I'll be alright. There's no need to overreact." Anya let out quickly, hoping to dispel her cousin's impromptu travel plans.

"Yeah, Lexa, she's in good hands down here. Think she was just looking for some advice." Octavia pitched in, both women waiting for a response, relief flooding her when she heard Lexa let out a sigh from the other end.

"If you're sure. But if you change your mind, you know I can get to you." Lexa eventually added, sounding more reluctant than anything. "What can I do to help?"

Anya took one deep breath, and then another when that one wasn't quite steady enough. She had to be economical, because she wasn't sure how long she'd be able to hold up if their talk dragged on. "Clarke told me she likes me." Anya said, deciding to just put the meat of the conflict out in the open.

She could hear Octavia's annoyed grumbling behind her, but pushed her focus to Lexa's voice instead. "Okay, I understand. That's definitely big news. How do you feel about that?"

Anya felt her teeth bite into her lip and focused on taking another breath or two to try and ease the tension she could already feel building again. "Terrified."

"Can you tell me why?" Lexa asked, knowing full well why the whole thing terrified the shit out of her, but she understood that her cousin just wanted her to vocalize. That it would, and has in the past, helped with her stress and anxiety over it all.

"What if...what if I'm not enough, and I accidentally lead her on? What if she's not into me after she finds out? What kind of grown woman brings that to the table? What kind of...of partner wouldn't laugh at that?" Anya let out wearily, memories from her past spilling in and filling her with the dread of knowing she had another birthday coming up in two months' time.

"Anya, Clarke isn't Sienne. She wouldn't laugh." Lexa asserted, putting Anya on the defensive, her hands white-knuckling her phone.

"She laughed at my favourite song." She countered weakly, knowing it wasn't the entire truth, but it was true enough that Clarke had difficulty keeping from laughing.

Octavia let out a scoff behind her. "It's K-Ci and JoJo. She's seen the music video, of course she's going to laugh. That's totally different, Anya."

"Listen to Octavia, please. Clarke would never laugh at you over something like that. I've known her too long and too well not to be sure of that much." Lexa added, singing Clarke's praises again. And Clarke really was a nice person, but it didn't change that she was right to be scared. It didn't change that even the nicest people could balk under the right circumstances.

"She...she's beautiful, and kind, and patient, and she has _experience_ , Lexa! It's already a stretch that she'd be interested in me, and when you add on that I'm closer to thirty than twenty and I still haven't been freaking kissed? I've never dated? Who wants that?! Who _wouldn't_ think there must be something inherently _wrong_ with me that I'm a grown woman who no one's ever really _wanted_ enough for me to even have the most freaking basic romantic experiences?!" Anya raged, heart thrumming wildly in her chest, lungs stuttering with each word as all that pain leaked out. "God, two years ago it was Sienne. A year before that, Richelle. Nearly two before that, Kaitlyn. Portia before them...all of them were 'great', all so highly recommended and praised, and 'accepting' women, and all of them walked. And that was when I was _younger_ , when it might have been more excusable or acceptable since I know a lot of lesbians start dating later in their teens or early twenties, but I'm long past that, now. And maybe a part of it was me being trans, I know, but just...don't you dare tell me Clarke won't ever do the same, because she could, Lexa. She _could_."

Anya shut her eyes in a failed attempt to stem the tears building up, hating that she was in this position again, that she was this vulnerable again, that all those feelings of worthlessness and being unwanted were rushing back.

"Anya..." She heard Lexa air out, but it was clear her cousin wasn't sure what to say to convince her. Anya wasn't even sure she could be.

"What if this is my last shot? What if Clarke's it? I...I've done what I can, what I can control. I'm in shape, I got FFS, I eat healthy, I do my best to be kind and considerate, and I dress well enough. But even if she gives me a shot, what if I can't kiss well enough, what if I can't make up for my inexperience? What if I can't learn fast enough, or at all, because of my anxiety? What if I'm not enough? No matter how she takes the news, if she walks anyway...how long until I have to accept that some things just aren't meant for some people, that my window's passed?" Anya added, stifling a traitorous sob, body slumping forward in shame before Octavia looped arms under her armpits and pulled her upright again.

"If I'm wrong about Clarke...that's a big if...but if I _am_ wrong, then I'll fly down there and pick you and Octavia and Raven up, and she'll be uninvited from the wedding. I love her, and eventually I would forgive her, but not soon. She may be my best friend and maid of honour, but you're Anya. You're the family that matters most to me." Lexa declared, and Anya had to stop herself from interrupting and rejecting her cousin's decisions, because as much as she disapproved of Lexa changing the landscape of her wedding so massively on short notice were Clarke to respond poorly, she knew Lexa was stubborn enough to follow through.

"And so what if you don't have experience or whatever? Doesn't make you worse, or more difficult. Shit, when I dated Lincoln, I had to help him break a lot of bad habits. I spent months on that, happily. You're a clean slate, that's a pretty good thing in my eyes." Octavia chimed in, and Anya could appreciate both women's words, because she at least knew they meant them.

It just didn't change the truth of things. Anya might have been a bit of a hopeless romantic, but she wasn't so naive as to not understand how the world worked. "I understand, and...and I know it doesn't make me a worse person, or unworthy, or broken, or wrong. I get that. But there comes a time when I have to accept the world isn't fair...and that there are some things people don't want to deal with, and that's their right. It just means that some people don't get to have 'normal' lives, as much as they might want one. And before either of you start, it's easy to say normal's overrated, but when you're missing out on something so many take for granted, and that thing has always been out of reach, that stings like hell, so please don't, because I'm not here for empty platitudes."

Silence stretched on for a few moments, though Octavia's hands came around to rest on her stomach, rubbing gently as her friend held her. It might not have been a soothing enough balm to heal all the old heartbreak resurfacing, but it was something. And something was much better than nothing at the moment.

"Anya, once upon a time...a few years ago, when I was still in college, I'd hoped you and Clarke would meet during the holidays. I thought you both would fit well, and flash forward to today, and...I'm still confident." Lexa spoke, eventually breaking the ice again, her anecdote of sorts easily grabbing Anya's attention. Lexa was a good judge of character, and if she'd thought they'd be a decent match years ago, then maybe, just maybe, there was something there. Maybe there was a chance that Clarke wouldn't be like the rest. She _had_ been rather patient. "I hadn't let myself hope, but...like I said, we have your back if it goes sour. My advice is to find a good time to talk to her alone. Get it out in the open...even if you don't completely trust her, trust _me_...please give her a chance."

Octavia let out a loud exasperated sigh over her shoulder. "I still want to punch her, but Lexa's probably right. Besides, I think she's worried to shit up there...last I saw, she was stuffing her face with donuts, and that's just not like her."

Anya couldn't help but let out a low laugh as she shook her head. "I told her she had to eat one. She'd barely eaten anything all day, and I was worried." She mused openly, imagining Clarke on Octavia's couch, munching away on a donut, powdered sugar gracing the tip of her nose.

"Well, chances are, Raven's stolen some of them, given how hungry she seemed to be. I should go check on them...you okay to finish up on your own?" Octavia asked, chin propped up on Anya's shoulder.

"I am. Thank you, Octavia." Anya said with a smile she hoped got across how thankful she was for her friend's support. Octavia seemed to get it, rolling her eyes and waving her off as if it was no big deal as she shifted out from behind her.

"I'll see you soon, O." Lexa called out on the line, earning a laugh from her friend.

"Good luck with the wedding prep, Lexa, you're gonna need it!" Octavia yelled from the stairs leading up to the main floor. Anya watched her head upstairs before turning her focus back on her phone, feeling a little less stress out than she had been, now that she'd talked about everything bouncing around in her head.

Clarke legitimately scared her, but maybe there was hope. And maybe that hope was enough. "You really think there's a chance this doesn't end in tears?" She let herself ask quietly, feeling a little sheepish for even considering putting more of her vulnerability out on display.

"I think if you're patient, find the right time, and give her a few seconds to process, she'll stand by what she told you. Clarke...Clarke's special. She elevates herself, and I think a large part of that is her capacity for love. I understand you're scared, but I trust her not to let you down. If you two don't work out, I don't believe it'd be because of any part of your history, Anya." Lexa answered, propping up that sliver of hope inside her and raising tiny walls in defense of it. It wasn't much, but it was enough, at least for now.

_Certainly gives me a lot to think about..._ She mused to herself, deciding that maybe it was time to get back to ground level again. "I appreciate the advice, Lexa. I'll be in touch, and...honestly, good luck with everything. If you need anything at all, I'm here for you."

"You always are. I should be fine, here, with everyone ferrying me around here and there, and mostly taking care of all the prep for me. And I'll hold you to that promise...I'll expect a call soon to catch me up on everything." Lexa stated, her tone revealing her cousin definitely wouldn't wait too long for that call, and would definitely reach out soon enough if Anya didn't.

"I promise. Take care, Lexa. Love you." Anya signed off, earning a happy hum from the other end.

"Love you, too. Goodbye for now." With that, the call ended, leaving Anya alone in the basement, still hugging Octavia's hoodie to her chest with her remaining arm. With her attack long over, she folded it back up neatly and placed it atop the dryer before making her way back to the stairwell.

With a steadying breath, she ascended.

* * *

"Ughhhh, Raven I think you need to put me down for good." Clarke groaned, slumping into the corner of the car door and the seat, arms wrapped around her stomach. Anya could only smirk at the younger blonde's display, knowing Clarke had been teased to hell and back for overeating instead of getting some of her food packed up to be eaten later.

"You know, Old Yeller was blonde, too." Octavia chimed in from the driver's seat, staring back at the blonde through the rear view mirror with amusement twinkling in her eyes. "Shouldn't have had that chocolate dessert thing you got."

Clarke just pouted and shook her head. "So tasty. But not _last meal_ tasty."

"Tell me I at least get the car in your will." Raven asked, leaning over enough to peer into the backseats. "Seriously, I could go merciful, or give you buckshot, Clarke."

"Be a friend, Raven. I'm dying here, there's no point in coercion." Clarke complained before letting out another pitiful groan. "Why did the serving sizes have to be so huge?"

"Clarke, I warned you. And then I told you you'd explode if you got dessert." Octavia noted teasingly, earning a weak growl from the suffering blonde.

"But it looked so tasty..." Clarke moaned sadly, curling further into her nook.

"So did the donuts, but you didn't have to eat them all, and then go for dessert at dinner." Raven shot back with a grin, revealing a much different reality than Anya had concluded earlier when she'd spotted the empty box.

"Clarke, you didn't have to eat all the donuts." Anya let out, startling a little when Clarke's head whipped around, eyes wide and staring at her in surprise.

Out of her periphery, she could see Raven staring, too, which might have had Anya realizing that she probably hadn't talked much since coming back upstairs. Her dinner order, perhaps a thank you to Octavia, but the more she thought about it, the more she was pulling a blank as to anything else she could have said.

It wasn't that she'd meant to clam up. It apparently just happened.

"You told me to eat." Clarke spoke softly, her expression following suit as the surprise wore off, replaced with hesitation and concern.

"I asked you to take a bite before you left the car. I thought maybe you could have a donut to tide you over, because dinner was planned for much later. I didn't want you to go hungry." Anya explained, halfway startled still at the notion of Clarke having eaten all six donuts, then proceeding to eat a large meal and dessert. _No wonder she's in agony...poor thing..._

"Well, apparently there was _no_ danger of that. For what it's worth, I tried to snag one of the things, but she growled at me and bit it before I could take a bite myself." Raven complained, the imagery too extra for Anya not to laugh at the blonde's antics. It seemed almost too absurd to be true.

"Sharing is caring, Clarke." Anya reminded the blonde, whose pout only grew more pronounced at her words.

It was when Anya's gaze shifted up to those endlessly blue eyes that she saw the remorse, the hurt etched into the fibres of her very irises. "I...I was hungry."

The words were as close to a bold-faced lie she'd heard from Clarke all trip long, though they did manage to carry the real message effectively enough through the woman's sad smile.

Clarke had needed a distraction. Clarke had been worried. Whatever the blonde had seen of her down in the basement, Clarke may very well have taken responsibility for it. Which posed a serious issue, since it truly wasn't Clarke's burden to bear.

Throwing caution to the wind, Anya put faith in Octavia's driving and undid her seatbelt. It definitely wasn't the right time to have the talk Lexa had advised her to start, but she could help Clarke, even if just a tiny bit. "Then let me help. Come here."

Clarke shot her a confused look, though with that remorse having sunk away in the blonde's eyes, she'd take it. "Anya, we're on the road. What do you mean?"

"I mean your stomach's upset and I'm partially at fault. I want to help." Anya clarified, tapping her thigh lightly in case her fellow passenger needed any more cues.

Clarke, of course, just shot her a bewildered stare. "You want me to sit on your lap."

Anya shrugged and rolled her eyes, not understanding the issue. She'd been sat on many times by friends or family, it wasn't a big deal. "Octavia's sat on it twice before, and she's pretty much your size. Heck, Lincoln's had to sit there a few cramped car rides over the years, and I was fine. I think I can handle you, Clarke."

At that, Clarke's stare narrowed in apparent challenge. "We'll see about that." The blonde stated, undoing her seatbelt and carefully shifting over to her. Slowly, Anya helped Clarke position herself atop her thighs before re-establishing the seatbelt. It was a tight fit, but it worked.

"There we go. Now just relax." Anya offered, a hardly stifled laugh from the front seat following her words.

"Yeah, Clarke, _take it easy_." Raven joked with another laugh, earning a huff from the blonde.

"I have no idea how to do that, Raven. You _know_ this." Clarke noted almost seriously enough for Anya to believe her. It was the slight upturn of her lips that gave it away, though, and got Anya back on track and focusing on her host's tense body.

If Clarke wasn't going to cooperate, she'd just take initiative, like she had while braiding her hair that morning. Thinking back to her old personal trainer's lessons, Anya moved her hands to Clarke's midsection and began gently applying pressure.

Almost immediately, Clarke's body tensed like it was made of iron, but as fast as that came on, it went away, the blonde's body practically melting back against her, letting her do her work a little more easily. She knew it wouldn't solve her new friend's woes entirely, but a little massage could at least make it easier to bear.

Anya's hands worked away at Clarke's stomach and sides, slowly reducing the blonde's discomfort. In time, pained groans and discomforted grumblings turned into relieved sighs and hums of contentment. Anya could see Octavia studiously observing the both of them from the driver's seat through the rear view, but her friend said nothing.

Not that there was much to say. Still, that hurt and sorrow she saw in Clarke's eyes earlier still lingered in her mind, and she knew she had to at least try to resolve some of that, if possible. "Clarke?"

"Hmmm?" The blonde let out in a curious hum, angling her head to, if not look over her shoulder, at least position her ear closer to Anya's mouth to hear her better.

"I want to thank you...I didn't see you in the basement, but you went and got Octavia to help me, and that was important to me. So thank you, Clarke." Anya whispered, wanting to have a bit of privacy, knowing that even with the music playing in the front, Octavia had some seriously fine-tuned ears. "And I want to apologize if I let you feel at all responsible for my attack. Nothing about it was unique to you, it was just...it's complicated. It was because...because of my history, and...and I was thinking maybe we could talk about it together sometime?"

Anya could feel Clarke's breathing still for second upon second, each moment contributing to the well of stress building in her mind, but eventually the blonde let out a long sigh, lips tilting upward even as Clarke's brow furrowed. "Maybe tomorrow, when we're resting after a hike?"

It was definitely sooner than Anya thought it'd be, but she supposed it was as good a time as any. "That sounds great, Clarke."

Clarke brought down a hand to rest atop one of Anya's. "Thanks."

The gesture was more puzzling than anything, though Anya continued to massage. "Whatever for?"

"Caring. Letting me in. Starting a friendship. Take your pick." Clarke murmured, head angling back to rest against the side of Anya's, gold tresses tickling at her cheek.

Anya just rolled her eyes and continued her work. It wasn't like she expected anything in return for her friendship, it wasn't necessary to thank her. "Just rest, Clarke. We have a long drive ahead of us."

An hour or so ticked by quickly enough; eventually, Clarke's stomach ache faded to where the blonde could more easily converse with the two up front, and sing along to the occasional song. The sun eventually set, though, and with it went the more exuberant attitudes; conversation shifted to a quiet one on one between Octavia and Raven, while Clarke got out her e-reader, letting Anya rest and relax after an exhausting day.

Honestly, it was enough of a reprieve for her to not always be conscious of the fact that Clarke was still seated on her lap, and still had hold of one of her hands lightly pressed to the blonde's abdomen. Truth be told, she was oddly comfy, and with her eyes closed, and the smooth ride, her motion sickness hadn't crept up on her at all, for once.

Time passed, and Anya wasn't sure how often she'd drifted off, but she found herself startling awake at the feeling of the vehicle slowing to a stop.

Anya's bleary eyes fluttered open, peering around at her bright surroundings, finding they were at a rather well lit gas station, fueling up. "Mmh. Wha..." Anya was only able to get out half the sounds she needed to ask the time, Clarke flailing atop her and sending an elbow into her ribs, stealing the rest of the syllables.

"Holy shit!" Clarke yelled out, startling Raven in the front seat.

"What the hell, Clarke?" Raven asked, leaning over to peer into the backseat as Clarke started to calm, setting her e-reader down.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I just thought you were asleep, and I...you know, this is all your fault, anyways!" Clarke noted, lightly jabbing Anya in the ribs again as the blonde let out a huff. "Shouldn't write such scary stories."

Anya allowed herself a weak laugh, still a little too sleepy to put much energy in anything. "You were the one who chose to read, Clarke."

"Well you were the one who chose to pull Therese through a fucking inter-dimensional tear in time and space and have her travel between realities to a future Earth and have her fall in love with Petra while they find a way to unsummon the fucking elder god that created those super creepy dog wraith zombie things and...and...urgh!" Clarke ranted, jabbing Anya yet again before crossing her arms across her chest in clear annoyance. "You keep scaring my babies. Stop scaring my babies!"

Anya rolled her eyes alongside Raven's fresh laughter, their other passenger clearly amused at the blonde's outburst, which only had Clarke pouting harder. "They're fighting for a life free of horror, Clarke. They're scared, but they have each other, and they have hope." Anya spoke, earning a grumble from the blonde atop her. Feeling a little amused at the display, Anya tugged at Clarke a bit and angled her head upwards, towards Clarke's ears. "You know if Therese gets her way, she and Petra will be back in her timeline, and she'd be serving Petra ice cream for breakfast as the thin orange haze of the sunrise washes over their bed. There'd be no rush, no threat or risk of danger, time wouldn't be an enemy to them anymore. They could wake with smiles on their faces, and those could last the entire day. They're safe, they're happy...they have their histories, but the present's too bright to linger too long. Isn't that worth fighting for?"

"But they should have that _now_." Clarke grumbled, though her arms uncrossed, both falling to rest over Anya's. "Haven't they suffered enough?"

"Any suffering is too much, Clarke. It's not about suffering, it's about growth, healing, acceptance. They both have a little farther to go before they're ready to make that dream a reality." Anya clarified, knowing full well that her story had always been an allegory for overcoming personal demons and healing through trauma, deep under all the Lovecraftian post-apocalyptic staging. She was fairly sure she hadn't been so subtle that Clarke wouldn't have at least picked up on some of that.

Clarke let out another loud huff, but leaned ever so slightly more into Anya. "Still scared me. Gonna have to deal with my freaked out self all night."

"Well, you did give me fair warning the other day." Anya added with a smile as she undid their seatbelt, letting her reach the bag at her feet as her other arm held Clarke's waist to keep her host stable. It took maybe a second or two to pull her oversized throw blanket free. Originally, she'd thought that she'd have to sleep in the backseat alone anyways, but that it wouldn't hurt to have something able to cover anyone in the backseat if they needed it.

Clarke gasped at the sight, quickly turning to sit sideways on Anya's lap, one arm flung around her neck, a wide grin on her face. " _Did you ever know that you're my heroooo..._ " The blonde sang quietly with a smile that held a hint of a teasing curl at the edges, and maybe Anya blushed a bit, but it was just nice seeing Clarke happy.

"I thought that sleeping in a car could disrupt your sleep hygiene, so maybe being able to wrap yourself up in one of your 'sleep burritos' would help. There should be enough for you to wrap yourself fully, and for me to have some leftover to cover up." Anya explained, feeling a little proud at her sleeping plan for the both of them. Clarke deserved to feel comfortable, after all.

However, the arm around her neck tightened a bit, pulling Anya closer as Clarke laughed. "As if I'm going to just leave you a tiny scrap at the end, Anya. I told you...if you're going to write scary stories, you're going to have to keep my nightmares at bay. You want me to sleep through the night instead of kicking and flailing, then you're going to take up some of my sleep burrito real estate."

"And how are we going to manage the logistics of that?"Anya asked, cocking an eyebrow at the blonde, unsure at all how they could both fit while being wrapped up in the bulky blanket.

"Pretty sure we can get creative with the seatbelt, and so long as we are... economic with the space we take up...I think we can fit." Clarke noted wryly, red noticeably tinting pale cheeks before the blonde turned away. "But...but if that'll be too uncomfortable for you, then of course, I'll be fine on my own, and I'll even do my best to share, okay?"

Anya laughed at the idea of Clarke being capable of sharing a blanket, but it was the thought that counted, and it was another mark in the woman's 'sweet' category. It helped that she'd slept with Clarke twice now, without incident, knowing there was nothing uniquely romantic or sexual about any of it. Still, Clarke having revealed her feelings complicated things a tiny bit.

It wasn't as if it changed much, Anya knew that Clarke would be polite and respectful, and wouldn't push her boundaries, but knowing how Clarke felt would linger in her mind if they were curled up together. Thinking about the blonde rejecting her, about what it could be like if they were together, about all the potential, and how it could feel if it was lost, Anya was sure it would all keep her awake, at least for longer than usual.

"As if you can share, Clarke." Raven piped up with a laugh, earning a grumble from the blonde.

And while Raven had a point, Anya decided she could at least try. She wouldn't leave Clarke to dealing with nightmares alone. She'd pulled overnighters before, she could last through an outdoors hiking adventure on low sleep if she had to. Clarke had done so much to ensure her comfort all trip-long, it was time Clarke's comfort was prioritized.

"I will be fine, Clarke. I wanted this change of schedule so you could get sleep...I haven't changed my mind." Anya spoke, hoping to soothe any worries her blonde host had about her and their sleeping arrangements.

"Are you sure you won't be uncomfortable?" Clarke asked yet again, eyes all bright and wide as she sought Anya's for certainty.

Anya rolled her eyes at the blonde's need for multiple confirmations. "I told you once before...I wouldn't kick you out of bed, Clarke. I'm okay with it." She restated, pulling Clarke a little closer, drawing the blonde to lean in, curiosity flaring in her eyes. "We're talking tomorrow. We're alright. You haven't made me uncomfortable. Trust me."

While a good portion of her self-assured mask was entirely manufactured, Clarke's frame relaxing from relief had her feeling a rush of actual confidence flowing through her.

"Admit it...you like my sleep burritos." Clarke asserted slowly, one of her beautiful smiles blooming across her lips.

_Lips that look so soft, with smiles so sweet...I wonder what...what it'd be like..._ Anya wondered, biting her lip as a jolt of anxiety rippled through her, forcing her mind away from the blonde's features. Last thing she needed was to get worked up so close to sleep, especially with how exhausted she already was.

Anya just focused on Clarke's words and laughed at the bit of déjà vu they were engaging in. "They're a fire hazard, Clarke."

"I trust Raven and Octavia to take care of us." Clarke retorted airily, Anya not even needing to register Raven's laugh to know the woman was not entirely on board.

"Clarke, I'd cover you with silly string and drag you out of the car before I'd try untangling you from your cocoons. Fair warning." Raven halfway joked, leaving Anya unsure if Raven really would prank them in the midst of an emergency. Still, it all had Clarke smiling, and that was what mattered.

"We'll take our chances, won't we?" Clarke asked, shifting her focus back to Anya, eyes glimmering with hope and mirth.

It was rhetorical more than anything, but Anya really did feel as if she was taking the opportunities that came her way, for better or worse. She trusted Lexa, and that meant she trusted Clarke decently enough as well. She could endure until tomorrow, and until then, it couldn't hurt too much to just try to focus on the past two nights; she could pretend they were entirely innocent friends because it was the truth, at least for one more day.

She could enjoy that friendship, that closeness, for a little while longer, while it didn't mean anything scary, while she didn't have to think about the host of what-ifs way out at the horizon.

"It's all we can do, Clarke."

* * *

**Monday Morning, May 30th (Maryville, TN)**

"...ey, come on, wake up. Anya...Anya..." The sound of voices had her stirring awake with a frown, not very pleased at being pulled from the comfortable slumber she'd been enjoying. A little annoyed, she peeked her eyes open and spotted Raven peering back at her in the front seat. "There we go. Come on, I checked in for us all and got O to sleep in our room. Time to live up to your promise for Princess Charming, there."

Anya blinked away the sleep in her eyes but nodded, understanding vaguely that she needed to get moving and get Clarke in their hotel room. It took a moment to fully recall what she'd promised, bringing a blush to her face under to current context of having Clarke wrapped around her. "Can you get the car door?"

Raven nodded and left the front seat, shutting the driver's side door before making her way around. By then, Anya managed to slip both of her arms out enough to gauge how to do it. Carefully, not wanting to wake the younger blonde from her peaceful sleep, Anya began shifting their bodies, rotating Clarke in her lap until she could detangle the blanket from them both and get her arm under the artist's legs.

Satisfied, Anya nodded to Raven and detached their seatbelt, being careful lifting and angling Clarke as she stepped out of the vehicle. Clarke wasn't particularly heavy, but she knew she couldn't hold her bridal style indefinitely, so once Raven swiftly re-tucked the blanket to keep Clarke's legs from flapping around too much, she made her way to follow her guide.

Thankfully, it wasn't a long walk, but it was up a flight up stairs. With help from Raven who got the door, it was easy enough to get her host onto the rather large bed they'd be sharing. Honestly, the room was much nicer and more elaborately featured than she'd expected. It also had her wondering why the woman hadn't booked them a room with two beds, but perhaps none were available. "Raven, this couldn't have been cheap."

"Beh, forget about it. The next step down in quality was a dump, so this was it. Besides, I live in a tiny house and spend most of my time at work or in my shed working on projects. I've got money and we're on a road trip. I can spend the extra twenty or thirty dollars a room to keep the bed bugs away." Raven stated quietly as Anya worked to transfer Clarke underneath the bed sheets without waking her. It was a little trickier given how thoroughly tucked everything was, but after a few moments, she'd managed it.

"Well, thank you, anyways. I'm sure Clarke will appreciate it, too." Anya noted with a smile, tilting her head towards the exit. "Now go get your well-deserved rest, Raven. We'll get you and Octavia up in time to grab breakfast and leave."

"You two have fun." Raven shot back with a smirk, eyebrows waggling, before the woman took her leave. Now, Anya was not slow, but in the early morning hours, she occasionally was sometimes able to grasp some surprising clarity, and the teasing gesture had her recalling Raven's words from the other evening, words that clearly hinted at Anya and Clarke having mutual romantic feelings.

_Was...was I that obvious? I did my best to tamp down on them..._ Anya mused to herself, shaking her head at how quickly Raven had come to such a conclusion. _Perhaps she was thinking more about Clarke...yes, maybe that's it..._

A quiet moan from the bed brought Anya's attention back to Clarke, whose brow was furrowed, her host clearly not enjoying whatever she was dreaming of. _Well, it's not time to get up yet, even if I probably won't fall back to sleep. Still have some time before we need to go out and grab food and supplies for our outing today...I suppose resting wouldn't hurt..._

With that decided, Anya carefully got under the sheets and pulled Clarke and the remains of her blanket cocoon into her arms, immediately relaxing the younger blonde's face. It was a bit of a heartwarming feeling, knowing she could comfort Clarke like that, but it also wasn't as if the woman had much of a choice in the matter, or was aware who was comforting her, so she took that with a grain of salt.

Still, they both needed rest, and Anya was happy to try and ensure they both had as restful an early morning as they could be allowed. With her alarm set to go off an hour and fifteen minutes later, she let her eyes drift shut, entirely content with Clarke in her arms. Sure, there was residual fear, and that didn't, and couldn't vanish entirely, but for the moment, life was simpler and she had the willpower to keep it on the sidelines. She only hoped that the day's adventure would go well.

* * *

Having lived by a national forest, Anya was no strange to driving down roads surrounded by trees, but there was a sense of promise in the air as they'd traveled through Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Apparently, it was a favourite of Clarke's, the younger blonde wasting no opportunity to show her the natural treasures it held.

It made for a bit of a stop and go drive to their first main destination, but she couldn't complain, having witnessed some gorgeous waterfalls called 'The Sinks', right off of the winding road they'd entered the park through. Anya had seen pictures, and video of waterfalls of varying sizes, but had never had the opportunity to see them up close, and it was something that really had her energized and feeling that te day could be something special.

Eventually, they pulled into a slightly populated parking area and navigated into a well placed free spot near the start of the hiking trail up to something called 'Clingman's Dome'. To be truthful, she hadn't been able to process much of what Clarke or Octavia had talked about on the drive up, not with her eyes so focused on the passing scenery. She'd heard it was a great looking point, but from Anya's vantage point, just about anywhere was pretty dang great and scenic.

Anya got out of the passenger side and lingered by the vehicle, having been told that the others would grab the supplies. They were to have lunch somewhere, she'd been assured, but where in specific, she really didn't know. All she had confidence in was that it would probably be beautiful. Any reluctance about spending a day hiking and sightseeing in a national park had long since dissipated, and she was ready to go take advantage of the beautiful, clear day ahead of them.

She took a step towards the trail as Clarke moved past her, but Raven's voice stilled them both. "Yo, Little Griffin, don't tell me you forgot the sunscreen."

Clarke turned around and shot Raven a quizzical glance before checking her bag and pulling out a bottle. "Nope...definitely right here."

"I meant applying it, dork. It's been close enough to two hours since we left the hotel and applied. Not a whole lotta clouds in the sky, and you don't want to get sunburnt this early in the trip. And like hell if Anya would know any better." Raven noted, ignoring Octavia's huff as she helped apply her girlfriend's sunscreen. "O wanted to just march on ahead too, just like you, but we gotta take care so our babes don't get burnt."

Anya felt herself blush at how Raven referenced her and Clarke, suddenly unsure if Octavia had filled her girlfriend in on her situation with Clarke. Still, hidden in the sass and blatant teasing was justified advice. The UV index was supposed to be pretty rough, and without protection, it'd only be a matter of time before they'd pay the price.

"Sorry, Raven, you know I get excited when I visit this place." Clarke said with a sheepish smile before turning fully to face Anya. "Okay, whoa, no. Winds can pick up pretty heavily up here, you're going to want to leave that hat back in the car. Come to the trunk with me."

All she could do was shrug and follow, figuring Clarke knew what she was talking about. Once the hatch was open, Anya tossed her hat in the back, sitting at the edge of the trunk when the younger blonde gestured to it. Clarke rummaged around in a knapsack for a moment before pulling out a worn-in ballcap with some sports logo on it that she didn't recognize.

"This should do..." Clarke mumbled to herself, before leaning into her space and pulling Anya's hair into a ponytail, using an elastic around her wrist to tie it up. A second later, the cap was on and Clarke was feeding the ponytail through the back. "Perfect."

Now, Anya knew she was entirely out of her depth, but it didn't seem particularly smart to leave her entire neck so exposed. "It is not wiser to leave my hair down?"

Clarke swiftly waved her off. "Nothing some sunscreen can't fix, and we have plenty of it on hand. Here, let me." The younger blonde noted, squeezing some of the liquid out onto her palm, sapphire blues gazing down at her for permission.

Anya gave a nod, and Clarke went to work, slathering the sunscreen onto every bit of skin she'd left exposed, even the ones Anya could have definitely covered on her own. It was a peculiar decision, and Anya couldn't help but recall Raven telling her that she was a doer, not a talker. Giving Clarke an excuse to touch her seemed to be the girl genius' plan, given what she'd deduced of Raven's words from the other evening and earlier that morning.

It had Anya wondering whether Clarke would touch her so freely after their talk later on. Whether she'd ever feel those skilled, strong hands smooth down one of her legs ever again.

_I cannot let my pessimism get in the way of such a nice day...I can worry when the time comes for the talk. Until then, I should enjoy myself, and this opportunity..._ Anya mused to herself, offering Clarke a smile as her host finished.

"May I do the honors?" Anya asked, hand outstretched for the bottle. Clarke's eyes darted off towards the trees, but the younger blonde nodded and sat down beside her. Where she had taken the precaution to wear a top that had sleeves down to her elbow, Clarke had taken to wearing just a tank top and shorts, exposing far more skin.

Anya squeezed a healthy-sized glob of lotion onto her hand and shifted her gaze back to Clarke, to see where she should start, only to notice how apprehensive the woman was. Clarke noticed her hesitation immediately, letting out a nearly concealed sigh, those beautiful blue eyes losing a bit of their light.

Almost as if Clarke thought Anya didn't want to touch her. Almost as if Clarke thought Anya wasn't attracted to her. Both absurd assumptions, of course, but whatever it all was, Clarke's mood took a turn for the woeful, and Anya felt a need to remedy it.

The amount on her hand was far too much for the younger woman's face, so Anya split it across her hands and brought both to the sides of Clarke's neck. With as much patience as she could muster, Anya gently massaged the lotion into the blonde's skin, smoothing her hands slowly down the slope of her neck to her shoulders and back up again, each bit of pressure deliberate, each stroke of her thumb across tender skin acting as what she hoped was a clear signal. That she could be much more efficient, much faster, but that she was going to take her time instead.

Honestly, the amount she'd initially squeezed out should have been enough to cover Clarke's shoulders and upper back too, but she needed a second dose to sufficiently cover them at her pace, with her hands offering some light massaging of the blonde's body all the while. Once done with that area, she knelt down and worked over Clarke's legs, knowing she couldn't maintain such a slow pace with so much real estate, but she could keep the attention to detail and the occasional gentle touch.

When she finished down there, Anya rose to stand and came face to face with a deeply blushing Clarke, whose smile twitched at the edges of her lips, as if she was having difficulty containing it from growing to be much fuller. "Are you okay, Clarke? You look flushed." She noted with amusement, her smile growing with Clarke's as the younger blonde let out a laugh.

"Peachy. Just peachy, Anya." Clarke let out softly, questioning eyes meeting Anya's gaze.

"I fear Raven and Octavia will be annoyed if we take much longer, so I'll finish your face, if you can do your arms?" Anya asked, earning a delayed nod from Clarke. She squeezed some lotion into her host's hands and then got to work on the blonde's face.

Clarke was working the lotion into her skin a lot slower than she had when applying it to Anya. And maybe that had her heart blooming with a bit of hope that her gambit had gotten her message across pretty clearly, and that her careful application of lotion to Clarke's cheeks and nose, and chin and ears and everything else needn't have been so deliberate.

Still, it was nice to return the affection Clarke had given her all trip long. There was nothing wrong with grazing a thumb across a blushing cheekbone, or letting her fingertips ghost from behind the blonde's ear down her neck after finishing up there.

As soon as she was satisfied Clarke wouldn't burn, Anya took a step back, and Clarke's hands practically went mach five in finishing her own application within seconds.

"I think we're good." Anya noted happily, earning a wry grin from Clarke, who just bit her lip and shook her head, closing the back hatch and heading off around the vehicle. Maybe Anya took pride in that Clarke was still blushing heavily.

"Whoa, Clarke! Did Anya take so long that you burned up?" Raven exclaimed, though anyone with ears could tell her surprise was certainly manufactured. "Guess our distinguished guest's gonna need more practice. You can be her guinea pig again next time round."

Clarke just gave Raven a playful shove and marched onward, tugging Octavia along with her. Anya caught up with Raven and followed the other two up the steep path, the woman beside her watching Clarke with careful, inquisitive eyes.

"Thought _she_ would have taken advantage of the situation, not you. Kudos for stepping up to the plate, cheekbones." Raven said airily, shooting her a smirk. "You certainly took your time with her."

Anya could only shrug in response. She was never one to hide from her actions or feelings, and Raven seemed invested in Clarke's happiness. It wouldn't hurt to share a little. "She seemed to think I didn't want to have to touch her. I...made it clear that she was off the mark about that."

"Mmmh. I'm a little in the dark with all this...O's not telling me much of anything, but anyone with eyes can see Clarke's into you, and you're into her, so I don't get the hold up. But for what it's worth, I hope it works out." Raven noted, head on a swivel as she gazed out at the wilderness around her.

"Thank you, Raven." Anya said, feeling thankful that the woman was supportive despite just recently meeting her. "I will ask...just how strenuous will today be?"

Raven let out a laugh loud enough to have Octavia and Clarke glancing back at them. "By the time evening approaches, O's gonna be carrying me. And maybe Clarke'll be carrying _you_ , depending on how fit you are."

Anya kept her eyes ahead, lifting her eyebrows when Clarke's gaze lingered. "Well, I skip leg day on occasion, but I do try to make sure my cardio is up to snuff."

"Eh, maybe you'll last, then." Raven noted, gently nudging her shoulder as they headed up the pathway. Wherever they were heading, it was a long way up.

"Or perhaps I'll see how willing Clarke would be to carry me, anyway. After all, I did prove I could carry her." Anya added, nodding to herself as she wondered if maybe that would be a bit too manipulative.

"That was, like, the gayest thing I've ever seen, straight up. When you placed her on the bed, I thought the sheets were gonna spontaneously turn into plaid flannel or something." Raven claimed, letting out another laugh that once again had Clarke glancing back curiously. "I mean, I figure that's the sort of thing you leave for your wedding night, carrying the princess across the threshold and all, but..."

Anya swatted at Raven's arm, which only had the woman laughing louder. "Don't be so crude! Besides, it was Clarke's idea. She bet me I couldn't carry her from the car to the hotel room without waking her after I told her she was a deep sleeper."

"And you fell for it?" Raven's laughter was verging on hysterical now, and it was all Anya could do not to blush because she just could not understand what was so funny.

"Clarke said she'd let you and Octavia drive. I wanted her to get rest. She bet that if I could do it, then she'd let you two drive for part of today, and those plans were adapted when we decided to visit the park." Anya insisted with a huff, knowing with absolute certainty what the deal had been. There wasn't anything to 'fall for'.

Raven, however, flung an arm across Anya's shoulders and tugged her close. "You got played, cheekbones. First off, she desperately wanted you to see a national park, and she loves this place, so you had leverage in that 'deal' of visiting here instead of driving through some shit national forest you'd only get a glimpse at from the SUV. You could have swapped carrying her for visiting the park. Secondly, O and I drove before you had a shot to prove you could do it, so we would have driven anyways. Third, Clarke's a clear fan of your arms, so that's more leverage. And finally, she's just super into you and wanted an excuse for you to do something tremendously fluffy and gay, and you fell right into it."

Anya took in Raven's words, and as much as she didn't want to agree, the woman did make a lot of sense. She really could have re-negotiated. Still, it was sort of nice to ensure Clarke slept well, even if it meant struggling a little to get the younger blonde from the car and into bed.

"I see your point. Still, I can't regret anything when Clarke seemed very well rested this morning. She really did need to sleep in like that." Anya stated, figuring that even if she'd been 'played', it had all turned out for the best. Clarke was well-rested, they were spending a day at a major park, and everyone seemed to be excited for the day ahead.

"I don't get you, cheekbones. There's some internet meme about cinnamon rolls that you fit to a damn tee. Pretty sure I would have bounced O off the bed, or placed her in the bathtub, or haggled for better terms, but there you are looking out for our girl." Raven noted with perhaps a bit of frustration in her voice, even if the woman did seem happy about her actions. It was a strange reaction, to be certain. "Anyway, go grab O for me, will you? She's got something of mine."

Anya simply nodded, even if getting Octavia likely meant being alone with Clarke. Being alone with Clarke could lead to questions. Questions could lead to uncomfortable truths coming out earlier than planned.

Still, Raven looked slightly uncomfortable, and that took priority, knowing if the woman's leg was acting up, she wouldn't forgive herself if she allowed Raven to be in discomfort any longer than necessary.

The path was only getting steeper, it seemed, but Anya jogged the short distance up to Clarke and her old friend. "Raven's asking for you, Octavia. Says you have something of hers?"

Octavia's response was immediate, glancing back at Raven as she patted Anya's shoulder. "You two head up, we'll meet you at the top."

And just like that, Octavia was trotting down the hill to Raven, leaving her alone with Clarke.

"Come on, not much farther now." Clarke said with a welcoming smile, whatever nerves she had from earlier clearly having dissipated since then.

Anya nodded and fell into step with the younger blonde. It wasn't too long before a structure came into view, a spiraling ramp up to a higher panoramic looking point. Honestly, as they approach it, the view was already astounding, but as she followed Clarke up, and began to see over the trees that had been in the way, it was impossible to contain her gasp.

Anya's hand went to her chest at the sight of the rolling mountain range, stretching as far as her eyes could see, the gentle breeze stealing her breath away with it. It was extraordinary, and if her mouth was gaping, it was one of a few scenarios where she wouldn't be embarrassed, since she'd honestly never seen anything like it before.

She felt a hand knit with her free one, slowly leading her the rest of the way up to the elevated platform, but her eyes were fixated on her surroundings, on the vast wilderness before her. "So majestic..."

"The first time I saw it, it took my breath away." She heard Clarke muse openly, the hand holding hers offering a light squeeze.

"I'm well acquainted with the feeling at the moment." Anya replied, voice strained from the views that had stilled her lungs for longer than was likely healthy. She made the conscious effort to draw in oxygen, and felt relief as things started to kick into gear again. "This is just glorious, Clarke. Magnificent."

"Don't run out of adjectives just yet, babe. Still got the rest of the day ahead of us." Clarke noted with a smile, one that flickered away as uncertainty flooded eyes as blue as the late spring sky above them.

It took Anya a moment to realize Clarke had let another term of affection slip, and while she didn't want to openly encourage them given they haven't had their talk, she didn't want the blonde to think they made her uncomfortable, either.

Anya gave a gentle squeeze to the hand linked with her own and shot Clarke a smile before staring back out at the wilderness. "I suppose you're right. The rest of the park is likely just as worthy of my praise, and I wouldn't want to play favourites just yet."

Out of her periphery, she could see the younger blonde relax a little. "That's...that's good, because I have something planned this evening that I think you're really gonna like, Anya."

Anya dipped her head away, hiding her blush, not wanting to give a wrong impression in case something went sideways in their talk later on. Still, it was wonderful for Clarke to consider her like that. "Just a friendly reminder that some experiences are simply more than words can say, Clarke."

Facing back down the ramp up to the platform, she could see Raven and Octavia making their way up, the former looking a little discomforted. Anya couldn't help but wonder if her leg was hurting, and knew she'd talk to Octavia soon enough to see if the group could slow their pace to stay together. After all, it was a group road trip, they were supposed to be doing it all as a group, not in pairs.

"Well, in the case of something like that, I'll leave it up to you to figure out another way to express yourself." Clarke short back, a bit of that familiar lighthearted teasing returning to her tone.

Anya hoped it was a sign of things to come. She didn't want Clarke to be awkward around her for the rest of the trip. She liked how the woman had been around her up until the confession, and no matter how things went that afternoon, she hoped that they could get back to that. If nothing else, friendship would make her tremendously happy.

She knew what she hoped for, what she wanted, even if she wasn't sure how ready she was for it. It was Clarke that was the unknown in the equation.

As she looked off into the distance at the rolling, green mountains and valleys, Anya could hardly wait to get the answers to the storm of questions roiling inside of her.

Patience had never been her strongest virtue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this one, I decided to keep Anya's portion of this chapter a little under 24 hours, and have Clarke's section next chapter cover the rest of the day.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, and that your weekends were wonderful!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Child abuse, transmisogyny/transphobia, homophobia

**Monday Afternoon, May 30th (Great Smoky Mountains National Park, NC)**

It was only a little after two as they hiked their way towards Andrews Bald, but if Clarke was entirely honest, it felt like a full day since she'd woken up that morning. Heck, even waking up had her feeling as if time had inexplicably skipped ahead and frozen, waking up in some strange hotel room after falling asleep in her Volvo.

Clarke hadn't been kidding when she'd told Anya that she wasn't that deep of a sleeper, and yet there she'd been, cuddled under the bed sheets with Anya's arms around her. Complete proof that not only was she a deep sleeper, but that Anya had actually managed to carry her up to their room and into bed without waking her.

And given she'd woken up in bed before Anya, time had stretched on endlessly as she yearned to remember what it might have felt like. Clarke had mourned not being able to feel those strong arms lift and hold her. Clarke had mourned not feeling the cool morning air as she was carried from her car up to the room. Clarke had mourned not experiencing Anya tucking her into bed, making sure she was secure before joining her. Never in her life had she wanted to kiss Anya more than that morning.

Just that brief period felt like it had taken ages to pass. Thankfully, when Anya woke up, their docket for the next hour was full of showering, getting changed, grabbing supplies from a nearby store, and meeting Raven and O for breakfast. It'd been enough of a whirlwind that she'd been able to keep stray thoughts at bay, but the moment she'd gotten into the driver's seat, the previous day's difficulties came roaring back into her consciousness.

How Anya had rushed away from her and into O's basement. Seeing Anya weeping beside the dryer and trying desperately to breathe. Interrupting Raven and Octavia mid-sex to alert Octavia to Anya. Letting her nerves get the best of her in eating all the donuts. Anya needing to talk to Lexa. Radio silence from Lexa that evening after she and Anya had done their talking. Octavia constantly shooting her angry glares all night.

By the time they'd made it to the park, Clarke had been literally shaking in her seat from fear that she'd fucked it all up by taking initiative and coming clean instead of just shutting up and deflecting. As soon as she'd been able to, Clarke had got out of the car and made a beeline for the hiking path, needing fresh air and some time to really think, but of course Raven had interjected.

Of course Raven had been her usual devious self and called on her to help Anya with her sunscreen. Even though it really was necessary, it didn't change how nervous she'd been with Anya. Sure the woman had been polite and kind since returning from the basement yesterday evening, but Anya had also been quite distant for long stretches.

Worse, Anya had wanted to 'talk'. Anyone who was anyone knew what that was code for, so as much as she had wanted to be hopeful, it had been pretty clear at the time as to what was coming, making it hard to feel too optimistic.

And yet, Anya had touched her so delicately, hands massaging lotion into her as if protecting her from the sun wasn't anywhere near the woman's top priority. Anya had taken her hand and smiled at her like Clarke had carved the mountain range herself and filled it with life in dedication to the spellbinding woman. Just standing up there with Anya at Clingman's Dome had been an ongoing, relentless rush of adrenaline and hope that maybe she'd come to the wrong conclusion. They'd only spent maybe fifteen minutes up there on that platform, but with Anya's hand in hers, it had felt like a glorious hour or two.

An hour and a half later, Anya was still holding her hand as Clarke led her through the trail to their destination. More to ensure Anya paid attention and watched her steps, but even still, it was all sort of exhilarating, sharing a passion of hers with her newest friend.

And while she was leading the way and didn't have much time to spare much more than brief glances backward, the soft sounds of wonder coming from Anya were more than enough to have her mood soaring. There had always been something tremendously balancing about the wilderness, and Clarke just hoped that it'd help keep everyone in a happier state after a bit of a difficult day yesterday.

"Ugh, I'm starving." Clarke heard Raven groan from a ways behind her.

"We're almost there. You can hang on for another five minutes." Octavia shot back with a laugh, Clarke glancing back to catch the two gently shoving each other. "You're so whiny."

"And you're a jerk for letting your girlfriend starve to death. I'm _literally_ deteriorating." Raven griped, not a surprise given her love of food. "Gimme a sandwich, woman!"

"Get your own sandwich, you ass." Octava let out with another laugh, and just from the pitter-patter behind her, she could tell Octavia ran off a bit ahead of Raven.

"Hey! You can't tell me to get my own and then run off with them, jerk! Besides, who made the sandwiches this morning while you were snoozin'? Me!" Raven yelled, letting out annoyed grumbles as the woman trudged onward. "Come on, O, I'm hungry. Feed me."

Clarke glanced over her shoulder again, long enough to spot Octavia roll her eyes and pull off her backpack. "Ugh, fine. As if you couldn't wait another few minutes, Raven."

She heard the soft, crinkly impact of the wrapped sandwich hitting Raven's hands just as she spotted their destination ahead. Clarke gave a squeeze to Anya's hand and smiled at the sight. "We're here."

It took a minute before they were stepping out into the meadow, tree cover falling away to reveal spectacular views of the mountains and highlands surrounding them in all directions. As they moved farther into the bald, Anya's hand fell away from her, though the expression on the woman's face crushed any sense of loss she might have felt.

No, Anya, with both hands covering her mouth, was wide eyed and awestruck, body slowly turning around and around to catch sight of her surroundings. "Clarke..."

She bit her lip and rested a hand on the small of Anya's back once the woman stopped spinning. "I know."

As hopeful as she'd been all hike long, and as thrilled as she was to see how much Anya loved the view, Clarke didn't expect Anya to grab hold of her hand and march them off into the meadow. She didn't expect the laughter bubbling out of her newest friend, or the wide eyed excitement of finding a better vantage point.

"Clarke, you can see all the way down to the rivers from here!" Anya noted, practically vibrating with excitement as her gaze shifted slightly. "And...the clouds off in the distance there...have you ever hiked high enough where you were above the clouds, and were looking down at them?"

No one could blame her if she needed a moment or two before answering, not with her mind flashing through all sorts of possibilities for other adventures with Anya in the future. "I have. It's kind of amazing."

"I'm not certain there are words sufficient enough to describe this, Clarke." Anya added after a few more moments of scanning their surroundings, those warm brown eyes eventually landing on her. "Thank you."

"I'm just happy you're enjoying yourself." Clarke said, smiling brightly at her friend, full to the brim with joy that Anya had been absolutely enthralled with the park so far. "Now, come on, we should reapply sunscreen and then grab some lunch."

Anya quickly agreed, the both of them not wasting any time reapplying, even if Clarke might have enjoyed a repeat of the previous time. They were on the clock, so to speak, with a lot to accomplish in a limited period of time. Their breaks could only last so long.

A squeal off in the distance had Clarke shifting her attention back towards the trail, where Raven was piggybacking on Octavia, the firefighter gleefully jogging around in the meadow as Reyes cheered her on, sandwich in hand and all.

"One of these days, they're going to get too caught up in their shenanigans and get hurt." Clarke mused openly, watching the pair carefully as Octavia darted off out of sight behind some bushes.

"Try telling Octavia to tone it down, I dare you. We both know she'd never listen." Anya added, reaching over to unzip Clarke's backpack and pull out their food.

Clarke nodded along in agreement, knowing both stubborn women wouldn't change their ways. She was in the middle of her sandwich when Anya shifted a little closer to her side, the both of them nestled near a cluster of fragrant rhododendrons, looking off at the distant wilderness.

"We're here for another forty or so minutes, correct?" Anya asked quietly, the hesitant tone of her voice prompting Clarke to nod and quickly mow down the rest of her sandwich.

"Yeah, we are. What's up?" She asked, drawing a sigh from her friend, whose head ducked low, eyes fluttering closed.

"This is our longest break of the day. Perhaps we could have that talk." Anya noted, all soft and quiet, the woman's body growing tenser as seconds passed.

Clarke could feel her heart drop into her stomach at the sight and gathered all her willpower and strength to muster the words she knew she had to speak. "Anya, I don't want you to feel bad or guilty for turning me down. We're friends now, and that doesn't have to change. We're alright."

Sure, Clarke would take the hit and eventually be better. Maybe she'd have a good cry when she got back to D.C., but she'd get better. They'd be good.

Anya startling and slightly arching away from Clarke broke the younger blonde from her thoughts. "What? Clarke...I told you that you didn't bother me, or make me uncomfortable. I told you that it was my history that caused my anxiety." Anya spoke, face contorted in confusion and maybe a little bit of fear.

That shred of fear was what had Clarke immediately on high alert. Still, she needed to stick to her guns; Anya deserved an easy out, guilt-free, and Clarke would ensure the woman knew it was there for her to take. "I know what people mean when they say they want to _talk_ , Anya. It's okay."

Anya just shook her head, a hand coming to her chest as the woman's breathing grew a little labored. "I... _no_ , just...that was the furthest from my mind when I asked if we could talk sometime. I mean what I say, Clarke. I wanted to talk about why I reacted like I did. That's all."

Clarke could see Anya's breathing was only getting heavier, so she scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her friend's shoulders, which thankfully seemed to slightly calm the woman. Her head was spinning at the thought that she'd yet again assumed something about Anya. That yet again, she'd nearly made a fool of herself and hurt her friend. "Hey, it's okay. I was wrong to assume."

Anya let out a scoff that sounded more self-deprecating than anything. "I can't even get a few words out about this without making a complete mess of it." The woman grumbled, letting out a shaky sigh that had Clarke closing the remaining distance and pulling Anya into a tight side hug.

"No, not at all. You're fine. Let's start from the top again, okay? Just take a few deep breaths and let's start over." Clarke cooed as she stroked Anya's cheek, hoping to reassure her friend that it'd all be fine, that there was nothing to be anxious about.

Anya didn't seem to be on the same page, but at least the woman opened her glassy eyes and met her gaze after taking a few steadying breaths that didn't quite get the job done. "You know I prefer people learn about me first-hand, Clarke."

Clarke nodded. "I know, I respect that."

"I spent part of this morning deciding on how to tell you what you need to know so that you'll understand. That...that's the reason I wanted to talk...not to sway you any way, or evoke emotion, or...I just ...I need you to _understand_. So that you'll know why I reacted how I did, and that it wasn't your fault, it was just a product of my history." Anya halfway rambled, gaze dropping to the ground after stumbling over her speech a bit.

Honestly, it wasn't exactly the way she'd expected their talk to kick off, what with Anya being supremely formal and throwing a verbal disclaimer her way, but Clarke was sure that whatever Anya needed to get through this, she'd provide it. Clarke just wanted to know more about Anya.

"I'm happy to listen, Anya. You don't need to rush this, take your time." Clarke noted, hoping it'd reassure the older blonde, but her words didn't seem to change much of anything about the tense woman as her side.

"I was...I was very self-aware as a young child. The internal strength it blessed me with came with the curse of being unable to mold myself to my parents' whims and desires. My parents were...fiercely traditional, and needless to say, I did not live up to their expectations, which shamed them greatly. I'll spare you the details of my early upbringing, but it wasn't a very pleasant one, and I was pulled out of school when I was eight to be homeschooled, to keep me from tainting the family reputation in our greater community. To be kept away until I could represent them properly, like my adopted brother did. For the next eight years, the only people I came into contact with were my parents, my teacher, Lincoln on occasion, some extended family, and the wait staff." Anya spoke so calmly and flatly after her initial stumble, as if it was all so common and normal for a child to be hidden away from society out of shame.

Clarke was aghast. Just knowing the bare bones about Anya's childhood had a fury welling up inside of her. Despite Anya's tone, her choice of words had Clarke coming to an educated guess on what their issue was. After all, her friend had admitted to being a lesbian, and her parents were 'fiercely traditional' and were concerned about their community's views and how it could impact their reputation. It was the depressingly common narrative of so many gay kids raised in hard-line religious households.

It was the pure shame that Anya's parents inflicted that fueled the fire inside of her, though, some parallels falling into place with her own experiences. She'd always been sensitive to others feeling or expressing shame over her, and she could hardly imagine being barraged relentlessly with it for an entire childhood, when Clarke had barely survived a few short years.

"I spent years being educated and being holed up in my room with little access to the world outside. If I was well behaved, my parents would allow me to obtain books from a local library...remotely, of course, I'm sure some servant of theirs would complete the order. They never cared much about which books I asked for...I doubt they actually looked, really. I signed out a book when I was fourteen that reaffirmed what I knew to be true about myself, and I reveled in that truth. I shared it with a cousin of mine who I held dear." Anya continued, smiling wistfully at the mention of getting books from the library. It was something everyone should have had access to, something most took for granted, Clarke included, but clearly they had been special to her, much like art had been Clarke's escape.

Despite the disgusting neglect and clear abuse, Clarke couldn't help but feel warm about how Anya talked about being so sure of herself so young. Despite everything, Anya had pressed through it and was true to herself. She'd caught glimpses of that strength throughout the road trip, but knowing more now, she couldn't help but feel proud.

"My cousin was too young to understand fully, but she loved me, and I loved her. I didn't have friends, you see, and I wasn't so close with Lincoln at the time, so she was who I would talk to when I needed anyone. We had spent an entire afternoon hanging out in my room when my parents barged in, having found some of what I'd written. They were furious, as always, and yelled and yelled and..." Anya let out a shuddering sigh before taking in one deep breath, and then another. Clarke offered her hand, and hoped it provided Anya some comfort when it was taken. "...and they kept telling me I was a failed member of my gender. That I was broken. My cousin, who was too young to know better, and too concerned for me to know reason, raised her voice and told them that maybe if they treated me like the girl I was, they'd like me better."

Clarke's brow furrowed at the sight of Anya's jaw clenching, nervous eyes flickering over to her before slamming shut. All signs of fear and worry, as if Anya expected that Clarke could reject her. For what, she wasn't sure.

Clarke pondered over her friend's words, trying to find some clue to the magnitude of Anya's cousin's words, but failed.

Anya eventually let out a sigh, breaking the extended silence between them. "That was the day my parents learned that I was trans. That I was a young woman."

Now Clarke Griffin was a smart cookie, she'd always known that about herself, but she couldn't help but recoil a bit, a wave of surprise soon followed by empathy, excitement, and awe. The wondrous joy bubbling inside of her quickly turned to acid, burning away at her insides as a devastating feeling of horror fell upon her, realizing the implications.

"She _outed_ you. To your LGBT-hating parents. While you were basically already imprisoned." Clarke mumbled, eyes growing wide in fear of what was done to Anya, suddenly feeling scared as hell over what had been done to her.

"She meant well, but...yes. My parents did not take it well at first, but then...then they saw a way out of their predicament." Anya continued darkly, letting out a laugh so saturated in misery that Clarke hoped she'd never hear it again in her life. "My parents were very traditional. If they could not have me as an asset, and they knew by then that I was unsuitable for their aims...then they could bait someone else. After all, I had been gone for eight years. I hadn't been discussed, I hadn't been seen, I fell out of public memory. My parents were already relatively private people by necessity after I started expressing myself at a young age, and were too busy to attend church with any regularity, especially as a family unit since they'd only show up with Lincoln, so it wasn't as if many people knew me. And my mother, _bless her heart_ , had never been able to leave her debutante roots behind her."

Clarke could taste the bitterness in the air from how Anya spoke of her parents, and she felt guilty in halfway reveling in it, knowing that bitterness was fully deserved. Still, it was drawn from pain, and it was that pain that Clarke desperately wanted to soothe, the picture becoming clearer now. "Let me guess, they wanted you to be their Proverbs 31 Barbie."

Anya gave her hand a squeeze and nodded slowly. "More or less. They set the terms...I would have access to any treatment on the market if I complied with their teachings. By then, my dysphoria was nearly debilitating, and I saw no other way out, so I took them up on the offer. The next day, I had an appointment scheduled to get me on HRT, and paperwork had been filled out to quietly push through a name change...I'd managed to have them let me choose my first name so long as they chose the rest."

Clarke nodded along, knowing that she would have taken that deal in a heartbeat, too, given the circumstances. "That's why you're weirdly formal, don't swear, and were able to give Octavia a sort of finishing school boot camp."

"Precisely. Much like before, I was kept away for another two years or so, until my parents thought I was sufficiently virtuous and feminine. I...I didn't hate all of the training, but I did hate that they were pigeonholing me into this absurd stereotype and holding me to unrealistic standards. It was, in most cases, impossible for me to pass their tests, particularly my mother's. However, my parents needed the whole property to teach me, and over time, I grew closer to Lincoln, and he developed an...understanding, and we bonded. So at least out of everything, I gained him as an ally." Anya said with a sad, tired smile, shoulders dropping ever so slightly. "This...was a very stressful period for my parents. While the outside world didn't know of me, my family, and extended family, did. They greatly disapproved of me being trans, but were tentatively willing to remain connected with my parents despite my apparent deviancy."

"Your family sounds like a bunch of terrible people." Clarke blurted out, feeling herself blush when she realized what she'd said. "Sorry. It's not my place."

Anya let out a laugh, a pleasant one, this time, one that had the edges of Clarke's lips twitching upward. "It's fine. They are indeed mostly terrible. At least, the older members. Many of the younger ones are...somewhat more like my cousin who would visit and talk with me." Anya explained, teeth quickly gnawing into that pretty lower lip for a few moments. "Despite being barred from speaking to my favourite cousin, we found ways to communicate. She was in her mid-teens, then, and struggling with her sexuality. Having personal experience with that, we bonded even more from that, and grew stronger together."

Clarke smiled at the clear love in Anya's eyes for her cousin. It was heartwarming to know that even in her darkest hours, Anya had never been truly alone. The sheer devotion in Anya's voice reminded her of how Lexa would speak about her loved ones.

_Wait...Lexa is Anya's best friend...and her cousin...and...oh...oh no..._

"However, my cousin was not so efficient at hiding that part of herself away as I was. Her parents weren't as strict and demanding; she wasn't forced to develop that discipline...not by then, at least. When her parents caught her with Costia, she came out, proudly, and accidentally referenced me." Anya continued, and it was everything Clarke could do to keep herself from imploding from her chaotic thoughts, because it was Lexa.

Anya had been outed by Lexa twice. _Twice_.

"Lexa...she..." Clarke stammered out, unsure what to even say about any of it, if there was anything to say about it all.

"It was a blessing and a curse. My parents were cut off from the greater family immediately, and I was disowned, free of them at last, with karma dealing a nice blow to their reputation and egos." Anya noted, any wistful happiness fading into a more conflicted expression. "But Lexa's family was the glue for the whole familial network. They were the core, and something had to be done. They had enough influence to protect Lexa, to keep her safe. They needed a little time, but were largely accepting of her and Costia, even if the rest of the family wasn't. The extended family demanded leadership, and...and that was partially provided by throwing the hammer down on my parents."

Clarke felt her skin prickle, as if the air around her was a little charged, and it had her on edge. From the sadness in Anya's eyes, she knew whatever came next wasn't good. "And the other part?"

"Lexa was told that under no circumstances was she to interact with me. That I was the bad influence, that Lexa was...despite her sexuality...a _good_ person, while I was as tainted as my parents, and a threat to the family values. Lincoln had been adopted, so they deemed his blood was sufficiently untainted, and he more or less went to live with Lexa's parents from there on out after mine separated and moved away." Anya noted quietly, forcing Clarke to strain her ears to hear everything in detail.

Honestly, it was impossible to believe. Anya loved Lexa, and Lexa seemed to love Anya, so clearly Lexa hadn't gone through with it. Clarke breathed a sigh of relief in knowing that much. "She declined, of course. She did, right?"

Anya gave a half shrug, shifting her head around a bit, clearly expressing that Lexa hadn't been quite so virtuous. "Do not blame Lexa. I was only really in contact with her. She was close with _everyone_. Every child. Her sexuality wasn't being repressed...it was either accepted or tolerated by the masses out of respect of her family, and with the size of our extended family, there were a good number of people she was close to who needed her to be their champion. So she agreed not to see me again. At least...that was the official statement."

Clarke's mind raced, recalling so many times Lexa had been pulled away momentarily from parties, hangouts, class, or any real event due to family emergencies. Honestly, Clarke had thought it was some code word, or that Lexa's family was tremendously accident prone, but if Anya was speaking the truth, Lexa was the go-to person for anyone in that network who needed help dealing with being different than the family traditions demanded.

The ruthless calculus of Lexa choosing the many over the few fit her best friend's character, certainly, but it didn't quell the pain in her heart over how alone Anya must have been.

"You lost Lexa, and Lincoln, and your family." Clarke stated in disbelief. "You...had to be angry, Anya."

Anya gave an infuriatingly confusing shrug. "I was _free_ , and I'd been transitioning for two years, and Lexa was getting all the support she needed. She was _happy_. There was no reason to be angry. She made the right decision." Anya stated, and while Clarke could see the twisted logic there, she couldn't help but gape at Anya being so nonchalant about it all. "Besides, Lexa would help me in private. I still had her, even if no one else knew. I didn't need her to spend time with me in public, I just needed my best friend in my life, and she was."

That bubbling acid feeling from earlier was dying down, but the burning feeling had left, leaving nausea in its place. The whole history had her feeling sick, and more than anything, she wanted to build a time machine and kick Anya's parents' and Lexa's family's teeth in. None of it was right. _And here I thought my family reacted badly..._

More than anything, Clarke understood Anya's stance on passing around knowledge of her. She understood that need for control and to ensure people knew her firsthand. Anya had been harmed by both the most evil people in her life and the person she'd loved most of all, all due to loose lips and stigmas.

"A year and a bit later, Lexa's parents passed away, and her uncle Gustus came in to take care of her until she was old enough to leave home for university. He was one of the... _sympathetic_ ones in the family, and helped Lexa transfer her parents' cottage into my name. Lexa refused to let me live without a roof over my head, she needed me safe, and so I was safe. She knew the harm her parents had caused me, and had Gustus set up an account for me to access if I need living expenses. Early on, before my writing career developed, that kept me afloat and alive." Anya rambled, voice straining with defensive tones, as if expecting a fight over it. Clarke knew there would be time for that later, after she reamed out her best friend tonight when they got back to the hotel.

"Lexa would visit when she could, and she would Skype at least twice a week. Even if she wasn't public in supporting me, she was always there for me...even when she hadn't learned how to be tactful. I bore the brunt of those lessons for her, and she's been content with supporting me every way she can. She's breaking the promise she made in inviting me to the wedding...she's taking a risk for me now...that's huge." Anya continued, hesitating for a moment before shaking her head. "But anyways, so...you understand now...that I was alone most of my life. I had few real social experiences that were remotely normal. By the time I got out into the world, I was such an awkward young trans woman, and it took me time to adjust, and find my footing."

Clarke leaned into Anya and gave her hand another squeeze, not wanting to overwhelm her friend with affection quite yet. "I think you've grown up pretty well since then."

The deep blush decorating Anya's cheeks was kind of glorious to witness. "Yes, well...that is the issue at hand. It...it took me time to adjust. A lot of time. And as time passed..."

Anya took a heavy breath and turned her head away from Clarke for the first time in their conversation. It was so utterly baffling, because the woman's past was a fucking horror show, and after all the terrible things were largely out of the way, Anya felt she had to hide herself? It didn't make sense. It had Clarke's gut churning in terror, her heart pounding in pure fear that something horrific had been done to the beautiful person beside her.

"Anya, if...if someone...if anyone's hurt you, you don't need to explain it to me, okay? I'm here for you, I care for you, you don't have..." Clarke started, words flying out of her mouth in a flurry, only to be halted by the shake of Anya's head and a sniffle. "Oh, Anya..."

Clarke went to embrace her friend fully, like she had so many other times, but Anya scooted just out of reach, tugging her arm free as well, those warm brown eyes staring all wide and fearful back at her. "I can't...you can't...just...it's not that. It's not _that_. No one's hurt me like that."

Clarke wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, but the debilitating fear that seemed to be coursing through Anya had her concerned enough to keep her distance and hold her focus. "Then please...what happened? Why are you so scared?"

"You could be like the others. It...it could be too late for me." Anya blurted out, blushing hard as her face went stony and turned away, clearly not having meant to speak her fears out loud.

Clarke took a deep breath and reached out her hands, laying them on the grass between them, fingers outstretched towards her friend. "Anya...there's almost nothing in this world that people don't have time to change or fix or experience. I could list off over a dozen painters alone who started late in life. Most things in life don't have an expiration date." Clarke reasoned, hoping Anya would recognize the logic in her words. "And I'm not sure who you're referring to, but I can't know if I'm going to be like them or not if I don't know what about them hurt you. I'd like to think I wouldn't."

She could see Anya retreating into herself, if just slightly, but it was enough to have Clarke blurting out just about anything to try and re-establish whatever trust that might have faltered between them for whatever reason.

"You've shared so much with me, and I'm so thankful and honored that you've trusted me, and let me in like that. And after everything, Anya, I still want to know more about you. If you're not ready to share yet, I'll wait as long as you need. If you're never ready, then that won't change our friendship. I'm with you, okay?" Clarke asked, hoping that whatever it was that had Anya worried, that they could handle it together, or at least move past it.

"Clarke..." Anya whispered, head bowed yet again, the hat's brim hiding her face at that angle, leaving Clarke little to work with.

Still, she moved closer, ever so slowly, until she was seating directly in front of her friend, her hands gently taking Anya's. "I swear, the last thing I want to do is hurt you. Whatever it is..."

"Clarke..." Anya let out in another whisper, voice straining, sounding a little more urgent.

"Whatever it is, it's not going to change what I think about you." Clarke insisted, wanting...needing...to hammer that point home. Whatever it was, she'd have Anya's back.

"I've never been in a relationship." Anya spoke flatly, the woman's body freezing up immediately, and Clarke was about a hundred percent sure that Anya wasn't breathing for a good ten seconds. Ten seconds Clarke needed to process those six words, because they didn't seem that important. It wasn't monumental. "I've never had sex, I've never finished a date, I've never...I've never been kissed, Clarke. I'm twenty-seven, and I've..."

Anya's voice cut off, pulling a hand free to cover her mouth as her body silently shook, all while Clarke tried to make sense of the absurdity of it all.

It was moments like those where Clarke wished she had more tact, because she regretted the instinctual surprised laugh and the words that flew out of her mouth as soon as they registered. "You're kidding, right?"

As strange and confusing as Anya's six words had been, Clarke knew her trio hit her friend like a dagger to her chest, Anya immediately shooting up to her feet with a sob and staggering away, breathing heavily.

"Shit, shit, Anya... _Anya_ , _please_ , I didn't mean it like that!" Clarke shot out, quickly moving to her feet and chasing her friend around a flower bush, heart straining at the sound of the woman's cries. "Anya!"

" _Clarke_!" Octavia's furious yell had her realizing that perhaps her other two friends had been made aware of the situation, at least on some level, what with Anya rushing away from her in tears. A quick glance had Raven just barely holding an enraged Octavia back.

Clarke bit her lip, knowing she didn't have much time, and ran off after Anya. The woman wasn't moving very fast, as and she neared, it was clear Anya was on the verge of another attack, practically wheezing for air.

"Damn it, babe, I'm an ass, but I'm not _that_ big of an ass. Just got caught off guard, I promise. I'm _sorry_." Clarke spoke rapidly as she pulled a thankfully non-resistant Anya to a seated position and settled in behind her, Anya's back to her chest. "Just follow my breathing, gotta count them out, alright?" She added, trying to eliminate the sight of Anya's heartbroken and tearful face from her mind, at least for the moment.

Fortunately, it was in Anya's best interest to cooperate, and it seemed the woman would, even if her utterly tense as a steel rod body let her know that her presence wasn't welcome. Not that _that_ ever stopped Clarke from speaking her mind and trying to fix her own messes.

"I'm sorry. It just...on first instinct, it seemed so absurd because the moment I first saw you, I felt the urge to just...kiss you. I've been wanting to kiss you more and more this whole trip, and...I got caught off guard. I'm so sorry." Clarke whispered after Anya's breathing stabilized. She could sense Octavia standing somewhere nearby, and knew she only had one chance to keep from fucking up. "But if you've never dated anyone, never had a kiss...Anya, that doesn't matter to me. I like you. I'm interested in you. None of what you've told me today changed anything about what I think about you, or how I feel about you. If you're not interested in me, I can handle that, but if this is mutual...I know we could make it work. So just...breathe, and...once you're good I'll give you space to think, okay?"

Anya took a deep breath, then another, then a third, before she gave a small nod. It was as much relief as she allowed herself to feel, knowing she'd brought on the attack, that she'd inadvertently hurt Anya. It was a fact that was hard to stomach, and so when her friend's breathing stabilized, Clarke carefully detangled herself from Anya and stepped away, retreating back to where they'd talked for most of their lunch break.

After everything, Anya deserved time and space. All Clarke could hope was that she hadn't fucked everything up beyond repair.

* * *

"Can't say I've ever prevented a murder before today. Guess there's really a first time for everything."

Raven's snark wasn't unexpected, but after forty minutes of silent hiking back towards her car, she'd lost an anxious edginess, all of that falling away to just straight sadness.

Anya had finished the lunch break alone in thought, and joined Octavia after packing up, the duo about a dozen yards up the trail from them. Honestly, if she could have spoken to Anya again, at the cost of being punched by Octavia, she would have done it.

Instead, Anya just seemed to be avoiding her.

_For good reason...I can't believe I laughed..._ Clarke thought to herself as she shook her head in defeat, just about a half hour into her personal pity party. _So much for not hurting her...so much for being different..._

It had all seemed so surreal that Anya had never been kissed when Clarke had been fighting significantly gay feelings the whole trip long, and had needed to control herself each night they'd spent together. Now, Clarke knew that she was attracted to quite a bit of people in the world, but she liked to think her standards were pretty high, and Anya had blown them out of the water right out of the gate.

So believing no one had wanted to get some sugar from Anya? That, just on gut reaction, was hardly believable.

And yet, it was true. There was no reason to doubt Anya, so it had to be true, which made it that much more baffling. Had she met Anya out in public, without knowing her connection to Lexa or Octavia, Clarke would probably have put her daily plans aside and made talking to the gorgeous woman a priority. It had been the connection to Lexa, the upcoming road trip, and the impending wedding that had made Clarke cautious to begin with, nothing more.

_And even then, I barely lasted a few days before telling her I'm into her...fucking miracle I lasted that long..._ Clarke mused with another shake of her head. _Glad I didn't go for it on day one...that would have been a disaster!_

"You know, I think a 'thank you' is pretty standard in these situations?" Raven added, breaking Clarke from her thoughts and bringing a blush to her cheeks, realizing she'd absolutely spaced out on her friend for a bit,

"You're a live saver, Raven. I'd tell you not to forget it, but I doubt you ever will." Clarke noted, trying her best to infuse a bit of lighthearted humour into her words, but it all just fell flat.

"Damn right! Any time you're pissed at me, or I need your help, better expect that I'll remind you of that." Raven said with a laugh, though her dark eyes turned inquisitive soon after. "What the hell happened back there, anyway?"

Clarke let out a sigh and shrugged. "She told me about herself. She trusted me. I fucked up."

Raven offered a light playful jab to her shoulder. 'Hey, can't beat yourself up over this too badly. I mean, it's not like you shanked her."

"I laughed." Clarke let out weakly, shaking her head again at how she wished she could take it all back. "She was scared, and I laughed."

Raven let out a low whistle and cringed. "What kind of laugh?"

"A laugh is a laugh, Raven." Clarke shot back, not wanting her friend to find her some mental loophole to jump out of and forgive herself with. The only person whose forgiveness she cared about at the moment was Anya.

"But were you, like, laughing at her, like 'oh wow that's pathetic or weird', or were you laughing because your brain broke, or were you laughing because you tried to make a joke, and it was in bad taste, or..." Raven asked, letting her voice trail off in clear expectation of an answer.

Sometimes Raven was just too nice. "She told me something that seemed impossible, and...I just couldn't fathom how it could be true. It didn't make any sense, so I laughed. I didn't mean to, and I regretted it immediately, but..."

"But the damage was done." Raven finished for her when Clarke couldn't find the words. The blonde nodded in agreement, even if she thought that her friend's wording didn't quite grasp the magnitude of her slip. "Look, the day you two picked me up, Anya told us that she's capable of hoping for better, and that she's capable of _forgiveness_. Give her time. I think she'll come around."

Clarke felt a glimmer of hope and quickly swallowed it, not wanting to linger on optimism too much. Not on this. Maybe in a few hours, but not so fresh after a failure.

"Anyway, are you looking forward to the waterfalls?" Clarke asked, pushing away from the topic of her newest friend.

Thankfully, Raven happily obliged her. "Yeah, I kind of am. Oddly enough, I think I'll make the hike there without O giving me a lift."

Clarke smiled at the enthusiasm in Raven's voice, happy to hear how energetic she felt. They'd argued a little about the itinerary for their adventure in the park, not wanting to put too much strain on Raven's leg, but the girl genius insisted repeatedly that she'd be fine. Clarke was happy to hear that was more or less the truth.

"It's good to be out here again. I never forget how it feels, but...it can be harder to remember every detail after you've been away a while, you know?" Clarke asked, knowing Raven wasn't exactly the biggest outdoorsy person, but that the woman did enjoy her outings.

"Yeah, I get you. O and I don't manage it all that often, so when we do, it's kind of special. And I agree...I remember everything we did at other parks and stuff, but I like that I forget just enough that it feels fresh and new every time." Raven added with a soft smile, eyes focusing dead ahead at Octavia.

Clarke immediately decided that despite original plans to spend that evening's final event in a group, that she'd ensure O and Raven had as much space as they wanted, knowing that it wasn't too often that they had extended time together.

If that meant also distancing herself from Anya, if perhaps just a safe distance, so Anya wouldn't get lost or worried, then so be it. She'd enjoyed all of the park's festivities alone once before, she could manage it again for an evening if need be.

"Oh, bee-tee-dubs, don't worry about the sunscreen. Octavia and I talked about it during lunch that if things went downhill, she'd do Anya, and we could do each other." Raven noted, breaking Clarke from her thoughts.

"Hey, if you wanted my hands on your body..." Clarke started to joke, only for Raven to shove her.

"Don't even start, Clarke. You know I could sass and flirt you into the ground." Raven asserted, drawing a broad smile on Clarke's lips.

Perhaps a little lighthearted distraction wouldn't be so bad.

* * *

As expected, Raven rode shotgun on the drive up to Elkmont, Anya and Octavia taking the back. Clarke felt fortunate that it was just shy of peak season around that area of the park, knowing that reserving shuttle tickets from a random draw in order to access it would have been next to impossible.

It was that minor fact that kept Clarke feeling halfway decent about everyone enjoying the rest of the adventure despite everything. None of her friends had ever seen the final event before, so Clarke couldn't help but hope it would brighten everyone's moods.

After all, the whole point of the trip to the park was to have fun and enjoy themselves. Aside from her colossal fuck up, that mostly held true.

Besides, as she stood by the bottom of Laurel Falls, watching as O fooled around by the water with Raven and Anya, she wanted to think they were well on their way back to that.

It'd been something of a short dinner break, so Clarke had spent most of the break mowing down on her trail mix and some fruit as she enjoyed the sight of her friends letting loose. The sun was dipping lower in the sky, letting the trees and mountains cast long shadows and shroud the quartet, the reprieve from the blazing sun seeming to reinvigorate them.

It had Clarke smiling brightly that Anya was getting along with Raven, adding hopefully one more long-term friend to the woman's list. One more person to make her happy. One more person to keep her safe.

After today, that was what mattered. Clarke knew she had plenty of friends and family. Anya had precious few, so it was imperative that her friend get all the support possible. Clarke, of course, would love to be part of that inner circle, but that was Anya's decision.

She took the light from Anya's eyes earlier that day. She wouldn't impose again.

Mind made up, Clarke packed her things and took a few steps closer to the group, wanting to make sure they could hear her.

"Hey Raven?" She called out, immediately gaining all three women's attention. Raven looked on with curiosity, Octavia with anger, and Anya with an expression Clarke couldn't quite get a read on. "I'm heading back early to prep things for the show. I'll see you then, okay?"

Clarke offered a wave and turned on her heel, not wanting to really give room for argument. It'd be better for the three to bond together, without her looming around as a reminder of the hurt she'd caused earlier. Even if it was just a forty minute hike back, that was plenty of time for the three to get into the mood for the final act of their trip.

Unfortunately, her plan didn't seem to be popular, Clarke hearing both Raven and Octavia calling out. It was the rush of nearing footsteps that eventually had her glancing over her shoulder.

Clarke jumped out of her skin when she saw Anya jog up alongside her, the younger blonde's body suddenly feeling a whole lot heavier, her heart rate ramping up until it felt like there were war drums in her head and chest.

Whatever hopes she'd had for her plan, they were dashed on the rocks, and Clarke had no idea what to do next. The only thing she could think of was to just do what she said she'd do, hiking back to the Volvo.

Where silence had been comfortable before, it was suffocatingly tense on the hike back. The sound of Anya letting out a tiny cough was like a ray of hope that something would take that silence away. Clarke could handle yelling and screaming, she could handle that slow and cold sort of anger, but she couldn't handle this.

The silence had to go, and she was about to breach it when Anya beat her to the punch.

"You laughed at me." Anya murmured, her voice barely audible among the sounds of the wilderness around them and the noise from their footsteps.

There was a lot Clarke had to say about that, most of them firm and passionate denials. It wasn't about her, though, and focusing on any potential corrections or whatever would just take the focus from where it needed to be.

So she ducked her head, took a breath deep enough to strain her lungs, and focused on the path ahead. "You know, Octavia told me not to hurt you. She told me I needed to keep my distance so I wouldn't fuck up your heart. Lexa being your cousin and best friend? Had me even more cautious, even more certain that I had to just clamp up and deal with it."

Clarke knew her ramblings were a little off the mark from what Anya was expecting, but it at least got the woman's unwavering attention. Content that Anya was listening, she continued on.

"I had one of my best friends threatening me with violence, and my best friend's wedding on the line, and I still couldn't keep quiet. Ever since you stepped out of your house and I saw you, I've been fighting the urge to ask if I could kiss you. Every night when we were cuddled up together, it took everything in my power not to at least kiss your cheek. It's been exhausting, Anya." Clarke added with a shake of her head. "I've wanted to kiss you so badly, and just the thought of it has filled my mind so much that when you said what you said, I was in disbelief. I didn't understand, because it's been something I've had to fight myself _not to do_."

"Clarke, you don't..." Anya started before letting out a heavy sigh and falling in behind her, letting Clarke lead the way down the trail. Clearly, Anya needed some time to think, and didn't want to distract herself with navigation.

Silence sprouted up again, but it wasn't the same as before, even if it wasn't as comfortable as it had been most of the trip. As much as she desperately wanted to speak, Anya had something on her mind, and she deserved the opportunity to speak it.

"Clarke, I have had plenty of women shut me down over this. You don't expect me to believe you..." Anya noted all slow and low; as much as Anya's words painted a picture of deep seated skepticism, that slow roll of words was the product of uncertainty, and that meant that somewhere deep down, her friend was fostering hope.

Clarke just needed to get Anya to believe the truth.

"You have a beautiful smile that makes me want to kiss you every time I see it. When...when you called me d...well, when you were sweet to me that night in Florida, I wanted so bad to kiss you, but you were half asleep, and it wouldn't have been right. When you shared your favourite song and you thought I was laughing, I was legit happy that you could be as big a sap as I was. I'd realize I was flirting with you after the fact because you're so fucking easy to flirt with that my brain goes on autopilot." Clarke rambled again, hoping that some of it would sink in.

She knew she was improvising; Anya following her on the hike back and granting her forty minutes of alone time just wasn't anything she thought she'd have, and yet, there they were.

"So hearing others gave up the opportunity to be with you? My first thought it it's their loss, because fuck, Anya. It's selfish, but knowing that I could potentially be the first person to kiss you? The first person to date you? The first person to show you how special romance can be? That maybe if you liked me back, I'd be in the position to do all that? That's...honestly, my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest and parkour from tree to tree, just thinking about it." Clarke continued with a sigh as she slowed her pace and leaned up against a tree to catch her breath and let her body calm down.

"Clarke, I don't know anything. I don't know how to do anything, I'm a mess. I'd be a terrible kisser." Anya argued, her words jolting Clarke's head to spin around and stare at her newest friend, hardly believing the words that left her.

"Anya, can I fill you in on a secret?" She asked, hoping her gamble would pay off, seeing how Anya only seemed to be getting tenser by the second. Thankfully, Anya eventually allowed a hesitant nod. "Kissing is a lot like research, and even people with experience? They're not usually going to be great right off the bat with someone new. To put it simply, you're a good kisser when you know what your partner likes...when you know your partner well. If you don't, you're going to mess up, do things that won't feel good for your partner, or that your partner's not real into. I've had nine partners, and three of them? Thought I was a terrible kisser."

Anya's eyes shot wide at her admission. "You? But...I don't understand. How could you be a bad kisser?"

"Not everyone likes being kissed the same. One hated when I'd touch her with my hands while we kissed, and I'm used to doing that...apparently, I was supposed to just hold her waist, or her head, and that's it. Another one hated any kiss that wasn't on the verge of violence...I didn't use enough teeth, and I didn't bite hard enough when I did. Another thought I used too much tongue, and in ways they weren't happy with. None of those relationships lasted longer than a week." Clarke relayed, watching Anya's shocked expression turn thoughtful, if still a bit confused. "All the people I've dated for decently long? Liked how I kissed, because I tailor it to them. I bring some information in, but...it's all about finding what makes a partner tick, what they like or don't like. And anyone...anyone can do that. If you're compatible, and you're willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work, then there's no problem. It's gonna work out."

Anya's arms crossed her chest, the woman taking a defensive stance even as her eyes betrayed that hope that Clarke had been praying for. "You really believe that, don't you?"

"I know it's true. No one's _born_ a good kisser. It's all practice, and your partner would be learning right alongside you." Clarke added before standing opposite Anya, arms falling to her side in contrast. "This is your decision. No matter your choice, I still want to be your friend. I'm still sorry I hurt you earlier. But now you know where I stand. I'd love to kiss you, and date you, Anya. But if you don't want that, I will happily take whatever role you'll have me in."

Clarke held Anya's gaze for seconds stretching towards a minute, her heart slowly fracturing at the utter confusion and hesitation etched into Anya's features, as if she didn't understand what was happening.

With all her words spent, Clarke just took a breath and pushed away from the tree and resumed her hike, happy to hear Anya follow along after a moment's hesitation.

They'd be getting to the final site early, so Clarke hoped that Anya would have plenty of time to mull things over while they waited.

* * *

Clarke had volunteered as the pack mule once they'd picked out their spots by the camp grounds. Octavia and Raven weren't too far from where they'd been parked, so hauling the chairs and cooler she'd bought for Raven earlier that day was pretty easy. Anya was about a hundred fifty metres away, a nice safe distance to keep free from their friends' canoodling; the woman insisted that a blanket and her bag of snacks would be fine, so all things considered, Clarke's job hadn't been difficult. In the end, she grabbed her own blanket and her flashlight and set up maybe fifty metres off from Anya's position.

Close enough if the woman needed her, far enough to ensure Anya had space.

Anya hadn't spoken since Clarke's largely one-way discussion during the hike back to the Volvo, so whatever was going on in Anya's head, she respected it. And really, she wanted her friend to process as much as she could before the show started.

It didn't take long to settle in for the next little while, enjoying the cool breeze that graced her skin, the rustling leaves and sounds of the forest music to her ears. Between that and the soft sound of crickets, Clarke couldn't help but be lulled into an all-encompassing calmness. There was something special about being out in the wild.

Clarke unscrewed the cap from her water bottle and took a sip as she glanced over at Anya, catching the woman staring just before her newest friend quickly looked away. Clarke bit her lip at the reaction, immediately wondering what thoughts were bouncing around in Anya's head.

_Just...I have to stay calm and patient. I said what I had to say, even if I kinda made a mess of it, so...so it's going to have to be enough. Ball's in her court, now..._ Clarke mused, keeping her gaze on Anya until the woman's eyes found her again. She shot the woman a quick smile before scanning the area around her, feeling excited that it was getting darker, almost dark enough for things to start up.

"What are we waiting for, anyway?" Anya called out, cocking her head a little in confusion.

Clarke just laughed, having figured that the woman might have put the puzzle pieces together by then. "Patience is a virtue, Anya. Not long now."

Anya let out a loud groan before getting to her feet and packing her things up. Clarke watched with more than a little curiosity and hope as Anya tromped over, feeling a tiny burst of joy when the woman sat down on her blanket and nudged her to the side to create space. "If I'm going to have to wait without answers, you're going to wait with me." Anya said with a huff as she splayed the blankets across their laps and opened up a Ziploc bag of raisins.

"Raisins? Really?" Clarke asked, peering questionably at the offending bag, knowing that she wouldn't have spent money on raisins unless at gunpoint.

"In moderation, they're a healthy snack, Clarke." Anya noted with a roll of her eyes before bringing a few to her mouth.

"You couldn't pay me to eat those." Clarke said with a laugh, gently nudging her friend's shoulder, drawing a scoff.

"Not even if they were covered in chocolate?" Anya asked, and alright, maybe there was some hesitation. Chocolate was very tasty, after all.

"Okay, maybe then. I'd prefer nuts or something else, I guess." Clarke answered, pulling the blanket a little snugger to fight off the dropping temperature.

Anya gave a slow nod. "Ah, I'm mildly allergic to peanuts and a few others, so I tend to just keep distance from them when I can."

Clarke let that information sink in as the sudden urge to bake cookies at her mom's place overwhelmed her. _Me and Anya baking cookies...Anya with flour on her nose... her smacking my hand with a spatula when I try to steal the chocolate chips...her with a little bit of chocolate smeared on her lips when we taste the spoils of our victory..._ She mused to herself, knowing that she just had to make it happen. Not just for the cookies, but because it could maybe lighten things up a bit.

"So what are we waiting for?" Anya asked, sending Clarke a glare, eyes narrowing in suspicion and annoyance.

Clarke was about to tell Anya to cool her jets or whatever, but a flicker of light to her left had her gaze shifting off into the wild, quickly spotting one firefly, then two, then four.

"That. We were waiting for that." Clarke whispered, pointing off farther into the woods.

Anya's gaze followed and the woman's posture slackened a bit as more and more fireflies lit up synchronously. A minute or two later, the whole area was a light show, the tiny little bugs buzzing around and lighting up in a swirling swarm.

Clarke had seen the event nearly every year for the past ten, and it never got old. Maybe for others, once would be enough, but it was a simple, beautiful little event that she looked forward to each year. One she was thrilled to share with her friends.

She felt Anya's nearest hand blindly pat the space around her before finding Clarke's hand and pulling it into a tight grasp. "It's beautiful..."

Clarke turned her gaze to her friend and felt her heart melt like a marshmallow at how soft and wondrous the woman's expression was, Anya completely mesmerized by the display around her. The fireflies were beautiful, but there in the forest, there was one person who managed to edge them out, and Clarke couldn't take her eyes off of her.

"Yeah...beautiful..." Clarke found herself murmuring, blushing once she'd actually spoken the words aloud. Thankfully, Anya hadn't heard her, and was just softly gazing around them, a bright smile slowly blooming on her lips.

"It's as if they're all dancing together..." Anya spoke in awe, voice all hushed and smooth, as if any loud or sharp words would scare them all away, as if nature was so fragile. It was kind of adorable, really. A few moments later a look of realization came over Anya, soft brown eyes growing wide as she turned her gaze to Clarke and blinked in surprise that their eyes met. "What? Is there something on my face?"

Clarke let out a laugh and shook her head, which only seemed to aggravate Anya. "You're adorable, you know? I'm glad you're enjoying it."

Anya rolled her eyes, but the slightest hint of a smile on those lips had Clarke blooming with confidence that maybe they were getting back to where they were before the clusterfuck. "Thank you for showing this to me. Today has been...well, I'll never forget it, Clarke."

Clarke knew she would be pushing it, but after such a tremendously long day, she needed a shred more clarity. "Like...a good memory, or a bad one?"

The hum Anya let out wasn't so unexpected, but the slight weight of the woman leaning against her was, stealing the air in Clarke's lungs for a long moment. "I want to teach you to dance."

Now, Clarke had a strong mind, one that had been processing all the possible ways their conversations could head in since they'd settled in for the lightshow, but she hadn't expected _that_. And maybe she blushed a little at the simple affection, and maybe she flushed completely at the thought of dancing with Anya at Lexa's wedding, so maybe she just wasn't capable of speaking for a while.

Thankfully, Anya didn't seem to mind, just smiling off at the flurry of fireflies. "You seemed more than surprised about my dancing the other day in the car when I told you about Bellamy's wedding. I heard from Octavia that you don't know how to dance, among various...colourful descriptions of your attempts in the past." Anya spoke, breaking the silence between them, making Clarke want to find a shovel and bury herself. So maybe she was a horrendous dancer and had a terrible sense of rhythm.

"I don't entirely believe her, but still, I...I spent years _learning_ , Clarke. Every ballroom style, every role. Even less formal styles...just don't ask me to teach ballet, even if I got a rudimentary education in it." Anya added wryly before giving her hand a squeeze and relaxing their grip. "If nothing else, I want us to have some even ground. I think I could be more comfortable with that, knowing I had something to give in return."

Anya's offer, as embarrassed as Clarke might have been from it, both gave her renewed hope and had her feeling a little frustrated. "Anya, it's not a business deal. It's not something we sit down and discuss over what we bring to the table. It's me thinking that I want to be near you, and know more about you, and call you cute names, and hold your hand, and yeah...eventually get to dance with you." Clarke explained cursing how red she knew her cheeks were over the admission. Still, Anya's gaze turned to meet her, and the woman's warm brown eyes were so full of yearning that she had to keep going.

"We can talk about boundaries, and comfort levels, and how fast we want to take this, but that's a two-way street. You're not the only one with hang-ups or baggage, Anya. If we're going to do this...if you're ready and willing to start something with me, then honestly? All I want is you, however much you share with me. And I'll give you every bit of me that you're willing to have." Clarke admitted, teeth immediately finding and gnawing into her lower lip, unsure she'd chosen the right words for her impromptu spiel.

Anya's head fell lightly onto Clarke's shoulder, forcing out a hitched breath at the sensation. She'd come to enjoy Anya being affectionate, even if the woman was often quite simple, straight-forward, and practical about it all. Something as simple as leaning up against her, and using her shoulder as a pillow, has Clarke grinning ear to ear; she'd never felt so happy after such simple affection with anyone else, but with Anya, it felt special. It made her feel special.

So maybe she tilted her head and rested her temple atop Anya's head, breathing in the comfort of knowing that despite her earlier fuck-ups, they'd be moving forward, that she could make up for hurting her newest friend.

That come the wedding, maybe they'd be close enough to dance together under the stars or chandeliers, whichever area of Costia's parents' property they were hosting the dance portion of the reception. That maybe, when she returned to Raleigh after the road trip, maybe she'd have someone nearby to navigate her life with.

Clarke let out an amused sigh as she dismissed all those possibilities so far off in the future. There would be plenty of time for all of that once they figured things out between them.

For now, she'd enjoy the fireflies and the gentle warmth of the body nestled up against her, knowing that if nothing else, she'd managed to salvage their budding connection, whether it led to friendship or something more intimate.

And really, that was enough. It was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, this was another long one, and full of backstory. I considered stretching it out, but I thought it'd fit Anya's character here to just put most of it all out there in the open so that Clarke could better understand her. And then after Clarke screwed up, I thought Anya would need those repetitive reminders of Clarke's feelings for her, and her patience for her, before she'd make any decision.
> 
> Anywho, I hope you enjoyed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Brief mentions of child abuse and transphobia

**Tuesday Morning, May 31st (Waynesboro, VA)**

Perhaps it had been a bit of a pipe dream, but Anya had hoped that after sharing her history, her anxiety and worries for the trip would be over and done with. As she sat in the restaurant they'd just had lunch in, surrounded by a healthy crowd of people, all by herself, knowing they were en route to meet Clarke's mother for an extended stay, and with Clarke herself seeming antsy to get to their destination all morning, Anya was officially anxious.

She was pretty sure everyone else could sense it. Raven kept shooting her encouraging expressions, Octavia would find an excuse to run a hand down her arm here or there, and Clarke, while slightly hesitant, had been trying to be affectionate all morning long. Anya knew some of it was probably because Clarke was an affectionate person to start with, and the woman had laid out her intentions pretty clearly the previous night, but there was just something about the other blonde.

Anya had woken up early and got caught up in her own mind, but a sleepy Clarke's nose nuzzling against her cheek, a thick voice fresh from slumber telling her it'd be a good day, that had helped. Clarke reaching out to hold her hand nearly every time she got too lost in her worries about the visit to D.C., and certainly every time her breathing hastened, that was also soothing. Clarke picking the most secluded table for them to eat lunch at also helped.

But as much as she enjoyed all the help, they were quick fixes atop an issue that still posed a threat. They'd be spending one and a half days at Clarke's mom's home. And for whatever it was worth, Clarke kept trying to get away, phone in hand, and something told her the younger blonde was trying to get a hold of Lexa. She'd sent Lexa a few texts, warning her to avoid Clarke's calls for a bit to let the woman calm down.

Hopefully, Clarke going home would help her relax, and would ease Anya's anxiety, but she wasn't so certain either of those things would happen given the huge number of unknowns going into it all.

 _It could be a disaster...I could be a disaster..._ Anya mused to herself, slumping forward on her elbows against the table. _I just need to focus...maybe tonight or tomorrow night, we'll be able to eat some time with the role-playing Clarke wanted to do. But...that leaves a lot of time to..._

Clarke plopping down in the seat beside her tore Anya from her thoughts, her gaze shifting to catch the younger blonde smiling brightly at her. "O and Raven are taking a quick trip to fill up on gas and grab a few things I know my mom won't have stocked at home."

Anya nodded slowly, realizing she'd have some time alone with Clarke. "Can we head outside?"

Clarke nodded quickly and got to her feet. When the younger blonde offered her hand, Anya took it, even though the restaurant wasn't so packed that she couldn't weave through it without difficulty. Clarke's hand was soft, her hold gentle but steady.

Even though it was the tiniest thing, it helped drown out the crowds around them, and when they emerged out onto the streets of Waynesboro, she found herself not even needing to regulate her breathing. When Clarke led her down the street to a nearby park, it was even more of a relief, letting her plop down underneath a nicely full tree, giving her a reprieve from the harsh sun.

"You've seemed a little tense all morning." Clarke noted after a few minutes of silence, the both of them side by side, resting against the tree. "Anything I can help with?"

There was so much that Anya could bring up, but nothing felt too tremendously easy to discuss. Still, one option was easier, and perhaps getting it off her chest and clearing the air would make the others a little easier to tackle.

"You could stop trying to call Lexa. She's done nothing to deserve your anger." Anya stated simply, unsurprised at the harsh scoff and bugged out eyes of her newest friend.

"She outed you twice! To sexist homophobic transphobes! _Twice_!" Clarke insisted, clearly trying to reel back her emotions, but it didn't change how vehement the younger woman sounded about it all.

"Yes, and that all happened before you ever met Lexa. If anyone was the wounded party, it's me. And though I've told her many times that she's forgiven and has nothing to make up for, Lexa insists that her debt will never be paid." Anya stated firmly, holding Clarke's gaze as it faltered slightly. "There is nothing you could tell Lexa that she doesn't tell herself on a regular basis, and particularly any time I'm around, so leave her be, Clarke. At least until after her wedding. _Please_ do this for me."

Clarke was proving herself to be stubborn, the woman's expression shifting and conflicted, practically letting Anya witness the gears turning in her head. "Anya, I just want to protect you."

"The past is the past, I don't need protection from what I've already faced. But I could use support for what lies ahead." Anya retorted, taking a hard swallow and flitting her gaze to follow a songbird's path into a nearby tree. "What if your mother doesn't approve of me? What if I make a bad impression and upset her?"

Anya wasn't sure what she expected, but it wasn't Clarke breaking out into laughter, nearly slumping over onto her side from it. It all made Anya feel foolish, because clearly she'd missed something along the way. She racked her brain to figure out what it could be, but Clarke's mother hadn't come up often, so there wasn't much to go over.

Which, in turn, had her feeling even worse.

Something Clarke seemed to eventually notice, her laughter cutting off in an instant as an arm slung across her shoulders. "Hey, hey, it'll be alright. I promise mom will adore you."

"You can't promise such a thing, Clarke." Anya shot back, too far gone into her own doubts to know she was being objective, but Clarke couldn't know. Mrs Griffin had never met her before.

"I can. Raven and Octavia are going to stroll in yelling and calling for food, and they'll raid the kitchen, and my mom's going to come rushing in from the garden, all annoyed, even if she loves them. And then she's going to see you...Anya, you have _manners_. You're polite, and kind. And you'll be teaching me how to _dance_. My mom's going to be over the moon." Clarke reasoned, and after a few seconds of deep thought, perhaps there could be some solid logic in that. In comparison to Raven and Octavia, she probably _would_ seem to be well-behaved. If Clarke's mother's standards were that low, then there was a chance it wouldn't be a catastrophe.

Still, she couldn't help but feel nervous when every other parent she'd met had essentially hated her existence and acted on that hatred. That sort of history was hard to shake. "Just, can you please promise me that if something bad happens, that we're out the door?"

"Of course, babe. If for whatever reason she doesn't like you, we're out of there. I love my mom, but her place is a pit stop on the way to the wedding, and I can always see her another time. But I'm really sure she'll love you." Clarke said, and while Anya still couldn't feel entirely confident in those words, she could appreciate the sentiment behind them, as well as Clarke's confidence.

The fact that Clarke committed to giving her an out made all the difference, letting that stress and anxiety, or at least the majority of it, drift away as she leaned up against the younger woman. "Thank you."

Clarke pulled out her phone, sent off a quick text, and then that arm around Anya's shoulder pulled her in for a closer, tighter embrace, both of them curled up at the base of the tree. "It'll be fine, just you wait."

* * *

 

Clarke's words had bounced around in her head for the rest of the two hour trip, and for a while, with the three other women singing loudly to song after song, Anya could feel hopeful and secure that things would work out. But then they pulled up to Clarke's mom's house.

Again, maybe if the home was more understated, smaller, cozier, her hands wouldn't have been shaking as she got out of the passenger seat, but it was a very big house. It looked a lot like her aunt Nia's, really, with the exception of the trees and shrubs decorating the Griffin household's front lawn.

Anya swallowed hard in hopes of burying her worries and anxiety, but they remained along with a sense of dread, polluting her mind as she cautiously followed Clarke up towards the front door, flinching from the rush of Octavia and Raven as they darted past her and barged into the house ahead of them, just as Clarke had predicted.

As discreetly as she could, Anya checked herself over; even if she knew she'd been careful all day, something could have happened without her knowing, like a chipped nail. Not that a chipped nail should give a bad first impression, but all the standards from her parents came flooding back as she looked her hands and feet over, taking a moment to catch her reflection in the window before heading inside.

Thankfully, there was a mirror right beside the closet, and the commotion in the kitchen, which drew Clarke's full interest, gave her a brief moment to make sure she wouldn't embarrass herself. A quick run of a hand through her hair to tidy it, and a light tug to get her sundress hanging more symmetrically off her body, all had her feeling more comfortable as she made her way to Clarke's side, heart thudding heavily in her chest.

"I specifically texted you earlier that anything I'd baked was for the trip! You two can't just..." Clarke's mother argued, waving a rather non-threatening finger at the duo who were huddled over an open container of cookies, a peanut butter one halfway hanging out of Raven's mouth.

"Mama G, you can't just expect us to just pass by your delicious cookies and wait until Thursday morning to dive into them." Octavia shot back, interrupting Clarke's mom and turning Anya to stone from a jolt of fear, knowing the last time she'd interrupted a family elder, she hadn't been able to sit for a week.

To her utter disbelief, Clarke's mother just laughed. "You're telling me you two can't wait a day and a half? It's not like they're going to go bad!"

Raven, who had devoured her cookie, swallowed and shook her head. "But they're fresh, Abby! You can't hate us for falling victim to fresh cookies!"

"Yeah, it's bad luck when a fresh batch of cookies goes uneaten. Definitely a hex or something, I read it in a book. Tell her, Clarke." Octavia piped up as she grabbed another cookie and took a bite out of it.

"All I know is that every time you two visit, you eat my mom's baked goods, and she's stuck having to bake us another batch." Clarke started, lifting a hand to Raven as the woman's mouth opened. "And don't start on the _'you wouldn't let your best friends starve_ ' spiel. You two are going to be spending most of this stop at Bellamy's, so I get it, he can't cook worth a damn. But mom's probably got a bunch of leftovers in the fridge for you, so you're not going to starve. Get out of the cookies."

Raven and Octavia glanced between each other as Anya tried to process what all was happening, because none of it really made sense to her. Mrs Griffin baked cookies for the rest of the trip, so they should have been left for the rest of the trip, period. She didn't understand why there wasn't yelling, or lectures, or anyone being banished from the premises at the very least.

Mrs Griffin seemed surprised at the last sentence of Clarke's finally shifting her gaze from Octavia and Raven, but her eyes quickly, to Anya's dismay, focused in on her. " _Clarke_ , you didn't tell me you were bringing another friend with you." Mrs Griffin chided Clarke, taking a moment to remove her gardening gloves and place them on the kitchen island before moving towards Anya. "I'm Clarke's mom, but you can call me Abby."

Anya swallowed, or tried to, with her mouth feeling like a desert, and left a hand outstretched as she tried to cobble together some sort of reasonably acceptable introduction from the jumble of words in her mind. "It's wonderful to meet you, Mrs Griffin, thank you so much for your hospitality. I'm Anya Pine...Lexa's cousin."

She could feel the pit in her stomach growing as Mrs Griffin gaped at her, having frozen in place a step and a half away. Anya tried to go over whatever she said, but everything had just spilled out, and she couldn't remember. She hadn't felt so foolish in years.

Anya fought to keep her smile in place, fought to keep a proper level of eye contact, fought to keep her head from ducking low from the distinct desire for the ground to swallow her up, and it was all the fighting that dulled her reaction time when Mrs Griffin stepped forward and pulled her into a hug.

"You're very welcome, Anya, I'm happy to have you here." Mrs. Griffin noted warmly as she pulled away and held her at arm's length, shooting her a curious smile. "Clarke, since when do you have friends with manners?"

Clarke just laughed, drawing Anya's attention to the younger blonde as Octavia tried to speak with a mouthful of cookie.

"Yeah, I'm with O. I take umbrage at that, doc." Raven stated with a grin and she swiped another cookie.

"Says the two who barged into mom's place and immediately started eating her batch of cookies before even saying hello." Clarke noted once her laughter faded enough, quickly finding Anya's eyes. "Anyways, I just met Anya a few days ago, but she's pretty great, as you can tell."

"Not everyone's staring at her with heart-eyes, Little Griffin." Raven teased, only to jolt a bit when Octavia tugged at her arm and shot her a warning look, one Raven didn't seem to process. "What? She is."

Clarke's groan was almost loud enough to mask her mother's confused ' _what?_ ', and once again, Anya desperately wanted the world to just swallow her up right then and there, feeling about as small as a mouse all of a sudden, certainly her lungs as she fought to take in any oxygen that she could.

"Oh my god, Raven, could you _not_?" Clarke asked, a healthy mix of exhaustion, annoyance and bite saturating each syllable.

"I'm just saying, you're clearly into her. Abby's got eyes, she'd figure it out in less than an hour, so no point denying it. Besides, she asked me to keep her informed, so blame _her_." Raven shot back, voice seeming a little hazier than before, a little more distant behind the sound of a racing heart, which kickstarted Anya into her breathing routine, trying and struggling to get off anything resembling a steady two count.

Anya didn't see Clarke's outraged expression to match her angry gasp, gaze too busy staring at the floor as she tried to focus on her body's needs, but she did see Mrs Griffin leave her field of vision, stepping towards the younger blonde. "Clarke, I worry. It's what mothers do." Mrs Griffin noted, each word slicing through Anya's heart from confusion and envy. Anya had known her mother to worry about a great many things about her, but they were never spoken with such warmth or seemingly good intentions.

"I'm a grown woman, mom. I...oh shit, _Anya_." Clarke blurted out, and in a flash, there was an arm around Anya's waist and a hand tilting her chin up again, forcing her gaze to meet those delightful blues. "Hey there, babe, it's okay, we're okay. Nothing's changed, mom likes you just like I told you she would, so just breathe with me."

Anya held Clarke's gaze, latching onto the warmth in them as she slowly fought to get her breathing back under control, to get her heart-rate back to a more acceptable level. Clarke just brushed a thumb against her cheek in time with the rhythm they'd set and the hand around her waist gently grazed up and down, assuredly bunching the fabric up, but Anya could only worry about one thing at a time.

Eventually, when she felt stable enough, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled it, trying to will the exhaustion out of her muscle and bone and into the air around them. When she opened her eyes again, everyone was much closer than before, startling her and forcing her to take a half step back and quell the immediate anger and frustration with herself, knowing it wouldn't be proper to express it.

Anya's gaze quickly shifted to Mrs Griffin's, the swell of apologies bubbling up inside of her trembling body filtering through. "I sincerely apologize, Mrs Griffin, I didn't mean to cause a scene. And...please don't be upset with Clarke, she only made her intentions known yesterday, and I...I will show nothing but dignity and respect to your daughter in your household. I assure you, my own intentions are honourable."

Mrs Griffin just stared at her, mounting confusion slowly spreading across her features.

"Octavia, Raven, why don't you two take the batch of cookies out by the pool. I'll let you know when dinner's ready." Abby ordered, turning her focus to the duo before shifting it to Clarke. "And why don't you settle Anya into your room in the meanwhile? The both of you could use a breather, I think. I'll come up when dinner's ready."

"Thanks, mom." Clarke let out before quickly whisking Anya away. She felt weightless as Clarke practically carried her upstairs, that arm around her waist the only thing keeping her completely upright as her mind tried to process. It'd been a while since she felt some overwhelmed with confusion, so when she found herself being laid down on a large, comfy bed, she couldn't help but appreciate not only the warmth of the sheets that had likely been bathing in sunlight for hours, but the renewed ability to focus that the situation provided her.

"Why am I on your bed?" She felt herself blurt out, only halfway chiding herself since she really did need an answer to that.

"Because you could use some rest. It's been a long day for you...a long couple of days, really." Clarke answered, without providing Anya the answer she'd been seeking.

"No, but...but why am I here? I...your mother _knows_ we like each other. Why did she ask for you to take me _here_?" She clarified, drawing an understanding ' _aaaah_ ' from the younger woman curling up against her, a soft hand covering the space over Anya's heart.

"Because after that spiel you gave, my mom has no doubts about your virtue. Pretty sure she feels safe assuming we'd never have sex under her roof." Clarke added, and Anya couldn't help but recoil in horror at the woman's words.

"Of... _of course_ we wouldn't! It... _Clarke_ , this is her home, she's offered her hospitality! Even if I was...well, ready and willing... _heavens_ , I..." Anya stammered out, gaping when laughter bubbled out of Clarke. "What are you...Clarke! This is _serious_! It would be an _unforgivable_ breach of hospitality to have sex with you under her roof! Of _course_ I'd never be party to that!"

Clarke only buried her increasingly loud and obnoxious laughter in Anya's neck, much to her dismay. She wasn't sure how betraying the hospitality offered to her was a laughing matter.

"Anya, has anyone ever told you that you speak like you're from the eighteen hundreds sometimes?" Clarke asked through giggles, bringing an immense heat to Anya's cheeks as she realized the reason for the laughter.

Clarke, of course, was laughing _at_ her. _Of course_ she'd managed to humiliate herself yet again.

Mortified and hurt, Anya turned away and found the nearest pillow to blindly swat Clarke away as her friend tried to remain close. Pale hands tried to wrap around her waist again, but thankfully a few light swats and shifting farther away did the trick. The last thing she needed was comfort from someone who thought her inferiority was at best adorable, or at worst worthy of outright mockery.

Perhaps she could admit that she was tired, exhausted really, and perhaps she could admit to herself that the tears welling in her eyes were out of more than just frustration and confusion, but she was not about to accept comfort for it.

"Anya, it's not a big deal. It's just you get all formal sometimes and I don't mind, but it's just..." Clarke let out, words wrapped in caution as Anya listened to the bed creak ever so slightly and once again swatted away Clarke's attempt at getting closer. "Anya, please, I don't understand, but _I want to_. Please..."

Anya squeezed her eyes tight and took a steadying breath, knowing she didn't owe her an explanation, not after yesterday, but Clarke had been good to her. Maybe if she could make her understand, they could leave and forget any of this ever happened.

"I was trying to make a good impression. I didn't want to upset your mother, and I didn't want to cause a scene, or put myself in harm's way. I...I was trying to protect myself, Clarke." Anya stated low and slow, jaw clenching at her inability to keep the thickness of emotion from her voice.

The bed dipped hard behind her before she heard footsteps on the opposite side of the bed. She listened as those footsteps rounded the bed frame and stopped in front of her, the sound of Clarke's knees hitting the hardwood flooring nearly forcing Anya's eyes open.

"Anya, who exactly were you protecting yourself from?" Clarke asked in a whisper, and with her eyes shut, she couldn't defend herself from the other woman taking hold of her hand. "Because if this...if this is about what your parents did, then I'll understand, but my mom's not like that. _Normal_ parents aren't like that."

It was the stressed use of 'normal' that had Anya's eyes opening sharply and blinking away her tears as they ran across the bridge of her nose and down her temple. "So people keep telling me, but how am I supposed to make sense of that? I spent _eighteen years_ of my life locked up and only ever meeting parents and adults like _them_ , Clarke. That's _normal_ to me. _'Spare the rod, spoil the child'_ is normal to me, and it was practiced to excess at every mistake I ever made, until they felt I'd learned my lesson. Maybe your mother _isn't_ like them, but that just leaves a lot of questions as to what she IS like, and I just don't _know_ , Clarke. I don't know, and I...I get _scared_ , and I try to keep myself _safe_ , and the way I present myself, the way I speak, it's helped keep me _safe_ , so perhaps I'm out of my depth here, but I'm just trying. I'm confused, but I'm _trying_."

By the end of her spiel, the tears had become too much, and she'd closed her eyes again, knowing the longer they stayed open, the more upset at herself she'd be, the harder it'd be to reel her emotions back in and compose herself. Mrs Griffin did say, after all, that she'd come up to get them for dinner, and the last thing she wanted to do was appear disheveled or unladylike in the presence of Clarke's mother. She'd already made a bad impression as well as ruined her eye makeup, the least she could do was keep from making it worse.

It was the brush of a thumb across her knuckles that brought her attention away from her thoughts and worries again. "Hey, can I...may I come up there and hold you?"

"Clarke, I don't need your comforting over this." Anya insisted, earning a confusing squeeze of her hand.

"Okay, I get that, but...I want to help you. And if you need answers, I want to give them, okay? I want to help you feel as safe as I know you are here. Please?" Clarke asked, and while she was a hair's breadth from denying her, she knew Clarke would just be stubborn and tell her from the bedside. It wouldn't be kind to leave her with sore knees and a stiff back for no reason.

Anya gave a small nod and started shuffling backwards, only for Clarke to tug at her arm. It stilled Anya only for a second or two, but it was long enough for Clarke to bound onto the bed and settle in behind her, Anya letting out a huff when the younger blonde's arm wrapped around her waist.

"Okay, baby, let me tell you about my mom." Clarke whispered as she flung a leg across Anya's, further entangling them. Maybe she blushed at the pet name. Maybe it had her chest feeling warmer and heart beating faster, but thankfully the younger woman's hand wasn't there to feel any of it. "I got my stubborn streak from her. With her, she _always_ knew what was best, even when she ended up being wrong. It was a rare time when she'd admit to making a mistake, and she's still like that. I'd like to think I'm better about that than her, and I don't sulk like her when she does admit she was wrong."

"Well, you did apologize a few times yesterday, so I'd say you may be less stubborn, yes." Anya pitched in, warming up to this little diversion of Clarke's.

" _Thank you_. But anyway, she's chief of surgery, and she's always been really career driven. Not a lot of time at home, so she really cherishes it when she can get time off. Growing up, she wanted me to be just like her, a doctor...a surgeon...but I loved art too much. We fought over that for the last two years of high school and the first year at art school, but eventually she stopped bugging me about it. She was worried...she wanted me to be able to support myself, and artists aren't known for our stable income. I think when I started winning awards and getting well paid commissions, that's when she started coming around, but it was never a 'become a doctor or I'll disown you' thing. She was worried, and she knew doctors got paid well, so she pushed me in that direction, wanting me to be able to keep a roof over my head, and she knew I kind of liked the career path enough anyways. I mean, she hates everything to do with Wall Street and that whole thing, but she would have been happy for me to go into a lucrative field even if she'd be mortified of the work I'd do there and the ethics I'd have to throw out the window to be successful. It was all about what was best for me. She had a few other episodes like that over the years, really." Clarke rambled, giving Anya a bit of a clearer picture of Mrs Griffin.

"Did she grow up in the working class?" She asked, curious to see if one of her conclusions was right. Usually, from her experience, the truly wealthy didn't concern themselves too much with the earning potential of their children, not when they could pull strings and find their children well-paying work if their passions failed, or simply just offer positions in their business, or hand them a significant trust fund to deal with any financial concerns.

"Her father worked at a hardware store, and her mother worked as a line cook for a restaurant in her hometown. So yeah, lower-middle class, I guess. Where I grew up pretty sheltered, she still worried about money and about keeping me safe, the same worries her parents had, worries that got passed onto her. Sure, we lived in a really safe neighbourhood, but she grew up worrying about that stuff, and so she worried about me, which...well, ended up being valid worries to an extent. But again, she's stubborn, and it's usually her way or the highway, so that caused some problems." Clarke continued, answering Anya's question yet leaving her with many more new and unanswered ones.

Anya, feeling a little less annoyed and upset, let herself cover Clarke's arm around her waist, her hand clasping around her friend's. "Did you get in trouble a lot as a child?"

"I rebelled as a lot of kids do, and I think she recognized those moments pretty easily. She had a harder time when I came out to her and dad as trans." Clarke answered, her words causing Anya's eyes to widen for a moment, but in a strange enough way, it made sense. It'd been confusing that she and Clarke had clicked so quickly, and bonded so easily. It was easier with people with shared experiences, even when both might not be aware of those similarities right off the bat. "Dad was a hundred percent behind me, and mom...she was scared I'd get hurt, or I'd regret it, or some medical issue would pop up. Dad had me on puberty blockers for a while, that was the negotiation, but mom...unknown to me...refused to get me on HRT until we moved. Apparently, she read stories about kids transitioning publicly and getting treated horribly, so...well, I didn't take well to that. I had friends, and I didn't want to move."

Anya considered Clarke's words and nodded as some details fell into place. "But you did."

"I did, after I sneakily ordered some hormones online and started transitioning at the start of high school. It...wasn't a great experience. The meds were safe, of course, but I started to change really fast, and I guess I hadn't thought everything through in terms of how to adjust at school, or who to talk to about accommodations, and my school didn't take it well at all. I had a really hard second semester, I caught a lot of hate, and that terrified my mom. So even though I wanted to stick through it, we moved." Clarke continued, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out as her nose nuzzled against the back of Anya's neck. "Dad was still stationed down in Texas, he couldn't be posted, but mom had a lucrative job waiting in D.C., so we left. He'd visit on weekends, or whenever he could, and...yeah. I wasn't happy, to say the least."

Anya nodded along, letting herself sink into Clarke's embrace. She knew what it was like to start fresh, to have a nearly clean slate, and how unnerving and scary it could be. "You had to start over. How did your mom take the transition from there?"

"Honestly, she was all systems go. In her mind, once I'd finished the previous semester early, getting testing done a month in advance, I had three months to get as much acclimating done, as much paperwork completed, and as much support networks set up as possible. And she helped make it all happen...and it made me hate her. She wasn't good as vocalizing her worries, and she made me feel like we moved because she was ashamed of me, that I had to be stealth because she was ashamed of me for being trans. And she was always working, so that didn't get cleared up for a long time, which is why I'm really touchy when it comes to being hidden away, or being silenced. I know I'm not shameful, and I don't deserve it, but I can get insecure about it." Clarke continued, her rambling explanation taking a tangent that had Anya's memory clicking to the second day of the road trip.

"When you reacted harshly to me saying that I asked Octavia and Lexa not to talk about me. You thought I was ashamed of you?" Anya asked, almost wanting to look over her shoulder, but with Clarke's face buried in her neck, it'd be fruitless.

"It was a gut reaction more than anything, and it only took a few seconds to realize you weren't ashamed, but like I said...I'm touchy. I spent a solid chunk of time thinking my mom was ashamed of me. It took a toll." Clarke answered. "But yeah, anyways, she helped me with a lot of things, and while I'd learned a lot on YouTube, she was there to show me some tricks, and offer a shoulder to cry on when my senior prom date stood me up after I came out to him. She's been good to me, just...really severely focused on my safety and security."

Anya took a few moments to wonder what it might have been like having a mother like that. Her own parents had fast-tracked her transition, but they'd never offered her support in anything that didn't primarily suit their needs and desires. "And whenever you were punished? What...how did that go?"

"Mom usually took away my computer and phone. We have a storage container, so she'd drive over and put my stuff there, so that I couldn't just cheat while she was at work. Anything really serious was a bit more guilt-trippy, especially if I made her come home early from work. She'd sit me down, tell me how I disappointed her, how disappointed I should be in myself, and that what I'd done pulled her away from an important job saving lives." Clarke let out with a heavy sigh. "That didn't happen too often, but she could be pretty soul-destroying in those. But she'd usually try to help build me back up after that, focus on being better and all that, reminding me that I'm a good person. So even at her worst, she was never too horrible."

She stewed in her thoughts for a few moments, wondering if she seriously messed up during their stay, if Mrs Griffin would sit her down for a stern talking to. Anya was never too great with those, but they certainly were preferable to a belt and angry yelling and spending a day alone in the pitch black wine cellar. Certainly better than the severe emotional assassinations her mother would pull on her, eviscerating her confidence and comfort in her womanhood again and again relentlessly for each and every misstep or imperfection.

"Clarke?" She asked, breaking the silence that had stretched on comfortably.

The younger blonde just pulled her ever closer and hummed against her neck, apparently having gotten quite comfy while she'd been deep in thought. "Yeah?"

"Thank you." She noted softly, a smile tugging at her lips when her response earned the soft press of lips against her neck.

"Anytime, baby. Now let me relax. Dinner won't be 'til around seven, an' it's only five-thirty." Clarke said, voice slurring slightly from how deeply the woman was drifting towards sleep.

"May I fix my makeup first? If you fall asleep, I will too, and then your mother will find us like this." Anya asked, earning a low laugh for her efforts.

"Mom's gonna show you my baby pictures before we leave for the cape. She won't blink if your mascara's run a little bit." Clarke murmured, a lengthy yawn following up her words. "Still the prettiest girl here."

Anya's cheeks filled with warmth as a veritable swarm of butterflies fluttered around in her stomach. Clarke could be very flattering and sweet, and with the woman's arm wrapped snugly around her, Anya couldn't help but begin to drift off as well as she let out a yawn of her own. "Fairly sure that title belongs to you, darling."

"Mmmn, now you're _definitely_ not goin' anywhere. I like when you call me that." Clarke mumbled, readjusting her other arm to slide under Anya and rest directly over her heart, making Anya's reaction to the woman's words come at a delay, too happy with how safe and secure she felt at the moment.

It took a few moments to figure out what Clarke was talking about, but once she did, she sobered quickly. She'd been so careful with her words, not wanting to get too far ahead of herself or to scare Clarke away, or to sound utterly preposterous. _But she...she liked it?_ Anya mused, unable to stop the smile blooming on her lips. _Well..._

Anya listened and heard the steady even breaths washing against her neck, Clarke having fallen fast asleep. She let out a quiet laugh and snuggled back into the beautiful blonde. "Sweet dreams, darling."

* * *

 

Waking up hadn't been nearly as bad as Anya thought it might have been. She'd apparently shifted during her nap, and when Mrs Griffin had knocked and entered, she was face-down on Clarke's chest, the younger blonde holding her in place tighter than she might have expected. Clarke's mother had given her the message that dinner would be ready in ten minutes, which gave her plenty of time to rouse the younger woman from sleep and freshen herself up for the occasion.

Dinner had been much more sociable and friendly than she'd imagined, so used to the cool, stiff atmosphere surrounding meals at her home or at an extended family member's place. Much of the discussion revolved around Raven and Octavia spoiling their appetites with cookies, which unfortunately led to talk of how Clarke had overeaten two days prior.

Which, after a lot of laughter and teasing, eventually led to her.

Thankfully, she'd been able to brush everything off with a few quickly noted facts followed by a change in topic. After all, Anya didn't want to lie to Mrs Griffin, and she wasn't ashamed of her anxiety troubles. Admitting that she was socially isolated as a child, and prone to anxiety over a few things in life, seemed to smooth things over and offered enough of a stall in discussion for her to easily shift focus onto discussions about the visit to the park, which ate up the rest of the talks over dinner.

Raven and Octavia struggled through the meal, so dessert was delayed indefinitely, of course.

"Anyways, you girls go run off. I know you're eager to see your brother again, Octavia." Mrs Griffin stated as she carried some of the dishes into the kitchen, prompting Anya to do the same, not wanting the older woman to have to put up with cleaning on her own.

"You sure, Mrs G? We could stick around and help out..." Octavia noted, voice trailing off in seeming expectation to be corrected.

Mrs Griffin just sighed. "The last time I let you two clean up, I ended up spending an hour cleaning the kitchen of all the bubbles."

"Need I remind you that O did that all on her own, against my advice?" Raven asked, eyebrow cocked and aimed at her girlfriend, a teasing smirk gracing her lips.

"I couldn't find the dishwasher detergent! How was I supposed to know dish soap wouldn't work? They both have 'dish' in their name!" Octavia argued, drawing Raven into a minor debate that faded off into the background as Anya focused on her duties, bringing the dishes into the kitchen and organizing everything in order to make sure it all went as efficiently as possible.

"Clarke, why don't you bring those two to Bellamy's?" Mrs Griffin asked, drawing Anya's attention momentarily as her head swiveled, finding Clarke hovering nearby, looking conflicted.

The younger blonde stepped closer, resting a hand on her shoulder as she leaned closer, the smell of her jasmine-vanilla body wash filling the air. "You can come with us. It'd be okay."

Anya shook her head, knowing that any of the comfort that she got from being around Clarke would be nullified by being around new people in a new, enclosed space she'd be stuck in, on top of leaving Mrs Griffin with cleaning duties.

"I'll be fine, Clarke." She stated as firmly as she could, wanting to express a sense of confidence that she may not have been fully feeling. It wouldn't do for Clarke to worry about her. Still, when she saw her friend's face fall ever so slightly, she reached up and covered the pale hand on her shoulder. "But come back soon?"

Clarke's free hand was at her cheek in an instant, grazing a slow trail down to her jaw with the backs of her fingers.  It was a bold move that had Anya's heart racing instantly, and she was fairly sure her face was beet red, but with Clarke's lips blooming into such an adoring, bright smile, it was hard to care that she was practically melting.

"Of course." With a whisper and a wink, Clarke was gone, rushing off to grab Raven and Octavia, leaving her leaning against the kitchen counter, suddenly out of breath and in need of lower body strength.

"Oh, sweetheart..." Mrs Griffin started in a teasing tone as she put the glasses from dinner into the dishwasher, again breaking Anya's expectations, having thought she'd use the sink for them. "You should make her work harder next time. With Jake, he'd have to kiss me before I'd admit to wanting him to come home quickly."

However red Anya thought her peak was, she was pretty sure she exceeded it with how hot and throbbing her face felt as she helped load the dishwasher. "Clarke and I...well...we, um..." Anya stammered, feeling like a foolish child under Mrs Griffin's watchful gaze.

A gaze that flickered to confusion, then surprise, before settling again. "You two haven't kissed yet?" The surprise was hardly masked from the older woman's voice, and it had Anya's head bowing slightly before she steeled herself, knowing that she shouldn't feel ashamed. That she wasn't lesser.

"No, ma'am. I've never been kissed." She admitted in standard blunt fashion, feeling much lighter and confident this time around, knowing Clarke was behind her, knowing Raven and Octavia supported her, and that Lexa could always come get her if something went awry. After a few moments of silence from Clarke's mother she finished loaded the plates and tilted her gaze to the woman, who looked more perplexed than anything.

"I told you I was raised in relative social isolation. My parents rarely let me leave the house up until they disowned me for being trans and a lesbian. I never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, and by the time I learned how to live on my own, and had established something of a career for myself, I was finishing my early twenties." Anya explained, cutting her life's story down into a digestible chunk, wanting Mrs Griffin to understand to some degree. She tried not to focus on why it mattered so much that the woman did. "Eventually, the novelty of a modestly attractive woman having never been kissed fades. But I'm not desperate. I'm not about to beg. I know my worth...Clarke does too. She just likes me, warts and all."

Mrs Griffin's stare held, softening second by second. "You're awfully candid, you know."

Anya just nodded as she loaded the silverware. "Better you hear it from me than someone else, ma'am."

"Is that why you were so intense earlier when we met?" The other woman asked, her words prompting Anya's eyes to widen with worry, something Mrs Griffin noticed quickly. "It's not a bad thing, I was just...caught off guard. Clarke's friends don't tend to have manners, and don't really behave like you, but Clarke was right. I like you...and knowing Clarke likes you, and that you two have some things in common, that only makes me happier."

Anya swallowed, unsure how to feel about the acceptance. "She's a wonderful woman. I don't know what the future holds, but I care for her." She noted, voice quiet but sure, confident in her words at the very least. If she knew one thing, it was that Clarke was growing dearer to her day by day.

Mrs Griffin placed a hand on her shoulder and gently turned Anya to face her. "Well, I can think of something she'd like..."

Anya watched the older women retreat to the kitchen island, pulling open a large drawer and holding up a few things that clued her into Mrs Griffin's plan. "I think I can handle that."

* * *

 

It was a little before ten when Anya heard the front door open, the sound of Clarke tromping like an elephant through the house following shortly after. She would have been concerned about Mrs Griffin waking up, given the woman had just gone to bed. However, she'd told Anya she, much like Clarke, slept like a rock, so at least there was that to be thankful for.

"Uuuuuggh, sometimes I want to kill those idiots." Clarke announced loudly from somewhere closer to the front of the house, likely the living room. "I swear they... _oh my god_ did someone bake _brownies_?"

Not a moment later, the quick pitter-patter of Clarke's feet met Anya's ears, idly listening as her friend slid into the kitchen and bumped into her back.

Clarke's happy gasp was predictable, having sussed out her love of chocolate. " _Babe_ , you made brownies? And you're making cookies, too?!" The younger blonde was positively giddy, looping arms around Anya's waist, chin lightly pressing at the top of her shoulder.

Anya placed the mixing spoon down and smiled. "I _was_ about to make cookies."

She had to hold in her laughter as silence stretched on with how absolutely clear Clarke's confusion was. "You... _were_? Like...not anymore? Or are you just making cookie dough?"

"No, _I_ was about to make cookies. Now _we're_ making cookies." Anya noted happily, spinning in Clarke's loose hold, reaching and grabbing for the apron she'd kept nearby for when her friend returned.

"Oh hohoho, _no way_ , Anya. You don't want me baking cookies with you, I'll set the kitchen on fire." Clarke protested, taking two measured steps back, arms outstretched in warning. "Seriously, ask mom what happened the last two times."

"Then I suppose I'll just have to teach you, because while the brownies are fair game once we hit the road, the cookies? Purely for the ones who made them. So if you're interested in some chocolate chunk cookies, or some oatmeal cream cookies..." Anya began, lips curling into a smile when Clarke interrupted her spiel with an egregiously loud sigh.

"Okay, _okay_ , you had me at chocolate. But seriously, I'm horrible at baking." Clarke complained as she stepped up alongside Anya, eyes sweeping over the ingredients, body tense and teeth gnawing on her lower lip. "So, what do we do?"

Anya smiled and ran a hand down Clarke's arm, feeling a little burst of joy as the tension left the woman's body. "I've already got some of the ingredients out, but I'll need you to help me get the rest.  I need brown sugar, baking soda, vanilla, and all purpose flour. Can you help me with that?"

Clarke nodded quickly, apparently knowing where everything would be despite not being a proficient baker. It had Anya wondering how often Clarke snuck up on her mother and sneaked out some chocolate chips or cookie dough while Mrs Griffin was distracted.

 _I guess I'll have to be watchful..._ She mused, watching Clarke gather all the ingredients and plop them down on the counter. 

The younger blonde double checked her count and then smiled at the collection. "That's all of them. So...what now?"

"The most important part. We measure." Anya stated, clearing enough counter space to set all the ingredients side by side. "Now, a more experienced baker would be able to do this while making less dishes, but since you worry, I'll make sure you get it done right. Baking is about precision, Clarke. Precise ingredients, precise mixing, precise baking conditions. Slight changes will give you something different than what you aimed for."

"If you set out to intimidate me, mission accomplished." Clarke let out, tongue tracing her lower lip nervously as she swallowed hard.

Honestly, Clarke was endearingly cute when nervous and flustered, especially over something as trivial as baking. She'd be a bad potential future girlfriend to let that nervousness stew.

Anya stepped behind Clarke and wrapped her arms around the woman's waist, relishing in the happy sigh and how wonderfully soft she was. "I know you'll be wonderful in this, darling. I believe in you." She whispered, fighting back a giggle as she watched Clarke's neck turn red. As much as she kind of adored Clarke's pet names for her, it was nice to know her own could get the younger woman all flustered and smiling.

"O...okay. _Let's do this_." Clarke said with a nod, words coming out smooth and relaxed, just as she'd hoped for.

"Now, here's the recipe, so we need to measure out each ingredient we'll be using. For clarity's sake, any container we use to hold the ingredients we need, we set out in front of their original containers. So the measurement of flour goes in front of the bag of flour, the egg in front of the carton, the half cup of white sugar in front of its jar, and so on, and so forth." Anya explained, Clarke only hesitating for a moment before grabbing a quarter cup and digging into the Ziploc bag of brown sugar.

She watched Clarke make each of the measurements as she kept herself busy with putting out and setting up the stand mixer. She'd been keeping an eye on Clarke out of her periphery, so it wasn't a surprise when, after a sneaky glance in her direction, the younger blonde took a few extra chocolate chunks and popped them in her mouth.

Anya grinned and before Clarke knew it, she'd lightly smacked her friend with a handful of flour.

" _Buh...wha_...what was that for?!" Clarke demanded, despite not even having swallowed the chocolate yet, some of it having lingered on her lip.

"We have limited resources, Clarke. Don't eat the chocolate...unless you'd prefer we make the cookies with raisins?" Anya teased, laughter bubbling out as Clarke's face scrunched in horror. "Thought not."

"But it's just _here_ , and it's _tasty_..." Clarke let out with a heavy pout, staring all forlorn at the near-empty bag of chocolate chunks.

For a moment, she considered chiding Clarke, but then Mrs Griffin's words from earlier came to mind. And maybe she had just enough left in the tank today to keep her anxiety at bay and try something new.

Anya took the step and a half to close the distance between them, feeling a little brazen as she let her nose nuzzle Clarke's flour-covered cheek. "If you can be good until we're done, I might have a treat waiting for you."

Clarke's laughter was low and throaty as a hand trailed from her waist to her hip and offered the lightest of squeezes, embarrassingly setting Anya's body aflame. "Are you bribing me, Anya?"

"Is it working?" She shot back, lips a hair's breadth from the younger woman's ear, eyes recording Clarke's delightful shiver into her memory banks. "I'm not saying you have to behave for the rest of the night..."

"I couldn't manage that even if I wanted to." Clarke interrupted, turning to face Anya with eyes so dark and blown that her yearning and arousal was impossible to miss. "You've got an hour _at best_ , baby."

Anya was running on adrenaline and all the confidence and joy she was able to muster as she trailed her nose up and down Clarke's, their mouths only a breath apart. If Clarke realized she was trembling, the woman didn't show it, dark blue eyes too focused on her lips.

"Maybe I'm counting on that."

With that, she took one shaky step back, then another, still doing all she could to keep up her cheeky, confident facade until she was turned away, back to putting the right tool on the Mixmaster. Even as she finished and caught her breath again, she could feel Clarke's eyes burning into her, she could feel the younger blonde's presence.

Anya had never felt sexier. Hell, she'd never felt sexy before, but the sheer excitement and confidence thrumming through her veins at Clarke's responses, at the darkness in Clarke's eyes, it all had her feeling desired. It was the best kind of new.

"Ten fifty-five." Clarke spoke, voice quiet and shaking despite the strength saturating each syllable. Anya tilted her head enough to see the woman, to acknowledge her words, even if she didn't quite understand. "I'm carrying you upstairs at ten fifty-five. So tick-tock, babe."

Anya swallowed hard as her hands gripped the mixer hard enough to have her fear it might break, waiting for the rush of anticipation and excitement to pass enough for her to focus. It was odd not to feel much more than a little fear at the edges of her mind. Usually the mere thought of a situation like she was in would have her blushing and finding whatever distance she could manage, but instead, she was embracing her blushing and the confidence of Clarke's feelings for her.

And honestly, the mere notion of Clarke carrying her to the bedroom filled a long dormant romantic fantasy of hers. Needless to say, her heart was pounding.

She looked at the clock and saw they had plenty of time to get their baking done. What they'd do with that free time, well, maybe that had her body buzzing with positive vibes for once.

Maybe she was particularly excited about ten fifty-five rolling around.

* * *

 

"Oh my god, these are delicious! I'm such a good baker." Clarke exclaimed before taking another bite out of her chocolate chip cookie, eyes fluttering shut as another moan slipped from the woman's lips.

"Doesn't hurt that you had a good teacher." Anya mused with a grin as she looked over their haul. Two batches of chocolate chip, and one batch of oatmeal cream cakes. More than enough to tide them over until the wedding.

"I love how modest you are, babe." Clarke said with a laugh, taking a step closer to move into Anya's personal space. "But I think you've got a little icing...right...about..."

Anya's brow furrowed as she twitched her lips each way, not feeling anything on her face as Clarke hesitantly reached up a hand, fingers curled away.

"...here!" Clarke let out, smearing a few fingertips of icing across her face.

Anya gasped in surprise, not having even noticed Clarke dip into the leftover icing, and not appreciating that Clarke was taking _her thing_. She, after all, was the one who lightly hit people in the face with various things, not Clarke.

Swiftly, she took hold of Clarke's wrist, holding her hand in place as she rotated them around until her back was to the counter, Clarke taking that as an invitation to lean in closer, smug grin in place. "Yeah...definitely got something on your face, babe."

There was no going back. No way could she just stand down from the challenge, and there was no way she could just pass up the opportunity to fluster Clarke as much as possible. She took a deep breath and shot Clarke an amused smile she hoped would disarm the younger blonde.

Anya lifted the offending hand to her face and took two of the four fingers into her mouth, pushing past her reservations and letting her tongue swirl around the icing-coated digits. Much like earlier, Clarke's pupils were immediately blown as Anya held her gaze, giving her ample opportunity to reach back with her free hand unnoticed.

Though patience was never her strong suit, she waited until she'd taken the final two fingers into her mouth before her handful of leftover cookie dough smacked against Clarke's cheek. She pressed a little harder as she smeared it across Clarke's nose, unable to keep from giggling around the digits as she cleaned them off and dropped Clarke's hand, the limb falling to the younger woman's side.

"You look good enough to eat, Clarke." Anya tried to say through her laughter, only earning a huff from the blonde before her. Rolling her eyes, she turned around and grabbed a washcloth, wetting it for a moment before bringing it up to Clarke's face, gently wiping off the oatmeal cookie dough.

It took maybe a minute on top of a rinse or two, but eventually, she got all the cookie dough off of her visibly frustrated and flustered friend's face. "There we go..." Anya murmured, catching the next few words in her throat before deciding that maybe with how daring she'd been so far, maybe she could give one more tiny effort. "...just as beautiful as I remembered."

Clarke crossed her arms and pouted, slightly ducking her head and looking up at Anya through her eyelashes. "I want to be annoyed at you for the whiplash, babe, but then you go and say that." Clarke spoke, letting out an arduously long sigh. "I guess I got my just desserts for pranking you."

"I suppose so." Anya noted, hand lifting on its own accord to smooth her thumb over Clarke's freshly clean cheek. "You're sweet, though...and I'm not just talking about the icing."

"Oh my god, I can't...I didn't think you'd ever do that, but...I mean, are you okay?" Clarke stammered out, a flash of realization in her eyes.

Anya smiled encouragingly as those butterflies did another dance in her stomach, kind of loving how careful and kind Clarke was with her. "I'm okay. To be honest, I didn't think I had it in me, but...well, I couldn't let it stand."

"Because your thing is hitting people in the face with random things." Clarke said with another laugh, stepping in and pulling Anya into a hug. The feel of Clarke's face nestling in her neck had her feeling light and warm, almost distracted enough not to notice the time.

"Clarke..." She whispered, earning a happy hum that may or may not have sent a shiver down her spine. "It's ten fifty-five."

"Is everything packed up?" Clarke asked, lips brushing against Anya's neck so softly that her breath caught in her throat.

Anya looked around the kitchen. They'd done most of the dishes, just the bowls used for mixing the cookie dough and for the icing, the mixing spoon, and the stoneware were left unwashed. But all of the cookies were packed away in containers, and that was the most important part.

"There are a few dishes left." Anya stated, going over in her head how long it might take to get them done. "I could wash them in maybe two minutes, three?" She continued, unable to fight a frown when Clarke detached from her so quickly.

"Can you do it in ninety seconds?" Clarke asked, hands skimming down to rest on Anya's hips, that fire in her eyes from earlier almost too mesmerizing to look away from, but she had work to do.

Anya gave a nod and quickly started the hot water in the sink, scrubbing the mixing spoon and icing bowl as it filled enough to accommodate the larger mixing bowl for the dough. Clarke, meanwhile, hadn't made herself useful; if anything, she was a lingering distraction, hands fluctuating between resting on and gripping her hips, hot puffs of breath wafting against the back of Anya's neck.

The stoneware was quick to clean and rinse, leaving her a good thirty seconds to use a paper towel to scrape off the remaining dough and toss it into the sink for a quick scrub, her hands working in overdrive to get it entirely clean, the countdown in her head urging her on.

 _Five...four...three..._ Anya mused as she did a last once over of the bowl, quickly rinsed it and placed it on the rack. Her hand had just let go of the bowl when suddenly, Clarke's hands shifted, and Anya quickly found herself swept up into Clarke's arms.

Maybe she was blushing about as intensely as she ever had. Maybe there was a smile on her face she wasn't sure could ever be extinguished. And maybe she couldn't let herself keep her eyes open because she was pretty sure she'd swoon, and the last thing Clarke needed was dead weight in her arms.

Honestly, she hadn't quite taken Clarke seriously with the threat of taking her upstairs. Clarke was soft, and Anya kind of really loved that about her. To the younger blonde's credit, she made it to the top of the stairs before she left Anya to her feet, Clarke visibly fighting the urge to keel over as she tried to catch her breath.

It was such a romantic and heartwarming display that Anya could hardly keep herself from finishing the job, lifting Clarke in her arms and carrying them both to the bed.

Clarke let out a huff and immediately curled up against Anya as they settled onto the bed. Anya used her hand to sweep away Clarke's bangs, giving her full view of the sad, sheepish smile on the other woman's face.

"I wanted to carry you all the way, but my guns just ran out of ammo." Clarke noted in apology, lightly resting her forehead against Anya's. "Sorry..."

Anya pulled her arms tightly around Clarke, holding them close, her eyes seeking out Clarke's evasive blues. As much as she felt awkward being too forward, the last thing she wanted was Clarke doubting herself when the woman had made her feel special. "Don't apologize. It made my night."

At that, Clarke met her gaze, searching for any sign of insincerity before they fluttered shut, a disappointed sigh meeting Anya's ears. "I was trying to be all sexy and take charge, but my body wasn't ready."

"Clarke?" Anya probed, earning a content hum as Clarke wrapped herself around Anya. "We'll be staying in Lexa's pool house in Chatham, correct?" She asked, earning another hum in the affirmative. "The master bedroom is on the main floor, a few feet away from the kitchen. Do you think you could handle that?"

Clarke's eyes shot open, wide with wonder as one of Clarke's hands snaked through their embrace to cup her cheek. "I'd carry you from the walkway. So long as there's no stairs, I'm good." Clarke answered, the tip of her nose gently brushing against Anya's. "But Anya...I'm not sure I'll be able to keep from kissing you after that. Like, it was so hard for me not to just kiss you when I picked you up."

Anya felt herself blush at the sheer yearning and urgency in Clarke's voice, knowing someone as wonderful as Clarke desired someone like her that much. "Then you'll kiss me."

"Anya..." Clarke started, but she had a good idea of what her friend would say, and it didn't matter.

"I'll be ready, then. If it's just us, and we're together, and you can set the mood like that...I'll be ready. I...I want to kiss you, too, Clarke. And I trust you." Anya said, leaning into Clarke's hand, wanting her to know that she felt safe. That she had no reservations. That however much Clarke desired her, she desired Clarke in return.

Anya relished in the way Clarke gently brushed her hand along her cheek, adored the blooming excitement in those late summer sky-blue eyes. "So...it worked? I wooed you?" The younger blonde murmured with a healthy dose of hope.

"You swept me off my feet, literally and figuratively." She reaffirmed, grinning as Clarke's tongue poked out from her own giddy smile at the punny revelation.

"Mmmmmn, you have no idea how happy that makes me." Clarke mused, stretching one of her legs out before looping it over one of Anya's. "And you have no idea how much I want to fall asleep with you right here, right now, but we need to shower."

Anya let out a sigh, knowing Clarke was right, even if it was a disappointing truth. "I suppose we should get to it. May I go first?"

"After you, babe." Clarke noted, reluctantly letting go of Anya and scooting the tiniest bit away, giving them both enough room to stretch and get up. Anya was just moving towards her suitcase when the sound of Clarke gently clearing her voice stilled her. "Hey, um...so I was thinking...and you can say no, but...I mean your suitcase is all the way over there..."

"Clarke...?" Anya questioned openly, unsure what the younger blonde was getting at, only feeling a blooming warmth in her chest at how deeply the woman was blushing.

"Totally not a big deal, but I figure we haven't done laundry yet, and you're probably running low on sleep clothes, and I know I have some over-sized tees I use for sleeping right there in my dresser, and like I said, it wouldn't be a big deal..." Clarke rambled, Anya not needing much time to figure out what Clarke was aiming for.

With barely a thought, Anya opened the second dresser drawer and found a collection of neatly folded clothes. She sifted through them for a second or two before pulling out a golden yellow t-shirt that was so long it way as well have been a dress. Just as she went to close it, she spotted a tiny pair of shorts and plucked them out as well before pulling the top drawer open.

"Oh! Um, Anya, you don't have to..." Clarke went to interject, but Anya already had it open and could just barely stifle her laughter. Whenever Clarke had moved down south, she'd left a fair bit of things behind, and from what Anya could tell, much of it was very colourful and very risqué by her own standards.

"You said it yourself, Clarke. I'm probably low on clothes. Should I see what I've got, or..." Anya started, before plucking a pair of leopard-print boyshorts with electric blue lace trim from the drawer and holding it out for Clarke, who groaned and flopped back down onto the bed. "...should I go for some of these lovely articles you so cold-heartedly left behind?"

"I don't think I ever even wore those ones. I might have been drunk when I bought them, I think." Clarke grumbled, arm covering her face in apparent mortification.

Anya looked the pair over and did indeed see the tag was still attached. "Hrm. Well then, I suppose these will do just fine, then." She noted, grabbing the matching pair from the drawer before shutting it and striding off towards the ensuite.

"Are you trying to kill me, woman?" Clarke called out playfully, sounding more than a little shocked at her selection, but Anya had been entirely conservative so far in the trip. There couldn't be any harm in straying from her usual on something so minor.

Besides, the thought of wearing Clarke's clothes was a little validating. Not necessarily that it could ever mark her as anyone's territory or property, or anything so utterly patriarchal, but just the pure familiarity of it all. Relationships were essentially sharing lives, and the first steps towards that had to involve sharing of other things. Clothes just seemed like an easy way to help continue to forge that connection they'd been growing.

Tomorrow would be a long, busy day. The least she could do was find a way to enjoy the rest of the night with Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So this one started off with some angst, but that's almost all of it out of the way now. Some more at the wedding, but ultimately, it's going to be mostly smooth sailing in fluff from here on out :)  
> Anywho, I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Wednesday Morning, June 1st (Chantilly, VA)**

The first time Clarke woke, it was to Anya, propped up on an elbow, hovering over her chest, and gasping for air. Being woken while the sun wasn't fully up had her grumbling her displeasure and tugging Anya back down onto her.

An action that Anya relented to, even as the woman let out a laugh. "Just don't hold me too tight, darling. I nearly suffocated in your breasts."

The stray image of Anya face-down in her cleavage had Clarke giggling as she drifted back towards slumber, oddly enough. She never fell back to sleep after waking, but for whatever reason, it was coming on quickly again, and she couldn't be bothered to care. "Sleepy. Come up here, baby."

She loosened her grip, letting Anya crawl up, still resting atop her, but now resting that pretty head on her collarbone.

"Go back to sleep, Clarke. It's not seven yet, we have nowhere to be but here in this bed, together." Anya murmured, her soft slightly slurred words putting Clarke entirely at ease, eyes fluttering shut as she took in Anya's warmth.

She hadn't even noticed they weren't even wrapped in covers as usual when dreams overtook her once more.

The second time Clarke woke, the sun had been up for hours by the look of it, and the warm, pleasant weight atop her chest that she'd fallen asleep with was gone. Frowning, Clarke turned her head side to side and peered blearily at her surroundings, failing to find Anya.

"Ughh..." Clarke let out in a grunt, curling back into the cocoon of her duvet and bed sheets. Every morning for the past while, she'd woken to Anya in her arms. Waking up without the woman in her cozy embrace just made her feel oddly empty.

Still, even without Anya in her arms, her bed was warm, and it gave her sobering mind time to think on the previous day.

It'd definitely been rougher than she'd expected. She'd planned to call Lexa and give her a talking to, get to her mom's, and spend a relaxing evening in after dropping O and Raven off. Instead, Anya had shut her anger down and voiced worries about meeting her mom. Worries that, to an extent, came true when Raven opened her big mouth and nearly gave Anya a panic attack, and had her crush spilling out some very polite verbal diarrhea out of pure fear.

It'd been another thing she'd probably beat herself up over, stumbling and not recognizing Anya's fears for what they were. Or, at least, not before she'd laughed and made Anya feel unsafe again. At first, she'd just wanted to hold Anya and tease her, but with each consecutive rejection she'd quickly felt a burning need to just make it better. Which, thankfully, Anya eventually let her help with, but it was yet another thing that had been new to her.

Every relationship she'd been in, she'd managed to piss off her boyfriends or girlfriends at one time or another. Sometimes, it was even her fault, she wasn't perfect. However, while she would feel guilt, her usual stance was that time would eventually heal the wounds, that she'd just be better going forward after a verbal apology, and that would be that. But with Anya, there was this pressing need to be close to her, to hold her, to kiss her and find a way to get her smiling again every time she upset the woman.

It was strange, and definitely new territory, but she wasn't opposed to it. She just hoped that with time, the intensity would dial down a little on that front. A part of her felt that she was just scared of being stuck with a time limit, knowing that once the wedding was over with, everyone would go their separate ways, and she liked what was growing between her and Anya. Losing that chance was scary. Another part had her wondering if it was because so many of her previous relationships were either mostly or purely physical, and that it was the sudden emotional connection with Anya that was making things more intense than usual.

A part of it, she knew, was the recent revelation that Anya was trans, like her.  There was just something about knowing that she wouldn't have to put up with some of the standard issues cis folks had with her and other trans people that made her so much more comfortable around Anya. If she'd trusted the woman before, now it was on another level, and the casual acceptance Anya had offered her had Clarke's chest feeling light just thinking about it.

It hadn't been ideal. Honestly, she'd wanted to come out to Anya for so long, but every time, something was going on, there was some sort of crisis or concern, and she had to prioritize Anya. And when Anya had come out, the woman had been so caught up in her worries about her desirability and inexperience that to Clarke, coming out would have been a risk. And Anya had needed safety, which she'd been happy to give, and happy to foster the previous day. Feeling Anya relax in her arms, so much of that tension falling away, it all had Clarke feeling like she could do anything.

Either way, she was in deep, especially after Anya's baking lesson. The woman had been utterly bold, and while she'd been used to Anya being blunt with her words before, she hadn't really experienced the woman being bold with her actions or affection, at least not to that degree. The lap-sitting episode in her car had been mindblowingly wonderful, but Clarke wasn't sure she'd ever forget what happened there in her mom's kitchen.

It had been a sad moment when she'd stepped into the shower and washed off the fingers Anya had run those soft lips and agile tongue around. It was only knowing that Anya would be waiting for her when she got out that had been the clincher. Or, more precise, Anya in her clothes, wearing the obnoxious underwear she'd bought on a drunken dare that inexplicably seemed much, much sexier on the other woman, even hidden behind the tee and shorts.

She'd never really been a so-called 'ass girl' in the past, but like hell if she hadn't fallen asleep with her hands on Anya's backside instead of around her waist as usual.

"I wonder where she is..." Clarke mused openly, letting out a heavy sigh in protest as she sat up and shambled out of bed. Her bedside clock said it was quarter past ten, so it was definitely time for breakfast.

Clarke made her way downstairs, not bothering to be quiet, and somewhat confused at the lack of noise. Usually when her mom had time off, she was in the living room watching something, or had music playing.

 _Wait a minute..._ She thought, hearing something off in the distance that sounded like music. Curious, she made her way to the sliding door in the kitchen that led to the backyard, the sound of music getting slightly louder. There were signs of life, two mugs on the patio table, so she headed out to see what was going on, immediately being met by the sound of Juice Newton's 'Angel of the Morning', a sign her mother had brought her relic of a stereo system outside.

"Mom? Are you out here?" Clarke called out as she left the patio and descended into the back yard, eyes sweeping around the area. She stepped past the shrub wall lining the patio edge and froze, a gasp dying in her throat at the sight of Anya, still in her sleep clothes, wearing that super pretty sunhat of hers, working away with her mother in her mom's long abandoned garden.

Her throat felt like a desert as she watched Anya amble to her feet and stretch, all that exposed leg making Clarke's feel like jello. "Dear lord..." She muttered as she held onto a nearby shrub for balance. _I guess she got over wanting to present a certain way in front of mom. She always looks so pretty all put together, but there's just...something about her in casual clothes that just...unf..._

Clarke wasn't sure how, but she managed to make her way over to the hardworking duo, Anya picking up on her footsteps before her mom, the other blonde shooting her a bright smile.

"Clarke, good morning." Anya noted softly, angling slightly away from the soil and weeds she'd been working in.

Her mom, of course, tossed off her gloves and got to her feet, pulling Clarke into a hug. "Good morning, sweetheart. How'd you sleep?"

"Really well. Even fell asleep after waking up earlier." Clarke stated, earning a surprised gasp from her mother, but Clarke only had eyes for the beauty that was back at work in the foliage.

"That never happens." Her mom noted with an odd amount of excitement.

"Well, I guess all I needed was a bit of a change." Clarke mused happily, finally turning her gaze back to her mom and narrowing her eyes, immediately sensing that her mother was up to something. "What?"

"So Anya tells me she's going to be teaching you to _dance_."

Clarke groaned, knowing this moment in time would come. Her mother had tried to get her to take dance lessons, but nothing had stuck, much to their mutual disappointment. "Just a little bit. Like, pretty sure the absolute basics."

"If by the absolute basics, you mean teaching you how to waltz, and dance the foxtrot and tango, then yes, Clarke. The basics." Anya piped up as she dug her trowel deep in the soil and pulled out a large weed.

Clarke was pretty sure she went beet red as memories of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ came to mind, all those alluring and moderately erotic tangos coming to mind. "The...Anya, I can't dance _the tango_."

"Obviously not, but we have time, and you'll have a good teacher." Anya noted all blasé, like teaching someone to dance a number of styles in the matter of days was a feasible goal. "I taught Lexa, Lincoln, and Octavia.  You'll..."

Clarke's eyes bugged out. " _Octavia_ can _tango_?"

"I should hope so. She did at Bellamy and Gina's wedding with Lincoln. I can't imagine she forgot how since then." Anya continued, starting at yet another weed in her mother's overgrown garden.

Octavia having the patience to learn to dance was difficult to fathom. The mere thought of Octavia being able to learn, while Clarke crashed out, had her thinking that maybe she was in a little too deep. Learning the bare bones of moving herself to music seemed intimidating enough. Being assigned three dance styles to learn was overwhelming, especially given the time constraints.

"I, for one, have full faith in her." Her mom chipped in, drawing a smile to Anya's lips as the woman turned her head towards the duo.

"Thank you, Mrs Griffin." Anya said, offering a nod before getting back to work.

"I should be thanking you, Anya." Her mom insisted, before turning back to Clarke. "We've been waiting for you to wake so we could eat. Anya, is there anything in particular you'd like for brunch?"

"No ma'am. Aside from my nut allergy, I'll be happy to eat whatever is prepared, thank you." Anya answered, focus back on apparently cleaning up the garden.

Clarke stumbled a little as her mother took her arm and dragged her back off towards the house in a brisk walk. "Clarke, where did you find this girl?" Her mom asked in a hushed tone, eyes wide and looking entirely insistent on an answer.

"Her car broke down the day I was set to leave on the road trip. Lexa called and asked if I could pick her up, and I said yes. She lives a little down the road from me, by the coast." Clarke answered, and by her mom's expression, Abby was just barely holding back a cheer as she slipped indoors, her mother closing the door behind them.

"Clarke, she knows how to bake." Her mom started, and she could only sigh, knowing what was coming next, just nodding along absently. "She's teaching me how to revamp my garden. She told me why my hydrangeas kept dying, Clarke!" Clarke nodded again, letting out a hum, seeing right through her mother, who was pressing her on something her and Anya had already admitted to. "Clarke, she has manners, and she's trans like you, and she's beautiful. Please tell me this is serious between you two."

Clarke let out a sigh as she dug in the fridge for fruit and set up a cutting board for the berries, peaches, kiwi, and mango. "I'm thinking blueberry pancakes?" She asked, smiling at her mother's predictable scoff. "Mom, I really like her, it's serious. But don't gush about her being all domestic."

"She's just...she seems like she would be good for you. The last two people you dated couldn't cook or bake, and practically worshipped at the altar of the microwave. There's no harm in celebrating the things she's good at." Her mom argued, sounding a little taken aback.

"And do you know why she's so good at all of that?" Clarke shot back at her mother as she grabbed a knife to start on slicing the peaches. "Did she tell you?"

"She...she told me her parents were abusive and isolated her. That they disowned her for who she is." Her mom stated, surprising Clarke that Anya had talked about her past to her mother so soon.

"So you know they were heavy on tradition and brutally trained her to be the perfect little housewife for whatever rich future heir came along, right? Hell, she probably only likes gardening because she got to actually leave her damn room and feel some sense of freedom." Clarke seethed, only to clamp her mouth shut when she looked over her shoulder and saw her mother staring back all shocked and sad. She'd have to apologize to Anya later for the slip. "She didn't tell you that, then. Well, fuck, don't talk to her about it. Don't bring it up. Just try to forget what I said."

"I didn't know, Clarke." Her mother noted, voice distant, eyes glancing out the window towards the garden.

"I like her, mom. I want to do right by her. And if...if we end up together long term, I wouldn't want her to do anything around the house that could remind her or trigger her to that shit. I'd hire a cleaning service before I'd let her lift a finger towards a vacuum or duster." Clarke ranted, catching herself before she went too far again, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Look, let's just make brunch."

Thankfully, her mother seemed to agree with that plan, pulling out the ingredients to make pancakes.

* * *

 

Brunch was exactly what Clarke had needed, the combination of good food and good company to settle her nerves and turn her mind to nicer things. In particular, the way the sunlight coming in through the window made it look like Anya had a halo.

Maybe it was odd, but the sun and earth only seemed to make Anya more beautiful, her hair slightly disheveled, her clothing a little askew, Clarke's golden yellow tee spotted with dirt and the slightest traces of sweat.

She was gorgeous.

"What?" Anya's voice broke Clarke away from her thoughts, blushing as she realized she'd probably been staring, by the confused, if amused, expression Anya was shooting her way.

Caught, Clarke ducked her head, teeth making an unbidden descent into her lip. "You're just really beautiful." She admitted quietly, halfway surprising herself with the blunt admission.

Anya let out a noise that sounded like the woman wasn't sure whether to laugh or argue. "I'm filthy, and sweaty, and gross. In fact, I should probably shower."

Clarke was quick to her feet, moving around the table to Anya and offering her hand out. Anya predictably rolled her eyes, cocking her head to the side slightly. "Clarke, I don't need an escort to the shower."

She ignored her mother's hardly contained giggles over at the sink and wet her lips. "Humour me?"

Anya scoffed but held out her hand after a moment's hesitation. She looked into those deep brown eyes and saw apprehension and curiosity, holding her gaze as she gently pulled Anya to her feet and brought that long, lithe hand to her lips.

Anya's eyes went wide, pupils dilating slightly as Clarke pressed a kiss to the base of her fingers. The momentary shock gave her plenty of time to loop an arm around Anya's waist and pull them chest to chest, nose to nose.

"You're _radiant_ , Anya. You could smell of manure, be coated in mud, and have just finished a ten mile run, and I'd still want to hold you and kiss you. Maybe that'd mean we'd both need a shower after, but it'd be worth it because I'd get to have you in my arms." Clarke murmured, lightly bonking her forehead against Anya's as she watched the woman's annoyed expression falter.

For all of Anya's usual poise and self control, a few well chosen words were cracking that facade, an eager smile twitching at the woman's lips, ready to brighten up the room. "Clarke, I'm covered in dirt." Anya noted quietly, not quite enough of an objection in her tone to sway the younger blonde.

"You're covered in my clothes, and dirt from my mom's garden that you lovingly tended to all morning. Do you see me recoiling in disgust, Anya? Do you think you shine any less bright right now?" Clarke asked, letting go of Anya's hand so she could cup the woman's cheek. "You're beautiful, inside and out."

Maybe it was all a little forward, but if there was one thing that Clarke wanted to do, it was to help Anya realize that she didn't need pristine hygiene, perfect clothing decisions, or immaculate hair and make-up to be beautiful. The fresh-faced woman in her arms earlier that morning, decked out in sleep clothes and a head of messy hair, was still the prettiest person she'd ever woken up with. That if Anya wanted to put the effort in, of course Clarke would celebrate that and praise the woman's abilities and choices, but that she didn't need any effort to be beautiful.

And maybe Clarke was more than smitten. Maybe she'd started that rare and wonderful descent earlier that morning, and maybe she just wanted to embrace that.

"Clarke, your mother is _right there_." Anya let out in a hard whisper, even as her eyes kept flicking down to Clarke's lips.

"She knows how I feel about you. You said it yourself, I made my _intentions_ known, but if you need a reminder, Anya..." Clarke started, running her hand up from the woman's cheek and through her hair.

"You're so frustrating. Are you always going to be like this?" Anya let out in a huff, even as her smile spread and her face got redder, blush spreading down her neck.

"Like what?" She asked coyly, bringing her hand back to smooth a thumb over Anya's cheek, nearly melting when that cheek leaned into her touch.

"Romantic." The word came out like a breath, barely audible, Clarke having to strain her ears to register it.

It had her leaning ever closer, nuzzling Anya's nose, knowing she couldn't kiss the woman yet and it was the best she could freely give at the moment. "You bring it out in me."

Clarke heard the hitched breath, felt Anya shift in her arms, but it was the soft press of lips to her cheek that had her both immediately tearing up and feeling like there was lightning coursing through her veins.

 _She kissed me!_ Three words bounced through her mind again and again as she caught her breath and shot Anya a beaming smile, arm squeezing tighter around the beauty. _Oh my god, she kissed me!_

"Your face is ridiculous, Clarke." Anya let out with an amused laugh as she took a half step away. "You're lucky I like it."

If the kiss had her heart blooming with excitement and adoration, Anya reaching up and brushing the joyful tears from eyes had her on the verge of falling from how light and airy she felt, entirely on cloud nine. And with clear vision, Clarke could not only see the bright-eyed joyful expression on her face, but also how Anya was offering her hand out again.

"Seriously?" Clarke asked with a potentially embarrassing amount of hope, unable to keep from giggling at how things had turned out, and what Anya was offering.

"Well, maybe I could have that escort after all, if you absolutely _must_ insist." Anya noted, ducked her head a little, looking strangely shy. It was a hundred percent endearing, and Clarke couldn't help but take hold of her hand.

"I do have to insist. It's a pretty steep staircase." Clarke shot back, knowing full well that she'd be smiling until her cheek muscles gave out.

Anya gestured towards the stairs with her head. "Then I suppose we should get to it. I have a busy day ahead of me."

Clarke cocked her head to the side as she led the way down the hall and to the stairs. "Oh _really_? And pray tell, what are your plans for the day?"

"I have some shopping I need to do today, and to pick up something from a friend. Then, early evening, I was thinking we could start your dance lessons." Anya explained as they ascended up the stairway. "And maybe if we had time later, we could try some of the pen and paper role-playing you seemed interested in on the drive up?"

While she wasn't very excited about dance lessons, still very much intimidated by the notion of learning actual dance styles, the possibility of having some late-night fun. "Think if I reeled O and Raven over for it, it'd be okay?"

Anya hesitated for a moment, but nodded as they reached the top of the stairs. "If they'd like to, then yes."

"Great! And...any hints as to what you're shopping for? I mean, we'll be leaving with a pretty full cargo area and all." Clarke asked, knowing she could be pushing it, but she was curious. It didn't hurt to be curious.

"It's nothing that will take much space, I promise. It'll all fit in my suitcase, so no added bulk." Anya said, clearly avoiding giving any info, which only had Clarke feeling more curious, even if she would respect her privacy. "What are your plans for the afternoon?"

Clarke considered her options, and came to the one easy conclusion as they stepped into her room. "I think I'll start my first painting. Get it started here, finish it when we arrive at the cape."

"I look forward to seeing it." Anya said with a smile she knew was sincere, stopping at the entrance to Clarke's ensuite. "Well, this is me."

Clarke let out a laugh at Anya's sudden playfulness. It was wonderful, seeing the woman so relaxed and lighthearted, and all Clarke knew was that she wanted to bring this side out of Anya was often as possible. "I had a good morning, Anya."

"I'd invite you in for a drink, but all I have is water, and that would be inhospitable of me." Anya teased, grazing gentle fingers down Clarke's left arm. "I had a _fantastic_ morning."

Maybe she blushed a little extra at knowing she'd played a part in that happiness. "Will I get to see you again?"

Anya hesitated, giving Clarke a long look over. "Be by the fountain at four-thirty. Perhaps I'll join you there."

Clarke just widened her smile, lifted that same hand, and pressed her lips to it, enjoying Anya's sharp intake and shy smile. "I'll see you then."

With that, she let go of Anya's hand and stepped backwards, only turning away once she was at her bedroom's entrance. It was a little ridiculous, and she felt like a teenager again, but Clarke couldn't deny her jubilation. Anya had flirted with her. Anya had been so cute. And Anya had kissed her.

A cheek kiss, but a kiss from a woman to whom kisses meant so much, and were so rare.

Clarke shut her bedroom door behind her and sunk back against it, letting out a happy sigh. No matter what happened, she was pretty sure she had a hell of an evening ahead of her.

And she knew just what to paint.

* * *

 

Clarke placed her brush down and let out a hard exhale, feeling a little drained after working at a feverish pace for the past two hours. Usually, ideas sort of just filtered in slowly, bringing her to paint at a languid pace, and she enjoyed that. It always gave her time to think and react to what she was doing, and where the work was leading her, but this time around, it was like she couldn't even stop to catch her breath.

She'd meant to start the painting today, maybe settle on the base idea and get some initial painting done, but two hours in, and it was well past the halfway mark.

"Can't finish it today, but...well, it shouldn't take long once I'm set up over at Lexa's." Clarke mused openly, happy enough to finish there and finally take a shower to get all the paint off of her.

Clarke made her way out of the extra bedroom she'd used as a studio and down the hall to her bedroom, grabbing some old casual clothes to wear. After all, she'd never been the best dancer, and if she fell, she didn't want to accidentally wreck her good clothes.

She took a quick shower, knowing it was probably getting close to when Anya would be getting back. After their little moment in the dining room earlier, Clarke wasn't sure it'd be wise to leave Anya alone with her mom for any decent length of time. After all, her mom could be a little pushy.

Knowing it'd be hours until dinner, Clarke made her way downstairs and into the kitchen, digging around in the fridge for food. In the end, she decided on some fruit and two of the oatmeal cream cookies, but when she was midway through slicing one of the peaches, she heard her mom come downstairs and shuffle things around in the living room.

It was strange, but not tremendously unusual. She waited until she had her snack before investigating, soon finding herself standing at the entrance to the room, confused out of her mind as to why her mom was digging around in the wall safe.

"Did something happen? Is there some kind of emergency?" Clarke asked, words tinged with the caution she felt at the sight of the safe open, knowing they mostly kept important papers in there.

Her mom peeked over her shoulder and shook her head. "No emergency, but something did happen."

Clarke's chest tightened in fear. "Oh my god, is someone suing you at the hospital?"

Her mother's laugh was a little unexpected, to say the least, which immediately had her grumpy. She couldn't just say something happened and then laugh when Clarke thought it was something bad.

"No, nothing bad." Her mom stated, before stilling. "Aha! There it is."

Quickly, whatever her mom had been searching for was in her hand, and the woman was putting everything back inside the safe and sealing it back up again.

"So...are you going to tell me what's going on?" Clarke asked, feeling a little frustrated now with how evasive her mom was being. Usually she was more to the point.

Abby just sat down on the couch and patted the cushion beside her. Rolling her eyes, Clarke crossed the room and plopped herself down on it, eyebrow cocked in question as she waited for answers.

Her mom took a deep breath, then took hold of Clarke's nearest hand, slowly unfurling it. Clarke frowned in confusion, but when she felt what her mother pressed onto her palm, she rocketed up to her feet, pulling her hand away. "Mom, NO!"

" _Clarke_..." Her mom tried to offer some sort of soothing tone that was probably meant to get her to negotiate or calm down, but she was beyond that.

"Mom, put grandma's ring away! What the _hell_ are you thinking!"

"I'm thinking that this girl is..."

"...the girl I've known for _less than a week_ , mom! You don't just get to..."

"...who is 'beautiful inside and out', who you're 'serious' about, and..."

"...throw an engagement ring around! And _stop quoting me_! You don't get to quote me when..."

"...you know that your father proposed to me after three and a..."

"...you're only thinking...oh my god, _I know_! Three and a half weeks! Whatever!" Clarke couldn't deal with it anymore and stormed out of the living room with her plate of snacks, her mother in hot pursuit.

"Clarke listen to me..." Her mom started again, but it was too ridiculous. She loved her mom, but the woman could be the most absurdly dramatic person in the world sometimes.

"No, _you_ listen to _me_ , mom! I've known her since Friday morning, and you dropped a fucking box holding grandma's engagement ring into my hand. Do you get how ridiculous that is?! Dad hasn't even met her!" Clarke yelled as she charged into the kitchen, slamming her plate down on the counter. "What are you thinking?!"

Her mom's pace slowed, stopping at the other end of the kitchen island. The older woman stared her down for a few moments, as if to request she calm down. And alright, Anya would be back soon, and she didn't want any evidence that she was worked up, because then Anya would ask questions, and she wouldn't want to lie.

"Clarke, I didn't mean to spook you." Her mom started again, earning a quick, sharp scoff for her effort, which just had her mom shooting her a frustrated glare in return. "You visit once, maybe twice a year. You're busy. Who knows where this relationship with Anya will take you? You said you're serious about her, that you want to do right by her. I'm not saying I want you to propose any time soon, but I've never seen you look at anyone the way you looked at her earlier."

"Oh my god, mom, that was kind of a private moment." Clarke interjected with a groan, which had her mom pulling out her phone. And okay, maybe it wasn't private, but still, her mother shouldn't have been snooping. Her mother especially shouldn't have taken pictures or video. " _Mom_..."

"I _might_ have taken a video. But anyway, I've always said you inherited your father's eyes. And I saw something very familiar in yours when you looked at her. Now, again..." her mom continued, raising a hand when Clarke moved to speak. "...again, I don't expect you to get engaged. It might not even work out. But I want you to be prepared if it does, and you wake up one day knowing you want her by your side for the rest of your life. I want you to be able to have a ring nearby, and not have to travel all the way over here to get it. If you want to propose, I want you to be able to, because I know you. You're thoughtful, and smart, but you're impulsive, too. And let’s face it, upbringing or not, she’ll want the romance of a ring."

Clarke let out a heavy sigh, then bit into one of the oatmeal cookies. "It's just really fast, mom."

"You're a Griffin, honey. Hell, almost everyone on both sides of the family have moved fast. Jake's parents met one weekend, didn't see each other until the next, and married then. Sure, it was during a war, but still." Her mom stated, retelling a familiar tale. "Your other grandparents only knew each other for a month before they got married. Your Aunt Callie and Uncle Duncan got engaged on a dare at the party they first met at. They're still going strong twenty-three years later."

Clarke nodded along begrudgingly. "Okay, I get it, I get it. We rush into things. We tend to be good judges of character.  It's just...I told her I was into her on _Sunday_ , mom. We've barely just begun whatever we have together." She stated, letting out another sigh as she leaned back against the counter. "And you're right. In a few short days I'm starting to fall head over heels for her, so I get it. But we have a wedding to get to. We have so much left to do. I haven't even kissed her yet. That thing's going to weigh heavy on me."

"So I'll put it in your suitcase, then." Her mom shot back with a widening grin, only to break out into a huge smile when the sound of the front door opening met their ears.  

"Mom, behave yourself! We are _not_ done with this." Clarke whispered harshly as she made her way out of the kitchen and down the hall towards the foyer.

Anya was still taking her shoes off when Clarke caught sight of her, a cardboard box under one hand, and a large white tote-like shopping bag resting beside her.

"Hey, baby. Can I help with that?" Clarke asked, making a beeline for the white bag, only for Anya to kick her last heel off and lift the bag out of Clarke's reach.

"Sweet words won't trick me into showing you what I was shopping for, Clarke." Anya said with a stern frown that didn't quite reach the amusement shining in her eyes.

"No, but at least now I know it probably has something to do with me." Clarke shot back with a grin, wiggling her eyebrows.

Anya's laugh was music to her ears. "It's something for when we're at the cape. Don't fret too much over it."

"I suppose if you're not going to show what you bought, then I'll have to keep my painting under wraps." Clarke suggested, looking to see if she could strike some sort of negotiation.

Anya just stared flatly at her. "I suppose so. I look forward to when it's finished...and I imagine by then, you'll have seen all of what I bought." The woman said, eyebrows lifting as Anya backed away towards the staircase. "I'll be down to properly greet you in a few moments, Clarke."

It wasn't as if Clarke was new to relationships or affection or any sort of romantic intimacy, but like hell if she didn't stay right where she was as Anya ascended up the stairs, trying her hardest not to drop her gaze to the woman's lovely backside. And she was still standing in the same spot nearly seven minutes later when Anya made her way down.

It was the clack of heels that first caught her attention, even if her eyes hadn't stopped watching for the woman since she'd rounded the corner. And when Anya did reappear, Clarke had to blink a few times to gauge whether or not she was seeing things. On anyone else, Clarke had the vague notion that she might have laughed, but standing at the bottom of the stairs, watching Anya carefully amble her way down in an eggplant coloured knee length swing dress that was sheer in all the right places, had a stunning waistline, and a gauzy layered skirt that hid the woman's powerful thighs?

Clarke felt like she was back at prom night again, except in her former date's position this time around. When Anya finished her descent and stepped up to her, Clarke honestly had no idea what to do but gape.

"Wow." It was hardly an intelligent response, but it was what Clarke's body could muster, and if the pink tint to Anya's cheeks was any indicator, she hadn't completely bombed it.

"So eloquent of you." Anya teased, rolling her eyes before stunning Clarke by pulling her close, soft lips pressing against Clarke's cheek and breaking her from her stupor.

Clarke just wrapped her arms around the woman and held her tight, unsure for a moment if her legs could hold herself up. "God, I love you kissing me, but if you keep it up, things might fast-track, and I don't want to rush you." She managed to mumble, nose grazing across Anya's shoulder.

"Mmmh, Clarke, you may kiss me. I'd just...prefer our first kiss together be where we planned it." Anya said, immediately filling Clarke's head with ideas. The best and worst kinds of ideas.

"So...this...?" Clarke asked hazily as she pressed her lips to Anya's shoulder, the woman's loud gasp pushing her to turn and press one to the base of her neck. "Was that okay?"

"Maybe...maybe somewhere more private, Clarke." Anya breathlessly answered, a little hesitant as the woman's head tilted towards the dining room.

Clarke didn't even need to look in that direction to understand. "Mom, put the phone away." She called out, hiding her face in Anya's neck.

"You can't blame a mother for documenting important moments, Clarke. It's what we do!" Her mom shot back. "But I guess I can leave you two alone...for now."

She could hear the laughter bubbling up inside of Anya, could feel it bounce around inside her chest and jump up her throat. "You mother...is not what I expected." Her friend spoke between laughs, holding Clarke close and making the younger blonde want to stay like that for the rest of the night.

"My mom's a nuisance." Clarke noted with a sigh, before pulling away enough to meet Anya's warm, delighted gaze. "And you, Anya...you're mesmeric."

She may have only known Anya a few days, but Clarke knew she'd never get tired of making the woman blush, especially when it'd always have her heart doing somersaults.

"It was one of the things I bought today. I'm glad I did..." Anya murmured, her curious gaze giving Clarke a once over. "When I saw you'd showered and were wearing _these_ , I got the idea that you were nervous about dance lessons."

Clarke offered Anya a sheepish smile. "I...might have been concerned about tripping over my two left feet."

Without notice, Anya's arms wrapped around Clarke's hips tightly, and lifted her into the air, holding her there, those warm brown eyes just radiating safety and reassurance. "You won't fall. I won't let you."

Clarke gulped hard, breathing growing a little more laboured as she wondered what those arms could do to her in the future if she was lucky enough. "Y...yeah. Yeah, okay. I trust you."

"So you'll change? Because I should teach you in something close to what you'll be wearing that night, so it all feels familiar." Anya stated, not even seeming to struggle, hardly a strain in her voice.

"I can go change. I’ll go change. That...yeah, that makes sense." Clarke answered, prompting Anya to gently lower her down to her feet. "So, um...I'm just curious how you plan on teaching me all that fancy stuff when I'm wearing heels. Because I'm bad enough without them."

Anya just laughed. "I'll be teaching you to lead Clarke. That way, you'll have the basics down, your footwork will be easier to manage, and you'll have me. I'll be able to guide you, and I'll make you look good."

Clarke just rolled her eyes as she pulled Anya into another embrace. "You're so modest, babe."

Anya pressed into Clarke's frame, nose nuzzling the side of her head. "Get dressed, darling. We've got work to do."

Even though Clarke wasn't sure how successful she'd be, she trusted Anya to catch her if she fell. And that certainty, that security, was everything, and had her feeling ready to go.

* * *

 

“ _Anyaaaa_ , can we take a break now?” Clarke moaned, giving her partner her best puppy dog eyes and pout in hopes her sore feet could get a minute or two of rest. Or better yet, for the rest of the night.

“Not quite, Clarke. We need to improve your footwork on the turns, it’s a little choppy. You’re doing well, I’m proud of you, but I want you to have the waltz down before we finish for the night.” Anya answered getting them back in position for another go at it.

Clarke let out a sigh and relented. “Can we at least have music? I love your voice, but I’m starting to get tired of your three count.”

Anya watched her over closely, bit nodded. “We can have music if...and only if...you take a few run-throughs with me and learn how to move to the music.” Anya offered, tongue slipping out to wet her lips. “You said you didn’t have very good rhythm, so I thought we’d take it one thing at a time, but if you want music, we can add it.”

Suddenly, just about any shred of confidence was sapped out of her. Sure, Anya probably hadn’t meant to intimidate her, but for whatever reason, her desire to have music playing in the background didn’t register as music to dance to and keep in time with until that moment. To make matters worse, Anya was in control of the music, and the woman was a hopeless romantic, and Clarke wasn’t sure how she’d feel dancing to something romantic with Anya.

Or, well, she did know. She’d melt, and with her mom watching on from the kitchen window, that was dangerous as well.

With all of that in mind, there was every reason for Clarke to go back on her word, and decide that they were fine as is for the time being, but to her horror, she found herself nodding.

If Anya was surprised, she didn’t show it, just walking calmly over to the nearby table and plugging her phone into the portable speaker system. Clarke could hear the rushing of her blood through her temples as she waited, halfway terrified, for Anya to make her decision.

When Anya turned around, Clarke could tell that maybe she wasn’t the only one dealing with nerves, the woman taking a quick steadying breath before making her way back to Clarke as the music trickled into the air. Familiar music.

It took Clarke until they were back in position for her suddenly hazy memory to figure out what was playing, but once the vocals hit, a sense of comfort washed over her. She wasn’t a super-fan or anything, but she enjoyed Lady Antebellum well enough, and sometimes when she was sleepy, she’d listen to the song to speed the process along.

“I have it on repeat, so just listen for the beats and tell me when you’re ready to start. We’re just going to focus on moving to the music first before we venture into dancing to the song as a whole performance, okay?” Anya asked, and even if Clarke wasn’t entirely keyed in on the woman’s voice, she would have nodded anyways, wanting to impress Anya. But more than that, she just wanted to have a slow dance with Anya.

 _Because that’s...that’s what this is...like fancier, but...a slow dance...oh god, I’m slow dancing with her..._ Clarke mused to herself a little feverishly as the lyrics of the song washed over her. Every time she tried to listen to the song and make a count, some words from the song would wash over her and grow the dense pit in her gut.

Because where the song was singing about hindsight, about love missed out on, everything they were singing about, Clarke was feeling etched into her very being. Just standing there with Anya, after their time together, after what they’d shared, after everything the woman had made her feel, it goddamn resonated. The last time she felt anything remotely like she did was years ago with Lexa, but this was so much faster, so much more intense, and it was hard to keep hold of.

Way back then, she thought she’d been completely in love with Lexa, but she was quickly realizing that the currents of her heart ran a hell of a lot deeper than that, and it was hard not to feel overrun by that stunning realization.

“Clarke, are you okay? Should we take a...” Anya started, only to gasp as Clarke turned her head at the utter care in the woman’s voice. It was suddenly just overwhelming, and Clarke’s body was betraying her as her jaw trembled, and maybe she just needed a moment. “...oh darling, what’s wrong?”

The D-word was the proverbial straw for her poor camel-like back, and just like that, unbidden tears spilled forth as she took a shaky breath. “I’m o...I’m okay.” Clarke sputtered out with a wet smile, finding it difficult to care just how adoringly she was staring back at her dance partner. “I’ve just never wanted to dance with someone so much, you know? I really want to dance with you.”

It was a half-truth, for sure, or at least a truth masking the words she really felt like admitting, but she couldn’t just come out and say she was falling deeply in love with her. She didn’t want to scare Anya away, not when they were so new. Her mom was right, so fucking ridiculously right, even if she’d never admit it to her.

Anya wiped away her tears so carefully and shot her a smile so encouraging that the pit in her stomach was erased from existence, as if it had never even been there. “I’m here, Clarke. We’re here. We have all night, and we have right now. Just feel the music, feel it with me, and let go. You think too much...let go, darling.”

Clarke nodded and just like that, got her posture back, took comfort in the gentle grip of Anya’s hand, and found herself moving.

She was pretty sure her movements weren’t great, lacking precision and poise, but Anya mouthing along the count a few seconds later, exactly in time with Clarke’s steps, had confidence blooming within her. The song finished, and played again, and again, and before she even realized it, Anya was guiding her into turns, and fixing her posture, and helping her relax, with tiny little comments and nudges and bright smiles when she got it all right.

Anya was a glorious teacher, she had to admit, but falling in love made it that much easier to fall into step with the woman, feeling the music and the emotion through her body and expressing it as she danced with a woman she’d grown to care about so quickly, and to such a scary and wonderful degree.

Clarke was sure they were on their ninth run of the song, maybe their tenth, when she watched Anya’s eyes flutter closed, lips mouthing the lyrics as they danced effortlessly. How anyone could dance with Anya and not fall in love was a great mystery to her.  

She made a mental note to add the song to the playlist at Lexa and Costia’s reception.

At the end of the twelfth repeat, Anya came to a halt and went to move her hands away. A jolt of fear ran through her, however mild, but it was enough to get her pulling Anya into a brief hug. “One more? Please, just...one more?”

“You must be tiring of this, Clarke. I know your feet have to hurt.” Anya noted with an entirely characteristic amount of worry in her voice. Anya was charming like that.

“If you think I can feel pain when I have you in my arms, babe, you’ve got a lot to learn.” Clarke whispered, giving Anya’s waist a little squeeze. “I can hurt later. Unless your feet hurt?”

“You’re such a flatterer, Clarke. I think I could get used to that. And I’ve spent so much time dancing in heels that I could go for hours without pain. If you want one more, I won’t deny you.” Anya said as the song’s intro started up again.

“Thank you, Anya.” Clarke murmured before pressing a kiss to her dance partner’s cheek, thrilled to know that her lipstick left a visible mark, even with the woman’s cheeks going red themselves.

Anya’s smile was bright enough to light the entire damn city.

“Always.”

* * *

 

As Anya had predicted, her feet felt like she’d danced barefoot on broken glass for a few hours once the music stopped. Anya had helped her to the living room and stripped both of their heels off quickly. Clarke hadn’t expected the gentle foot massage, but suddenly, her growing list of reasons to put a ring on it increased yet again.

Anya had left for a moment, returning with a few hardcover books, a small stack of paper, and some writing materials. “I gave Raven and Octavia a call. Bellamy will be driving them over soon.”

“You’re the best.” Clarke noted tiredly, patting the spot on the loveseat beside her. Anya rolled her eyes, set the materials down on the table, and sat down beside her. As soon as Anya was seated, Clarke curled up against her, just wanting to be close; she’d enjoyed touching Anya and flirting with her for a while, but ever since the previous evening, she couldn’t get enough contact.

Thankfully, Anya didn’t seem opposed, pressing a chaste kiss to her crown and wrapping her arms around Clarke. “That means a lot, Clarke.” Anya let out, though despite the joking tone she took, Clarke could tell there was some sincerity lingering in those words.

And maybe she filed that in her memory as something to check into later.

“So what are we gonna be playing, babe?” Clarke asked, snuggling deeper into Anya’s embrace. “Something scary, right?”

“Well, we can choose something else, if you prefer.” Anya noted softly, making Clarke feel like it was sort of a reversal of how things began with them. She’d spent days fussing over Anya and ensuring she was comfy and happy as much as she could, and now Anya was doing the same for her. It was more than a little sweet, and where some of her other past partners had felt a little overwhelming in their similar efforts, with Anya, it was effortless and graceful. It felt right.

“No, I’m good with being scared so long as I have someone to make me feel safe.” Clarke reminded Anya, earning a huff for her efforts.

“And I make you feel safe?” Anya asked, voice taking on a teasing tone as fingers wiggled a little against her abdomen.

Clarke’s response was out of her before she could even begin to filter it. “You make me feel more than I’ve ever felt.”

Despite the utter sappiness, she knew Anya wasn’t a hundred percent ready for that kind of a statement, so the woman’s laughter was something she’d been on point about expecting. But the bitter tone of it was entirely off. “That’s hardly true, Clarke.”

Whatever joyful serenity she’d been feeling in Anya’s arms, she reluctantly set it aside and crawled out of the woman’s embrace so she could talk face to face. “Look, that kind of just slipped out, but I’m being serious.”

“Clarke, it’s late, and our friends will be here soon to enjoy the rest of the night. Can we please not ruin the mood?” Anya asked, eyes never meeting Clarke’s, flitting from distraction to distraction. Clarke was about to lay out a detailed rebuttal when Anya let out a sad sigh, a trace of tears along her waterline as she finally met her gaze. “Can we talk about this another day?”

Clarke wished all of the fight left her in that moment, but the impulse to discuss it, to fix the rift in communication, it all lingered. Still, whatever was bothering Anya, it seemed big enough to warrant a delay, even if she wasn’t happy about it. “Tomorrow?”

Anya’s posture slumped for probably the first time all day, making it all the more alarming. “I...I suppose.”

“Hey...” Clarke mumbled as she curled back up with Anya, returning her arms around the woman’s waist. “...look, whatever’s bugging you, I promise it’s not going to change how I feel about you. It’s not going to change what I think about you.”

“You can’t know that.” Anya muttered, head shaking, making her long blonde hair feather across Clarke’s cheek. “You can’t promise that.”

“I promise you that everything I’ve said to you today was the truth. And I’ll leave it at that until tomorrow when you feel up to talking, okay?” Clarke asked, watchful eyes focused on Anya, relief flooding her when the woman gave a stiff nod. “Good. Now, let’s just relax, baby. Why don’t you tell me about this brief little campaign you’ll be running us through, huh?”

That, at least, served as an adequate distraction, quickly getting Anya all excited and passionate about a series of federal agents being sent to investigate a lead to a series of disappearances in a fishing town called Innsmouth. Anya was light on the details, but gave Clarke free choice of the available characters, having figured that something pre-made would work best as an intro.

Clarke was happy to get into the character’s head a bit, enjoying the hardboiled agent’s roots as a detective in Boston, the collection of character vices and virtues, and finding her way to define the unspoken history behind the character’s skill set.

Anya had just finished explaining the game mechanics when the front door opened, O and Raven tromping in mid-argument.

“I’m just saying, it’s freaking delicious!” Raven insisted, earning an immediate scoff from her girlfriend.

“And _I’m_ saying it sounds _gross_!” Octavia shot back.

“That’s only because you’ve never had it! Clarke, we’re ordering pizza when we get to the cape! Pepperoni-pineapple!” Raven announced with a grin as she entered the living room, her smile and eyes only growing bigger as she took in the sight of the two of them. “Oh, wow, you two move fast.”

“Raven, we’re _not_...oh...” Octavia’s voice trailed off as she rounded the corner, stopping at the door frame. The woman’s jaw clicked to the side for a moment, her hand reaching out and gesturing for one of them to follow. “Clarke, a minute?”

Clarke was entirely comfortable cuddled up with Anya, but she could see the concern in O’s eyes and wanted to extinguish it. So with one last gentle squeeze, she untangled herself from Anya and crossed the floor, following Octavia as her friend made her way upstairs and to Clarke’s bedroom.

Octavia stayed at the door, so Clarke went and flopped down onto her bed, having a feeling that she’d be having a serious talk, one she was much too tired for at the moment.

“Clarke, we’re gone for one day... _one day_...and we come back to you two canoodling on the couch?!” Octavia asked, thankfully sounding more offended than upset, which meant she was just frustrated of being left out of the loop. Not that Clarke meant for that, it was just that things kind of went by really quickly, and she forgot.

“Cuddling isn’t canoodling, O.” Clarke protested, though the duvet may have muffled her voice a bit. Knowing O would want her complete attention eventually, she rolled over onto her back and settled up against her pillows. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t call you. It’s just...it’s been a really great twenty-four hours. Anya...she’s just...” Clarke tried to find a word to describe the woman and failed, so she just let out a happy sigh and flopped back against her cushions.

“I get it...we all get it you like her. But it’s not like you’re in love or anything, so you can stop swooning.” Octavia teased, but Clarke couldn’t really feel sure about how to respond, because she was falling in love. Whatever hesitation she filled the air with, Octavia picked up on it immediately. “Clarke. _Clarke_...”

“Octavia...” Clarke started, only for O to march over and plant herself on the bed in front of her.

“Don’t you dare use my full name! Clarke...” O started again, raising a hand when she went to interrupt her friend. “No, okay? No! You met her less than a week ago!”

“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think that twists me up?” Clarke asked, ribs feeling like they were a vise around her heart and lungs.

“It took you years to fall in love with Lexa, and she’s your best friend! And you said it yourself, back in high school, you only had a minor kind of puppy love for that asshole that dumped you at prom.” Octavia argued, and Clarke didn’t have any real concrete counterarguments there.

Still, she knew how she felt. “I loved Lexa with all my heart, but I...I wasn’t in love with her, O. Maybe I could have been with enough time, and I really wanted to be. But...this is different.” Clarke stated, lifting her gaze to meet Octavia’s cautious eyes. “I can’t help it, O. I’ve never felt like this for anyone, and it’s so fast, and heavy, and it’s so overwhelming, and I don’t...I...and...” As words came out quicker and less organized, Octavia practically leapt across the distance between them, pulling her into a hug.

“Damn it, Griffin, you’re supposed to be the easy one to peg. And...you’re sure about this?” Octavia asked as she held Clarke close.

“Yeah, I...I’m falling in love with her. My mom...” Clarke started, only for Octavia to let out a sharp laugh.

“Your mom has no reason to be mentioned, Clarke. Let’s keep this on Anya.” Octavia interjected quickly, but she was wrong.

“Look, today’s been wild, okay? I mean...look, I’ll break it down. Last night when I got back, Anya was baking, and she taught me how to bake without burning things down.” Clarke started, earning a surprised hum from her friend.

“That’s a fucking magic trick if I ever heard of one.” Octavia interrupted again, only to let out a small cough. “Uh, anyway, continue...”

“So she was flirty, and a little brazen, and...god, so lighthearted and carefree. I think that I’d been straddling the fence until then, and that’s where this started. Anyway, we went to bed around eleven, and she up and decided to wear some of my old clothes, and...that was just kind of intense. But the biggest surprise?” Clarke continued, hesitating long enough for O to give her a squeeze to show she was listening. “I woke up a little after six to her suffocating in my cleavage.”

“Oh my god, Clarke, TMI!” Octavia groaned, pushing away from her slightly, but not far away enough that Clarke wasn’t able to reel her back in.

“Okay, _whatever_ , but the thing is, she told me to go back to sleep, and cuddled up with me, and...I fell asleep. I was happily asleep for hours.” Clarke stated, taking great pleasure in Octavia’s gasp.

Again, Octavia pushed away, enough to look Clarke in the eyes. “Clarke, that’s like, rule number three about Clarke Griffin. Wake her up after she falls asleep and she’ll have to wait another day to get more.  That’s...that’s your _thing_ , Clarke.”

“And with _her_ , it isn’t. Believe me, I was as surprised as you. So I’m already confused, and she's gone when I wake, and I feel like...deep in my chest, like there’s something missing, right? So I stumble downstairs and look around, and I find her in the garden with my mom, _still wearing my clothes_.” Clarke continued with a grin, having fun watching Octavia’s expressions shift to become more and more confused and excited.

“No fucking way! She’s always so particular about how she looks, there’s... _how?_ ” O shot back, entirely dumbstruck.

“I have no clue! Mom caught her getting a glass of water, Anya made a note about the backyard, mom mentioned that she could never get her garden to grow, and I guess Anya just...decided to tackle the garden with her. Gave her all kinds of advice and tips. Mom was impressed.” Clarke added. “So we had brunch after that, and we got a little flirty again, and I just couldn’t help it. Really, O, I can’t help it around her. I always want to make her smile and blush and feel beautiful.”

“You’re such a sap, Clarke. I get it, but you’re officially a sap.” Octavia added with a laugh, giving Clarke a little shove. “What, you put the moves on her, gave her an Eskimo kiss?”

“More like I told her she was beautiful and she kissed me on the cheek.” Clarke noted quietly, ducking her head as the memory of that moment rushed back to her. Maybe she had tears in her eyes again. Just maybe.

“Holy shit...was that your first ki...wait, are you crying?” Octavia asked, voice softening as she leaned forward.

Clarke wiped at her eyes and nodded. “I cried then, too, and I just...that was the clincher, you know? Like, she kissed me, and the world changed around me. I was done for from the moment her lips met my cheek.”

Octavia let out a heavy sigh and crawled over to Clarke’s side. “Yeah, I know the feeling. So this is real? You’re in love? Does she know?”

Clarke shook her head quickly. “No, she doesn’t know, and she...she can’t, not yet. It’s too fast. Fuck, it’s _so fast_ , and I don’t want to scare her, O. Like, mom terrified me earlier today just with the idea of setting it in stone and all.”

“What do you mean? Your mom wants you two to go on a date so you could ask her to be your girlfriend?” Octavia probed, looking surprised when Clarke shook her head and got off the bed.

She went over to her dresser and opened the top drawer, pulling out a small box that immediately had Octavia squealing and shrieking like a banshee. “CLARKE! WHAT THE...”

“Octavia, mom’s sleeping! Shush!” Clarke chided, wagging a finger at her obnoxiously loud friend, even as she crossed back over to the bed and returned to her spot. “But yeah. She gave me grandma’s ring. ‘Just in case’, she said. And at the time I freaked out, I was yelling at her, telling her she was out of her mind, but...as the day went on...”

“It started to feel more comfortable. More understandable.” Octavia finished for her, with a slow, dazed nod.

“Yeah. And that’s terrifying in itself, O. That I could even consider proposing to someone I met less than a week ago. That I actually _worry_ about proposing by the end of Sunday night.” Clarke let out as she leaned into her friend, Octavia wrapped an arm around her immediately.

“Shit. Well, I call dibs on maid of honour for at least one of you two.” Octavia halfway joked, Clarke knowing that Octavia would literally fight for the title if it came down to that.

Clarke just hugged Octavia. “So can we head back downstairs? We were getting ready for the game Anya brought over.”

“Oh, shit, yeah. We should go do that.” Octavia spoke as she sat up, though she stilled for a moment as her eyes glanced over Clarke. “Though, uh, what’s with the fancy get-ups? You and Anya look like you came back from prom night.”

Clarke nodded along as she got to her feet. “God, she’s so fucking pretty in that dress. But yeah, she started teaching me to dance. We learned to waltz tonight, and she thought it’d be best if we wore something like we’d be wearing at the wedding.”

“Mmmh. Makes sense. She’s a damn good teacher. You actually learned how to dance?” Octavia asked, stepping out of the bedroom.

“Yeah, by the end of the night I was asking her for one more go around.” Clarke admitted, feeling blood rush to her cheeks.

“You’re so done for. Holy shit, this is amazing!” Octavia cheered, patting Clarke on the shoulder. “I’m with your mom. If you feel it’s right, get it done. Put a ring on it.”

Clarke just gave O a light shove and shot a playful glare at her, hoping her friend wouldn’t try to play matchmaker and get them into any kinds of shenanigans. “Quiet you.”

Still, as she stepped down the stairs, the words of that song came back to her, making her wonder what things could have been like if she and Anya had met during the holidays years ago. Because if they had, and she knew then what she knew now, then yeah. She would have fallen in love. And maybe they’d already be married.

It was a nice, comforting thought, and as she re-entered the living room, Clarke made a bee line for Anya, settling right back into where she’d been earlier, pressing a soft kiss to the beautiful woman’s jaw before getting entirely cozy.

Maybe she was done for, but as far as she was concerned, that was pretty close to the best case scenario she could have hoped for. Feeling entirely content, Clarke settled in for a night of fun and games with some of her favourite people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I needed fluff, and since I wrote a bunch of this chapter the day I finished the previous one, and this was the fluffiest work I have currently, I figured I’d keep going.  
> Hope you all enjoyed! Thanks for reading :)
> 
> references:  
> Song they danced to was "If I Knew" by Lady Antebellum  
> And if anyone's curious, Anya's dress was basically this: http://www.unique-vintage.com/iconic-by-uv-1950s-style-eggplant-halter-roosevelt-swing-dress.html because I was looking for bridesmaid dress inspiration for the wedding chapters and this one just jumped out at me as something this Anya could go for as a treat to herself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thursday Morning, June 2nd (Chantilly, VA)**

Anya’s eyes were wide as she clung to Clarke in bed, just wanting to fall asleep. The bed was so utterly comfy, and Clarke was practically treatment for sleeplessness, but even the cuddly blonde couldn’t keep the sounds from the guest room from reaching her ears.

She was equal parts mortified and horrified that Raven and Octavia were having sex under Clarke’s mother’s roof. With Mrs Griffin just down the hall, and Clarke literally right next door, only a wall separating them.

It was something she couldn’t have ever fathomed anyone doing, but apparently, Octavia was more brazen than she’d thought.

“Ugh, god, it’s been an hour. I can’t take this anymore.” Clarke grunted, moving to get out of bed, but Anya tightened her arms around the other blonde just in time.

“Clarke! That’s...that would be so embarrassing!” Anya insisted worriedly, not wanting Clarke to be haunted by anything she might see.

“Baby, you’re exhausted, and I’m exhausted, and we deserve sleep. Hell, I’m driving tomorrow, and you admitted before that I need a good night’s sleep. They need to stop.” Clarke argued softly, turning in her arms to brush a lock of hair away from Anya’s face. “They can have sex at the cape, they reserved a place with a bunch of other guests, so they can do it there. But this is my mom’s house, and we need to sleep, so yeah. Can you let me do this?”

Anya sighed, but could see Clarke wasn’t about to give in on this, and the duo next duo didn’t seem close to done by the sounds they were making. “Just come back quickly, please?”

Clarke’s lips curled up into a bright smile. “I couldn’t stay away if I tried, babe.”

With a quick kiss to Anya’s cheek that left her in a human-shaped puddle on the bed, Clarke bounded off and out the door. Barely three seconds later, she could hear the guest room door opening and Clarke yelling something or other.

Anya sighed and slumped back into the pillows, realizing it was the first time in a while that she’d been entirely alone. It offered her a few moments to reflect on the recent events in her life, and honestly, it was hard not to smile at the memories.

The stopover at Clarke’s mother’s had been eye-opening in more ways than one. For one, Mrs Griffin was not at all what she’d expected, and was actually a very nice woman. One who might be a little intrusive, and who was not very good at gardening, but very pleasant to say the least.

Past that, learning Clarke was trans had been something that had seemed both strangely obvious and somewhat curious. Their connection had been so easy and strong so quickly, and being trans likely did, in some way, help bring them together even when neither knew about each other. But it was curious that Clarke hadn’t told her earlier. Not bad, of course, as Clarke deserved all the time in the world to make those kind of decisions about disclosure; it’s certainly what Anya would have liked for herself. But it was a little odd for Clarke to wait so long. She’d have to get the reason sooner or later, but ultimately, it was a comfort, knowing Clarke was trans. It felt safer to open up and be free around the woman, knowing Clarke wouldn’t tease or mock her for her indulgences.

Like, the dress she’d worn today. It was something her mother would have scolded her for wearing past the age of eighteen, but it was a wonderful colour, and it made her feel pretty, and she wanted to look pretty for Clarke, too. During her years where her parents treated her as the young woman she was, femininity had always been used as a tool to gain something or other. So wearing something feminine, just for personal pleasure and satisfaction, it was such a freeing experience.

And being able to share that with Clarke, whose jaw had visibly dropped upon seeing her, was even more wonderful.

“She was so adorable today. Endearingly frustrating at times, but definitely adorable...” She mused, recalling the series of remarks that led to the cheek kiss. She’d been so anxious about crossing a line, especially at the sight of Clarke tearing up, but as soon as she realized they were happy tears, her heart melted, and Anya knew for a fact that she had passed a point of no return.

And for the first time in a very long time, that sort of experience was a positive one. She wasn’t scared that she was going to have to see whatever this was through to the end. She wasn’t scared that she’d be committed to their relationship. Sure, it could go wrong, but for the first time in a long time, she was optimistic.

Perhaps as much as she brought the romantic out in Clarke, her hopefully future girlfriend brought the optimist out in her.

Still, despite the optimism, nothing was ever purely good. And as much as she’d like the ignore the past, she’d played a major part in Clarke’s, even if the woman wasn’t aware. As much as she hoped that Clarke wouldn’t hold it against her, she couldn’t assume or expect that her bedmate would be okay with it.

Clarke, of course, wanted to talk it over. She would, it’s just that Anya wanted to enjoy all the good before it might vanish. After all, the wedding would certainly be hostile for her even with Lexa and Costia on her side, and then Clarke might change her mind about her after their talk.

Which left tonight. And as selfish as it was, she just wanted Clarke to call her ‘baby’ and hold her close for a little while longer. She wanted to indulge herself in the lovely dreams of them together far off in the future. She wanted Clarke to seek comfort and safety in her arms from the eldritch horrors they’d fought in the role playing campaign that night.

 _I’m just falling so fast, and if I don’t have a soft landing, I don’t want to know..._ Anya thought to herself, eyes darting to the doorway as Clarke crept in and shut the door behind her, letting out a puff of air to try and get a lock of hair away from her nose. _Adorable..._

 “They’ll be quiet. They promised.” Clarke let out with a sigh, a sign that negotiations hadn’t been perfect. “Sorry I took so long, baby.”

Anya rolled her eyes, but gestured with her arms for Clarke to cuddle up with her again. Her bedmate quickly rushed across the room and nearly dove into Anya’s waiting arms, letting out a happy sigh as she curled up on top of her.

“Anya?” Clarke asked a few moments after they’d settled underneath the covers. Anya let out a hum in acknowledgement, just happy to soak in the joy of being able to start and end each day with someone like Clarke in her arms. “Today was really special to me.”

Anya let out a lengthy yawn and snuggled a little closer, Clarke happily obliging. “For me, too.” She murmured in agreement, feeling the tendrils of sleep take hold of her.

It was quiet for a few minutes, long enough for Anya to drift off, but just as she was on the verge of unconsciousness, a familiar sound brought her back, and the memory that sound was linked to had Anya wide awake as Clarke sang sleepily into her neck.

“...gonna make it last. ‘Cause love only comes once in a while...” Clarke sang softly, tracing her nose up Anya’s neck. “...and knocks on your door, and throws you a smile. Steals every breath, leaves every scar, speaks through your soul, sings to your heart...if I knew then, what I know now, I’d fall in love...”

Anya held her body as relaxed as possible as Clarke tangled them even further, but it was the lazy kiss to the corner of her jaw that had her letting out an unbidden gasp. Thankfully, Clarke was drifting off too quickly to notice, it seemed.

“I think I’d always fall in love with you...” Clarke murmured, words halfway slurred together and barely loud enough to hear, but once they registered it was everything Anya could do to hold herself together until Clarke was a hundred percent asleep.

As soon as she heard her bedmate’s gentle snore, Anya let out the breath she’d been holding and wiped at her tearful eyes. Every fiber of her being wanted to scream out in joy, wanted to celebrate what she’d heard, wanted to relish in knowing that Clarke felt the same as her. That they’d both fallen and were on a collision course with something, and that they could handle it all together.

The prospect of Clarke always falling in love with her had Anya cupping her sleeping beauty’s cheek and pressing her lips to that cute nose of hers. “I think I would too, darling.” She whispered, not allowing herself to speak those words any louder for fear of some divine retribution striking her down for having so much fortune turn in her favor lately.

It was that fear that had her remembering years ago, when she’d visited Lexa during the holidays, and Clarke had left to visit her father. It had her wondering what would have happened if Clarke hadn’t gone away. “Would we be together, still? Would we be married, Clarke?” Anya asked softly, caressing Clarke’s cheek and adoring how the younger blonde leaned into her touch.

It would have solved everything. Everything would have been so much simpler, and easier, and the shadow of Lexa wouldn’t be looming over her every time Clarke confessed how she felt to her.

“Would she still choose me?” Anya whispered, wiping her eyes again as a trail of fresh tears streaked down her temples. “If...would she still fall in love with me?”

All of her past actions, all of her guidance filtered into her mind, and as tired as Anya was, she was sure now that sleep wouldn’t be coming soon. _Please choose me, Clarke...please..._ She wished as she pressed a kiss to Clarke’s little butt chin and curled up with the woman she only dared to dream would live up to her sweet words.

The difference was that Lexa was getting married. Lexa had been Clarke’s girlfriend, and was her best friend. Anya couldn’t even say where she stood with Clarke, and her utter lack of experience as someone to be desired left her feeling that optimism fade.

Not entirely. Not irreversibly. Not without a fight.

But in the end, Clarke held the answers. And when Lexa was sought after, and Anya was perhaps just there, just available, how could she know if she was truly the first choice? If she wasn’t just second best?

Anya closed her eyes and tried to focus on Clarke’s breathing, Clarke’s warmth. She tried to focus on the way Clarke looked at her as they danced, and the yearning in the younger woman’s eyes when she requested one last dance. The bliss when Anya had kissed her.

There was always hope. Anya chose to cling desperately to it, foolish or not.

* * *

 

“Oh, honey, you look wiped. Why don’t you take this?” Mrs Griffin asked, jolting Anya out of her half-awake state as she stood on the front porch, halfway watching Clarke, Raven, and Octavia try to cram everything of theirs into the vehicle. Apparently, Octavia had been given some things from her brother, and they happened to be bulky, to Clarke’s chagrin.

Anya turned her gaze to Clarke’s mother to find the woman holding a thermos that, after a brief whiff, smelled of tea. She shot Mrs Griffin a thankful smile and accepted it, taking a joyful sip of the beverage. “Thank you so much, Mrs Griffin, you’ve been wonderful to us during our stay. I won’t forget your hospitality.”

“You’re very welcome. And one day, you won’t feel the need to be so formal around me.” Mrs Griffin said with a laugh, bringing a bit of heat to Anya’s cheeks, knowing the woman was amused at her stubbornness.

“Today is not that day, ma’am.” Anya stated, feeling that she’d hopefully one day be more comfortable speaking freely around the woman, but it wasn’t likely to happen anytime soon, especially at the woman’s home.

“Fair enough. Just...if I might add something before you leave?” Clarke mom asked, earning an immediate nod. Listening was the least that Anya could do. “I’ve never seen Clarke so happy. I’ve never heard Clarke be so happy. I’ve never seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you, and I’ve seen her with a good number of the people she dated for any real length of time.”

The woman’s words renewed the hope in her heart, even if just a little bit. “Thank you, Mrs Griffin.”

“Just be good to my little girl. And know that no matter what happens at the wedding, you have people who love and support you, and that you’re always welcome here.” Mrs Griffin promised, leaving Anya wondering if being charming and wonderful was just in the Griffin bloodline as the older woman made her way over to the vehicle to see to her daughter.

Anya sipped away at her tea as Clarke and her mother had some sort of discussion. She felt her brow furrow at the sight of Clarke appearing a little distressed, but that faded away when the two women hugged. It had her wondering what had Clarke concerned or upset, but when the two parted, Clarke was all smiles again, so she put that thought to the back of her mind for the moment.

 She’d just finished the tea when Mrs Griffin began walking back up towards the house. “Thank you so much for this, I feel much more awake.” Anya said, arm outstretched to return the thermos.

Mrs Griffin took it in one hand, and pulled Anya into a warm, comforting hug with the other. “Thank you for visiting, sweetheart. Don’t be a stranger, now, alright?”

Anya shook her head, unable to contain her smile at the utter acceptance the woman had offered her during her stay. “I promise not to, ma’am.” She answered and, with a wave, turned to walk towards the vehicle.

It felt strange, leaving that house. In such a short time, they’d made so many cherished memories, but something had her feeling it wouldn’t be the last time.

Clarke was leaning up against the hood of her car, eyebrow cocked at Anya approached. “Have a good chat with my mom?”

“She’s a wonderful person, Clarke. I can see where you got your charm.” Anya noted with a smile as she made her way around to the passenger side.

“Oh my god, you can’t say that.” Clarke groaned, but it was too late, Raven already laughing in the backseat.

“See? I wasn’t the only one taken in by Mrs G’s mystique.” Raven argued, quickly earning a shove from her girlfriend. “What? It’s not like you don’t trump her in every way, babe, but she is objectively a _fine woman_.”

“Raven, stop gushing about my mom.” Clarke grumbled as she got into the driver’s seat, quickly raising a hand. “O, don’t you dare go off on a tangent about Raven gushing last night.”

Octavia let out a loud huff and kicked the back of the driver’s seat. “You’re no fun, Clarke.”

“Yeah, this is like, the ‘No Fun Zone’, Clarke. Mrs G wouldn’t have minded.” Raven agreed, pushing an absolutely baffling argument that Anya just couldn’t let stand.

“I highly doubt that Raven, but even if she didn't, I doubt Clarke would have consented to certain goings-on in this ‘No Fun Zone’.” Anya stated as she got comfy in her seat and stretched out her legs. “I think you two just enjoy pushing boundaries and maybe have an exhibitionist streak.”

Raven let out an oddly gleeful gasp. “Look at you using fancy dirty words, Miss Priss.”

“Wait a...what’s Anya talking about?” Clarke asked, looking over her shoulder at the duo in the back who had immediately gone silent. “Nuh uh, that innocent act’s not gonna work. What the hell did you two do?”

 Anya didn’t need to see Octavia to know the woman was rolling her eyes and flipping her hair when she heard her trademark frustrated groan. “It’s not a big deal, honestly.”

“Octavia...” Clarke warned, using her first name for once.

“Okay, so maybe we had sex in the front seat while you and Anya were sleeping in the back. Not a big...” Raven started off in a conciliatory tone, but it clearly wasn’t working as she’d hoped when Clarke’s hand slammed down on the center console and the blonde glared back at the two women.

“You fucked in my car?!” Clarke raged, before a wave of disgust came over her. “Oh my god, did you at least clean up after yourselves?!”

Anya let out a sigh. “When we woke up that morning in the hotel, and you went to go check in on Raven and Octavia, I went to the car with some Lysol wipes. I’m fairly certain I got it all.” She said, not wanting to delay their trip, or beat around the bush.

“So _that’s_ why it smelled like lavender in here. Thanks, Anya!” Raven offered with what appeared to be a smile from Anya’s peripheral vision.

Clarke’s head swung around to face Anya, a brief flicker of betrayal spreading across her face. “You knew?!”

“Octavia joked about it with me after my anxiety attack. I didn’t think anything of it until Raven woke me upon arrival at Marysville. Something...it smelled a little off. I decided to check it out just to make sure later on. I cleaned it up, and...I wasn’t sure how wise it’d be to tell you before we reached the cape, but I _was_ going to tell you. I just didn’t want anything violent or potentially anxiety-inducing to occur where everyone couldn’t air their grievances and have all the support they needed. I apologize, Clarke.” Anya explained sheepishly, hoping that Clarke would understand the dilemma, and hoping that it wouldn’t escalate too much.

“For the record, you have leather seats, so it’s not like it’d be hard to clean up. Besides, I only gave Raven road head. The mess was entirely on the driver’s seat.” Octavia protested flatly, as if it was an annoyance that she had to explain having sex in someone else’s vehicle.

“You defiled my car!” Clarke yelled in clear disbelief.

“‘ _Defile_ ’ is such a strong word...”

“What the hell would you call it then?!”

“Well, you could consider it as us making a permanent mark in your car so wherever you go, we’re with you...”

“Are you _fucking kidding me_?”

“Or maybe that we’ve christened a part of your car for you. I hear that helps, luck-wise.”

“How about I...” Clarke started, but Anya had just had enough of the yelling, and she really just wanted everything to be fine. She’d made the mistake of accidentally bringing it up without thinking, so she’d fix it.

Anya took hold of Clarke’s hand on the console, ending whatever spiel that had been building in the younger woman’s mind. “Clarke, may I please have your ear for a moment?”

Clarke sighed, shook her head, and let out an additional annoyed grunt, but did lean over the console, letting Anya cup the woman’s cheek and keep her other hand stroking through those blonde waves.

Anya leaned in close, lips a breath away from Clarke’s ear. “They’re your closest friends. They’re idiots, and make mistakes, but you love them. Forgive them, please, even if you don’t have to forget. And...” Anya said, taking a breath and wetting her lips to give herself time to find the words for the rest. “...and perhaps one day, after this trip, we could set up the back seats. No fumbling, no teenage nerves, just the two of us and a long night ahead. So please...let this go for now. If you must find retribution, fine, but...later?”

Clarke’s eyes were blown midway through her future date night idea, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise to watch the anger and frustration melt away as the younger blonde leaned into her touch. “You’ll wear that dress from yesterday?”

The thought of Clarke enjoying that dress as well had her smiling back. “Of course, I adore that dress. I adore _you_ , Clarke.”

Clarke’s eyes fluttered closed, that cute pink tongue sweeping along her lower lip before the blonde leaned forward and pressed her lips to Anya’s cheek, a quarter-inch from the corner of her mouth.

Anya went into a haze of feels for a moment, and as she came out of it, Clarke was leaning over the console and angling her body towards the backseat. “You two are goddamn lucky Anya’s here to bail you out.”

“Maybe, but I think we’re just lucky she has you wrapped around her finger.” Octavia teased, making Anya want to yell, because she’d literally just de-escalated the situation, only for her friend to stoke the fire again.

Clarke’s jaw clenched, fire burning in those intensely blue eyes. “Don’t push it. And besides, her fingers are beautiful.” Clarke stated firmly, cocking her head warningly barely a moment after. “Anya just got you off the hook for this. Do you really want to waste her efforts and disappoint her?”

Anya heard Raven’s telltale sigh. “Aw, shit, that’s not fair. Anya’s a total sweetheart.”

“Thank you, Raven.” Anya noted with a smile, happy to have the woman hold her to such esteem so early in their friendship. If that helped calm the situation, all the better.

“Yeah, thanks, Anya. Maybe you brought it up and narced on us, but you’re a gem, you know I love you.” Octavia added, sounding a little sheepish.

“I love you too, Octavia.” Anya offered, glancing over her shoulder at her friend and sending a smile her way.

”Okay, let’s get this show on the road.” Clarke stated, starting the car up and putting on her seat belt.

They were barely down the block before Octavia just had to poke the bear again.

“So, your mom told me you’re worried about the _tango_...”

* * *

 

It was just after noon when they pulled into East Windsor Township for a lunch break. Raven had been clamoring for pizza for about an hour, so they’d tracked down a place called ‘Scotto’s Pizza’, which sounded less than reputable, but they’d been willing to take a risk on it given the solid reviews.

However, upon arrival, Clarke’s phone buzzed, apparently a last minute errand from Lexa. She’d dropped them off with a request to leave her some pizza. A little disappointing, since Anya had wanted to share a relaxing lunch together with Clarke, but Lexa’s big day was coming up, and she could understand that taking priority.

What was confusing was Raven and Octavia choosing a table for two, in a particularly busy area of the restaurant to boot, leaving Anya to wander off to a more isolated corner and find a table for two, not wanting to take up more space than necessary. _Though I suppose after spending so much time around everyone, they could use some time to themselves...they do deserve it..._

The place was a little loud, but their pizza looked delightful, so in the interest of getting more for their money and buying some time for Clarke to finish her errand, Anya ordered a medium pepperoni-pineapple pizza. It wasn’t her favourite, but Clarke adored it, and she could enjoy it well enough with Clarke's company.

In the meantime, she pulled out her phone to play some Tetris, figuring she had some time to waste until the pizza would be ready, or when Clarke came back, whichever arrived first.

She was only a few minutes into her game when she got a text message alert. It was fairly rare to get texts, so Anya quit out and went to her messenger, spotting a text from Lexa.

 **Lexa**  
_I’m so excited to see you this evening! We have so much to catch up on_

Anya smiled at her cousin’s enthusiasm, as well as the little prod into her life over the past little while. She’d last been in contact with Lexa when they got back from the park. Her cousin had been left out of the loop during the whole stay in D.C.

 **Anya**  
_It’ll be so wonderful to see you again, Lexa, I’m so excited for you and Costia! And yes, we have much to talk about_

Lexa barely needed ten seconds to respond. _She’s probably getting her hair and makeup done up in a final test run...I think that was scheduled for today..._

 **Lexa**  
_Something happened!_

_Anya did something happen? You told me that you and Clarke had settled things out after the visit to the park_

_Did the visit to Abby’s go well?_

She was just inputting a reply when another message came in.

 **Lexa**  
_Anya..._

With a heavy sigh, she quickly typed out a response to let Lexa know that yes, she would respond. Lexa could be oddly impatient sometimes.

 **Anya**  
_Patience, baby cousin. Yes, the visit went very well_

 **Lexa**  
_Anya! It is important that I have details! Clarke has been very stingy in that regard_

Anya let out a laugh, happy to know Clarke was dedicated to letting her relay information with Lexa instead, even if it wasn’t necessary. She didn’t mind Clarke speaking with Lexa; her cousin knew everything about her, there wasn’t anything to hide.

 **Anya**  
_I may have bonded with Mrs Griffin. And I may have taught Clarke how to dance and how to bake_

 **Lexa**  
_Is Abby’s kitchen alright?_

 **Anya**  
_Haha, yes it is. She was under my supervision. Just...Lexa, Clarke was so sweet. And so romantic._

 **Lexa**  
_I’ve never known Clarke to be romantic. A little smooth, perhaps, but not romantic. That’s interesting!_

 **Anya**  
_She says I bring it out in her..._

Just the memory of Clarke speaking those words had her blushing. Never in her life had Anya thought she could inspire someone to such heights of romance, but Clarke’s actions, the way those brilliantly blue eyes look at her, it all had her knowing deep in her heart that she’d been wrong.

 **Lexa**  
_That’s literally the most adorable thing I’ve heard/read all week. Costia’s squealing over here_

Anya was just about to respond when a text from Clarke came in.

 **Clarke**  
_Hey, I got what Lexa asked for, but it’s gonna be a tight fit in the back. Can I get your help out here for a sec?_

Anya smiled that Clarke hadn’t taken much time at all, and opened her message string with Lexa again.

 **Anya**  
_Clarke just got back from the errand you sent her on. I’ll get back to you momentarily!_

With that, she pocketed her phone in her skirt and got up, leaving her bag behind with the assumption it’d only take a moment.

Anya made her way outside, only needing a few seconds to spot Clarke’s vehicle, the back hatch lifted already. _Funny...I was playing Tetris, and Clarke’s probably doing the same with all the cargo in the back..._

 Anya had a wide smile on her face as she rounded the vehicle, fully expecting Clarke to have that scrunchy concentrated look on her face, but she was met with the blonde casually leaning up against the back, looking oddly nervous.

“What do you need my help with, Clarke?” She asked, eyes scanning over the packing job they’d done that morning, not seeing anything amiss or new.

“I’ve had a really great trip so far, Anya. Meeting you, and getting to know you...” Clarke started, swallowing hard for a moment as she wet her lips. “It feels like I’ve started a new chapter of my life. Like, ‘Chapter Seven: Where I met the most wonderful woman in the world’. Like every chapter of my life has been leading up to this, and maybe it’s too soon to say that, but my head’s been a mess these past few days, and...”

Anya’s eyes were wide, and she could feel tears coming on as that absurdly sweet chapter title bounced around in her head over and over, but Clarke’s words insisted she focus, that she had to pay full attention to the woman who’d been stealing her heart for days now.

Clarke let out a frustrated sigh and shook her head. “I...Anya, I should have asked you yesterday, but I was too caught up in you, so...” Clarke started again, taking another steadying breath before stepping away from the car, revealing a hand holding a bouquet of yellow roses with red tips that had Anya’s heart stuttering and her hands shaking as they came up to cover her mouth. “Anya, will you do me the absolute honor of being my girlfriend?”

Anya tried willing herself to speak, but words wouldn’t come, not with her throat constricted and tight from the tears welling in her eyes. Clarke Griffin had asked her to be her girlfriend. Clarke Griffin had given her flowers, ones that explicitly meant that the one giving them was falling in love with her.

She’d never wanted to kiss anyone so badly in her life.

Instead, she rushed forward and pulled Clarke into an embrace, adoring the feel of the other blonde’s arms immediately wrapping around her and holding her close.

“Is that a yes?” Clarke murmured nervously, more than a little hope shining through each syllable.

Anya nodded vigorously into Clarke’s neck and squeezed her tighter, wanting her to know how happy she was, and wanting to wait for a better, more private time for their first kiss than in the middle of a parking lot, at the back of Clarke’s car.

 “Yes, yes, of course!” Anya choked out as she clung to Clarke, the strength leaving her body when Clarke started peppering her head with kisses, Anya too overwhelmed to work her legs.

“Whoa! Easy, baby...” Clarke said with a laugh, setting them down to sit on the lip of the cargo area. “There we go, beautiful.” The woman reassured, kissing her cheek and temple as soon as they were seated again.

It was all still so overwhelming, like a dream. She had to be certain. “So...you’re my girlfriend?”

Clarke’s smile was dazzling. “Yeah!” The other blonde let out happily, all bright eyed and giddy.

“We’re girlfriends. We’re dating.” Anya confirmed, earning quick nods from Clarke, whose smile only grew bigger. “And you’re falling in love with me?”

Clarke’s cheeks had been a little pink before, but it was amusing watching them go completely red. Still, despite the blushing, Clarke held her gaze, that smile softening a bit even as her eyes seemed to widen in shock for a moment. “I...god, yeah, I am. I really am. I know it might seem fast, but I’m falling hard for you, Anya. I’ve never felt like this before.”

“Not even with Lexa?” Anya felt herself blurting out, cursing the words as they filled the tiny sliver of air between them, loathing herself for voicing them when Clarke shifted away a little to create distance.

“No, not even with Lexa. Where’s this coming from?” Clarke asked, thankfully abstaining from laughing this time around, because Anya wasn’t sure she would have been able to take that.

Unsure how to respond, she gave an uncharacteristic shrug. “You said you loved Lexa. Back when you were dating.”

Clarke let out a curious hum. “Lexa told you that, I guess. Yeah, that was during her and Costia’s break. And I did love her with all my heart, Anya. It’s just that...things with her were different.”

Anya felt small at the wishy-washy admission. “How can it be different?”

“I love my mom with all my heart. I love Raven and Octavia with all my heart. And I love Lexa with all my heart. Lexa’s been my best friend for years, and...honestly, she was the first girl I had any sort of romantic feelings for. I knew her so well, and we were attached at the hip, we were intimate...she made me feel wonderful. So when she and Costia broke up, I tried to see if we could have something.” Clarke explained, not doing a particularly great job at dissuading Anya from feeling like she was a second choice, but perhaps Clarke didn’t think that important.

“And then?” Anya asked, wanting Clarke to help her understand what she was getting at.

“And then things started to develop. Friendship started shifting into something different, and maybe...maybe we might have worked out if we had enough time, and the conditions were right, but I could tell that she was still head over heels in love with Costia. I really liked Lexa, I had a crush on Lexa, I wanted to fall in love with her, but I didn’t fall in love with her. I’ve never fallen in love with anyone before.” Clarke finished with a shy smile, bumping Anya’s shoulder. “So like I said...I’ve never felt like this before.”

Anya just stared, mouth agape at the woman beside her. Honestly, she’d been guilt-free about her actions for years, but ever since she got closer with Clarke, and drove closer to their destination, guilt had started eating her up a bit.

“So the fact that I told Lexa to go back to Costia, and set up a time and place for them to bump into each other again while the two of you were still dating...” Anya mumbled, voice trailing off, hoping Clarke would have some sort of conclusive response so she could understand how to feel about it.

She’d expected numerous reactions in a wide range, but Clarke’s laughter caught her off guard. “For the best, really. She’d been the closest to a romantic, loving relationship I’d had, but...yeah, she was meant to be with Costia. She was happier with Costia. I’m a hundred percent happy being her best friend. It all worked out.”

“So you’re not upset?” Anya asked, wanting one last confirmation, needing one last confirmation.

Clarke scooted closer and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’m telling you...that song last night...Anya, if I knew you back then, if I met you when Lexa had wanted us to, I’m sure I would have been head over heels like I am now. But we didn’t meet back then. We’re here _now_...I’m your girlfriend, and I’m falling in love with you, Anya. I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

Anya reached out and took hold of Clarke’s free hand. “You know I’m going to be smiling for the rest of the day now, right?” Anya asked rhetorically as she leaned to kiss Clarke on the cheek, letting her lips linger there for long enough to hopefully send a message that she’d really rather they stay there and enjoy each other’s company all day. “But can we continue my descent into love for you inside? I ordered us a pizza a few minutes ago, it should be ready soon.”

Clarke let out a gleeful gasp. “What kind?”

“What do you think?” Anya asked, rolling her eyes, the flatness of her tone enough of a cue for Clarke to let out a cheer.

“Pepperoni-pineapple? Oh, babe, you’re too good to me!” Clarke exclaimed, pressing a quick but lovely kiss to her cheek that had Anya smiling wider.

Anya pushed off the car with one hand to get to her feet, and took the bouquet of roses with the other, giving them the attention they deserved for the moment, enjoying their delightful aroma. “These are so lovely, Clarke. Thank you.” She noted, peering over the tips of the roses to her girlfriend.

Her girlfriend. Anya had the feeling that she wouldn’t need long to adjust to the term.

“Anything to make you smile.” Clarke said, blushing all prettily and smiling with a little more confidence now as she closed the trunk of the car. “Come on, let’s head in.”

Hand in hand, they made their way back to the restaurant, most of the crowd not noticing when they stepped inside. Octavia and Raven, however, were staring obnoxiously at them through the crowd of people between their tables. _Oh well...their decision to eat in the middle of the busiest area..._

Barely a minute after settling in, their order was called up. Anya got to her feet before Clarke could, and ignored her girlfriend’s huff as she went and got their food.

The older man behind the counter slid the pizza box over the counter at her and shot her a conspiratorial smile. “Flowers from the missus?”

Anya was taken aback a little bit, not at all used to having her personal life discussed in public, but after a brief moment of surprise, she settled into a smile. “Yes, I’m very lucky.”

“Ah, but she looks at _you_ like you hung the moon, Miss. Not a sweeter smell than love in the air, I tell you.” He added with a hearty laugh. “Thank you for choosing our restaurant for your date, I hope you ladies enjoy your meal.”

“Thank you!” She answered with more enthusiasm than she’d expected, but it just felt nice to be validated so openly like that. And perhaps the idea of Clarke looking at her the way he described had her in an even better mood than her impossibly good one she’d come to the counter with.

“What’s got you smiling?” Clarke asked as she sat back down and placed the box of pizza between them.

“You, today, _everything_...” Anya murmured, shy from all the overwhelming affection that had been sent her way in such a brief period of time.  As Clarke quickly dove in and pulled out a slice of pizza, Anya re-checked her phone and let out a laugh.

 **Lexa**  
_What errand?_

_Anya? What errand? I didn’t give Clarke an errand today_

_Anya, Clarke’s not answering my texts, if you can tell her to answer my texts that would be wonderful_

_Now both of you aren’t answering. Did something happen? Do I have to fly down?!_

_Anya, I’m on the website, ready to reserve tickets. If you don’t answer within the next ten minutes I’m catching the next flight to Newark. Please answer_

Anya shook her head and set up the bouquet of roses against the window beside her, angling them just right before taking a photo. She left it uncaptioned and sent it off to Lexa.

 **Anya**  
_*picture attached*_

_We’ll be there in a few hours, Lexa. Please relax, and don’t bombard my girlfriend with texts. I love you :heart:_

Anya put her phone back in her bag, not at all surprised when alert after alert for new texts rolled in. Lexa was probably in the middle of thirsting for answers and directing nearby helpers to set up her and Clarke’s little pool house with extra candles for mood lighting.

Either way, she was starting to feel excited about going to the wedding now. Before, it was purely to see Lexa bind herself to the love of her life in a wonderful ceremony, but now, she was excited to just be there. To spend time with Lexa, to be around friends and the family she loved, and now to enjoy Clarke’s company and see where they were headed in their new relationship.

It was all exciting, and even the less than ideal presence of pineapple on her pizza couldn’t dim her smile or her mood.

* * *

 

It was a day of firsts. She’d never been given flowers as a gift. She’d never been asked to be anyone’s girlfriend. She’d never been in a relationship that ran deep enough to where she could admit she was falling in love. She’d never been out on a date; yes, she counted lunch as their first. There were flowers and food, and they were alone together, of course it was a date.

And now, as they pulled up to Lexa’s home on the outskirts of Chatham, Anya could check off going to a family member’s wedding, another first. And in two days, she could check off being a bridesmaid.

There were a lot of firsts, but pulling up Lexa’s driveway, seeing her cousin out on the porch waiting for them, knowing Clarke and Octavia and Raven were at her side, it all gave her enough strength to feel that she could do this.

As soon as the car was stopped, Anya had her door open. Perhaps it was a little discourteous, but she hadn’t seen Lexa up close in a long time. She made her way up the walkway to the porch, and let out a laugh at Lexa just standing there, hands clasped behind her back, standing all regal-like.

She made her way up the steps and stood in front of the bride-to-be. “Hello, baby cousin.”

 “You didn’t answer my messages.” Lexa stated flatly, face not giving away a shred of emotion.

“You didn’t have to send me seventy two texts after I told you we’d be here this evening.” Anya shot back equally as calmly.

“You were the one who sent me the image of those flowers and told me to leave your _girlfriend_ be.” Lexa added, the slightest hint of emotion showing, frustration flickering at the corner of her eyes and tainting the odd word.

“You were the one who had a busy schedule this afternoon. Are all of the lights set up and working properly?” Anya asked, earning a shake of Lexa’s head that officially ended their game.

“Don’t derail from the topic. You and Clarke?” Lexa asked, breaking out an excited smile, which only thrilled Anya. Any time Lexa was happy for her, she was happy.

“You saw the flowers.” Anya answered simply with a grin as she leaned against the porch railing. Her cousin knew flower language as well as she did.

“I made sure to decorate the pool house with extra candles, and I swapped out the sheets for our best set. Everything’s ready for when you settle in after dinner.” Lexa stated confidently, clearly proud of herself for her efforts. Anya felt all of her cousin’s living spaces were fire hazards, but somehow Lexa hadn’t managed to burn any buildings down yet.

Anya just gave a thankful nod, knowing Lexa didn’t have to put in the effort. “Anyway, enough about me...”

“Not enough. The next two days will be centred around me and Costia. This is the last day we have to focus on someone else. Please.” Lexa asked, earning a laugh from the walkway.

“Actually, Anya, would you mind if I grabbed Lexa for a minute? I think we have some catching up to do.” Clarke requested as she made her way up the steps. Anya gauged her girlfriend’s face for any trouble and saw none, so she nodded. Not that anyone needed her permission, but she just didn’t want any potential arguments, and she knew Clarke was still miffed about the childhood outings.

“I suppose I’ll be back soon, then. You can catch Costia inside, I’m sure she’d love to see you again.” Lexa offered before walking off with Clarke down the length of the porch.

Curious to see how the other bride was doing, Anya made her way indoors, humming happily at the smell of Costia’s mother’s homemade jambalaya. The door had barely shut when a familiar face leaned around the corner leading into the kitchen, Costia’s mother breaking out into a wide smile.

“My sweet Anya!” The woman cheered, something rattling as it fell to the countertop in the woman’s haste to rush over and pull Anya into a surprising embrace.

“Mrs Reed, it’s wonderful to see you again!” She noted jovially, just clinging to the older woman. Anya had only ever met her twice, but much like Mrs Griffin, she’d made her feel at home. She’d once thought the woman was an absolute anomaly, but after being around Clarke’s mom, she started to wonder if there were a lot more good ones out there.

“It’s been too long, child. _Seven years_! Are you telling me you couldn’t have come up once in seven years?” Mrs Reed asked with a critical eye, even if her words were nothing but welcoming and joyful.

Anya just shook her head. “Lots of family up here, Mrs Reed. I couldn’t risk it.”

“Well I’m just happy to know that’s changing. I’m going to hold you to quarterly visits, and you know I’m serious about that.” The older woman half stated and half threatened, but with the future being so open, Anya knew she’d make it happen. It was important to include as many positive people in one’s life, and while it’d been easier to see Lexa and Costia regularly enough, she’d make time for Mrs Reed.

“Mama, stop hassling Anya, she’s had a long ride. She came up on Clarke’s road trip, she’s been living out of a suitcase for a week.” Anya heard Costia say from a distance, the younger woman soon rounding the corner with a sauce-covered spoon in hand. “Honestly, it’s a wonder you’re still alive after how Octavia and Raven get on.”

Anya let out a laugh and left Mrs Reed’s embrace, only for Costia to pull her into a bear hug of her own. “They behaved themselves, somewhat. We had a close call or three.” Anya said when she regained her ability to breathe, adding that amendment at the end as she remembered last night and that morning.

“Come on, let’s go sit for a bit. The sauce will be fine for a few minutes, mama.” Costia said, chiding her mother when the woman looked over her shoulder towards the kitchen.

“Very well, then. Come on, loves.” The older woman said with a shooing gesture, prompting her to follow Costia into the family room, taking a seat in a cozy looking armchair while the Reed women took up the sofa. “Seven years...what’s new and exciting that’s happened since then?"

The woman had always come across as a bit overeager and a gossip, but a well-meaning one, much like Costia. It wouldn’t hurt to share some information. “Well, nothing incredibly interesting in the past few years. I’ve published a few books, and my career’s stable, which isn’t exciting, but it’s nice, given that I love what I do.” Anya started off, fighting her blush as she considered newer revelations.

Unfortunately, with how well lit the room was, and how detail oriented the Reeds were, her tell was plain as day. “Ohhh, something happened! I _knew_ it! Lexa’s been so emotional every time you got back to her with messages, but she’s been so tight-lipped about it all.”

“Yes, well...a few days ago, Clarke made it clear that she was interested in me.” Anya continued, pausing when Costia and her mother broke out into happy cheers for a moment before trying to settle themselves down, gesturing for her to continue. She offered a thankful nod, knowing they were trying to contain themselves. “I deal with anxiety, and that caused a reaction, and I had some concerns. But over the past few days...I’m not worried anymore. Clarke...she’s so wonderful. I like her as much as she likes me, and she asked me to be her girlfriend today, and I accepted.”

Apparently, that was the final straw for Costia’s reserves, the bubbly woman lunging onto her and tackling her into an excited hug. “Oh my god I knew it! I knew you two would be so perfect, and...oh my god, Lexa’s gonna be so happy! And _Clarke_ , oh, she’s incredible! You’re a writer, she’s a painter, you two are going to make beautiful art together.” Costia practically squealed, before freezing in place all wide-eyed. “Oh, but what about the reception? Clarke doesn’t dance. Do you need me or Lexa to step in here or there?”

Anya just laughed. “Apparently Clarke’s reputation precedes her, but no. I’ll be teaching Clarke to dance, and she’ll be ready. Thank you for the offer, Costia. You’re really too kind.”

“Oh, it’s no problem. I guess I’ll have to wait and see you weave your magic. But I’ll change around the bridal party dance pairs so you and Clarke are together, if you’re that confident.” Costia offered with a raised eyebrow, clearly still a bit skeptical.

“Thank you, Costia, we would appreciate that.” Anya said with another thankful smile, knowing Lexa would have made it happen, but Costia had been planning the wedding herself, so it’d be much easier to have changes made by the planner herself.

“Now, as fortune has it, we’d already seated you and Clarke at a table. And while we could only...minimize how exposed you are to your former family, we do have Nia Frost and those family members of Lexa’s on the opposite corner of the reception area. We want the night to be wonderful for all, love, and we’re going to do our best to keep them away from you. Lord knows they won’t be happy when they arrive tomorrow and you’re at the rehearsal by Lexa’s side.” Mrs Reed added, lifting a weight in Anya’s chest at the knowledge that she’d be seated away from one of her largest tormentors from her childhood, and that she’d have Clarke right beside her.

Still, just the mention of the woman’s name sent a chill down her spine and had her remembering why she’d halfway dreaded going to the wedding in the first place.

“Mmmm, something smells fantastic!” She heard Clarke call out from the front foyer, providing the best of distractions.

“We’re in here, Clarke!” Costia called out in return as the bride-to-be’s mother got up.

“And that’s my cue to tend to the food. Otherwise, I think Lexa and Clarke would busy themselves with sneaking a taste.” Mrs Reed noted loudly with a grin.

Clarke’s gasp of fake outrage only somewhat masked Lexa’s laughter. “Aw, come on, Bea, we’ve been on the road for days!”

“A little birdie told me you all had a home cooked meal last night, so that excuse will not fly in this house, child.” Mrs Reed shot back immediately, giving Clarke and Lexa hugs on her way back to the kitchen. “Dinner should be ready in an hour. I’m sure Abe will be back with Raven and Octavia once they have their things settled into the bay-side house.”

“Sounds good, mama.” Lexa acknowledged warmly, surprisingly pulling Anya’s bouquet from behind her back, settling them into a vase, and carrying it toward the family room.

If there was one amazing thing about Lexa and Costia’s relationship, it’s that Mrs Reed had practically considered Lexa her child from the word go. And when the Woods parents had passed on, Lexa still had a mother-in-law there for her, and Abe had apparently been good with her too, even if his travel schedule meant he wasn’t around nearly as often.

Lexa deserved a big family. Lexa deserved an accepting, loving family. It was only right that she’d now have it officially, in legal documentation, for it to be acknowledged as the very real group it was.

Clarke made a beeline for her and stretched her arms out. “Up, up, up!” Clarke demanded playfully. Clarke was always cute, but especially so when she was playful and had that mischievous sparkle in her eye, so she couldn’t help but reach out and place her hands in the younger woman’s.

Her girlfriend pulled Anya to her feet, quickly slipped around her, and plopped down where she’d been sitting. Anya just cocked an unimpressed eyebrow, waiting for Clarke to explain.

Clarke, of course, just smiled even wider and patted her lap. Anya rolled her eyes, hoping it’d balance out the blush on her cheeks as she sat sideways on her girlfriend’s lap, arms gently slung around Clarke’s neck. Perhaps she pressed a quick kiss to Clarke’s cheek for the courtesy.

“I feel like I’m going to explode from happy feels. Lexa, can you bel...” Costia started as Lexa sat down beside her and placed the vase on the coffee table, only for the bubbly woman to let out a noise so high pitched it was a wonder that glass didn’t shatter. Immediately, Costia’s hand was covering her mouth, head on a swivel as she looked between the bouquet and the two of them.

Lexa just laughed as Costia’s free hand started aimlessly prodding at her. “I saw, love. Anya sent me a picture of them around noon.”

“So that’s what your happy dance was for!” Costia noted with another gasp, filling Anya’s find with the amusing notion of Lexa doing the running man or the electric slide after seeing her message. “Oh, my little Clarke, you’re all grown up and falling in love!”

“I’m _seven weeks older_ than you, Cos.” Clarke protested with a laugh, holding Anya tighter in her arms. “But yeah, Anya’s special. I always thought what you two had was a miracle, something I’d be lucky to just _witness_ during my life. But Anya...” Clarke continued, turning those brilliant blue eyes back at her, Anya adoring how they softened so quickly. “She makes me feel like maybe if you find someone who makes you a better person, maybe if you’re lucky enough for someone special to come into your life and extinguish all the shadows with their light, maybe if you’re willing to put your heart out there for the taking, that maybe there’s enough magic in the universe for everyone to have that kind of love.”

Anya was tired of crying, but when they were tears of joy from Clarke professing her love, she couldn’t find it in herself to mind. “Clarke...”

Clarke’s lips descended on her temple, her cheek, then her nose, each stoking an ever building flame inside of Anya that was only contained by her girlfriend  mouthing  ‘ _soon_ ’ as those sapphire eyes were fixed upon her lips, almost as if Clarke needed convincing not to kiss her right then.

Anya wasn’t even sure she’d be remotely opposed, even if she loved the security of planning and prepping for it in advance. With every passing second, her urge to kiss Clarke bloomed more and more, and even if it was terrifying from her lack of experience, she yearned.

Oh god, did she yearn.

“...so cute...” Costia’s murmur reached their ears, Clarke’s blues darting off to the sofa as she nuzzled Anya’s cheek. “Um, uh, so I think I have a little errand to run about the, uh, the backyard...the garden. Yes.”

“I’m moving my full emergency reserve of candles into the pool house.” Lexa noted in agreement, eyes all big and watery, making those deep green irises look like tiny ponds.

Costia jabbed into Lexa’s side with an elbow. “Don’t be so obvious!” The woman whispered loudly; Costia had never quite mastered the art of being quiet, and she kind of loved her all the more for it.

“Yes, because you rushing off to the florist isn’t suspicious at all, love.” Lexa countered quickly as she pulled Costia in for a kiss that erased her bride’s pout.

“We appreciate the effort, but please, we’ll be fine. You’ve been more than gracious.” Anya insisted, but both brides shot her a warning look and shook their heads.

“You protest for nothing. It is done, Anya.” Lexa stated flatly, as if she’d just given a royal decree. “You two, who I love dearly, will continue canoodling while Costia and I run our errands. Mama will call for dinner eventually.”

With that, both brides practically dashed out of the family room, leaving Clarke and Anya alone.

“They’re insufferable, as always.” Anya let out with a sigh, wishing the two of them wouldn’t put so much effort into things they didn’t need to.

“They love us, and they want to spoil us in their own weird ways. Let them...maybe we deserve a little pampering.” Clarke added, pressing a kiss to her neck that Anya smiled at, moving to run a hand through her girlfriend’s hair.

“So long as we remember to blow out the candles. Otherwise, the entire building will catch fire.” Anya halfway joked, knowing that with how extra Lexa was being with her candles, it very well could be a severe fire hazard.

“Mmn, of course.” Clarke agreed, smiling against her neck. “Are you okay?”

Anya felt herself still for a moment in confusion, unsure why Clarke would ask that. “Of course, why?”

“It’s just, I kind of got all sappy there in front of them, and I didn’t clear it with you. I didn’t want to make you anxious or anything.” Clarke explained, only making Anya impossibly more endeared to her.

“Darling, this is Lexa. It’s Costia. They’re my _family_. Anything you say to me, you can say in front of them.” Anya clarified, hoping it’d help Clarke feel less worried about saying the wrong thing going forward. Around others, perhaps it might impact her, but not those two. “If I’m worried about anything, it’s about the less savory members of Lexa’s family.”

Clarke nose trailed a path up and down her neck at a gloriously languid pace. “Baby, you’re so strong. You really are, but here, at this wedding? You don’t have to be. Use me as a shield, I’ll tell them to fuck off, or make them fuck off. Lexa’s not going to kill me if I curse and swear on her wedding day. And then you’ve got the brides who you know would go to war for you. Raven would be able to make a person disappear with science, and O would help her get away with it with her cop magic.” Clarke rambled as she clutched Anya tighter, the younger blonde’s face burrowing into her neck. She could practically feel the worry-fueled hard swallow Clarke made. “And then there’s Bea, who will kick anyone out of the wedding if they made you at all feel unsafe. So you’re strong, and I know you can handle yourself, but please tag us in if anything happens and we’re not around, okay?”

Anya had always fought her own battles. Each and every one, she’d taken the full brunt of it and managed the aftermath and her emotional state after. She’d been expecting to have to do the same merely a week ago, but now, Anya wondered if maybe, just maybe, she could fight those instincts and let her family and friends file in beside her. Maybe this time, she wouldn’t have to take it on alone.

Clarke had her believing that maybe this time, she could let herself be taken care of. Even if just a little bit.

“I want to say I will, but habits are hard to break, darling.” Anya murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of Clarke’s head. “They drag me in and they push me and claw at me until I fight back.”

“If nothing else, Anya, I want your fight to be over. You deserve to be free of it. I want you to be okay.” Clarke spoke, voice thick with emotion that had come on unseen. It had Anya scrambling to pull Clarke’s face away from her neck, instinctively dipping forward to kiss away her tears, loving how normal Clarke made the act feel, loving how tender and affectionate she was encouraged to be, loving the sheer comfort that Clarke’s emotions brought her.

She’d never had anyone care like this. Heck, she’d never had anyone she’d loved like this, and she wasn’t about to let go. “I feel that so long as you’re with me, I’ll be _just fine_.”

“Then we’ll get through this _together_. You and me, hand in hand, okay?” Clarke asked, staring up tearfully at her, with such fierce protectiveness blazing in her eyes.

How could she deny Clarke anything when she looked at her like that?

Anya knit a pair of their hands together and brought them to her lips. “Together, darling.”

* * *

 

Costia’s home had always had a ‘cooks don’t clean’ rule, which meant Mrs Reed was out front relaxing on the porch swing while the rest of them were given duties throughout the house. Clarke, having driven for hours over the road trip, had been given the easiest of the tasks, wiping the table down and ferrying everything into the kitchen to be cleaned. After that, Anya’s girlfriend had disappeared.

Raven and Octavia had done some scrubbing, but Abe had got them back in the car to be shuttled off to the house they’d be staying in for the duration of the wedding period, leaving Anya with Costia and Lexa.

Who, apparently, were too busy being cute with each other to accomplish much, but Anya didn’t mind. Being on the road trip with nearly nothing to do had driven her a little stir crazy, and it was nice to just do some mindless labour to help clear her head and relax.

It was easy. Brain off, hands scrub then place object on one of the racks to dry. When finished scrubbing, grab towel and finish drying. Simple. Easy. Mindless.

In a world where her mind is almost always on the go and focused on something, it was nice sometimes to just escape and enjoy the quiet.

 Anya only realized she’d cleaned all the dishes when she reached to put something away and only found open air. Snapping out of her haze, she realized that Lexa and Costia had left as well. Even with the bachelorette parties having taken place a month and a half ago, tomorrow would still be relentlessly hectic for them, so she understood them packing it in, even if it left her alone for the moment.

“Looks like you’re out of work to do.”

 _Or maybe not so alone..._ she thought with a grin, not at all surprised when Clarke’s arms wrapped around her waist.

“Mmmh. I suppose so.” She answered softly as she leaned back into her girlfriend’s embrace.

“Well we can’t have that.  You know what they say about idle hands.” Clarke added, lips grazing her right ear, hot puffs of breath wafting against her neck as Clarke undid the tie to her apron.

“You’re in luck, darling. It just so happens I’m open to suggestions.” Anya shot back playfully, bringing a hand up to run through blonde locks and cup Clarke’s cheek.

The low laughter that escaped Clarke had a fire immediately sparking in her belly. “I love when you touch me like this, but I have something better in mind.” Clarke teased, taking a half step away to pull the apron up and over Anya’s head. “Now, I’m going to need your hands for something very, very important...” Clarke continued, words eventually coming out at a crawl near the end.

Anya was ready, back still turned, knowing at any moment, something could happen. Perhaps it was tame to others, but in the moment, Anya couldn’t help but feel exhilarated.

But when Clarke scooped her up bridal style, Anya’s arms needed a moment to properly support herself around Clarke’s neck because the mere motion stole her breath and left her wide-eyed and buzzing with anticipation.

“Ready, baby?” Clarke whispered, face a breath apart from her own.

“Please...” Anya asked, more like pleaded, all the built up fire and yearning scorching through her insides with each breath.

Clarke’s eyes were intensely dark, only a thin ring of vibrant blue shining around her cornea. “Tonight’s the last night you ever have to ask that, Anya.”

Clarke’s strides were smooth and measured as her girlfriend carried her out the back door and down the steps towards the pool house. It wasn’t a long walk, but she knew Clarke’s arm strength wasn’t much to write home about.

Still, Clarke didn’t waver at all, walking across the threshold and into the open concept kitchen-slash-living room. Anya had been there before, but never like this.

The entire home was blooming with candle light, giving the place a romantic glow given the twilight hour. Circus rose petals were scattered around the floor generously in a path to the bedroom, each step towards their destination making her heart pound a little harder, a little faster.

Clarke kicked the bedroom door shut behind them and stumbled as she went to let Anya down onto the bed, Anya bouncing off the mattress a little as Clarke let out a self-deprecating huff, but it was just the thing to get her racing heart relaxing, recognizing that this was Clarke. Her Clarke.

Her goofy, passionate, sweetheart of a girlfriend who would overexert herself just to try and set the mood as romantically as possible.

Her beautiful, wonderful girlfriend who made everything feel new again, yet had her feeling she’d known her all her life at the same time.

Her thoughtful, witty girlfriend who had a heart of gold and a penchant for beating herself up over nothing.

“I need you, Clarke.” Anya choked out, heart starting to calm as she reached up, lip quivering, body thirsting for the younger blonde’s touch.

Her words broke Clarke out of her disappointment, blowing those pupils the rest of the way as Clarke crawled onto the bed and over Anya, blonde locks curtaining their faces and shutting out the candlelight.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked in a whisper, hand gently brushing down her cheek, and even in those fully blown eyes, she could see the sheer openness of the woman above her. That she could end it there and spend the night cuddling, and Clarke would be over the moon, but that if she was ready, Clarke was too.

And while her heart was still thudding heavily in her chest, and her skull felt like a battle drum with the blood pumping so powerfully to it, Anya knew in her heart that she was as prepared as she ever could be, and even if she wasn’t, she still would have given her small, firm nod as she wet her lips.

The gentle pressure of the thumb stroking against her cheek helped ease her nerves as Clarke dipped lower and Anya angled up, not knowing what to do, or what to expect. Clarke didn’t hesitate as she closed the last inch and pillowed Anya’s upper lip.

The rush of bliss that flowed through her entire being at the deliciously feather-soft pressure has her inert for a moment, but her girlfriend wasn’t deterred as Anya’s brain recalibrated, pulling away ever so slightly to press another kiss.

It was an overwhelming sensation, and Anya found her arms wrapping around Clarke and keeping her close, wanting to keep feeling this rush, wanting to learn, wanting to give back as she tested out a bit of gentle pressure with her own lips that immediately had Clarke letting out a whimper.

 _Did I...?_ Anya wondered as she brought a hand up from Clarke’s back and ran it through her hair as she pressed, lips still closed, against Clarke’s.

Anya fought the feeling of devastation as Clarke pulled away, but the dazzling smile put a hold on that meltdown. “That’s it, baby. Just be patient and follow my lead. And, uh...keep running your hand through my hair, maybe? I really like that.”

The boost of confidence from Clarke’s words, from Clarke’s blush, was immeasurable as her girlfriend pulled her into another kiss, Anya feeling more receptive now, more thrilled than anxious as she took in how Clarke moved against her, at the angles she came in at, at the way Clarke would use her free hand to caress her and would nuzzle her nose when catching her breath.

It was a crash course in Clarke Griffin, but Anya had always been good at adapting quickly, and soon enough, she was angling up after a breath of air to pull Clarke into a kiss, smiling into it as Clarke melted into her, letting out the most content sound Anya had ever heard in her long life.

With each kiss, Anya felt those doubts and worries disintegrate. She heard the voices of all the other women crackle out into the aether. She felt her internal volumes of self love finally wrapped up in an outer cover marked with today’s date and signed with the signature of Clarke’s lips, knowing she’d been right all along, she had been lovable.

That she was lovable, Clarke filling all the spare recesses and chambers of her heart with her love and light, as if the other blonde had belonged there all along.

Before she knew it, Clarke was pulling away, staring down at her with concerned eyes. It was only the separation that clued her into the fact that her lip was quivering again, that her vision was blurred for all the right reasons.  

Anya fought through one hitched breath, and then another, before finally catching her breath and easing into a wet smile. “Wow.”

It was all her lungs could muster at the moment, but it was enough for Clarke to break into a light, melodic laugh, thumb lifting up to wipe away Anya’s tears. “‘ _Wow_ ’ yourself, beautiful. I knew you’d catch on fast.”

“That makes one of us.” Anya laughed, running her hand through Clarke’s hair one last time before pulling her girlfriend all the way down to lie with her. “You had such faith in me.”

“You’re resilient. You weren’t going to be done in by kissing of all things. You have too much love in you.” Clarke noted softly before guiding Anya into a lingering, languid kiss. “You’re already so good at reading me. We’ll bring in tongue another time, but for now, that was everything I’d hoped for...you were everything I’d hoped for.”

Anya watched Clarke’s eyes flicker to the side, but there was nowhere to escape the sudden emotion there, or the slight wetness that had Anya wiping away Clarke’s tears for once. “Are _you_ okay, darling?”

“I just really want to hold you. And I really want you to hold me.” Clarke murmured shyly, eyes slipping closed as Clarke curled in on herself a little, only as much as Anya’s embrace would allow.

Anya considered Clarke’s words from earlier, a plan coming to mind. “I’ll put out the candles. You just lay here and let me take care of you.”

Clarke let out a shaky huff, but nodded, letting out the faintest whimper when Anya separated from her. It was more than a little endearing, and had Anya’s body working faster than she thought it could as she breezed through the home and put out all the candles. Being in bed before nine at night was rather novel, but for Clarke?

Well, she’d probably stay in bed all day if Clarke asked.

She returned to the bedroom to find Clarke sitting up in the middle of it, eyes wide, frame shaking slightly, clearly emotionally raw. However of a change the past minutes had been on her, it’d also shifted Clarke on her axis as well.

A few puffs of air later, and the room was cast in darkness, Anya easily ambling back onto the bed, straddling Clarke’s lap. Slowly, carefully, she wrapped an arm around Clarke’s neck and dipped them back down onto the bed, letting her head rest on Clarke’s shoulder. She snuck her other arm around Clarke’s back and snuggled into the warm woman’s frame.

It took Clarke a second, but those pale arms wrapped around her, holding Anya atop her and keeping her snugly in place. Clarke’s relieved sigh was music to her ears.

“Wait, you’re all dressed, still. Shit” Clarke mumbled with a frustrated huff. “Sorry. I meant to...you know...”

Anya put the pieces together and giggled into her girlfriend’s neck, realizing Clarke had carried her from Costia’s in her sleep shorts. “It’s okay. Honestly, I wasn’t paying attention to what you were wearing. Too busy watching your face, or the candles, or the flowers. You really outdid yourself here.”

“I had some help, but thanks.” Clarke stated with a happy hum. “So, if I let go of you, will you change and come back to this?”

Anya nodded against her and slowly leaned back until she was sitting up, straddling Clarke’s hips. Carefully, Anya reached behind and pulled her zipper down enough for her to pull the summer dress over her head and fling it off onto the floor, leaving her in the second thing she’d bought back in D.C.

Riding the wave of confidence from kissing, it was hard not to take Clarke’s sputtering as a compliment. “Too much?” She asked, gesturing down at the black silk and lace chemise she’d been using as a slip all day.

“Never.” Clarke whispered, tugging at her hand again, easily prompting Anya to return to her position on top of the woman. “You’re not tired, are you?”

“No, not yet.” Anya answered simply as she got comfy again.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to bore you, You...” Clarke started, and while Anya couldn’t predict Clarke’s eventual misguided conclusion, she did know it’d be misguided and less than relevant.

“Clarke, I’m happy to be here with you, curled up with you for hours. I won’t be bored with the woman I’m falling in love with holding me in her arms, and with you in mine. Quiet time with you, where I can just exist in your comfort and safety, and completely relax? I’d love that. That’s so valuable for someone like me, darling.” Anya reassured, pressing a kiss to the base of Clarke’s neck to hopefully push her point home. “I’m right where I want to be.”

Silence stretched on between them, only each other’s heartbeats and the occasional gentle rustling of sheets around their legs filling the room. Anya was eventually almost certain Clarke had fallen asleep, with her hold having slackened slightly, and her breathing having gone steady and deep, but a soft, tired voice eventually met her ear.

“Anya? Can you...no, never mind.” Clarke aborted her request before it even began, which had her curious about the nature of it.

“No, please. Ask me.” Anya prodded, voice sleepy and sweet from the heat of Clarke’s body slowly drifting her towards slumber.

“Will you sing to me?” Clarke’s request was so quiet and muffled that she needed a few moments to decipher it.

Honestly, Anya rarely sang, as a rule. She wasn’t fond of her singing voice, but she’d occasionally sing in the shower, or while gardening, or whenever the mood truly struck her. It had been years since she’d sang in front of anyone, but she didn’t feel the same anxiety or apprehension with Clarke.

Clarke couldn’t have picked a more opportune time. Anya shifted slightly to where she could get a little more comfortable, and let her eyes slip shut. “Lying here with you so close to me...it’s hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe...”

Anya continued along, singing softly from through verses and choruses, knowing her choice was entirely sappy, but fit perfectly. As her rendition drew to a close, Anya lifted her head a little bit, only to realize that Clarke had drifted off mid-song.

Whatever her opinion on her voice, Anya took some pleasure, knowing it had helped ease Clarke into slumber. “I’m more than alright with a kiss goodnight.” She murmured to herself, smiling as she brought her lips down onto Clarke’s one final time before settling in for a long, restful sleep.

Whatever tomorrow brought, she’d have Clarke, she’d have her family, and she’d have love blooming in her heart for the first time. As far as she was concerned, nothing could stand against all of that. Nothing could steal the smile from her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So another update for this fic! Again, this week’s been rough on me with my cousin not here, and I’ve needed this fic to lift me up these past days. I can only hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> References:  
> Anya’s singing “Just a Kiss” by Lady Antebellum there at the end. Coincidentally fits some of Clarke and Anya’s dynamic so far, even though I just recently stumbled on it. A happy coincidence, really. I liked the idea of them sleepily singing to each other bookending the chapter. Trans women's voices don't get much love at all, so associating them with some good feels and peacefulness seemed appropriate


	9. Chapter 9

**Friday Morning, June 3 rd (Chatham, MA)**

Clarke woke with a smile.

Before she opened her eyes, before it registered in her brain what day it was, before she remembered all she'd be doing that day, before she even took in the invigorating scent of the ocean spilling in from the windows, Clarke knew the familiar warmth surrounding her.

She knew the body her arms and legs were holding close, she knew the limbs wrapped around her own frame. She knew the subtle scent that was all Anya, and she could feel each puff of breath washing against her collarbone.

The instant she had any semblance of consciousness, she knew she was with Anya, and her lips stretched into a gleeful grin. Call her a sap, but she wasn't remotely ashamed. Especially not after last night.

Just the memory of what happened a few hours ago had Clarke holding Anya closer and kissing the top of her head. Hell, the entire previous day had been a challenge of epic proportions. Clarke had used all her willpower to stay focused on small steps moving toward her main goals, and did her best to enjoy each increment and not just pull out the ring. Honestly, despite her impulsiveness and the voice in the back of her head calling on her to keep stepping it up, Anya made it easier.

From glancing at her flowers every few minutes at lunch, each look bringing an adorable blush to the woman's cheeks, to the breathless awe sent Clarke's way during the admission in Lexa and Costia's living room, to Anya's blissful reverence and sponge-like learning abilities last night in the bedroom, Anya almost made her hope the waiting period would never end.

Still, as she opened her eyes and gazed down at the smiling, sleeping woman in her arms, an urge struck her like lightning, heart thundering away in her chest as she contained the desire to go to her luggage, grab her ring, and propose to Anya that very second.

It was madness, she was sure. But damn if she wasn't all too happy to give into it at the soonest appropriate moment. It wasn't time yet, she knew it'd be way too soon for Anya to accept. The last thing she wanted was to scare away the woman who could make everything feel new again, who could shine a light into her heart and make it grow with every smile sent her way.

Okay, so maybe Anya was special, and made her feel special, and she wanted to be with her for as long as possible. She wanted every morning to be like this, with her and Anya tangled and serene. However, relationships were two-way streets. What exactly Anya felt for her was honestly a mystery, but Clarke was willing to be patient.

Well, as long as she had an idea of where they stood by the time she dropped Anya back home after the wedding.

Anya twisted in her arms a little, bringing her back from her thoughts to the situation at hand. "Shhhh, just sleep, babe." Clarke murmured, pressing another kiss to Anya's head as she rubbed gently at her girlfriend's back.

The subtle motion was startling, and had Clarke seeing the room in new light despite the dim light of the emerging sunrise only just creeping through the windows. _My arms are free...my...I'm not wrapped up in sheets..._ Clarke mused, stunned at not being tied up into one of her sleep burritos. Stranger, as she thought back to the previous morning, she wasn't sure she had been then, either. _Oh my god..._

It was one thing to be able to fall asleep after waking up. As enduring as that personal trait had been, it was just one. But her self-proclaimed sleep burritos were another, making it now two differences. She was a covers hog of the highest standard. Yet, as she looked around herself, she and Anya were only very loosely surrounded by the covers, Anya's side free of tangles, even.

Unsure what to think about any of that, Clarke just curled up a little tighter with Anya and closed her eyes, focusing on the slow, even breaths of the woman she was deeply falling for. The burrito bit made a little sense, she figured as she drifted towards sleep. Clarke didn't have the greatest circulation and would often get cold at night, so maybe she didn't need her sleep burritos if Anya was there, mimicking the feeling of being surrounded with her arms and body, and her heat keeping Clarke warm. It was still the falling asleep part that got her though.

The list of potential reasons was lengthy, but as she yawned and settled into her girlfriend's arms for the rest of the morning, she decided the interim explanation was that she felt loved and safe enough. Maybe there was a better explanation, but with Anya smiling against her neck, she didn't want to think about it.

* * *

 

When Clarke woke next, Anya was gone again, just like that morning at her mom's. However, as disappointing as that initial feeling was, the warm, delicious aroma wafting in from the kitchen let her know that her girlfriend wasn't far away. Clarke wet her lips as she sat up, immediately stilling in place at the peculiar taste of peaches. _Strange...I don't think I fell asleep with lip balm on...I don't think I've worn my peach-flavoured one in a while, either..._

Confused but unconcerned, she pulled the covers away and got out of bed, eyes widening at the sight of a bare floor. Apparently, Anya had been awake long enough to sweep up the rose petals. While that got rid of a bit of the residual romance, it also set the stage for a fresh slate, a new day and new opportunities to express her feelings for the woman. She wasn't about to shy away from that.

Clarke made her way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, a smile curling at her lips at the sight of Anya practically dancing from station to station as she put together wraps and pulled something sweet and fresh out of the oven, slipping in the tray of breakfast burritos right after. Among the noise, Anya didn't notice Clarke close the distance until her arms were coiling around the older woman's waist.

"Oh! Clarke, I thought you were still asleep." Anya noted as she leaned back into the touch, head turning to catch sight of Clarke as she rested her chin on Anya's shoulder. "I was planning on breakfast in bed, but I can't say I'm not happy you're awake."

"Good morning." Clarke hummed, hand lifting to guide Anya into a gentle, languid kiss, reflective of just how much she wanted to savor her girlfriend while she had the chance. As she pulled away, she ran her tongue across her lower lip, taking in the taste of peaches and feeling a bit of alarm at it. "Did...did you try to kiss me awake earlier?"

Clarke's stomach dropped at Anya's laugh, spelling out a disappointing reality. "I _tried_ , but you sleep like the dead, darling."

She let out a lengthy groan as she buries her face in Anya's hair. "I'm sorry, baby. I love that you tried that with me."

Anya turned in her arms, soft warm eyes reeling Clarke in deeper as her girlfriend brushed their noses together. "For what it's worth, I'm a much lighter sleeper. If you were to kiss me awake...well, um...I'm sure it'd be a, uh... _very_ good morning, Clarke."

Clarke took in the deep blush over high cheekbones, the soft brown eyes that were darting around the room, the teeth lightly gnawing on a cute lower lip, the shy downward tilt of her head. Everything about Anya screamed that the woman was nervous and shy about what she'd discussed, and the last thing Clarke wanted was for her girlfriend to feel insecure about how much she was desired.

She didn't give it a second thought before pulling Anya in for another kiss, letting this one linger as she brought their lips together again, and again, putting every shred of yearning and affection into it as she held Anya close and ran a hand through her hair.

"I'm really looking forward to those mornings. I can't think of a better way to start my day than with you in my arms and kissing you awake." Clarke let out breathlessly, willing Anya to hold her gaze as she spoke, needing her girlfriend to understand her sincerity. "You have no idea how much I would love that."

"Really?" Anya asked, the start of a smile shining through as she bit her lip, eyes ever so slightly wider as they glimmered with hope.

"If I..." Clarke started, before cutting off the stream of words that had built up, unsure Anya was ready to hear them. Unsure if she should do more harm than good by speaking them. However, as silence stretched on second by second, taking more and more light from Anya's eyes with it, she couldn't hold it back any longer. Consequences be damned. "If I got to wake you with a kiss every morning, and send you off to sleep every night with my lips on yours...god, I'm not sure I'd ever have a bad day."

Anya stared back at her, eyes growing ever softer by the second, breath hitching just as a timer sounded. Her girlfriend quickly spun out of her arms and made her way to the counter to turn off the timer, slip on oven mitts, and pull the wraps from the oven. "I hope you're hungry...I made wraps, cherry turnovers, and I cut up some peaches."

Clarke watched as Anya ferried everything over to the breakfast bar, pouring out two glasses of juice for the both of them. The woman moved with near surgical efficiency, no effort or time wasted, reminding Clarke of just how her girlfriend came about those skills of hers.

She made her way over to the breakfast bar and took a seat, waiting for Anya to follow suit before taking hold of the woman's hand. "Anya, baby...you don't have to make meals for me. I'd never ask you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, okay? I don't want you to think you have to do any of this to make me happy or...or earn anything, alright?"

Anya let out a long exhale, turning her hand in Clarke's to squeeze back. "Darling, making meals to earn womanhood and acceptance from my mother, and making meals to satisfy my girlfriend and myself...they are rather different things. Not to mention my mother would _abhor_ this meal. She would chastise me for an hour over the presentation alone, let alone the entire makeup of it and the calorie count. And then there's the fact that the juice is store-bought not fresh, and the fact that she'd say my portion size is double or more than what it should be."

"Anya..." Clarke uttered, more out of instinct than anything, each admission coming as a revelation, not comprehending how the wonderful food before her could have possibly been worthy of any criticism.

"I wouldn't be able to sit for a day if I plated this meal back then, Clarke. Please trust me when I say that anything I cook or bake for us will be because I _want_ to, because it makes me _happy_. I've spent too much of my life being harmed in order to please others, Clarke...I will not harm myself to earn your favor. Certainly not with a meal." Anya stated slowly, words leaving her girlfriend with careful precision over exactly the message she meant to deliver, the additional gentle pressure of Anya's hand in hers providing all the reassurance the words couldn't give. "Now please, eat up. Rehearsal isn't until much later today, and I'd like to spend some time by the beach with you, if you're interested."

Suddenly, all Clarke could think about was the smell of salt water, the cool ocean breeze, and Anya in a swimsuit with sun glistening off her body.

"Somehow, you keep making the day better and better, babe. I'd love to spend time with you. That we'd be at the beach is just a bonus." Clarke noted with a smile, sinking her fork into a peach slice. Swiftly, she took it into her mouth, savoring it for a moment before swallowing and leaning over to press a messy kiss to Anya's cheek. "Delicious."

Anya rolled her eyes as she took hold of her wrap. "Obviously. I wouldn't botch such a simple meal, Clarke."

"I adore how modest you are, baby." Clarke joked, giving Anya's hand one last squeeze before pulling it away, knowing that as much as she wanted to get through the meal so they could get to the beach, she wanted to truly take the time to enjoy the breakfast Anya made for her that much more. It was an important milestone, and she wasn't going to rush it.

With Anya there to anchor her, Clarke could muster up the patience to just enjoy the simple domesticity of the moment, knowing if all went as she hoped, maybe this would be a regular occurrence in the near future.

And that, well, that was more than enough to take in every detail, not wanting to forget their first breakfast alone as a couple. As far as she was concerned, they had all the time in the world.

* * *

 

Stepping outside was like walking out into a wall of pure heat, the temperature having apparently grown much warmer overnight. Still, it’d be nicer down by the water, so she just carried her end of their cooler, along with the umbrella as they made their way down the walkway to the private beach entrance.

Clarke was happy to follow Anya, feeling a little intrigued at how covered up her girlfriend was given the heat. In all honesty, she’d take her with or without decorations, but between the big black sun hat, and the black cover-up wrap, and the big black sunglasses, she kind of worried that Anya could overheat.

Thus the cooler full of ice and cold beverages. She had to take care of her girl.

It didn’t take long to find a good spot to set up once they emerged onto the beach, the cooler winds coming off the ocean offering a lovely reprieve from the smothering heat. As soon as she’d set up the chairs and the umbrella, Clarke was off to the water; she always liked taking a dip into the ocean for a bit before heading back to work on her tan.

It was still early in the year for swimming, but Clarke pushed through the chill and dove in, reveling in the fresh feeling of the salt water, the subtle sting in her nose, and the rush of the undertow pushing her deeper.

Clarke emerged from the water, flipping her hair back to get it out of her face, and turned towards the beach, noticing Anya was still standing by her chair, bag still in hand, staring in her direction. Clarke glanced over her shoulder and, not seeing anything, slowly made her way out of the water, enjoying the cool breeze against her skin.

Anya was stock still, and as she got closer, it was clear that her girlfriend was entirely red faced under the cover of her hat and sunglasses. “Hey, babe, not a fan of the water?”

“I...I’m not what you would call a remarkable swimmer.” Anya let out as she plopped down onto the beach chair. “I can swim halfway decently, and can survive in deeper waters...for a time...but I much prefer the sights and sounds and the feel of the beach than the actual water.”

Clarke closed the distance until she was looming over her girlfriend, water dripping off of her onto the edge of the brim of Anya’s hat. “I guess I can enjoy it enough for the both of us.”

Anya’s breath caught so sharply that Clarke could practically hear Anya’s heart beating in her throat. “Oh I can enjoy it quite well from here, Clarke.” Anya said after a moment’s delay, those pretty cheekbones still beet red.

“I’m sure you can.” Clarke shot back lowly as she brought her forefinger down and lifted Anya’s chin a little higher. “You let me know if I can make your time here a bit more enjoyable, okay?”

Anya’s head shifted to the side a bit, enough to let her lower her chin and break eye contact. “Clarke...I...this seems rather unbalanced, I apologize.”

Truthfully, she needed a moment to fully understand what Anya was referring to, because in her eyes, reality was quite different. Carefully, Clarke brushed Anya’s cover up away from her thighs, clearing enough space to plop herself down on her girlfriend’s lap.

“Anya, _baby_...” She started, lifting a hand to caress the gorgeous woman’s cheek. “You literally take my breath away. And you honestly look like some Hollywood starlet right now. And that gets my imagination going, and then I...well... _imagine things_. Not to mention that every time I look at you, I know that you’re my girlfriend, and I can kiss you basically whenever.”

“Does that...can that apply to me as well?” Anya asked, words stumbling and a little uncertain, making Clarke feel that Anya’s face was suddenly much too covered up.

Carefully, she removed her girlfriend’s sunglasses and set them atop the cooler. “There you are...” She murmured before leaning forward across the remaining inches to press their lips together. Anya sank into the kiss and in her chair as Clarke adjusted herself on Anya’s lap, seated a little tighter against her torso. “Yeah, you can kiss me whenever you want. Maybe not when I’m making a speech at the wedding, even if I’d enjoy it anyways, but literally _any_ other time, I promise.”

 Anya’s mouth opened, as if to ask a question, but then her girlfriend’s hands were cupping her face and pulling her into another kiss, and Clarke could only smile into it, thrilled at the initiative and how goddamn good it felt to kiss the woman. Anya clearly felt a lot of things very deeply, and poured so much emotion into each and every bit of affection, and Clarke could just never get enough of that.

“I’m going to take your word on that, darling.” Anya whispered as they separated, eyes still shut, cheeks all pretty and pink.

“Please do.” Clarke noted in turn, pressing another quick kiss to her girlfriend’s lips, then her nose. “Got a feeling I’ll never get tired of kissing you, babe.”

Anya rolled her eyes, but the infectious grin on her lips was everything. Clarke knew right then that she wanted to find every way possible to create that pure, blissful smile. Kissing was incredible, but she knew there had to be other ways to bring it out, and Clarke had to push those thoughts to the back of her head from all the ideas she was getting.

There’d be time for those in the future. It was a wonderful morning to enjoy the beach.

“So you’re not going in the water today? What, you plan on getting some tanning in?” Clarke asked as she readjusted her girlfriend’s hat, it having become askew from all the kissing.

“That was the idea. Luckily, I don’t burn easy.” Anya answered, though her eyes narrowed after a moment, shining playfully. “Will you be a darling and help me with my lotion?”

It was with great reluctance that Clarke lifted off Anya’s lap and reached out her hands to her girlfriend. “Not _a_ darling. _Your_ darling. And sure, babe, since you asked so nicely.”

She pulled her girlfriend to her feet and quickly unfurled the large beach towel onto the sand, stashing the woman’s hat on the cooler and grabbing some sun block while Anya got settled in.  Clarke turned around to head back just in time to watch her girlfriend slip off her cover-up and neatly place it on her chair, leaving Anya in a bandeau-style bikini set that had Clarke’s legs feeling weak.

Still, she trudged on through the sand to Anya’s side, not wanting to waste time when she could be spending it with her girlfriend, or in the water.

“So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?” Anya asked as Clarke got started on the woman’s upper back, taking her time in massaging the lotion into her shoulders, wanting Anya to be fully relaxed and comfortable after such an intense week.

“Well, we have a bunch of time before rehearsals, so...I figure I could get some painting done? All I should need is forty five minutes to finish that first one up. Lunch would be good too, I’m sure we’ll be hungry when we get back. After I finish painting, maybe some dancing?” Clarke asked, unsure what plans Anya might have already thought up.

Anya’s happy hum set her uncertainties at ease. “Sounds like a wonderful afternoon. And I would love to teach you the foxtrot today, Clarke. Perhaps even get you started on the tango, given how well you took to the waltz.” Her girlfriend said, letting out another happy hum as Clarke’s hands worked at a noticeably tense spot in her upper back. “I think I’ll take a nap after lunch.”

Clarke’s hands stilled on Anya’s back. “Did you not sleep well?”

“I slept wonderfully, darling. Naps just tend to make me feel refreshed, and I think I might need that at the rehearsal today.” Anya explained, reminding Clarke of what troubles they might run into at the wedding.

It was something she didn’t like thinking about, but she didn’t blame Anya, not with her history. “Whatever you need, baby.” Clarke noted, leaning down to press a kiss to the base of her girlfriend’s neck. “Anything at all, I’ll make it happen, okay? You rest up for as long as you need.”

“You have no idea how much I appreciate that, Clarke.” Anya murmured, voice all warm and smooth, as if the woman was a few seconds from zonking out. “Please enjoy yourself in the water, I don’t want you to miss out because of me.”

“I’ll hop back in when I’m done, but not a moment before. Plenty of time for me to enjoy the water and enjoy being with you.” She shot back as she worked her way down Anya’s torso. “Though I could do both if you came swimming with me.”

“Perhaps one day, though I would prefer it being in a pool instead of the ocean, for what it’s worth.” Anya let out with a happy sigh, body wriggling slightly into Clarke’s touch as deft hands worked at the small of her back. “Mmmmh, ohhh that’s _delightful_.”

Clarke looked down at where her hands were and made a point to remember that exact spot. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Clarke noted happily, knowing that information could come in handy somewhere down the line. “You just enjoy this for now. We’ve got plenty of time.”

“I’ll definitely be using some of that ample time to take care of you today after dance lessons, I don’t want you hurting through rehearsals.” Anya said in return, fostering a spark of excitement in Clarke at the thought of another foot and calf massage from Anya. If it went as well as the last time, she was sure she’d end up going through the rehearsal feeling like she was floating on a cloud.

Yeah, between Anya’s nap and the post-dance massage, Clarke had a feeling they’d both be ready for whatever come time for rehearsals.

Still, a call to Lexa that afternoon wouldn’t hurt.

* * *

 

Clarke stared at her finished painting with pride. Truthfully, she hadn't been sure about how well she'd pull it off, and even though it'd be one for her personal collection instead of a painting to be sold, Clarke had been worried about doing it justice.

Looking at it, from the textures to the colour, it all brought back the emotions she felt that night in the park, watching as Anya looked on into the night, awestruck and gleeful at the fireflies. The light show had always been one of her favourite, most precious things to see, but that night, Anya rose above it, and she'd wanted to do justice to one of those blissful moments.

Anya was radiant. It was only right to keep working until she could capture enough of her essence on canvas, which was why she was running a little behind in her schedule. _It was entirely worth it, though..._

Honestly, she was surprised upon hearing the faitn knock at the front door, having expected the visit long before then. It seemed she wasn't the only one running off schedule.

Clarke left her stool and made her way to the door, swinging it open with a smile. "Lexa, thanks for coming, I know you must be busy."

"Never too busy for _you_ , Clarke." Lexa insisted with a smile as she stepped into the pool house. "Oh wow, that is _stunning_."

Clarke follow Lexa to the living room area where she'd set up shop to paint, her best friend halting a foot or so from the easel. "Thanks. I honestly couldn't help myself, and she deserved the effort."

Lexa glanced over her shoulder. "Has she seen it?"

"Nah. Kept it under wraps back at mom's, and she's been napping while I painted. I figured I'd show it to her when it was done." Clarke explained, drawing an easy nod from Lexa.

"She'll love it. Might fluster her a bit, but she'll love it, Clarke." Lexa added with the sort of signature certainty she knew to expect from the woman. Clarke only hoped Anya felt the same, and that it wouldn't be too much. "Anyway, when you called earlier, you said you wanted to speak with me about something?"

Clarke gestured to the couch, waiting for Lexa to take a seat before she plopped down beside her, not sure of much except that this was a close-quarters discussion. She took a deep breath before taking hold of Lexa's hand. "I am so proud of you and Costia. You two...you're _it_ , and I'm thrilled for you both, and I want this wedding to be everything you want it to be."

Lexa's cheeks tinged pink as she shot Clarke a smile. "You've always supported me, Clarke. I know that, and I love you, but something tells me this isn't you calling me over to give me the standard well wishes."

She nodded slowly, having wanted to ease into things instead of being a bull in a china shop, but Lexa always was one to see right through her. "You made a promise to Anya, and the wedding is entirely your call, but no matter what happens, I need for you not to let her down. I know what's at stake, but you...you can't break her heart."

Lexa's features twisted in confusion, though the brunette gave a reassuring squeeze of her hand anyway. "Clarke, I love Anya. I've been building towards this for a long time. She's a bridesmaid of mine, she's family to me, it doesn't matter who approves of it or not."

Clarke could feel the residual worries she'd harbored since Anya came out to her begin to dissipate, fading off to the edges of her much calmer mind. "That's...that's good. I was just worried. I know you love her, I just don't want her to get hurt again."

"Like how I hurt her _before_ , you mean." Lexa added, voice calm and free of accusation, even if the green of her eyes shone with a greater intensity. "Clarke, she is my cousin."

"And you outed her, _twice_." Clarke shot back in a low whisper.

"I was a _child_ , Clarke."

" _So was she_." Clarke insisted, keeping her voice as quiet as she could despite the emotion creeping into it, not wanting to wake her sleeping beauty. "She's been hurt too much. And I don't blame you for what her parents did to her, at least not anymore, but I'm scared for her. I need her to be happy and safe, Lexa. I need to know she'll be okay, because this is the first time she'll be around all her family and friends at the same time, and that's huge for her. And I need it to be a positive experience, one where she's accepted. She's been living out in the boonies for too long, away from civilization, with no one to visit her or talk to her. That has to change."

Clarke swiftly found herself being pulled into a hug, Lexa's chin resting on her shoulder. "I know, Clarke.  You'll hear no disagreements from me or Costia." Lexa noted quietly, but with clear confidence, giving Clarke a final squeeze and letting out a long exhale before leaning back and giving her a good long look. "So, when can we expect the wedding invitations? I'm sure Costia would settle for an engagement party for now."

Clarke felt the blood in her veins turn to ice, freezing her on the spot and leaving her numb for a few moments before her outrage at a certain friend's big mouth broke through her shock. "I'm going to kill Octavia!" She whispered harshly, just barely managing to lower her voice in time.

It was only Lexa's extended silence that had her attention shifting back to her best friend. Her wide-eyed, pale best friend who was staring at her like she'd seen a ghost. "Clarke...I was joking. Don't tell me...you didn't...did you...?"

Honestly, she wasn't sure what kind of relief to feel, given the circumstances. She didn't have to kill Octavia, but she let slip a part of a secret that she could share with her best friend, her confidant.

"I didn't, I'd never invade on you and Costia's wedding like that, but...okay, you have to promise not to get worked up, alright?" Clarke asked, earning an immediate nod from a newly concerned Lexa.

She got up off the couch and headed over to her luggage, pulling out her box she used to house her pens and inks. The ring box had taken up enough space that she had to leave some inks back at her mom's, but it was safely tucked away there.

Carefully, she took it out, hid it in her palm, and walked back to the couch. "You know mom. She's a bit overbearing, thinks she always knows best, always been way too invested in my love life."

"Despite her rough spots, Abby is a lovely mother, Clarke." Lexa shot back, staring at her as if daring her to deny that.

It wasn't that she was disagreeing, she just had to set the stage. "So during our visit there, I find her digging around in the wall safe. And the only time she does that is to do some paperwork, or look at old photos, so I got curious." Clarke started, opening Lexa's nearest hand and placing the box down on her palm. "She gave me this."

Lexa sat there stiffly, eyes glancing back and forth between Clarke and the ring box, confusion creeping in more and more across her features. "It's been _days_ , Clarke. Days."

It was wonderful to have Lexa on the same wavelength, which made it impossible not to hug her, but she did so quickly, not wanting to crush her best friend and the ring in the process. "That's what I told her. And she brought up the inconvenient truths that a lot of my family members got married after, like a weekend spent together, or on a whim. Lots of short relationships leading into engagement, basically. Still, I wasn't even dating Anya at the time, I hadn't even asked her out. So it was jumping the gun, you know?"

"Clarke, absolutely. Anya would have died if you proposed before you asked her to be your girlfriend." Lexa said nodding enthusiastically in agreement.

" _Seriously_. So we argue, and I'm super set on not using it, and she's just _'Oh Clarke, I just want you to have it when you feel the time is right_ '. And like, whatever, but...but then the rest of that day was...fuck, it was _magical_ , Lexa. And yesterday was beyond words. I didn't...I didn't know I could feel that much for a person. I didn't know what it was like to kiss someone and feel like I couldn't breathe without her lips on mine. I didn't know..." Clarke started, pushing through the surge of emotion as memories of last night resurfaced, at least until it got to be too much, finding herself choking on her words, tears stinging at her eyes.

Lexa was, once again, on the ball, pulling her in for a tight hug and a kiss to her cheek, shooing away her insecurities over appearing vulnerable. Lexa was safe. She was always safe. "Oh, Clarke, it's okay...take your time, you'll find no judgment here."

She nodded against her best friend's shoulder and focused on her breathing and stilling the storm in her mind. However long that took, Lexa's embrace didn't waver a bit, her best friend only letting go when Clarke moved to shift away. "Lexa, she stepped out of the room to put out the candles, and I _missed_ her. I knew she was close, I could hear her humming to herself, I could see the light fade candle by candle, but I missed her. I'm pretty sure I _cried_ about it. Everything's just been so new, learning as I go with her, and sometimes I feel so lost and unsure what to do, but the one thing that keeps popping up to calm me is the idea that Anya...that we're going to be together. That we have a _future_ together. That we have time."

"You have all the time you need, Clarke. However much that might be." Lexa agreed, rubbing a hand up and down her back, letting her slump a little more into the brunette's embrace.

"That's the thing...you know me...I'm impulsive, and sometimes I rush into things. But when I know what I want, I go after it and make it happen. When I know something's true, I stand by it." Clarke attempted to clarify, but by the slight tilt of Lexa's head against her shoulder she could tell her best friend wasn't quite following. "I woke up today with the _distinct_ urge to wake her up and propose to her. I'm not falling in love with her, Lexa...I _am_ in love with her. She makes me happy, she brings out the passion in me, and she makes me not only want to be romantic, but like...she makes me spontaneously romantic, without even thinking about it. There's so much I want to share in this life with her, so much I want to experience with her, so much I want to learn from her. And I want to marry her...but I know she'll think it's too soon, so I'm doing all I can to hold back, but it's hard. Even if I love taking all these steps with her, I just...I want _everything_ with her."

As she spoke, Lexa's hold of her grew tighter and tighter, despite her best friend hold wrapping one arm around her, the other too busy stroking through Clarke's hair. She just let Lexa process, knowing it was a lot to take in, but she had to share it. She had to.

"Clarke?"

Lexa's voice was strained, thick with emotion, but she wasn't sure what kind. "Yeah?"

"You're in love with Anya." Lexa stated, the hand in Clarke's hair stilling to cradle her head instead.

"Deeply, yeah." She answered, knowing she could have elaborated more, but the truth was simple. She loved Anya. She was, as Octavia so succinctly put it, ' _so done for_ ' when it came to the woman.

"You want to propose to her. You want to marry her." Lexa continued, sniffling as she gripped Clarke like a lifeline. "You want to marry Anya."

"I do." Clarke let out, grinning ear to ear as Lexa swayed them from side to side and let out a happy laugh.

"Save those words for the wedding, Clarke." Lexa joked as she pulled away to wipe at the wetness around her eyes. "God, can this weekend get any better?"

Clarke just laughed and curled up against Lexa's side. "You know it will. Tomorrow's going to be amazing, and then your honeymoon...it's definitely getting better." She shot hack happily. "But about Anya...you really think she'd say yes?"

"Clarke, she adores you. Do I think she'd be caught off guard? Yes. A little scared? Absolutely. Maybe she can't answer right away...maybe she'll need time to think it over that's counted in days instead of minutes or hours." Lexa noted slowly, calmly, holding eye contact as she pulled Clarke closer. "Anya is similar to you in that when she knows she wants something, she'll commit to it. Always has, regardless of the danger. So do I think she'll say yes? I have no doubt that, eventually, she'd come back to you, and either tell you or show you how much she'd want that with you."

Clarke could feel the tension in her heart. It felt like an engine about to blow a piston or two, but Lexa's words kept bouncing around in her skull, telling her that her best friend, the person closest to Anya in this life, thought she'd say yes. That there was no doubt.

And that? That had Clarke's imagination kicking into high gear unbidden, dozens of future possibilities flooding her brain and making her yearn that much more for something she'd never quite been sure she'd ever want. Not until Anya.

Now, she couldn't help but thinking about picking up a dog from The Humane Society with her, going on road trips around the country, or maybe traveling overseas. Having a home together, a real home. Celebrating birthdays and anniversaries. Adopting a kid, even, maybe. Dancing together at their wedding.

Dancing. She and Anya were supposed to practice dancing that afternoon.

Clarke took a heavy breath and nodded, startling a little when she felt Lexa wipe at her cheeks. "Some will tell you that there's a perfect time...that a moment will come along where everything falls into place, maybe everything goes as planned, and you get down on one knee. There _isn't_." Lexa whispered, cupping Clarke's cheek, stroking it with her thumb. "So don't worry about that. Just pay attention to her. Learn when she's ready, and then ask her any time after that. There won't be a perfect time...but that won't make the proposal any less perfect, okay?"

 "You're good with this? If I propose to her? You know I won't until you and Costia are off to your honeymoon, but like...you're okay with it?" Clarke asked in rapid succession, having dozens of other questions, but figuring those were the most pertinent.

"I want you both to be _happy_. I think it'll make you both happy...you and Anya deserve that much." Lexa answered readily, her bright smile prompting a wave of reassurance to ripple through Clarke, knowing Lexa had been through this before, and had good instincts.

"Thanks, it means a lot coming from you. And honestly, it's not like we'd be getting married next week. I'd be perfectly good with a long engagement." Clarke noted, drawing a relieved sigh from Lexa, who pulled her in for another hug.

"You better. And honestly, if you let Cos work her photography magic on your wedding, and maybe let her help set up the engagement party, she'd be over the moon, you have no idea." Lexa added with a soft laugh as she pulled away. "Anyways, speaking of my wife-to-be, I should get back. Some of the other guests will be arriving soon, and I won't leave her alone to deal with them."

Clarke laughed at Lexa's pout, but knew that ultimately, Lexa was still having a good time despite all of the egregious planning. "One more day. And you've got me, and Anya, and Raven and Octavia, and everyone. Don't be afraid to ask us to do some heavy lifting if you need us."

Lexa got off the couch and pulled Clarke up into a parting hug. "I know. I'll see you at rehearsal, Clarke. Take care of my cousin for me."

"You know I will." Clarke shot back with a grin, giving Lexa one last squeeze before stepping away, waving her best friend off as she made her way out of the pool house.   

Letting out a lengthy exhale, Clarke went over to the couch, grabbed up the ring box, and stuffed it back in her pen and ink box for safe-keeping. _One day...I'll make it happen one day, I just need to be patient..._

A feat that was made easier by the knowledge that Anya was sleeping in the bedroom, and needed to be woken up for their dance lessons. As hard as it was to contain her feelings for Anya, to keep from acting on them, Anya made it all so much easier by giving her the chance to act on her feelings in a bevy of smaller ways.

Such as making good on that morning's promise, to an extent.

Ring securely tucked away in her luggage once more, Clarke made her way to the bedroom door, standing there for a moment to take in the sight of her girlfriend. The covers were still perfectly in place, further evidence that Anya was far from a fitful sleeper, something Clarke kind of adored and appreciated, knowing it was more likely her girlfriend had more restful sleep than she herself was prone to.

Clarke made her way to the side of the bed and slowly, carefully crawled up onto it and over to Anya's side, brushing the hair out of her face. It almost felt criminal to wake her up when she was so peaceful, but if Anya wanted to teach her how to dance before the wedding, she'd have to get up.

It really was such a shame.

She pushed aside her reluctance and dipped down, pillowing Anya's upper lip in her kiss, letting it linger until she felt Anya stir beneath her. Clarke pulled away slightly, just enough to graze her nose along Anya's and press another languid, lingering kiss to her girlfriend's lips. She found herself smiling into it when after a few seconds, Anya's arms wrapped around her, lips moving against her after letting a delighted hum escape.

"Please tell me we don't have to leave this bed for the rest of the weekend." Anya let out quietly when Clarke pulled away slightly, voice cracking a little here and there as Anya tangled herself around her, face buried in the younger blonde's neck.

Honestly, Clarke wished she could promise that, even if just for the moment until Anya's storm of emotions settled down. She'd so rarely been one to rush to a partner's aid in moments of vulnerability in the past, but with Anya, it felt like second nature. The easiest thing to comfort and reassure her girlfriend, holding her close and running a hand through her hair to set a rhythm. "I wish we could. Are you okay, baby?"

Anya sniffled and nodded against her. "Just feeling a lot. I apologize."

"You don't have to apologize, it's totally okay to feel that way. Take your time, babe." She said, angling her head enough to press a kiss to Anya's temple. "We can stay like this as long as you need."

"I just..." Anya started up before pressing her face into Clarke's shoulder. "Here you are being wonderful, and bringing childhood dreams of mine to life, and...what exactly can I offer in return?"

Clarke felt frozen in time as she processed Anya's words, having to push through a heavy helping of disbelief and concern before she was able to tilt her head and flutter kisses across her girlfriend's head, needing to buy time to figure out how to respond, not having anticipated that she and Anya weren't on the same page about that.

"Anya...baby..." Clarke let out as she scooted herself under the covers, wanting to be as close as she could for this. "You've given me so much. I'm sorry if I haven't been clear about that with you. So I want you to listen, okay?"

She felt Anya's nose brush against her neck in a nod after a few moments of hesitation, enough for Clarke to feel she could continue. "Growing up, my parents were kind of the dream team for me. They loved each other so deeply, so readily, and it really let me know what a great love looked like. I grew up dreaming I could have that with someone." Clarke started, pausing for a moment to press another kiss to her girlfriend's head. "And when my Mom moved us away from dad, even though it was just because of work, it...soured that for me. I saw what they became. It ruined what I thought they had, and I guess I questioned if love could really be worth it at all. If it wasn't just temporary, something that would eventually blow away and leave you heartbroken and lonely and cold."

"So I figured it just wasn't for me. In a...a shallow sense, I guess, I tried for shreds of love with partners, but nothing ever happened. I never felt more than affection for them. They were there to fill the time and have enjoyable sex with, but outside of that...they didn't really mean much to me. I cared for them as people, not for the relationships I had with them." She continued, hoping her explanation was making sense, even if it was long-winded. "But then you came along."

Clarke wasn't sure whether it was a laugh or a scoff that escaped her girlfriend, but she knew she had to tamp down on any negativity. "Yes _you_ , pretty girl. You caught my attention...and not just your beauty. You were kind and thoughtful. You shared a passion for the arts with me. And I got drawn in by your dry wit and the way your eyes light up when you're happy, especially when you're laughing." Clarke added, giving Anya a lengthy squeeze, peppering soft kisses to her temple again in hopes of lightening the mood. "And you're so strong, and caring, and giving. You make me want to step out of my comfort zone, and you're there to hold my hand every step of the way. I could keep going, but basically, I started to dream again. Of that kind of love my parents had. Of having it with you."

Anya's arms tightened around her, and Clarke could feel wetness against her neck. She could only hope they were happy tears. "And I wasn't so scared of it anymore...I wasn't afraid of getting it only to lose it, because I know if I had it with _you_ , it'd have been worth it. You'll have been worth it all. And I think I can have it with you. I...I _know_ I can. And that's opened so many new doors for me, that's made me so much more confident in this, and sometimes it's scary how much I feel for you, but I know I'm right where I want to be when I'm with you." Clarke clarified, knowing she should probably wind it all down now, and get back to where they needed to go, only hoping Anya had gotten her message loud and clear. "Like, ask me a year ago if I'd ever imagine myself dancing at my wedding? I would have laughed you out of the room. Both for the idea that I'd ever find someone I loved enough to marry, or that I've love someone enough to dance with them at our reception. Especially the notion that I might look good doing it."

 "You still have a lot to learn, darling. A lot of practice to go." Anya mumbled against her neck, her words forcing laughter up and out of Clarke's throat even as she waited on pins and needles for some sign of acceptance or rejection, knowing just mentioning a future wedding or insinuating she loved Anya could have been a bit too heavy. "But...if nothing else, I'm thrilled I've helped you come around to the idea of loving partners, Clarke. I'm sure whoever you might marry in the future, you both will have a wonderful time."

Clarke rolled her eyes at the vagueness of Anya's words and pressed another kiss to her girlfriend's head. "Yes, _whoever_ I might marry. And if, down the line, it was a certain entirely lovable writer who I have my heart set on?"

She could feel Anya's hitched breath, the slight tension in her girlfriend's frame. It only lasted a brief moment, though, before Anya melted against her. "Well, that...that is a wonderful thought, darling. I can't say I haven't had a similar dream or two, or that they didn't leave me waking with a full heart. But you would definitely have to be a much more seasoned dancer, Clarke."

"If dancing's the only requirement, baby, then I think you'll find I'm all too happy to bridge that gap." Clarke shifted slightly away from her girlfriend, enough to reposition herself and bring her and Anya face to face, gently bonking her forehead against Anya's. "I want to stay in bed with you. I want to kiss you for hours, but if I want to not embarrass myself, I need some dance lessons. Can you help me with that?"

Anya's eyes fluttered shut as a lazy grin spread across her lips. "For you? Always." Her girlfriend noted, pulling her in for another kiss.

Maybe they spent a few minutes longer than planned in bed. Maybe time just kind of ceased to be important for a bit. Maybe they got a very late start to dancing practice.

But making out with the woman she loved for an hour, and still managing to learn the foxtrot and the basics of the tango? Clarke could never complain.

Not when every step in time with Anya led her ever closer to her goal.

* * *

 

It was nine o'clock and Clarke knew two things for certain. She'd never have to eat again for the rest of her life judging by how full she was, and her feet felt like they were made of eighty percent pain and twenty percent suffering.

Anya hadn't had time to get in her massage earlier, so they'd headed off to rehearsal directly after dancing. She couldn't quite regret anything that day that led to her current agony, and the rehearsals had all gone wonderfully, but she was definitely ready to curl up on the couch with her girlfriend.

As much as she could, she stuck by Anya's side during every step of the rehearsal. Her girlfriend had been registered among Costia's bridesmaids, for political reasons, but was seated at Lexa's side during the rehearsal dinner, and from what she could tell, the woman had a great night. Raven and Octavia, whenever they weren't sneaking off together, were constantly hovering around her as well, which only warmed Clarke's heart more at the show of friendship.

Clarke had noticed some less than pleased stares from around the room at times, but most were polite enough to be generally subtle about it. Only one woman was consistently and bluntly visible about her disapproval, but she was always seated far away from Anya, or with Costia's mother running interference, so thankfully, that issue seemed to resolve itself naturally.

Of course, it was still only the rehearsal, with probably fifteen percent of the wedding attendees at the very most, so the big day was still a bit of an unknown.

Still, Lexa and Costia were happy with how it all went, and Clarke couldn't be more excited for them that all the preparation was finished. It was clear that they were exhausted with all the lead up and just wanted to enjoy their wedding, and Clarke wanted to make sure they had the best day they could. After a year of planning they deserved to relax and enjoy the moment.

And after a long day on ridiculous heels, she deserved some rest too.

Clarke made her way from the washroom out to the backyard, eyes scanning for her girlfriend. She'd left her by the gazebo, but a quick glance told her Anya wasn't there. She didn't have to look for long, finding her down by the dock with Costia.

It took some doing, making her way through the crowd, mumbling greetings, shooting smiles and waves to people trying to pull her away. She was on a mission, and eventually, she made it through the masses and hobbled her way down onto the docks.

"...-times you just are. Listen to your heart, it won't lead you astray, Anya. There's no such th..." Costia spoke, words dying at the sound of Clarke's heels against the docks. Anya, for a brief moment, looked like a deer in the headlights, needing a light shake from Costia to bring her back around. "Hey, just remember what I told you, okay? Everything's gonna work out, I promise."

Anya gave a nod, letting herself be pulled into a lingering hug from the bride-to-be before Costia made her way to Clarke.

"And you...honey, you take care of that southern belle over there, you hear?" Costia asked as she pulled Clarke into a tight hug. "And you'd better let me be your wedding photographer or I'll call a mutiny." The bride-to-be added in a whisper.

"You know I'd only want the best, and that's you. But just focus on your own wedding...even if things work out, it'd be a good chunk of time from now, Cos. Your wedding's tomorrow, don't get ahead of yourself." Clarke shot back playfully, earning a short laugh.

"I don't have to plan anymore, I get to have fun and enjoy myself now. And part of that's being excited for you two. Besides, Lexa won't tell me where she's taking me for our honeymoon, so I need something to gab about, because we promised to let go of our stress and tension when it's all over. You two are a perfect distraction." Costia argued quietly before pulling away and pressing a kiss to her cheek. "You look ready to head home, so why don't you and Anya say your farewells and head back to the pool house?"

"You read my mind, my dogs are barking." Clarke stated, pulling Costia back in for another quick hug. "I love you, Costia. I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Love you too. Drive safe, loves!" Costia spoke, heading back up to the party. Clarke offered a parting wave and turned her focus back on Anya.

Anya, who was standing much closer than expected, looking her over with concerned eyes. "You're in pain."

Clarke nodded. "Feet hurt."

The words had only just exited her mouth when she felt Anya lifting her up and carrying her over to the nearby bench by the water, gently placing her down before taking a seat beside her. "I'm sorry, I promised I'd take care of you."

Clarke could see the building guilt and tried to cut it off before it took Anya over, pulling her in for a kiss she'd been waiting well over an hour to give. Thankfully, Anya was immediately receptive, arms wrapping around her, which had Clarke wanting to take the vacant spot on her girlfriend's lap, but that might be a little too forward and inappropriate given the festivities. She settled for nestling into Anya's side as closely as she could.

"And you _are_ taking care of me, see?" Clarke asked, cocking a challenging eyebrow at her girlfriend when they parted.

A challenge that was accepted, given Anya's flat, unimpressed stare. "Hardly. Your feet hurt, Clarke. I didn't give you a foot massage earlier."

"Because I was too busy pulling you into an hour long make-out session, baby. Trust me, I'm feeling a lot better after that kiss. But if you want, you can kiss my feet better?" Clarke asked, wiggling her eyebrows, grinning at her girlfriend's ensuing laughter.

"Perhaps after a bath. I'm sure your feet reek after tonight." Anya shot back with a wry grin of her own.

Clarke almost contested the claim, but on second thought, her feet probably did stink a bit. "And would you be joining me in the tub?"

Anya just rolled her eyes and gave her a light shove. "Clarke! _Behave_!"

"I'm just saying, there's room for two. And in the name of _efficiency_..."

"How in heavens would that be efficient?"

"Well, we'd be making use of all the space, all the nooks and crannies, and..."

"Clarke, if we bathed together, we wouldn't get clean for _ages_ , and..."

"I'll have you know I'm a multi-tasker!"

"Oh, I am _very aware_ of that." Anya admitted, cupping Clarke's face with both of her hands and stilling any playful rebuttal she might have thought up. "Tomorrow...when the mayhem is over...but we need our rest tonight."

Clarke let out a heavy sigh, about to whine a bit about not wanting to wait when she spotted a familiar face approaching quickly. "Aden! Hey, buddy!"

Anya's head swung around so quickly Clarke actually worried her girlfriend would get whiplash. " _Aden?!_ "

"Clarke! Anya!" The boy called out happily a moment before practically crashing into both of them, stretching his arms wide in an attempt to hug them both.

"Oh, you've grown _so big_ , let me get a look at you." Anya said, prompting Aden to take a step back, standing tall and proud. "Wow, must be at least four inches since I saw you last. I didn't think I'd get to see you tonight."

"Mom's being an ass, but she's arguing with dad over something, so I slipped away." Aden let out with a smile, one that immediately faltered, Clarke needing to glance at Anya to see it was the unimpressed stare focused in his direction.

"First of all, _language_. Secondly, mind your manners, young man. She's still your mother, and she treats you well, even if she keeps you from seeing me in person." Anya chided, making Aden immediately sheepish . "But it _is_ wonderful to see you, again, dear. How have you been? Are you doing well in hockey?"

"I've got straight A's, just like I promised you. And hockey's going really well, I got accepted into a really good program at a boarding school in Connecticut, I'm going this fall." Aden claimed proudly, and one quick glance at Anya showed her girlfriend was beaming with pride in return.

Clarke rubbed at Anya's back, piping up when her tearful girlfriend had trouble finding words. "Aden, that's incredible! You must be so thrilled!" Clarke exclaimed, drawing an immediate nod from the boy. "Though speaking of thrilled...Lexa told me something about you having a girlfriend?"

Anya let out a sharp gasp, meaning it was all clearly news to her, the claim confirmed by how red Aden's cheeks grew. "I, uh...well...I mean, you can speak for yourselves! Are you two dating?"

"Absolutely." Clarke shot back with a broad smile, one which only grew when Anya pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"I cherish her." Anya added warmly, arm wrapping around her waist and making Clarke feel like she was made of goo.  Aden wasn't a stranger by any means, but Clarke only really saw him once or twice a year, and he was more Anya's family than hers. So seeing Anya expressing her pride in dating her, and Aden's eyes shining in excitement over it, just had Clarke feeling over the moon.

"That's so great! You two will have to come see me play this year, then!" Aden looked so excited at the prospect of the both of them cheering him on that it was literally impossible to say no. She didn't have to even look at Anya to know her girlfriend felt the same.

"We totally will, at least once, right babe?" Clarke asked, stifling the laughter bubbling inside of her at the sound of Anya's sniffle.

"I'd _love_ to see you play hockey, Aden. You send me the details on Discord, and I'll make sure we'll see a few of your games, I promise. We wouldn't miss it for the world." Anya promised, and while Connecticut was a long ways away from North Carolina, Clarke was all too happy to stand firm on that promise. If seeing Aden was important enough to bring Anya to tears over the possibility, then she'd make it happen. Watching the kid play hockey, snuggled up against Anya in the stands, that would be a great bonus.

"I promise I'll score, like, _four_..." Aden started, voice dying momentarily as his mother's voice rang out across the yard, calling out for him. "I gotta go!"

Aden promptly launched forward, pulling them both into hugs, and then darted off towards the outdoor grill area, the boy quickly picking up some sort of food and tossing it into his mouth. Honestly, even if she was amused by all the antics people went to in order to hang out with Anya, she couldn't wait for it all to be over tomorrow. Anya didn't deserve people coming to her all cloak and dagger-style just for a quick meet-up.

Clarke turned to Anya and curled up a bit more against her. "Hey, we'll see him a few times this year, I promise. And you'll get to see him tomorrow, too, right?"

Anya swallowed hard and nodded. "Right." Anya agreed, voice thick and trembling. "Voice and video chat are worlds apart from seeing him in person. I've missed him so much."

If there was something Clarke's heart couldn't handle it was Anya crying, so when the first tear broke the levee and streamed down her cheek, Clarke leaned up and kissed it away, and then the next, and the next. "Shhh, it's okay, baby. All this exile shit's gonna be over soon. No more sneaking around, no more going without seeing the people you love, okay?"

Anya nodded, nose brushing against Clarke's. "I know. I apologize for making a scene."

Clarke pressed another kiss to Anya's nose. "You don't have to apologize for caring, Anya. I love your big heart."

Anya angled down to press a lingering chaste kiss to Clarke, thumb stroking down her cheek. "Your feet hurt, darling. Let's get you back to the pool house."

Clarke was too distracted by Anya taking hold of her hand to react to the woman getting off the bench and kneeling in front of her, at least not for a few moments, but by then, her heels were off. Anya picked off any remaining dirt or grass and tilted her head up to look at Clarke. "Put these in your bag?"

She nodded and slipped them into her tote; it was a tight fit, but she'd be happy not to have to see those things until the next day.

Still holding her hand, Anya led her up the hill to the rest of the party, thankfully keeping them traveling on the soft grass as much as possible, only taking a brief detour onto a stone walkway to bid Lexa farewell for the night.

"Heading back?" Lexa asked them as they approached, stepping away from a group conversation she'd appeared politely bored of.

"My body wasn't ready for this rehearsal. Feet are gonna be the death of me, Lexa." Clarke let out with a tired grin, doing what she could to hide how much her feet ached.

As if that was even at all possible. Lexa's lips curled into a frown, turning her focus to Anya. "Grab whatever you need from our master bath in the house, whatever you have to for her feet. Go take care of your girl, Anya."

"Hey, I'm right here!" Clarke snarked back with a laugh.

Lexa just rolled her eyes and kissed Clarke's forehead. "Clarke, let Anya take care of you. I need you both rested up for tomorrow."

"Okay, okay. Night, Lexa. See you bright and early, babe." Clarke said, pulling Lexa into a brief hug, handing her of to Anya right after.

"Good night, love. I'll see you in the morning." Anya added as she wrapped her arms around Lexa, the two women lingering in the embrace.

Still, Lexa reluctantly offered a wave and made her way back to the group from before, leaving them a clear path to the car. A clear paved or gravel-covered path, unfortunately. "Come on, let's get to the car."

Anya's amused laugh was what let Clarke prepare herself enough to be swept up in her girlfriend's arms, at least halfway expecting it this time around, even if it did essentially reduce her to a human-shaped puddle.

She shut her eyes, letting the gentle night breeze waft against her as Anya carried her to the car and set her down in the passenger seat. The closer they got to home, the closer she wanted to be with her girlfriend, holding her hand the whole ride home, happily letting Anya carry her into the pool house and into the bathroom.

"Why don't you do your nightly routine? By the time I get back, you can get you set up for a nice soak, and then get straight to bed after." Anya suggested, and while Clarke wasn't a fan of Anya leaving her side at the moment, she figured it was for the best. At her nod, Anya departed, leaving her to clean up and undress.

She did a bit of a rush job, knowing that she, Anya, Lexa, and her half of the bridesmaids would be spending part of the morning at some spa, being pampered, so she could afford to be a bit lax in her skin regimen. She put her hair up into a messy topknot to keep it out of the way, figuring she'd be getting her hair done tomorrow as well, so the hair stylists could deal with it then.

Anya wasn't so long, returning in short order with some bath supplies, a change of clothes, and a hot mug of cocoa for her bath tray. Just by the look in her eyes, she could see Anya wanted to stay, but Clarke had the fortunate ability of hindsight after their make-out session earlier that day.

"I'll see you in a bit?" She asked, prompting a subtly relieved sigh from her girlfriend.

"Please take as long as you need, darling. I'll be in the living room reading if you need me. Call out if you need anything." Anya offered, and Clarke just wanted to grab her and tackle her into the tub and stay there for eternity, but alas, it wasn't meant to be.

"I will." Clarke promised, fingertips guiding the bottom of Anya's chin, bringing them into a quick kiss, not wanting to tempt either of them, but also wanting a bit of sugar before she'd be by herself.

Anya filled the tub and, after another quick kiss, left the bathroom, leaving Clarke to her devices. For the first time all day, she found herself more than a little bit tired of the waiting period. Not that she'd scratch that itch quite yet, but perhaps spending her bath dreaming about a possible future?

Yeah, she could do that.

* * *

 

Clarke felt groggy as she left the bath, needing to be mindful of her footing as she dried herself off. She could hear some noise from the living room, likely the television. Anya had been nearly finished her book, so it'd only make sense to find something else to do after finishing it. She toweled off, slipped into her pajamas, gave herself a little stretch, and then padded to the bedroom door.

As soon as she cracked it open and heard Raven's telltale laughter, she knew Anya had found something else to pass the time for the evening. "Hey! What are you two doing here?" Clarke called out as she stepped out into the living room, bright smile aimed at her close friends.

"What, we can't visit our friends? Pssh, get a grip, Griffin!" Raven shot back with a mock glare.

"I think she was curious as to why you two aren't spending your quality time together... _together_." Anya clarified, entirely on Clarke's wavelength.

Octavia let out an outraged gasp, even as her face went pink. "Hey, we don't just shack up all the time!"

Clarke rounded the couch and flopped down across Anya's lap, squeezing herself in the tiny space between the armrest and her girlfriend. "What about that weekend right after I got my job at the gallery? Raven and I came to visit you the same weekend, and you spent, like, ninety-percent of it in your bedroom. I basically just played your Xbox all weekend, O."

"Okay, first off, rude. Second thing is that's completely untrue! We only spent...like...uh...sixty-two percent of the weekend in O's bedroom! That's almost a thirty percent difference!" Raven protested with a huff.

"On seven hours of sleep a night, that's still, like, eight additional hours spent shacking up." Clarke argued, just barely stifling a content moan as Anya took hold of her calves and began gently working them over.

"Hear that, O? Eight hours a day! You'd think at least one of them would be impressed by that kind of stamina and creativity to keep it going that often. Shit." Raven snarked, crossing her arms and slumping against Octavia, appearing entirely unimpressed.

Octavia patted Raven's head and rolled her eyes. "I know, they're clearly both idiots."

"Anyways, we were discussing what we might watch ever since they barged in. Octavia's partial to Vikings because after today, she wants to see some blood. Raven wants to watch a horror film called Ghost Storm. I figured if horror and violence was the preferred direction, then perhaps Tucker & Dale versus Evil could work, since it's violent and a lighthearted horror-comedy?" Anya clarified, Clarke needing a few moments to wrap her head around the names of the movies or shows involved, because Anya's hands were heavenly as they slowly worked their way down to her feet.

"Okay, Ghost Storm is _totally_ lighthearted. Sure, it's technically horror, but it's so cheesy and poorly done that it's hilarious!" Raven argued, earning a skeptical stare from Octavia.

"Wait...are you talking about that shitty made for TV movie on SyFy that you made me watch a few months back? Where like, a literal storm of ghosts somehow managed to kill an island full of people or some shit?" Octavia asked warily.

Raven's eyes went wide as she leaned away from her girlfriend. "Whoa, you can't hate on Ghost Storm like that, it's a _masterpiece_!"

" _Oh my god_ , Raven, it's a terrible movie..."

"The BEST terrible movie..."

"Even the modern remake of The Fog was more fun to watch..."

"Don't you DARE tell me that..."

Octavia promptly covered Raven's mouth up with one hand, and held her down on the loveseat with the other, shooting a bored expression at Clarke and Anya. "We'll do the Tucker and whatever movie then. Unless you have other ideas, Clarke?"

"Nah, I'm good with whatever." She answered, knowing her attention would probably be far away from the screen, anyway. At least for the first little bit, until her feet felt better.

After that, well, the thought of spending a night in with two of her best friends and her girlfriend, all watching a funny movie or two, getting to cuddle up together with Anya?  Clarke was pretty sure that was a recipe for a great time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to get this out on Halloween, but I got some stressful news and didn't really get a chance to sit down and write. Anywho, I hope you all enjoyed this! I did a quick edit, and I'll do a more thorough one soon enough when I've got the energy.  
> I hope your weeks are off to a great start!


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